Cravings – or lack there of!

Lately I’ve been the furthest thing from ‘kinky’. My want or need to ‘play’ has all but disappeared and I’m not really sure why.

Bear has been craving a bit more I think but he hasn’t asked and so I haven’t bothered. He has used just a few rituals, asked for some minor things – like sitting at his feet on the weekends for our morning coffee. That’s about it though.

Sometimes it occurs to me that we haven’t done anything ‘D/s’ in some time, weeks maybe … and that I should be hot and horny by now, but I’m not! A flicker of interest from time to time, but nothing more, it doesn’t seem to go past an intelectual thought – not an emotional need. At least not right now.

My body has been sore and exhausted lately, it seems to happen this way in the spring time. Allergies and hEDS combine to make my life VERY COMPLICATED! Thankfully life in general seems calm these days, the boys are finally well on track and Bear and I are as usual, fine.

Happy.

Content.

Nothing to worry about, no complaints.

Well, almost no complaints! The lack of privacy and alone time makes spankings and other impact play a distant memory. As much as we try to tap into other methods of keeping the energy alive the truth is that I am a masochist and He a sadist.

When the BDSM is taken away it is very hard for us to keep the same levels of kinky energy and horny want – alive!!

Our dominant and submissive energies are very much linked to kink. Domestic duties and acts of service are simply just too ‘normal’ here, those things were part of us before we ventured into the world of dominance and submission and as much as they are/or can be part of power exchange relationships, for us they were just life.

When I was writing more it was a bit easier, when I was chatting with others in the lifestyle it was easier. When I was reading and researching kink it was easier. I do wish sometimes that we had a circle or like minded friends, but we don’t and so the lack of kink has created a lack of interest on my part. Add that too low energy and body pain and I’m afraid I’m really not responding the way I know he would appreciate.

Although I’ve been his since the beginning (like in a D/s sense) my personal energy source for submission has always been BDSM and an active sex life.

What about you? What’s your dominant or submissive source of energy?

The wonderful world of spankings!

There are so many different spankings and so many reasons why! If you have no experience in this you may think we are all just kinky, or out of our minds! LoL I promise you that is not necessarily the case.

Now, I’m not talking about the harsh, aggressive things you find online when you go looking for spanking videos – No I mean that there are so many other forms of engaging in a spanking ritual that I’d be writing you a book if I tried to cover them all. So with that in mind remember that I am only talking about a few ideas here and that it varies from person to person, just like everything else in this lifestyle.

Reset Spankings: used by many when they feel their dynamic has gotten a bit off track. It is a way of reaffirming the commitment to the lifestyle we have chosen and a physical catalyst to a new beginning. From my searching and personal experience these are normally a bit on the harsher side. Not angry or aggressive, just more intense as both parties need to release the old and begin fresh.

‘Harsher’ is of course relative, as will be any of these terms – as a masochist my idea of harsh may well be different from yours. It’s not about copying what you’ve seen, it’s about finding your own ruler to measure by.

Maintenance Spankings: used to keep a certain energy level flowing. It’s not about restarting anything it’s about staying the course and will normally be set to a schedule. Many of us who enjoy impact play/spankings already know that there is a certain feel about doing it and doing it right that seems to keep us happy. Content, in the everyday regardless of what stressors we have around us. The level of intensity really does depend on you, the person accepting the spanking. Some need a more intense session while others are well served with a moderate, almost massage like quality/feel to the entire event!

I know, you’re think that the rabbit has finally lost all her marbles!! To equate a spanking to a massage! LoL Seriously though, have you never had the experience when the rhythm and intensity is such that you start to melt away into a very comfortable, relaxed calm?? If you haven’t, you should try it out …

Stress Relief Spankings: unlike maintenance which will often be scheduled, spankings for stress relief will be used whenever one – or both parties – needs a spanking. For any reason really, besides fun. I say both parties here because despite the fact that most of use will think of only the submissive needing a spanking, I believe that dominants will too, sometimes.

No, I’m not talking about switching, where the dominant allows the submissive to ‘top’ them for some stress relief of their own. This too can happen but sticking to just submissive spankings here, what I mean is that spanking releases stress from both sides. The dominant as well as the submissive can reap the benefits of a spanking well done, not just the receiver.

