Never too busy

Everyone says that it’s the little things that make the difference, the things that are small and take hardly any time at all. Those things. But what are they exactly, what do they look like in the middle of your hectic stressful day?

I’m not sure if i’m going to go in this direction with the blog so let me know what you think, if it interests you, my readers. 🙂 It is something I need to do for Sir anyway. Something I have yet to tell Him so, here goes.

We had a busy weekend just like everyone else, maybe even more so. In any case, the moments to connect as strictly Dom and sub can be few and far between BUT that doesn’t mean they can’t be done, and be effective. It’s all in your perspective and consistency but some small surprises don’t hurt either. *smiles*

This weekend in between working in the garden, getting in the shower and getting ready to leave for some shopping …. running, running, running …. not much time to waste. I had my day collar removed for the shower and had yet to receive another for the rest of the day from The Bear.

My permanent adornment is cuffs not a collar. I do wear something around my neck every day but the only set collar is for night-time. Just FYI if you hadn’t seen those posts before. Anywho ….

I was already dressed and downstairs waiting when He came up behind me. ‘It’s time to get something around that pretty little neck’ He says. I had a request for which to wear for the day and He agreed, then He sent me upstairs to kneel by the bed and wait for Him. This is new …. in the middle of the day and going out.

I did as requested and waited. Not sure for how long but it was effective in calming my mind from the racing of the day and putting my focus back on weekend hours with the Bear. Back to letting Him lead and me relax and follow. He was home, no need for me to be ‘on’ right now. cropped-dom-and-his-sub-jpeg-w6272.jpg

It worked very well Bear, thank you for thinking of it and for the surprise. Just a few minutes in the middle of a busy day but it worked well for me, so Thank you, for thinking of it, for thinking of me. Love You Always! ❤ 

I just cut the f*cken grass! Sir … major rant.

This is not D/s, not really but this is a rant i need to get off my chest. Please feel free to pass …

I know I’m supposed to be careful Sir and I know my physical state is important. I know I need to take it easy and I know I have to tread lightly BUT ….

A girl needs to know that nostalgia is not all she has left! A girl needs to know that she can still take care of her damn self, she is still capable and she still doesn’t need to rely on anyone.

A girl needs to know she is still strong and able, even when her a-hole children cop out! ARGHHH!!

A girl needs to know she can still kick some @ss …..

I cut the f*cken grass, myself …. in this mid 40s heat. I did it, with a push mower and I’m still okay.

I guess the working out is paying off. *grin*

There is more than one way to get physical relief! *wink*

 

Baby, look how far we’ve come.

Outside the Wall (Waters) 1:42

All alone, or in two’s,
The ones who really love you
Walk up and down outside the wall.
Some hand in hand
And some gathered together in bands.
The bleeding hearts and artists
Make their stand.

And when they’ve given you their all
Some stagger and fall, after all it’s not easy
Banging your heart against some mad bugger’s wall.

“Isn’t this where….”

You should likely know by now that I communicate in music, a lot! *chuckle*

The last while I’ve been doing a bit of reading but mostly thinking. Between the timing of things, the kids, and the issues, old and new, I have been going ‘back in time’ quite a bit in my head.

Remembering the past will hopefully help me sort out the future.

I don’t think the Bear would even recognize this side of me, He has only ever known it for others. Funny how far one rabbit can travel in only half a life time, …. so far …. *wink*

Dominant, not domme.

Yesterday I had an issue to take care of, an issue that has been ongoing for years now. One I thought had finally and quietly been taken care of but I was wrong and it required a firm hand. Dominant bunny it is than! *wink*

My backyard looks more like a national part than it does your normal city backyard. It’s my oasis in the middle of the city, it takes time and a lot of hard work to create and then maintain. I have a gorgeous green hedge that acts as a fence for most of the perimeter.

One of my neighbours seems to think that it’s her place to continually cut things back for me ….. ummm, NO! The first few years she would reach over the fence at the very back of the yard only. I have a very large yard. I half thought I was losing my mind, and half thought that there was something wrong with the shrubs and they required my attention. Eventually she got more brave and that’s when obvious, deep cuts were left and noticed by me.

