Rekindle

So I’ve had this ‘idea’ scribbled, saved in my drafts for over a month now. It’s not something I’m working on or trying to fix or anything like that Sir, it just came about because of a conversation I was having. It’s just my view on life you could say, my two cents!

I identified with this topic on two levels, one being first love, young, naive and whole-hearted. When everything is a big deal, every look is soooo meaningful and the smallest act is translated to ‘OMG He’s so awesome’!! When we’re young and have no other responsibilities, all our attention is on our crush and we very actively find ways to make them good, and great and the best thing that has ever happened to us. That’s why everyone remembers their ‘first love’ because we wear some big *ss rose-coloured glasses and we make everything mean something ……

And then we grow up. Things become less exciting and our hearts don’t beat frantically every time we have a dinner date. Been there, done that … we think. No need to get our hopes up, no need to make it more than it is, we get cynical, we get guarded.

Eventually (hopefully) someone comes along that makes us feel naive again in this game of love. We meet, we laugh, we love, we marry. Everything is great again, not quite as all-encompassing perhaps as the first love but pretty darn close. So we give, we wait and we wonder … and then life starts again. Responsibilities creep back in and our days go from waiting and panting shamelessly to pushing each other off, or getting frustrated because our partner didn’t do exactly what we wanted. We get angry and then we just get closed off and alone. And then we wonder, what happened? Why isn’t he doing what he used to do, why isn’t he all that I remember, why isn’t he my dream anymore?

And then we find this thing called D/s – and we want it to save us. We want it to make it all better and we once again dive head first into our relationship …. It’s like going back to high school. Every little thing he does is great, all actions are looked at in the best light and we are oh so happy ….. for a while. And then life goes on, and things get to be usual again and then we once again start to wonder …. why isn’t he doing what he used to?

Well the reality is, he IS doing what he used to, you just no longer put such emphasis on the action as you once did. When you don’t react like you used to, he doesn’t get a charge like he used to, and so on and so on ….

When we are young and uninhibited things are different …. we can’t have that again unless we get that uninhibited again. When we are young with D/s and uninhibited things are also different. If you want that back then you need to get that uninhibited again.

I think our first love is like going back to high school as an adult … it all seemed so much bigger then …. it’s our choice to keep the feeling or let it die. 

 

I still wonder at you Bear!

Love you Always Sir ❤

 

I have a Sir, not a Daddy

I have a Sir, not a Daddy but that doesn’t make Him any less kind, or interested in my well-being or any less playful. It doesn’t mean we don’t cuddle and it doesn’t mean that I don’t get to be silly or trusting.

Sir is very ‘squishy’ at times and He likes to tuck me in to bed, one of His favourite non-sexual things I think. I like to look at things in a new and exciting way, every time and He likes to watch my reactions and rejoice in my joy. I can be girlie and playful and sometimes even naive, He likes all of that, that’s the safe place I get in order to allow myself the freedom to just feel, to just be and to not worry.

I don’t however need curfews or reminders to brush my teeth and I certainly don’t need Him to hold my hand and walk me to the ladies room while we’re out.

I am not little and He is not Daddy but that doesn’t mean we are any less caring or close or playful …. it just means I am not childish.

Forget the labels, do what works for you ….

Love You Sir ❤

 

Calling all readers …..

If you’re standing on the outside and looking in and you have a question or just a curiosity feel free to email me and ask. I will try my best to give you my take on whatever it is!

Sir does not ask for specific posts He just likes to know what’s on my mind but I’m finding that I have less and less to worry about or ask for and more free time with nothing to write about! I will not go into specifics about my sex life but I can explain any of the mechanics if that is your question…. related to menopause, or bruising, or whatever!

73nijntje@gmail.com

(or set up a chat)

 

I know you think I’m sexy, I want to know if you like my cooking …?

Yup, you read that right …. for some reason or other I remember making that exact comment about/to Sir before we had kids and long before any of this D/s business was brought to the forefront! LONG before …. lol We were pretty newly married and playing some board game with friends.

Well as a young, professional woman working in the modern world and just newly married, hanging out and having fun with friends in a similar situation …. everyone’s mouth, including Sir’s, dropped! Hahaha

I’m sure they thought I was joking, I was asked as much if I recall correctly, and to everyone’s surprise, including my own, I was not! Now a quick side note, this was not at all my known personality type, to be Susie Home Maker or picture myself in a kitchen for some man …. It was probably the farthest thing from what anyone would expect, including me! But it happened, just like that ….

Cooking was the one thing I hadn’t done much of (that wasn’t ethnically mine) and at the time Sir loved nothing more than to tell me how His mom made this or His mom made that …. we come from two very different backgrounds and the kitchen/food we were used to was not at all the same as the other’s! I guess the going attitude would have been “if you don’t like it, make it yourself or go get something.” Worrying about what a man thought of your cooking was certainly not what people in my circles would have thought of! lol

That might have been the first time I let slip the fact that I wanted Him to be the man of the house, and that what He thought mattered a lot to me.

