So I’ve had this ‘idea’ scribbled, saved in my drafts for over a month now. It’s not something I’m working on or trying to fix or anything like that Sir, it just came about because of a conversation I was having. It’s just my view on life you could say, my two cents!
I identified with this topic on two levels, one being first love, young, naive and whole-hearted. When everything is a big deal, every look is soooo meaningful and the smallest act is translated to ‘OMG He’s so awesome’!! When we’re young and have no other responsibilities, all our attention is on our crush and we very actively find ways to make them good, and great and the best thing that has ever happened to us. That’s why everyone remembers their ‘first love’ because we wear some big *ss rose-coloured glasses and we make everything mean something ……
And then we grow up. Things become less exciting and our hearts don’t beat frantically every time we have a dinner date. Been there, done that … we think. No need to get our hopes up, no need to make it more than it is, we get cynical, we get guarded.
Eventually (hopefully) someone comes along that makes us feel naive again in this game of love. We meet, we laugh, we love, we marry. Everything is great again, not quite as all-encompassing perhaps as the first love but pretty darn close. So we give, we wait and we wonder … and then life starts again. Responsibilities creep back in and our days go from waiting and panting shamelessly to pushing each other off, or getting frustrated because our partner didn’t do exactly what we wanted. We get angry and then we just get closed off and alone. And then we wonder, what happened? Why isn’t he doing what he used to do, why isn’t he all that I remember, why isn’t he my dream anymore?
And then we find this thing called D/s – and we want it to save us. We want it to make it all better and we once again dive head first into our relationship …. It’s like going back to high school. Every little thing he does is great, all actions are looked at in the best light and we are oh so happy ….. for a while. And then life goes on, and things get to be usual again and then we once again start to wonder …. why isn’t he doing what he used to?
Well the reality is, he IS doing what he used to, you just no longer put such emphasis on the action as you once did. When you don’t react like you used to, he doesn’t get a charge like he used to, and so on and so on ….
I think our first love is like going back to high school as an adult … it all seemed so much bigger then …. it’s our choice to keep the feeling or let it die.
I still wonder at you Bear!
Love you Always Sir ❤