Effective corrections and consequences

Yeah, still nothing sexy or a spanking story to tell, but certainly a very effective way to create and maintain change.

Some time ago I approached the Bear and told Him that I was having difficulty breaking away from my reading and writing to get certain things done around here. They are things that I don’t enjoy doing because of some of my physical issues but things that need to be done anyway and I was using every trick in the book to talk myself out of doing them.

When these things don’t get done I feel guilty and I don’t relax or enjoy my evenings. Mind you some days are simply very busy and complicated around here and getting to those chores really is a problem, but I can always point that out to Him and have a decision made for me on what to do or not do. Outside of that there are now consequences.

One of course involves a spanking, mostly as I have said before, a short session to put the entire episode behind us and for us (me) to move on! It is a forgive and forget method when it comes to spanking as punishment, not a deterrent.

The other day I had let time get away from me, I had been running around doing things and taking care of issues but I really did just not notice on the time! Before I realized it I was almost to start work again for the afternoon and the dishes were still in the sink! AHH! Crap ….

Now the thought of getting spanked for it did enter my head but as much as I do not want to be in trouble I do admit that somewhere deep down the idea of leaving them in the sink and forcing His hand in a spanking was a bit tempting! It’s not the type of attention I want when it comes to impact or His dominance but attention is attention regardless! This is certainly more of a subconscious thought process than anything else but if I face facts it’s there!

The thing that really made my heart jump and my brain quickly figure out a way to sneak 5 minutes in to get them done was the idea of losing that check mark on the calendar! That one simple action could not be undone, the empty square would forever be there and I would have no story to write about, no comments to help commiserate and no heartfelt “I’m sorries, I’m sure you can do it nijntje, just keep trying and hope your backside keeps you mindful”.

Yup, no attention-getting, good or bad it’s still attention. Just like publicity ….

Spankings or any other form of ‘punishment’ keeps the dynamic flowing, keeps the balance obvious and His dominance in the forefront. It keeps the power exchange feeling real and keeps me feeling His but what it does not do is effect change.

So yes, I wanted help to fix a bad habit and He has come up with a very effective plan to actually help me make the change.

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The Panty Predicament!

It strikes me as funny that I put on a sexy pair of panties during the day to please The Bear, but as soon as work is done I need to be panty free!

It is very rare that He ever actually sees them! 😛 LOL

It sounds pretty silly now that I think on it!!

Oh well, Happy Hump Day!

Love You Always Sir ❤

Oh what fun-ishment!

I wrote a while back that we were working on getting some more fun and playful connections into our lives. For a while it was a bit difficult, The Bear was really switching from ‘take action’ to ‘just laugh it off’ with no real in between. But practice makes perfect … *giggle*

(We really hadn’t done many playful, fun and obvious or loud anythings in some time due to family circumstance but things are a bit calmer now and so we are adding some things slowly to see how it goes.) 

I find myself lately really enjoying this man who is standing in front of me, this confident and strong figure who acts swiftly and with purpose. He decides what He will tolerate and what He won’t and takes quick action to make it known and follows through. *wink*

Never angry, always fair and oh what fun! *wink*

It has been a lot of fun to have that charge of the Power Exchange without any guilt of real trouble or let down. There are no long periods of available time needed, just a word, a look and an action …. and its really hot!

It’s more than just fun, it’s soothing. The playful stuff puts the real stuff on the forefront of my mind and brings comfort to even the most busy and plain days.

As for now, I think I have tried to sit long enough …. ouchie! *giggle*

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Happy Monday All!

Love You Always Sir ❤

The Punishment Conundrum

I messed something up today, and I really hate that I did. I have a hard time not doing things perfectly especially if it’s a let down to the Bear! I’ll try to explain …

fa1cd86f3bfad2d5638d27b2a91ef6e1I was supposed to make an appointment for the Bear today, well try to make an appointment anyway, I’m not sure if they have anything available when I want but I was going to look into it.

I remembered first thing in the morning but had to run around with the kids, trying to get the oldest ready and out the door on time and getting the little one to school on time as well. I had a few minutes in between that and when the next kid came in the door, this was my time to dress for the day and make the call, but I got side tracked texting with Bear and answering a comment. UGH

I was a bit flustered and then the time to start work again came. Once I got into my work space I realized I had a big mess to clean up that really couldn’t wait, so I got to that …. Then it was time to entertain the little one I have here for work and we did some candy sorting for treat bags, some singing and dancing and pictures for Halloween.

