Oh, now that looks interesting! *grin*

I found something new, I’m interested in showing The Bear and seeing what He thinks of it. It’s not exactly completely new in regards to the actions BUT the idea of how and why is, at least it is new to us.

I can think of many benefits and i can also think of many parallels to things we already do in D/s and BDSM.

I’m absolutely not interested in trying it outside of my marriage but ……. with my partner, i’m hoping He agrees! *grin*

(Video is explicit – Warning )

Anyone familiar with this?

Do you incorporate it into your dynamic?

Have you found it to be beneficial?

Personally i think of it as much like edging only without the ‘O’ being the focus, now or later even. It’s more about releasing happy chemicals and lower stress levels without the need for impact play and all the time and noise that it brings. We all know that noise is a factor around here! UGH

I’m putting this one under personal female sexual health and welfare. I’ve said before, chastity is not a thing for me but this might be! *wink* Wish me luck!! *giggle*

I also have a feeling that the connection and need to be with each other is also going to strengthen ….. guess we’ll see.

Oh Yes, and Happy New Year everyone! ❤

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Making concessions – a ramble and a story – a rambling story! LoL

It’s Christmas time and with that comes lots of stress and running for most. Errands, plans, gifts and get togethers …. it’s a never-ending ride. Not to mention the cleaning and decorating and getting ready for guests. Oh my!

When i was young i hated the Christmas season. To much ado about nothing if you asked me. The running and showing off for the sake of others made me shiver in distaste. You see, when my parents moved from their home to here they had money to spare, once they got here however language barriers and racism made things difficult.

We got to the point that there really wasn’t much to go around but for some reason they felt the need to ‘keep up appearances’. Neither of my parents are good with money or budgets, that didn’t help. I don’t think I need to explain where that ended up.

They had also decided that my youngest brother was ‘a good singer’, he was going to be ‘somebody’ some day. For some reason it’s around Christmas time that I remember the hours and days of them forcing him to sing and practice and show off to others, even though he was shy and hated every minute! You didn’t dare disappoint the parents though ….

Once I got my own home and family, and after a couple of years of watching the Bear’s family and distancing myself from mine, Christmas turned into a big deal for me. I would spend hours on the decorating of the tree alone. Weeks in preparation for new cookie and dessert recipes to make, everything was over the top and ‘just so’.

When the kids got big enough i had ‘my’ tree and they had theirs to decorate. Eventually when they got bigger still they would move things an ‘my’ tree to see how long it would take me to notice once i walked in the room. I always noticed instantly BTW! 😛

Eventually though I got to the point that i really wanted nothing to do with decorating, or gifts or baking. NOTHING to do with any of it. I’m sure peri-menopause had a lot to do with that, my mood would sometimes just be down in the dumps no matter how i tried to bounce out of it. It was no use, i was just not caring …. about anything really.

At that point i no longer wanted a tree, or anything to do with Christmas at all. The Bear insisted on having a tree and would bring one home every year. Every year i would do my best to put on a happy face and decorate, for Him. I no longer did the rest of the house, that was decorated for winter and He agreed, but the tree He wanted. *shrug* Okay ….

A couple of years ago He finally conceded, for me. I no longer spend weeks looking for recipes, i no longer decorate for Christmas at all. Most gifts are just money anyway, all the family kids are too big to want reasonable gifts and i’m not buying anyone a cell phone or Xbox one …

My mood bounced back after some time but my want to make Christmas a big deal never has. I’m not stopping anyone from doing it i just have no desire to do it myself. He gave it a couple of years but after seeing no change in me He decided to let it go.

He might have all the control in this dynamic but that doesn’t mean that my thoughts and feelings on a thing are irrelevant, and sometimes they even trump His.

I dare say that if we were in any other relationship this might have turned into a yearly fight instead. Here though it’s just Him taking care of me, even when the ‘thing’ is not His first choice.

Our trial run, so far.

We are a good way through our trial run of the new additions to our regular routine. A couple of things have been ‘bumped up’ a bit to add to our dynamic and over all feel of D/s. So far so good, but we have had to make a few changes without delay …. such is life, right?

We wanted a trial run to see if it was actually feasible and i think we picked probably the busiest time of year to try it!! *chuckle* We didn’t really take that into consideration but it has certainly shown us the worst case scenario, time wise and for extras added on top of regular day-to-day stuff!