As much as I want to be strong and independent and self-sufficient … the list goes on and on and on … the only one I have every truly wanted to please was Sir! I’ve been looking for the proverbial ‘good girl’ from this man for some 20+ years and I can’t explain it, and I can’t put my finger on it, but I can tell you that He is the one, and only one that has ever inspired this in me.

And still does …. every day.

Love You Sir, Always ❤

What happens when Sir isn’t Sir-ing ???

So, I’d love to say that this never happens, that He’s always on the ball and in charge and taking care of business DOM wise. I’d love to say that He is perfect and infallible and can pull this stuff out of His …ummm….hat? lol

Let’s face it, dominants are people too …. sometimes they get side tracked, or preoccupied or just simply don’t see what needs to be done. This is where I call on my submissive strength and carry on. This means the strength He has already given me when He is on the ball! I trust what he has told me, I trust that He wants to be there and help me and I trust that He wants me to be honest and ask ….

So I pull up my ‘big girl panties’, put my misconceptions and ego aside and I talk! I talk to Him, I tell Him how I feel, what I think I need, what I think I want. I let Him decide what to do about it and how to go about it, but I ask, talk, tell! Dominant does not mean mind reader, or perfect, or all-knowing …. but it should mean able and willing to listen, care and act once I have asked.

So what if He doesn’t act like the guy in the story book, or more importantly, the guy in my fantasy …. the guy in front of me loves me and cares for me, all I have to do is give Him ALL the information.

I don’t hint, I don’t pout and I don’t beat around the bush. I speak openly, honestly and respectfully and mostly I trust in Him. I might not always get what I want, but He always gives me what I need!

Love You Sir ❤

 

The secret life of Bear and bunny …

I thought I’d write a bit about what our dynamic looks like for anyone who might be following and might not have the whole picture. Likely, no one has the whole picture …. I really don’t write much about our daily interactions because I guess I just take them as a given. It has been brought to my attention recently, or more over to the forefront, that not everyone acts and reacts the way we do. Of course I know that but when you start typing about what you think and what you are doing it is easy sometimes to forget that no one else knows the rest of the story. In order for any of this to be put in perspective I should give you a little history and a few details.

Hummm, I should probably check with Sir to see if he minds if some of the posts are done in this manner! brb  🙂

So some of the things that happen daily around here are  Continue reading “The secret life of Bear and bunny …”

Dominance = responsibility

Asking someone to become your dominant is basically asking them to take on huge amounts of responsibility, not just for you but also for themselves!

Now obviously the person you are asking is a responsible human being or you wouldn’t be giving them this opportunity, but you are now asking them to be SO GOOD that they are worthy of your submission. This is not an easy task, you are asking them to help you and guide you when you want to go off and be ‘naughty’ but that means they need to be better then good …..  ALL THE TIME in order to be worthy.

Think about it, you think yourself a good person, you think yourself someone who tries, but now you want your DOM to be better then what you are and guide you into ….. perfection? We all know that doesn’t exist but that is what you are asking for …. ‘take me as close as I can be to perfect please Sir’.

You wonder why some might have issues or questions about what they are doing or why … I think that pretty much sums it up, don’t you?

If you are into the kinky side of D/s then your DOM is into even more confusion. You are asking them to be good, and worthy and put your needs at the forefront of everything, never let you down, never let you fall, always watch out for you …. but take you, and ‘hit’ you (consensual) and maybe even ‘force’ you (also consensual) but all the while doing the above?!?!?!

The idea of D/s is that you can be your best and worst ….. because someone has got your back. What do you have for them??? Sex and blow jobs is not enough ….. where are you when they are worried or they are down? Yes it is still your life, and you do have a responsibility in it.

I read once a long time ago someone said – I took my dog for a walk but I didn’t feel like I could lead, I didn’t feel like much of anything so I let him go. I took his collar off but he didn’t go anywhere, he stayed by my side, he waited until I was ready and he stayed …. Once I figured myself out and got myself back together I grabbed the leash and collar and put it back where it belonged and we continued our walk.

You can have me and understand me Sir – with both – Slut and Lady – then I can understand you with both too Sir – Leader and Worry ….

I love both, just as you do …

Love You Always ❤

 

Dear Dominants …(Warning, Warrior Rant)

Submission is earned through trust and respect, through patience and through care. If you are more interested in the what wasn’t done instead of the why you are likely going to be in for a very long and painful ride.

No strong opinionated woman will ever kneel for you simply because ‘it is written’. If you are trying to force your dominance onto someone it is very likely that you DO NOT have their submission.

If you are more interested in your own ego, in your own opinion and in your saving face than in the why the disrespect happened in the first place then you are likely too self absorbed to see the truth.