Next thing you know it’s practically noon and I had forgotten all about making the darn appointment, until the Bear asked what I had found out! OH CRAP! Okay, sorry, I’ll do that right now …   :O

*ring ring ring* no answer … The office was closed at noon today and will not be open again until tomorrow! UGH It was 12:02 …. of course!

Now none of this was blatant disregard or malice and likely not worthy of a punishment realistically speaking, BUT being the perfectionist that I am, I will continue to beat myself up over not following through. All Night Long! Maybe not a constant sweat exactly but the thought will continue to creep in and out of my head all night, likely even in my sleep.

I absolutely hate letting the Bear down, even if it is all an accidental misstep.

It’s not exactly a punishable offense because none of it was purposeful but not making amends will have me beating myself up, instead of moving on with a clear conscience and a fresh start.

UGH! I wonder what He’ll decide ….

Pet Peeve about *my* D/s

For the most part things go along here without much thought or issue. As I’ve said before we didn’t get into this for a relationship rescue or to get closer, we already had all of that. What we were looking for was better and more exciting sex.

One of the things about this dynamic is all of the symbolic accessories that get used once things become ‘official’ for the couple. Here in lies the ‘rub’ for me!

I don’t stick to one style of dressing, I have many depending on my mood. There are many aspects to my personality so why would I stick to just one style? Not too long before we started this D/s journey I had already reached a stage in my life where the boys were old enough, I was finally getting a bit more sleep and frankly I had put in my time, it was right now to start paying a bit more attention to me. I started looking through my wardrobe, getting rid of the things I no longer wanted (the frumpy ‘mom’ outfit) and started bringing back my own style.

Things I was wearing were once again form-fitting, and in almost every style you can think of. Cowgirl, jeans and a tank, pretty sundress, kick @ss LBD with eye-catching heals, rocker chick and this:

So guess what I’m not allowed to wear now because someone might actually guess what we’re up to …. If we happen to go to a concert or something then I can push the envelope a bit but other wise a heavy collar and cuffs are out of the question!

D/s is cramping my style! That is my pet peeve.

Rules and expectations

1f03b983016b3f76575f287592fc4142This is a topic I have tried to touch on a few times but I don’t think I ever quite got the words right. I’m not sure I quite had all the information I needed either, but time tends to help in the respect doesn’t it?

This post isn’t meant as a jab on anyone or their lifestyle choices it’s just a reflection on mine.

I have said many times in the past that I/We don’t really have many rules spelled out that I needed to learn or practice in order to become a ‘better submissive’. Almost all our rules are either kink or sex based not behaviour or manners. Behaviour for me is not a submissive quality per say, it’s simply a personal choice and although they do show a good amount of respect to my dominant the truth is that for me they are about self-respect. I wasn’t ‘submissive’ when I started and I don’t need to be submissive to continue with them.

I suppose if any of the normal things would start to slip then Sir would begin to implement them as rules, especially now that He knows the difference and that He knows how much we both want this life.

We had dinner here for thanksgiving not long ago and it started an interesting discussion on manners and the state of things in this day and age. This got me thinking that some of the things I take as a given are not at all the usual way of doing things now a days. The need and reasons for all these rules started to make more sense.

I guess in this light you could say that I have plenty of rules of conduct, they just happen to be self-imposed long before TPE was a thing on the radar.

Everything from cell phone use, to please and thank you, not interrupting when someone is speaking, listening attentively, and never leaving someone to eat alone at the dinner table.

What rules have you added that might be new to your life?

Are you finding them difficult to adjust to?

Are you more like me and have added ‘fun’ rules more so than any other?

 

 

Just a short something, something ….

A bunch of jumbled thoughts and not much time or ambition to write on here now a days. Not sure what this post is or how it will come out but like I said, just a bunch of jumble!

Sir and I haven’t really the time to play and prep for more serious and intense play, we haven’t had for quite some time! Too long really. There are short sessions and some spanking but being pushed into subspace and maintaining it for any real length of time has been just a distant memory.

I don’t know about you all but the more often I can do it the more quickly I can fall back into it. The longer in between of course the more build up and prep I need to get into the proper mindset. Basically when I am operating on the submissive side of the road I can *fall* into subspace very quickly, the mind is a very powerful thing and I have been trained 😉 to respond on cue.

