Emerging from the den …

fyi…. a bit early perhaps!

Every time i sit to write this happens:

writing writing writing …. that’s all that comes to my head … writing writing writing! No more … so this will be a bit of a jumble!

Monday will be here soon and with that so is back to school and back to work. The cubs will need teaching and protecting once more. I’ve often referred to us as a wolf pack and something about winter brings that back full circle, again,

Maybe it’s that i sit and watch the documentaries on tv, they always remind me of just how much my life and inner circle revolves around basic primal needs. That’s how i run my life, my family, it has never been anything more than that.

It clashes greatly with everything i see and read about the dynamic, about D/s, but there it is. Like the alpha female of the pack i have many responsibilities. I run the pack in many ways and show leadership and self-reliance without that taking away from my place ‘under’ Him.

He is bigger and stronger than me but i most certainly pull my own weight and have my own following. It’s just a simple way of life, a hierarchy.


I show Him I’m His every so often and then i go about the rest of my business.

My place in the pack is too important to do it any other way, and if i wasn’t as strong as i am he wouldn’t have picked me to be by His side anyway. *shrug*

The wolf is my spirit animal, i tap into that whenever i need, i need it now. The new year brings new challenges and new adventures.

I’m ready!

The ‘break’ has been less than exciting, not much happening outside of a few family get togethers, that’s fine with me. Not sure if The Bear has missed out on some social time because of it but if He has He hasn’t mentioned it.

There hasn’t been much in regards to ‘play’ but then i haven’t exactly been setting off those ‘vibes’ either. It sets Him into a strange place, i can tell. He just seems a bit ‘off’, distant?, ‘in His head’ …. perhaps that’s the term. He starts looking for ways to fill the time, make busy as they say.

I think we have tapped into something that He didn’t know He needed, quite so badly. That’s the danger of this thing we do isn’t it? Once you get into it you might not be able to get back out.

The first week off was between Christmas and New Years and the second saw me starting my cycle. That’s not normally a time we play because my physical issues that stem from that right now are just too severe. Throw in a cold ‘bug’ and the fact that i need to chase the youngest around all day to get him caught up on his schooling before it starts again ….. and the two weeks are practically over! (His meds seem to be working and he seems much better at getting things done and having the energy, both emotionally and physically now that we changed things around, to get the job done BUT that means we have a lot of catch up from the time before … )

I seem to be back to ‘rights’ ATM and the weekend is upon us, let’s hope for a bit of time to reconnect before it all gets back into full swing! I could use some serious time away from the ‘trials’ of life and out of my head but i’m not sure just how far we can get. I’m not sure how much time we can sneak away before someone comes calling or someone needs something.

Like i said, perhaps emerging a bit TOO early!

Having young adult children was supposed to afford me a bit more time, not less.

When we were young and alone our sex life was very primal. We might not have used toys and chains but the tone was most certainly set. He has always been adventurous and I have always been animalistic. In the moment and unabashed ….

Sometimes, in these quiet moments, i feel the hunger to have that back with the addition of the most intense and freeing froms of our BDSM. We have tasted it, we have seen the power and the seduction.

For now we wait …… and the hunger grows.

A role to be molded into?


I am His submissive but I can’t say that I am ‘a’ submissive, perhaps that’s why sometimes things really make we wonder if I want to remove the word from this site entirely.

The idea that I couldn’t speak my mind simply to keep Him in an unending state of Masterly bliss confounds me.

What joy is there in being able to say you are the leader of something that has no will power of its own anyway? Something that never thinks for itself, never has original ideas or could never provide a worthy opponent.

I often take the lead in the real world, make decisions and help those in need of guidance but I admit that when I find myself in the midst of a bunch of ‘yes men’ it loses it’s luster very quickly.

There is no real ‘boost’ when I can see that if not me it could easily be someone else, anyone could lead that ship ….. there is no challenge.

So tell me Sir, would you rather mold me into my ‘proper role’, or would you rather continue with this …..


No need to answer Sir, I know what happens when I seem tame! LoL

Happy Monday! ❤


More animal talk .. ;) The Owl

The wolf is my spirit animal but the animal *I* am is the owl. I told you I found this fascinating. *grin* I think some of you might have taken the other test the first time around ….

The Owl 

54286307 – common barn owl ( tyto albahead ) head close up

Although the Bear’s spirit animal is a bear , he *is* a wolf …. which happens to be my spirit animal … and around we go! *giggle*

I just love the way this all fits together, that’s what I appreciate most about the native cultures and way of thinking. Any native culture.

With all the other ‘important’ thinking I find myself having to do lately it’s nice to have some fun and interesting things to read and think on as distractions from time to time. *grin*

All in all I’d say that both these animals fit me well. The wolf has always been a source of inspiration for me and an energy I like to channel when I need it. The owl describes the way I am and think very well I would say.

“When the owl is one of your power animals, you have a strong intuition and can access information and wisdom that’s usually hidden to most. The spirit of this animal encourages you to look beyond deceiving appearances into the true reality of a situation or a person’s motives.”

Both parts of the same rabbit! Funny enough both hunt rabbits as well! LoL I do love the irony in all of this, told yah I was having a mental break!

Happy Wednesday All!

And ….. Happy Anniversary, Bear! I love you, Always! ❤


The Bear …

Just for fun and as a compliment to the last post! 😀

I asked the Bear to take the spirit animal quiz and guess what he got?? *giggle*

Yup the Bear is a Bear! I started calling Him that not too long after we started this new arrangement and even though He calls me nijntje I’ve always identified as more of a wolf. (You can go back over the last couple of years and find plenty of posts with that theme.)

It appears my *wolf* instincts were right on the money! I choose Bear because I view Him as strong and stable, an earthy type that grounds me and keeps me sane.

He was a bit surprised, I wasn’t! *wink* According to the information:

“The polar bear is considered as the “Wise Teacher” as it shows how to survive in harsh conditions.”

I’m going to have to second that, Bear! *wink* When we met my ‘conditions’ in life were terribly harsh, the Bear helped me get stronger and wiser myself. Not having to watch my back every second of the day allowed me to heal (another Bear quality) and get stronger still!

“Bears symbolize warrior spirit and courage to fight. The bear’s spirit would be invoked to help the warriors in the battle.”

And there you have it! I haven’t faltered or lost a battle since we met and the ones I’m currently involved in haven’t stopped me either! I heal, recharge and regroup in the Bear and then I’m ready to go again. That’s why He’s my dominant, not some contract or label …

Love You Always, Bear! ❤

BTW I didn’t need to be convinced to go to Him, I choose to. With everyone out there doing the online search for a ‘D/s’ relationship please remember, the submissive holds power. You don’t become anyone’s submissive because they say so, you do it because you want to. Anyone pressuring you to is way out-of-bounds. A real dominant doesn’t need to convince you, you do it willingly and eagerly.

Anyone trying to force you, in any way, is a fake! I’ve been reading some very disturbing accounts of online D/s activities that I can’t imagine anyone would want to be a part of. It’s up to the rest of us to make sure they get the message that creeping, stalking and abuse is NOT D/S! Rant over … 😉


Spirit Animal

So since I’m always on a quest for knowledge, of any kind, I thought I would take this opportunity and search out my spirit animal. I have always had a fondness for the native way of things.

My spirit animal is The Wolf!

No real surprise there. 😀 *chuckle*

Had a great weekend, got some more play in and my mind and body are feeling relatively good right now! The rain continues but things in my life are bright! Just can’t seem to sit too long …. ! :O *chuckle*

Happy Monday 🙂