Yes there is a way things are to be done, and an appropriate course of action for a dominant/submissive relationship to run but if you are constantly fighting the same fight then you haven’t yet figured out your dynamic and you haven’t yet figured out your submissive.

You need to figure out the ground work and foundation before the contract has any sort of meaning what so ever. Best of Luck!

(Sometimes my Warrior spirit is much more obvious 😉 )

 

In the beginning … how to get what you want without topping

So you did it! You had this wonderful conversation with your spouse, you both are looking forward to the journey ahead, your excited, or starting your engine and your getting buckled in. You put it in drive and start moving forward …. woohoo here we go! And then you reach your first road block ….

Oh oh, which way do we go? There is no set map detailing the journey, the exact destination is unknown and you didn’t plan ahead for the times you didn’t know which way to turn. Now what?

Communicate …. with each other and in a timely manner, always! Being in this dynamic does not mean you don’t speak up, quite the contrary, you need to speak up! No more vanilla remember, no more holding back, or expecting your spouse to read your mind or some story book version where they just magically know just what to do. No more hints, no more waiting around and getting frustrated, just talk.

We all have some sort of idea in our minds of what we would have liked to happen in a situation or other. More often then not, especially in the beginning, it does not turn out that way. Now side note: If your dominant did act just not in a manner you wanted but in His own instead, then you accept their decision graciously and move forward.

If on the other hand He/She is just carrying on as though nothing is amiss and not realizing what you wanted/needed from the situation then you speak up. Depending on your history you might have decided scheduled ‘downtimes’ are when you approach these topics so ask for a ‘downtime’.

In my situation we have always communicated and yelling or shutting down has never been an issue so we continue to communicate as things come up. Either of us will say/would say what we thought and needed in a clear and respectful manner. Something to the effect of “I had been hoping Sir that you would have reacted in this fashion.” or “I really needed you to address this issue to this effect.” (I’ve written before on clear and effective communication skills so I won’t reiterate that now.)

If it is just one simple basic action that you were hoping for, then just ask! What’s the harm in saying ‘could you please grab my purse for me Sir, it is out of my reach’ or ‘would you be so kind as to help me with my coat?’ Yes in the books the dominant already knows to do all these gentlemanly things and seems to do them before the submissive even realizes she/he needed them done, but that is not real life. Real life takes practice and understanding and the best way for your dominant to understand your needs and wants and for them to get practice in fulfilling them is by you asking.

Isn’t that precisely what you have asked them to do for you? Make a list of what they would like and help you learn and practice those things to fulfill their needs? You are well aware that you can not read their mind and that you need their input in order to make this happen, why would their reality be any different? Map it out for them…..

So there you have it, be the compass, respectfully show Him/Her the map of your wants and needs and then let them mark the spot and lead the way. And don’t forget to enjoy the RIDE!

Love You Always Sir ❤

 

What and why punishments?

The word punishment is widely used in the D/s community but I prefer to think if it as a correction and then forgiveness. It is meant to be a learning and forgiveness tool and not just a punishment. The idea behind this part of the dynamic is that you both learn and grow from the action, not humiliation or retribution.

I found that the idea of punishment was actually much more appealing to me then to Sir at the beginning. Not because I wanted to be in trouble but because I really wanted to feel like He was holding me accountable and because I wanted Him to see that I truly was sorry for whatever I had done and that I really wanted to be my best for Him. I also wanted it to be a way of knowing for sure that He saw this himself and truly was able to see my remorse and give me His forgiveness.

Notice a pattern? I was the one much more interested and invested in the idea, not Him. I knew that my mind would keep me full of guilt especially after I had given my word to follow and obey and then turned around and did something so foolish or just plain rude. In the beginning I needed the correction much more then He did.
It was important for me/us that I took this idea and all the embarrassment and self consciousness that comes with it and explained it to Him point blank.

One of the misconceptions that Sir had was that a correction had to be really harsh, or even physical for that matter. In our view it does not. He is not interested in bruising me from top to bottom or making me cry uncontrollably from the physical pain He is inflicting, that is NOT our style. As a submissive I can assure you that the idea of having disappointed or hurting Him is much more painful then anything He uses as a correction. A correction should be poignant and unpleasant but you decide just what that means to you and your Sir, no one else.

Once we had discussed all of this and decided on an appropriate correction(s) for us I’m sure it was still fueled by my need in the beginning. The first couple of times were likely not something He would have done if I hadn’t brought it up in the first place but it is now the first place we both run to in order to correct and forgive and start fresh. No guilt and no torment from the past, only a fresh new start and with both of us feeling relieved and settled back into our lives. None of it however would be happening if I hadn’t been honest and opened up about my need in the first place, it is now OUR need but it did start off as mine…..

 

Love You Always Sir ❤