I’m sure you can all imagine the look I got when I first told The Bear that I thought He needed a spanking session!! 😛 *smirk*

However, I do think that there are times that he, just like me, gets to be a bit too stressed out and taking it out on my backside, for HIS benefit, is also a thing.

All of these things work well and there are many reasons why they do but it always boils down to a release of chemicals that causes you to relax and rejuvenate so that you may come back at least a bit better to carry on whatever it is that is happening in your world.

We have used spankings for stress relief for a very long time. We don’t get to now due to privacy issues and so we have been using the other methods I have written about in the maintaining the D/s posts. We find these to be useful not only after a stressful even but also BEFORE! If I know that something is going to take all my might NOT to react poorly than I will ask for something before the event.

In general, spankings can be used for whatever you think might be helpful to you. The length, intensity and ritual you use will be unique. The most important ingredient to make it work is as always, communication.

Communication in spanking: It sounds odd to some of us that the submissive partner has the right to, and NEEDS to communicate about when and how a spanking needs to be done. My experience has been that the more communication there is the more effective the act and the better the dynamic over all.

It’s hard sometimes as a submissive to come to terms with the fact that our dominants are not mind readers and neither do they need to be. We all know this of course but when it comes to speaking up and asking for what we need and want, we seem to freeze up!

It’s a tail *wink* as old as time. It’s not leading, it’s not topping, it’s not weird and it’s most certainly not wrong to communicate thoughts and feelings to your dominant. They do get to make the decision of what actually happens after all, that’s the ‘dom’ part in this, not you asking.

Do you remember when you read all those posts that said submission is hard? This, this is that hard part. It’s the asking, it’s the getting past our discomfort and negative self talk that tries to talk us out of speaking up. It’s the uncertainty and insecurity that can creep up – it’s the vulnerability of putting it out there in the open.

That’s submission – or at least part of it.

You get the reason for the spanking in your minds and then you start – faster, slower, harder … too hard! slow it down or ramp it up. A different position perhaps or a different tool. These are all things we have discussed during a spanking! yes, during, because the point was to practice and see what feels right for the outcome we want and what doesn’t work.

We always know when the discussion is over because I melt into Him, words fall away and we become one. One in the journey to the life and dynamic we want. Then we hope we weren’t too distracted to remember all the ‘tweaks’ we made for the next time! *giggle*

We progressed from spankings to S&M, it accomplishes the same goal for me in a much deeper sense. That’s why we can get addicted to subspace. Just like spankings are not always about sex, neither is BDSM.

This is only scratching the surface, I know, so feel free to drop a comment and add to the conversation!

Evolution

i have 15 to 20 well deserved stripes on my backside.

Over the years i think that we have moved from kinky, to D/s, to M/s and all along there has been a strong undertone of DD.

It makes sense really, they are all related (whether or not folks want to admit it)!

I think we have fallen into a truly comfortable harmony right now and I can’t wait to see where the journey takes us next.

As our kinks evolve, so too does our relationship and our dynamic.

Happy wicked Wednesday! *wink*

Ouch!

I’ve been in a lot of pain for a very long time. Today however, the pain is when i sit – and due to other issues all together!! *raspberries*

It has reminded me of the importance of proper skin care as well! Dry skin can lead to paddle rash, a thing i assure you, you don’t want!

I’m pretty well covered in bruises, something i don’t normally have. When we take the time to warm up slowly the bruises are on the inside (deep tissue) not outside but with little time and much enthusiasm … oh well! *wink*

I’m not sure if it was all too fast, or if i’m just dealing with too much other stuff right now but i don’t seem to have gotten the normal ‘floaty’ calm that usually accompanies some play. *shrug*

Just musing ….

Happy Monday! ❤

It binds us.

We’ve started adding more play (kink) to our lives again and we’ve even managed to add some impact!

Recently we got to play with the floggers, as well as some new toys that we had decided to order in the spring!