I have been asking the Bear to please talk to her, perhaps in passing then next time she asks him for gardening advice, to please be sure NOT to reach over the fence and cut MY side of the growth. Well, more years have gone by and He hasn’t said a word. He’s not really one for confrontation and although I don’t find this confrontational, simply polite pointing out that it is not her property, not her place.

Anyhow, over the past two years we have been able to get things just as we wanted in the front half at least, the back I am still trying to grow back and fix. OYE! The hedge was probably about 6 feet tall, nice and solid, just a real wonder of nature. Yesterday I went out to do a bit more work and noticed that almost 2 feet had been cut off of most of my hedge. What!?!? She had once again reached over the fence and chopped it down.

She’s always careful to just work from the back up, I think because I had yet to say anything to her she felt it was going unnoticed. Well not today lady! We had just trimmed front AND back, made sure her side was clean and clear, the shrubs were at the fence line and no further. She had absolutely no excuse and when I saw that again …. well ….

‘She cut my hedge again, I have asked you to talk to her and now she has cut it again.’ Just look at this mess ….’ and she was outside, just on the other side and decides to come over to the fence. Oh yippee!!

‘I tried to trim, but I couldn’t quite get your side ..’

‘Yes, yes you did and I’d prefer you didn’t actually! I keep growing and trimming and you keep cutting it down. Feel free to touch and trim anything on your side but THIS is mine. LEAVE it alone!’

A few attempted excuses later and me not backing down, she apologized and I said thank you. *smirk* The Bear was quite amused I think, He sat there and watched the whole thing.

I had no ambition to spank her but I did give her a stern face and talking too. I might have had the impulse to smack her one, but I kept my cool as always.

Domme, no, but dominant, yes. *wink*

I wouldn’t mind some flogger and cane action to decompress however! LoL Not the giving, just the receiving side. I know, what a contradiction … *giggle*

Some people seriously have no boundaries ….. she better have figured out mine. My backyard is my haven, I don’t do ‘people’ and I prefer to be left alone. Her intrusive and now pushy ways are not welcome.

Besides, Bear says I’m not allowed to show myself to others so the hedge helps when skinny dipping! *wink wink* If she keeps this up I’ll have to get permission to give her an ‘eye full’! Just kidding, then I will punch her, she won’t see much after that for a while. 😉

(Although I would love for that part to be true, that is just a joke made to decompress. No one needs to use that against me in a court of law when she shows up with a black eye someone else gave her. She is quite the piece of work I can assure you. Some people!)

Happy Saturday!

Submissive to Him, maybe, but with attitude! *chuckle*

Still rockin’ out to some music, still getting things done. Doing some math as I go along.

O’s + bunny = happy! *wink* no two ways about it. 😉 Sneaking in more play time is paying off, even if it is at 4 am! Hurry home Evilness, can’t wait ….

You taught me the ways of desire, now it’s takin’ its toll
You’re the right kind of sinner to release my inner fantasy

Your love is like a tidal wave, spinning over my head
Drownin’ me in your promises, better left unsaid
You’re the right kind of sinner to release my inner fantasy
The invincible winner and you know that you were born to be

You’re a heartbreaker, dream maker, love taker
Don’t you mess around with me
You’re a heartbreaker, dream maker, love taker
Don’t you mess around, no, no, no

Your love has set my soul on fire, burnin’ out of control
You taught me the ways of desire, now it’s takin’ its toll
You’re the right kind of sinner to release my inner fantasy
The invincible winner and you know that you were born to be

You’re a heartbreaker, dream maker, love taker
Don’t you mess around with me
You’re a heartbreaker, dream maker, love taker
Don’t you mess around, no, no, no

You’re the right kind of sinner to release my inner fantasy
The invincible winner and you know that you were born to be

You’re a heartbreaker, dream maker, love taker
Don’t you mess around with me
You’re a heartbreaker, dream maker, love taker
Don’t you mess around with me

You’re a heartbreaker, dream maker, love taker
Don’t you mess around with me
You’re a heartbreaker, dream maker, love taker
Heartbreaker

Just catching up, and orgasms!