I guess if it works now it should work pretty much any time. It was tempting to ask for more in the beginning but i’m glad i kept my suggestions simple. *smiles* Some days Sir adds more and some days, when we are both exhausted it stays simple. Either way i feel the connection is made obvious and it also has a built-in time slot for turning an everyday conversation into a power exchange one.

I like that it makes things ‘settled’ for me and shows Him exactly what i might need clarification on.

I also like that He is the one to initiate both of these things, it makes me feel like ‘me’ and ‘this dynamic’ are important enough to put energy into, plus i see the look in His eyes! 😉  The look that says ‘I’m doing this because you are Mine and that’s all the reason I need’!

The physical positioning of these things fuels His dominance, the fact that He’s the one ‘speaking it’ fuels my submission. Doing it even when i’m too tired, distracted or not ‘in the mood’, well that just reinforces it for both of us!

I’m not saying that it’s not welcome, i’m not often ‘not ready’, but some times aches and pains or exhaustion does come into play. Thinking about getting into or holding a position until He joins me might feel daunting at times BUT those are the days that i appreciate His consistency the most. Those are the days that prove to both of us that this is more than just a game, that we are both invested even when it doesn’t feel so sexy or ‘hot’!

Those are the days that i ultimately find the most comfort in submitting to Him. That’s when i need Him in control the most. 😀

Happy Wednesday! ❤

 

Self care, something many of us talk about but really don’t do much of.

Mental health and self-care is a huge topic right now. Experts and online resources as well as tv shows all geared towards helping you understand the concept and realize its value. We hear it, agree with it and promise to treat ourselves better but do we?

When i was young i was terrible at this, the main reasons were simple, guilt and martyrdom. I was always striving to be perfect because the way i was raised nothing else was good enough. My narcissistic parents would pit us one against the other and make it clear that we reflected on their worth. There was no way less than perfect was good enough …. *shrug*

Being the stubborn bunny that i am this actually helped me build a good amount of self-worth and self-esteem, not what you would expect, i know. I built myself up but it was by being there and helping my brothers and other family members deal with the craziness that was life. Eventually that went on to become me helping others everywhere and trying to save the world! Ah, the good old days …. *smirk*

Not too much pressure there at all, eh? Just the entire world, how hard can it be?

You might think i’m joking but i’m not. I felt a responsibility to help and ‘save’ everyone that I came in contact with. It worked well for those people, they came and went into my life like a revolving door. People wold use me for what they needed and once back on their feet they were gone again.

I never asked for anything in return and most people are just fine with obliging. I admit a thank you would have been nice but truth is if i got anything at all it was usually anger for pointing out the problem. Most of those would carry on and eventually see i was right and fix their issue. Some would come back, never apologizing for their actions but supposing i would help them some more. This still happens from time to time, but i just let it roll off my back now.

When my kids came around i decided no one else was going to get my attention if a) they didn’t deserve it and b) if they didn’t want to be helped anyway. Many people simply enjoy living in misery, they don’t want to change and i’m done with martyring myself over it.

Ah, see there it is. I felt in order to be able to look myself in the mirror and be happy with who i saw i needed to keep ‘fighting the good fight’ for others regardless of the consequences to me.  This might sound romantic and kind but it is a very dangerous mindset to have. It breaks you down and leaves you with nothing for yourself.

When there is nothing left in you, there is nothing left to give your loved ones either. Think about that, how much is the guilt and martyring worth? Is it more important than having attention and energy left for those people in your life that do care and cherish you?

Why is this on the D/s site you ask, because many of us decided that the care we need should be over seen and thought up by our dominants. They should make rules and regulations to keep us in line and on track. They should be responsible for our ‘self care’.

So we sit back and we wait. Guilt because we don’t want to take the lead, or because we can’t give it to ourselves and martyring because a good submissive does what the dom wants, not what she/he needs.

It’s called ‘self care’ for a reason, it is not given by someone else no matter how much they care and love us. It’s not their job or responsibility, it’s ours. They can help and they can support us but in the end it really is something we need to accept and give ourselves.

That’s when our self-worth starts to grow.  When we give ourselves that right, that time and care then we start to heal and grow. But you need to take that first scary as h3ll step and say ‘ME’, i’m doing this for me, and it’s okay.

It doesn’t make me selfish, it doesn’t make me entitled. It makes me stronger and it helps me heal. Only then can i really help others.