He remembered to add some bondage … for my sake mostly. It helps with my mental space, quiets things in my head. He likes it too, i’m sure of that, but with the lack of opportunity lately (years) it can be easy to just ‘skip ahead’ and forget to add all the layers that really do make it something even more special to experience. For us anyway …

We are taking a chance i know, with the youngest still at home and well, stuck! It’s not like there is anywhere to go right now with everyone cautious over Covid 19. So far i haven’t noticed any changes in him or his mental health so we move forward and cross our fingers! Our play used to be a bit of a trigger for his anxiety, not that we make it a ‘thing’ but at 18 i’m sure he can guess some of the things he overhears from time to time!

What i do notice – still notice – is that when we get to play i miss Him more when He is not here. It binds us …

 

It somehow mimics the energy and feelings one gets when you are in a new relationship. He is constantly hovering in my mind.

Happy hump day! ❤ *smiles*

 

Some personal truths

BDSM and impact play keep me ‘sexy’, sexy keeps me interested in intimacy.

I read somewhere that the true (yes, take that with a grain of salt) definition of a masochist is someone who gets no sexual satisfaction without pain.

For some time now I’ve had no interest in sex and it’s mainly to do with the fact that we have NO opportunity for BDSM and impact play.

Maybe that’s a bit of a misstatement, I am interested in sex I’m just not in the slightest turned on.

Once in a very long while when He gets a chance and I get the slightest bit of pain, like a quick swat on the butt, there is a charge of energy that flows …. and all of a sudden these little bunny ears perk up. I know it’s pretty much the same for Him.

Once in a while when He has the energy and thought to add a bit of naughty dominance to my day, same thing, the bunny ears start paying attention at least for a moment.

Without the impact play, bondage or kink, i’m simply not interested in sex.

Yes sure He is still the Dom and i’m still His submissive, sure if He wanted something from me He could have it but that’s not really the way it’s suppose to feel, is it? So he hasn’t ‘asked’ for anything because He’s just as off as i am.

I know that your sexual impulses ebb and flow just like everything else in life but i can’t help but think that i’m much more likely to be ‘flowing’ LoL if we had the opportunity to play.

My sexual impulses are linked to my masochism and His are linked to His sadism.

Fine kettle of fish we’ve gotten ourselves into ….

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You try not to stress, but life doesn’t seem to get the memo!

We were hoping to get an hour to ourselves Friday afternoon, you know an hour where we could actually make some noise! Well the youngest is having a bit of a hard time lately and decided he wasn’t going to school Friday afternoon after all!

His mental health is important, no doubt about that, but doing certain things is important for MY mental health too. And the Bear …. it’s not just about being kinky, it’s about managing stress as well.

The truck also needed to be looked at again, it was leaking fluid. Ends up it’s the transmission … so yeah $$$$$

The washer decided it has finally had enough, new one should be here today .. $$$$$

The car needs back brakes …. $$$$$

The oldest is finally back in school but not yet in college so funds we put aside are not yet accessible BUT he spends most of his time at his GF’s so we pay for groceries off and on …. $$$$$

Everyone around here is having a hard time so half of the families i did work with/for are off, which means my income has dropped again. I was already at 75% lower than i should be …. so more lost $$$$$

All of this in the past 30 days.

Oh, and let’s not forget Christmas!

So yeah, those 50 minutes or so are important once a week.

 

 

What kind of submissive are you?

I’m thinking back over things i have read and people i have known, conversations … One thing that became very clear with time was that there are many different kinds of submissives. None better or more committed, simply different.

I’m not even going to attempt to cover them all, or all the nuances, that would simply be too much to cover in one post. I have been thinking of just a few ideas that are on very different ends of the submissive spectrum.

Keep in mind that this train of thought/post is all very general in nature … so here we go!time

Some time ago i read a post by a friend that covered the idea that her submission was very much linked to her sexuality/sex.  I don’t think that’s a very odd idea at all, i think it may be more common place than she might have thought.

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I think one ‘type’ would be a sex/BDSM submissive, like what she was talking about. This is where i fit and i’ll be back to this at the end.

Next i guess i would consider the ‘spanko‘. To me this is where spankings for poor behaviour and maintenance are used as a method to tap into the submissive feelings and to help stay there. It may or may not include other forms of kink but the thing keeping the dynamic flowing is primarily spanking. DD would fall very nicely into this category i would think. (Yes there is much more to be said, like i mentioned – very general.)