Brain download, enter at your own risk! *chuckle*

I’ve been thinking about these two things for a little while now. Two things that I have written about but I don’t know if I was able to get the entire story across. I’m not sure if everyone reading has had all the important details in order to fully understand what I am trying to blog about so I guess you can call this a bit of a ‘catch all’. If this brings up any questions please feel free to ask!

Firstly, no I am not writing about catching up on orgasms, well sort of but not really!

One post I wrote and also some comments that I have made out there in blog land are based on a post I wrote about different types of orgasms and specifically different types for me! I’m still not going into details of how but I am going to try to explain the change in intensity, again for me.

When we were younger and before kids came around, I had already started on the path of noticing that for me there are a variety of intensities of orgasms. ALL of them very good, I’m not complaining, this is just explaining. Starting with the most subtle, warm feeling but quiet ones (not my norm), to the more vocal and physical ones. I was never the quiet type but sometimes I swear Sir really should have been wearing ear protection for His own safety! Some times however, there was a hint of the ones I would find … this one is all-encompassing! This one started to be the ‘norm’ after we started playing around with BDSM.

This one, the ‘one’ I keep referring to, the one that escapes us as of late, is Earth shattering in its finality. I completely lose all control, screaming, crying, laughter …. shaking, convulsions even. My health and well-being are completely in the arms of the Bear. He needs to keep me safe, keep me from hurting myself, from falling and even keep me breathing! Explosion of energy really is the best way to describe it, my body in convulsions and red like a tomato. Really!

He needs to calm me down, check and remind me to breathe, cool me off and hold me until I stop shaking. Eventually I will stop shaking and catch my breath, probably face covered in tears that ran out uncontrolled and laughter escaping here and there. The idea of the lunatic in a ‘B’ movie comes to mind. I really have lost all my senses …. it’s that powerful.

I could never do this while ‘away’, and not while anyone is home either! Well we have tried, early mornings and out in the garage, and I have tried to keep quiet. (Yeah, didn’t work!) The problem with outside is that it’s either too hot, or too cold and with my physical issues even if I wanted to brave it Sir won’t allow it. The nice days of course will find neighbours out and about gardening, dog walks etc. So not the ideal situation. We have managed a couple of times but obviously not much.

When we play with BDSM I require the same intensity and feel to be satisfied completely there as well. Needless to say that is also very loud and in our current position hard to come by. The energy from either of those things to me is the same, a pretty powerful ‘O’ I would say.

Now as to why we can never seem to get around to it. Not the site I normally go into these details but in hopes of letting you understand …

A few years ago we starting experiencing some serious mental health issues with my oldest. Things became very hard to deal with around here and even violent in some cases. Obviously our focus started turning towards the boys and not so much our sex life. Probably not as much as it should have, but that’s for another time.

We did eventually get some help, he was put on some medication and his mood swings were manged. He went through counselling for a while and things have leveled off. All of the hectic energy and traumatic days triggered something in the youngest however.

He has always had issues to over come but we manged them quite nicely with support and understanding from me. I became his advocate a very long time ago and I stayed home shortly after he was born because the boys were having issues and because it just worked best for us.

Long story short, the youngest managed in the world with no one being any the wiser right into high school. Everyone knew there was something he had that made him more in tune and more perceptive than those around him but that was where it stayed. Enter these hard days at home for the better part of 2 1/2 years and then one very @sshole of a teacher and his life went very sideways.

Again, the short of it, he spent the better part of a year locked up in the house. If we did mange to get him out the door it was with one of us and for a very short period of time. He is now on anti anxiety medication and to help with OCD and since February has manged to go back to school for half days! YAY!! I can not begin to tell you the relief we have felt to see both boys getting back to ‘normal’.