Only then I can truly be His anyway.

Happy Sunday! ❤

 

Inner demons

Being shackled in His chains helps me to control the demons I have had to cage inside.

The tighter He binds me, the less the demons can over take my mind.

The stronger His control over my body, the stronger my control over my mind.

His chains give me shelter, they provide me with rest,

So that i might fight another day.

That’s my reason for bondage,

That’s my BDSM.

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*** inspired by reading The Lonely Author ***

 

 

Go out dear(s) …. I’ll pay!

OYE! My child …..

My oldest has been giving me a run for my money, for a while …… and now again. UGH

Our play time has been pushed off and interrupted more times than i can count and impact/spankings (maintenance) just to keep things going have also been impossible! There is always someone around, noise is an issue obviously so best laid plans get set aside, again and again.

No O’s that are ‘the one’, no play and no spankings ….

I have been ‘on’ constantly for over a month now, my time has been spent running and emailing and phone calling. Planning and prepping and explaining ….. two boys, two sets of issues makes for a very busy rabbit!

The world has been such a whirlwind lately that I’m leaving heads spinning in my wake. Managing one or two issues at a time and making sure everyone gets what they need. Well, everyone but me.

I don’t get grumpy or impatient when I am in control, I don’t lose my temper or freak out. I don’t stress outwardly at all …. my body pays the price, nothing or no one else.

My muscles are stiff and my chronic pain gets exaggerated. Neck and shoulders tense and the pain shoots up my neck and down my spine. My arms are going numb and now, I have chest pains ….. I keep my stress on the inside, can you tell?? *chuckle*

** Don’t worry, it’s not a heart attack or stroke, it’s just me. **

My oldest gets frustrated and overwhelmed and he likes to lash out at me, and that’s what he’s doing right now. I’m holding my ground and keeping myself reasonable and responsible but ……  it is getting tempting to tell him RIGHT WHERE TO GO, too! *chuckle* I won’t, don’t worry, but a girl can dream can’t she??

So in the mean time, and while i wait patiently ……  if only they would leave the house!

Never too busy

Everyone says that it’s the little things that make the difference, the things that are small and take hardly any time at all. Those things. But what are they exactly, what do they look like in the middle of your hectic stressful day?

I’m not sure if i’m going to go in this direction with the blog so let me know what you think, if it interests you, my readers. 🙂 It is something I need to do for Sir anyway. Something I have yet to tell Him so, here goes.

We had a busy weekend just like everyone else, maybe even more so. In any case, the moments to connect as strictly Dom and sub can be few and far between BUT that doesn’t mean they can’t be done, and be effective. It’s all in your perspective and consistency but some small surprises don’t hurt either. *smiles*

This weekend in between working in the garden, getting in the shower and getting ready to leave for some shopping …. running, running, running …. not much time to waste. I had my day collar removed for the shower and had yet to receive another for the rest of the day from The Bear.

My permanent adornment is cuffs not a collar. I do wear something around my neck every day but the only set collar is for night-time. Just FYI if you hadn’t seen those posts before. Anywho ….

I was already dressed and downstairs waiting when He came up behind me. ‘It’s time to get something around that pretty little neck’ He says. I had a request for which to wear for the day and He agreed, then He sent me upstairs to kneel by the bed and wait for Him. This is new …. in the middle of the day and going out.

I did as requested and waited. Not sure for how long but it was effective in calming my mind from the racing of the day and putting my focus back on weekend hours with the Bear. Back to letting Him lead and me relax and follow. He was home, no need for me to be ‘on’ right now. cropped-dom-and-his-sub-jpeg-w6272.jpg

It worked very well Bear, thank you for thinking of it and for the surprise. Just a few minutes in the middle of a busy day but it worked well for me, so Thank you, for thinking of it, for thinking of me. Love You Always! ❤ 

I just cut the f*cken grass! Sir … major rant.

This is not D/s, not really but this is a rant i need to get off my chest. Please feel free to pass …

I know I’m supposed to be careful Sir and I know my physical state is important. I know I need to take it easy and I know I have to tread lightly BUT ….

A girl needs to know that nostalgia is not all she has left! A girl needs to know that she can still take care of her damn self, she is still capable and she still doesn’t need to rely on anyone.

A girl needs to know she is still strong and able, even when her a-hole children cop out! ARGHHH!!