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For me, spankings alone don’t do it, even when we did have the opportunity to do so. They help certainly but it’s just not the same. It begins to feel more like a game or a chore than submissive. I don’t get in trouble, i’m too much of a ‘dominant type’ in life to allow it of myself, doesn’t leave much for Him to correct! 😛 

The last i’m going to muse about would be the service submissive. This could be anything from domestic duties to sexual service and all things in between. What or how the submissive serves is much less important than the fact that they are serving and getting noticed or even rewarded for it. Being of service and doing a good job of it is the main objective, to please and be pleasing.

Again, it doesn’t do it for me. I am constantly of service but it comes more from my dominant side than it does from anything submissive feeling. I serve and continue to serve because it’s my duty, because i excepted responsibility for things/kids/husband/house/job etc. etc. and to not live up to my commitments is simply not in my wheelhouse.

I always go above and beyond and watch over everyone in my world, not to do so would make me absolutely bonkers!! If anything, being His submissive makes me take on less, not more. I don’t do it to be noticed or pleasing, i do it because i know no other way …. i could go on but i did say ‘general’. LoL  

I would consider myself a sexual/BDSM submissive. The thing that keeps me tapped into that warm subby glow, that calm relaxed vibe, the ‘yum’ of being His is sex and BDSM. Without those two things on a fairly regular bases i really do lose that submissive feeling. (For the record, i don’t think kinky sex and BDSM are the same and they do not need to happen together.)

 

Now i still do what i need to do, take care of all the regular tasks/chores, mind my manners and act respectfully BUT i do that anyway!

What i don’t do is rely on Him for much, i tap back into my own natural flow, especially when things get hectic and busy, and i rely on myself to get things done and organized. I take on the responsibilities, the planning, the weight and the stress …. i do it alone and i carry on. If you are like me, a sex/BDSM submissive, do you find this to be true as well??

Personality aside (brat/little/pet) what kind of submissive are you???

What is a ‘scene’?

** to us of course, everyone has their own needs and wants.

After the beginning of an interesting conversation, this topic just hasn’t left my mind. The only way to clear it for me is, you guessed it, write it out!

The Bear and i don’t do role playing, it just doesn’t work for us. When we are engaged in BDSM we need it all to be real, to be authentic in order for it to be comfortable for us. Some like to play around with different situations and scenarios and that’s a personal choice, but just not ours.

Sometimes we play around to fulfill His needs, i enjoy that because it gives me a real sense of submission and a sense of serving Him. Just as spanking and impact play frees me from the stress of the every day, impact play frees His stress too. It’s always consensual and yes, there have been times when i have told Him that i just wasn’t ready or ‘up to it’. The choice of how to proceed was His of course but never has He insisted when my mind or body wasn’t up to it. That’s what makes Him a dominant, not the idea of making someone do something they clearly don’t want, but anyway ….

Sometimes we play to fulfill my needs. Just as spanking by hand or by paddle etc. builds endorphins and helps to free stressful energy, so too does a flogger on my back or legs, a cane on the more private and intimate places etc. The build up of energy is the same, the sensations of relaxation or pain/pleasure mix are the same just in a different spot. I find it all encompassing and it relaxes my entire body, not just my backside! *giggle*

When we have the opportunity to play ‘well’ i’m usually left floaty (subspace) and not really able to function on my own. Aftercare is where He now takes me to bed, or a warm safe space where i can rest, have water and warm up. A ‘good’ scene will bring the chemicals in my body to a certain state where i need to physically ‘come down’ from. This normally involves thirst, cooling of my body giving me the chills, and more often then not the re-balancing of chemicals will give me the shakes.

Sometimes sex is involved but most often it’s something that happens after IF i’m able and ready. My state takes priority over anything He may want at this stage and if sex needs to wait then He will make that call. Normally after a short rest i’m more than ready but you just never know!

Everything we do is because we enjoy it, it’s for a reason and serves a purpose. We don’t pretend that i’ve been captured or that i’m a naughty school girl. That is just not part of our kink. Just as spanking serves a purpose for some, the play we engage in provides a respite and a refresh before having to take on the world once more.

BDSM is my spa day! 😉 Anyone else …. ??