I was very much his life line in all of this and anything even remotely looking like I wasn’t the kick ass warrior he was used to would be a potential trigger. I stopped wearing my more distinctive collar in the evenings, I stooped sitting at His feet, I stopped any sort of ‘play’ that made any noise because you were guaranteed door slams that moment and behaviours that indicated he had been triggered for days after. Needless to say our sex life became secondary to their mental well-being. The intensity of the ‘O’ was simply not possible with him always home.

They did get out once per week when The Walking Dead played because the boys have always gone to Gramma’s to watch the episodes together. Not much time to get BDSM, maintenance spankings and magnificent ‘O’ in … LoL That’s not even accounting for cold and flu season and my various physical issues that like to make appearances at the most inopportune moments!!

So yes we get to play, some … and we get lots of sex and ‘normal’ orgasms but that one that releases all the pent of energy and stress that we have been under is very hard to find as is any BDSM play!

The house is very literally never our own when the Bear can be here too. We even went as far as to set me up working part-time and planning for days off for the Bear. We could play while the boys were at school and no one would know. The problem was that first one boy stayed out of school and then the second stayed out of school. Eventually BOTH boys were out of school and me running around trying to figure out what to do with them and how to get them back to life.

OUR time never happened, and so here we are.

We’re hoping they are getting back on track and hoping our boys will be okay. The oldest has had enough issues with school that he will not be going back. On line work for now and possibly finishing up high school at the college, I guess we’ll see. The youngest is set up for two morning classes and two online from home classes in the afternoon. He still never goes anywhere but we are hoping that will come, soon.

BTW The Walking Dead needs to be starting up again soon, doesn’t it??? PLEASE!! *chuckle*

So I think that’s the short and long of it. If something doesn’t make sense please ask. It’s not that we don’t want to play, or can’t figure each other out, it’s simply that life will not allow it. So the Bear and I wait ….. we play some but just not at the same intensity.

BDSM and that magic ‘O’ are my stress relievers and I have enough stress on a daily basis to really notice when I can’t play. Not that way, not right now. We’ve started adding things back in and taking it slow so to not trigger anything. Patience indeed.

 

I’ve got a new day collar! :)

Well I’ve had it for a little while now and have started to wear it from time to time to break it in, the leather is always a bit stiff at first and softens up with time and body heat so it gets more and more comfortable all the time.

This isn’t to replace my night-time leather, this is just for day time. It’s special because it’s for my time off this summer. I had asked for something more, something to signify the difference between trying to be ‘His’ and work and take care of business and this new adventure where I can concentrate on the quiet of submission more often and for longer periods of time.

Life will still go on of course and I will still have all my ‘hats’ at the ready. I’m just looking forward to having to make less decisions in my day and enjoying the ride as they say! *wink* The new collar is a great way to do that, it’s a bit more obvious than the things I wear when I work and so far hasn’t triggered anyone at home!

We’ve started introducing it here and there over the past few weeks and nothing has happened to lead me to believe it’s going to be an issue so ….. *grin* I’m getting excited!

(Just FYI my permanent adornments are my cuffs, we chose that as our symbol of commitment and focus. Those do not get changed or removed.)

I needed something so I asked. He thought about it and decided He liked the idea too. I dare say He quite likes seeing something more substantial around my neck if I’m not mistaken! *wink wink*

I also like that it finally allows me to get back to a style I enjoy but had to shy away from because it was just too similar to what all the BDSMers were doing. When the whole FSoG craze came out and everyone started wearing cuffs and collars and the like! Sir didn’t feel like dealing with the hype and the ‘knowing’ looks from people who really didn’t know anything! LoL Oh well, He doesn’t seem to care now so I can do as I like! 😀

Pauley_Perrette-soft-young-skin-smoking-hot-sexy_thumb_585x795

It’s not the only style I wear, don’t get me wrong. Just like all the rest of life I have many talents and wear many styles … why pick just one??? *wink* It depends on my mood, and some days this is it.