When I am operating on the dominant side of the road however I require a lot more *push* before I hit any sort of threshold, play wise. Think the 18 gears of a semi truck ….

Lately real life has had me in dominant mode without stop for some time, my mind and body are linked of course and so the shifting of gears is definitely what I need first (I’m just referring to impact play here but it does relate to all aspects really), this means longer and more intense play to break through the every day and into the calm of subspace. When you always have a house full or an issue to deal with the odds are against you!

Anyway, we finally got a short time to play this weekend and I finally did get some respite but in order to get there the play was a bit more hurried and as a result I am left with many dark marks that I don’t normally sport. Although I like it intense we have found that between the skin care routine I have and a few other tricks to add intensity of feeling without force and a proper warm up!!! very important – I can normally play very intensely for hours and really have very few if any lasting marks! Once the redness and puffiness goes down the marks tend to be practically non-existent or fade very quickly.

Although hurrying through gave me the mental break I wanted it left too much damage behind and now the Bear will not take the chance of doing any real damage ….. so the normal ‘5 minutes’ have been put on hold! UGH!

On the bright side, even though I have been crazy busy and not feeling well (caught a bug) the Bear hasn’t eased up at all on expectations, as a matter of fact He changed some to suit the new schedule and added some to boot! 😀 Yesterday especially I kind of tested Him to see if He would let it slide because I really had NO ENERGY left at the end of the day, and really my mind wasn’t focused. He had none of that, He held fast and followed through. You’d think that might just add to my stress and make things worse but it didn’t.

Even though the fun play and spankings might not be on the agenda holding fast to the ‘rules’ helps to put my mind back where I like it. Adding to an already hectic schedule didn’t stress me, it calms me and the few new toys and subsequent submissive triggers He learned are certainly playing on my mind and I’m forever connected wondering if and when He’ll use them! *chuckle*

Now to go mind these marks and see if they are ‘passable’ yet!! 😛

Happy Hump Day!

Hope my next play date is a bit closer than the last!

Love You Always Bear! ❤

Ways of submitting – Mail order submissive??

This is more of a thinking out loud kind of thing than it is an information post. I read something a while back that got me thinking on the subject and since my holidays are coming to an end and I think it will be highly unlikely that I have time to write much until the new kids and schedule has the kinks (yes I went there!! lol ;P) worked out, I thought I’d take a few minutes to at least start to try to get this ‘down’.

The idea comes to me from the perspective of married couples (or committed) who started to practice BDSM and D/s long after the commitment was already made. Basically one partner will normally initiate the conversation and ask for the lifestyle after doing research or even practicing some but the second partner really has no knowledge or experience in it.

Most of the exposure I have had to this is from the submissive perspective and also the one initiating the dynamic, so keep that in mind … I am interested to see what the dominants or aspiring dominants out there think on this topic, as well as any submissives who want to chime in! 😉

Now my thoughts are that if you are just starting out in the D/s or similar dynamic and looking for a partner than you have your lists of things you look for, things you want and the way you wish your DOM or sub to act and react. When you are in an existing relationship and trying to make a transition I think things need to be a bit more of a compromise in order for it to work. Less of a fantasy in your mind and more of a real life scenario ….

From my experiences over the past few years I have seen and learned that the DOM we want or have pictured in our mind is not usually the one we end up with. Now this doesn’t mean it’s not real or not fulfilling, it’s just simply not that picture we had originally. The wants and needs of every DOM is different and the way in which they choose to lead is also different. What I have learned is that just because my original idea of what submitting to my husband looked like is not exactly the reality doesn’t mean it’s any less fulfilling or valid or of service.

So, how does this translate from the Dominant perspective? What if it’s the Dominant that has initiated and researched and become savvy in the dynamic but the submissive is the one who does not fit into the mental fantasy all worked out before hand? What if the needs of this particular submissive are different than the assumed needs the Dominant had all worked out in their minds?

One example that keeps hopping through my mind – some submissives are good at and want to anticipate the needs of the Dominant, they want and do and act in a way that has everything read and figured out a head of time so as to please their DOM. Others I have met prefer to have things spelled out exactly, lists of things to do, how to do them, how to act and even what to say in certain situations. Some like to have time lines and deadlines and others prefer to try and anticipate and outdo anything that the DOM might like or require even before the dominant has had a chance to think of it themselves.