A girl needs to know she can still kick some @ss …..

I cut the f*cken grass, myself …. in this mid 40s heat. I did it, with a push mower and I’m still okay.

I guess the working out is paying off. *grin*

There is more than one way to get physical relief! *wink*

 

Baby, look how far we’ve come.

Outside the Wall (Waters) 1:42

All alone, or in two’s,
The ones who really love you
Walk up and down outside the wall.
Some hand in hand
And some gathered together in bands.
The bleeding hearts and artists
Make their stand.

And when they’ve given you their all
Some stagger and fall, after all it’s not easy
Banging your heart against some mad bugger’s wall.

“Isn’t this where….”

You should likely know by now that I communicate in music, a lot! *chuckle*

The last while I’ve been doing a bit of reading but mostly thinking. Between the timing of things, the kids, and the issues, old and new, I have been going ‘back in time’ quite a bit in my head.

Remembering the past will hopefully help me sort out the future.

I don’t think the Bear would even recognize this side of me, He has only ever known it for others. Funny how far one rabbit can travel in only half a life time, …. so far …. *wink*

Dominant, not domme.

Yesterday I had an issue to take care of, an issue that has been ongoing for years now. One I thought had finally and quietly been taken care of but I was wrong and it required a firm hand. Dominant bunny it is than! *wink*

My backyard looks more like a national part than it does your normal city backyard. It’s my oasis in the middle of the city, it takes time and a lot of hard work to create and then maintain. I have a gorgeous green hedge that acts as a fence for most of the perimeter.

One of my neighbours seems to think that it’s her place to continually cut things back for me ….. ummm, NO! The first few years she would reach over the fence at the very back of the yard only. I have a very large yard. I half thought I was losing my mind, and half thought that there was something wrong with the shrubs and they required my attention. Eventually she got more brave and that’s when obvious, deep cuts were left and noticed by me.

I have been asking the Bear to please talk to her, perhaps in passing then next time she asks him for gardening advice, to please be sure NOT to reach over the fence and cut MY side of the growth. Well, more years have gone by and He hasn’t said a word. He’s not really one for confrontation and although I don’t find this confrontational, simply polite pointing out that it is not her property, not her place.

Anyhow, over the past two years we have been able to get things just as we wanted in the front half at least, the back I am still trying to grow back and fix. OYE! The hedge was probably about 6 feet tall, nice and solid, just a real wonder of nature. Yesterday I went out to do a bit more work and noticed that almost 2 feet had been cut off of most of my hedge. What!?!? She had once again reached over the fence and chopped it down.

She’s always careful to just work from the back up, I think because I had yet to say anything to her she felt it was going unnoticed. Well not today lady! We had just trimmed front AND back, made sure her side was clean and clear, the shrubs were at the fence line and no further. She had absolutely no excuse and when I saw that again …. well ….

‘She cut my hedge again, I have asked you to talk to her and now she has cut it again.’ Just look at this mess ….’ and she was outside, just on the other side and decides to come over to the fence. Oh yippee!!

‘I tried to trim, but I couldn’t quite get your side ..’

‘Yes, yes you did and I’d prefer you didn’t actually! I keep growing and trimming and you keep cutting it down. Feel free to touch and trim anything on your side but THIS is mine. LEAVE it alone!’

A few attempted excuses later and me not backing down, she apologized and I said thank you. *smirk* The Bear was quite amused I think, He sat there and watched the whole thing.

I had no ambition to spank her but I did give her a stern face and talking too. I might have had the impulse to smack her one, but I kept my cool as always.

Domme, no, but dominant, yes. *wink*

I wouldn’t mind some flogger and cane action to decompress however! LoL Not the giving, just the receiving side. I know, what a contradiction … *giggle*

Some people seriously have no boundaries ….. she better have figured out mine. My backyard is my haven, I don’t do ‘people’ and I prefer to be left alone. Her intrusive and now pushy ways are not welcome.

Besides, Bear says I’m not allowed to show myself to others so the hedge helps when skinny dipping! *wink wink* If she keeps this up I’ll have to get permission to give her an ‘eye full’! Just kidding, then I will punch her, she won’t see much after that for a while. 😉

(Although I would love for that part to be true, that is just a joke made to decompress. No one needs to use that against me in a court of law when she shows up with a black eye someone else gave her. She is quite the piece of work I can assure you. Some people!)

Happy Saturday!