So one more week of work and I get the summer off. It’s been 16 years that I’ve been working up to this and I am starting to get excited. A bit nervous because I’m not really the sitting around type but we’ll take what comes!

My body needs fixing and my mind needs rest. So it shall be done … 😀

Happy Monday!

Love You Always, Sir! ❤

 

Messy hair, don’t care ….

Not sure why but I’m going to put this here. I guess to show that my life has no B/s attached to my D/s … ? Don’t know, just feel I need to write it and this seems like the right place. Just a messy post, no insight here on how to play a ‘role’ …. just real life.

First, I had a really great early weekend! I had a chance to go away and see Imagine Dragons in person! To say that was exciting is the understatement of the year! Their music is what I call on to help me through the hard days and ‘party’ on the good days.

I got to be face to face with the entire band and High 5’s all around! Yeah, a very good time! 😀 😀

But ….

I have been under a lot of pressure lately. Well, more like 4 years straight …. Mental pressure, physical issues, and no ‘time out’ in over 4 years. Most of you should already know that I am at home 24/7. I work from home so that I can be here mainly as a support system for the boys. I’m not confident that if I worked outside the home they would ever be able to face the world outside that door ….

Things are getting better, thank goodness, but we are not yet out of the woods. Such is life.  We will see what September brings.

In all of this I am trying to walk the wire between my dominant self and my submissive self to the Bear. It’s not always easy and it’s not always obvious either. The truth of this dynamic for me is actually the ‘messy’ parts I think.

Anyway, after all of this time and pressure you could say that I was under a bit of stressful pent-up energy. The time away was fun but also full of little issues here and there that were slowly adding up for me.

By Friday night I don’t even know what it was that set me off but I had an all in all out melt down!

hero-6841-new

I don’t honestly know what I said or why. I don’t remember how it went down …. I don’t remember much about it at all! It was just a completely and utter melt down and explosion.

All I do remember was the Bear, following me, holding me, keeping me from hurting myself, keeping me safe and keeping me close.

There was no kneeling, no protocol, no ‘for show’ of any sort. there was a lot of noise and a lot of ‘crazy’ pent of anger, sadness, frustration, you name it! It just all exploded out of me, that really is the best way to describe it …

There was no repercussion as far as corrections or anything like that because honestly I am right. The ‘repercussion’ if you want to call it that is that we are now, again, at another level in this journey of ours.

My dominant nature keeps me taking care of everyone like I always do, and that includes the Bear. It’s not easy to walk the line between doing for Him in a submissive way and taking care of Him in a dominant way. I do both, at the same time. I can’t deny who I am, I will not pretend. Complicated, confusing … yes, but it’s also real and that’s what we want.

(You can all pray for the Bear now! LoL )

As soon as my mind is not being ‘fulfilled’ in a submissive way I switch to my dominant way of thinking. It’s just automatic, and I’m not saying He’s doing anything wrong or not doing something He should. Not sure if this makes any sense to anyone else …. but I just simply switch gears. I don’t have the ‘need’ in between. He has no time to find it and fulfill it.

I don’t even realize it until I notice that at some point I feel like I’m taking it ‘all’ on again, traveling this stressful time by myself. Protecting Him from things instead of including Him. That part probably makes sense to some.

Anyhow, I think that’s as far as I can go with this post for now. That’s all I can put into words. If you managed to make it through this far, I hope I haven’t rattled your brain too much with my explosion of half thoughts and ideas!

Happy Monday! ❤

Re-Blog – need to read in this age of cyber stalking

Research shows that women are up to twice as likely to develop PTSD, but research, treatments and laws are all designed with the combat veteran in mind….. ….Movies like The Hurt Locker and Jacob’s Ladder have portrayed PTSD in military men, but a woman named Melody Hensley who was diagnosed with PTSD from cyberstalking was […]

via Women are Twice as Likely to Get PTSD — INSPIRATION AND EMOTIONAL COURAGE: MENTAL ILLNESS, ADDICTION, AND RECOVERY