So than, if the dominant asking the newly consented submissive ends up with someone who’s needs are different then what they anticipated does the dominant then not have the responsibility to compromise and provide for those needs first? I guess in my mind this is where the dominant takes charge, starts by providing for the needs of the submissive and then through guidance and training (consented to upfront of course) starts to mold the submissive into the creature that they have dreamed of and wanted …

Does the fact that your newly acquired submissive does not act and react they way you thought mean that they can’t do this to your liking or does it simply mean that you need to put YOUR preconceptions aside, work with what you have been gifted and slowly mold it into what you want.

I know that from my submissive side I had to put away my preconceptions and we slowly worked towards our end goal, not just mine. So what say you??

Things and stuff …. but not less D/s

My life isn’t any different from anyone else’s, we have tough times and issues to deal with sometimes more than what we bargained for but hey! Such is life …..

Nothing much has changed from a couple of days ago to today but things are looking a bit brighter regardless. Sometimes just getting a second opinion and words of encouragement are enough, enough for me anyway.

And we are still no less D/s or connected or what have you …..

Things aren’t all high protocol and scripted and BDSM has not been on the radar for some time. We have our connection and some impact play but it certainly hasn’t been the things that stories are written about every day or every time. We have work, kids, issues and no time that we are alone at home so low-key and ‘whatever we can sneak in’ is just going to have to do for now ….. but I don’t feel any less connected.

Am I missing some of the more intense play that lasts hours and leaves me exhausted … well, yes but I don’t translate that into less submissive or less connected. I still know I’m His and I still know I can come to Him if I need something, and I do. Perhaps that’s the key that keeps me going, I don’t second guess if I should say something or not, I just do … and He takes care of it as He sees fit.

Sometimes it’s nothing more than a tug on my hair to make me look up at Him while He tells me I’m His, or when He rubs His hand across my backside while we’re out and about, or He places His hand on the back of my neck and rubs His thumb up and down …. and then back to regular life we go.

All I know for sure is that I don’t stop telling Him what I need and He doesn’t stop listening ….

I might not be tied up and swinging from the chandelier but I am still very much following His lead. This is real life not a story book, to think that the intensity and micro managed feeling could be maintained in our current stage of life, day in and day out, would only lead to disappointment.

Maybe I’m just too realistic for this blog, but the protocols, ideals, rules and rituals along with micromanaging and such for people with busy full lives in other avenues always seem to end up causing problems and feelings of failure. I don’t need my husband to sign off on every single mundane act in my day-to-day life to know He loves me and will take care of me when I need Him to. I just need Him there when it counts ….

Love You Always Sir ❤

 

Still equal – yup I said it!

Why can’t we say equal and submissive?

Maybe it’s my personality type that is happy to live within apparent contradictions, maybe it’s the Warrior that is every bit as capable or maybe it’s the primal wolf like way that we live our lives and relate to each other.

I consider myself equal, in every way. I don’t see that as a negative, that a woman should be considered equal. Just because I am equal doesn’t mean I can’t choose to follow or that I can not be lead.

I don’t consider myself less than my doctor but I will follow his lead on medical decisions, he is studied in that and I am not. He has earned my respect and therefore I will follow his lead.

Maybe it’s because ‘submission’ is not a need of mine. I am capable and happy to lead in any respect,  I am a natural dominant. I need a partner of equal strength and responsibility and from what I’ve seen a lot of lately I was damn lucky to find one. (No I’m not saying you good guys and good DOMs don’t exist, but you seem to be difficult to find.)

He has His strengths and I have mine but in the big picture we are equal AND I choose to be His submissive because He has earned the right to lead and I am comfortable following.

I am a perfectionist I don’t take excuses, He is a perfectionist He doesn’t make them. If He wasn’t as strong as me than this would all fall apart, if I wasn’t as strong as He I don’t think He would find enjoyment in leading.

I have chosen to follow, He has chosen to lead – it makes us both happy. We are still equal ….

Maybe this is why we never fall in and out of ‘dynamic’. We are not stuck on one definition, one way of being. We/I don’t get stuck on the should I, could I, would I ….  I don’t really care about what would ‘a submissive’ do, I care about what works for us and what needs to be done.

Everyone says something similar I know, but then you feel ‘less submissive’ because you took charge of something that needed doing. I say that if the DOM is happy with it then who cares? It doesn’t make you less submissive, it makes you efficient.

***** ***** ***** ***** *****

Okay, got about 12 other things now entering my mind so I’ll cut this one off here! LOL

Love You Always Sir ❤