Family, friends and power exchanges.

There are many things in my life that The Bear has taken control of that are not at all sexy or kinky. There are many things that happen in the everyday that I wouldn’t give a second thought to. These things don’t change just because we are out with family and friends. They are becoming more noticeable though as the Bear gets more comfortable asserting Himself, even in front of others!

Now I have always been the fighter, the one who stands up for things and injustices, even if they are just said in passing or as a joke. I don’t let things slide under the assumption that it wasn’t meant that way, a wrong is a wrong and I need to be sure to at least disagree with it lest it appears that I don’t.

The Bear on the other hand has always been the mingler, He stays away from confrontation if possible and prefers to let things that are not so important slide and deal with them if and when it is necessary. He’s the life of the party, he likes to entertain people. The last thing He would have done was ‘start something’.

Not that anything bad happened or was ‘started’ but just to give you an idea of the personality in general. It’s a lot of the reason why symbols and odd protocols are not really His thing, He has no need to stand out and push things like TPE in people’s face, which I agree with. But anyway …..

So Friday night we went out to celebrate a birthday, we had dinner and a few drinks and generally a good time! I was enjoying being out for a change so The Bear said we could stay! As I’ve said before things around here are pretty hectic, stress levels have been high to say the least and being out for just fun was a nice change indeed. So was having a few drinks …..

Some time late into the evening when there were only a handful of us left and the drinks had already been going down smoothly I was asked if I wanted a refill to which a voice from behind me said “No, no more drinks tonight, you’ve had enough”.

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Of course the person asking was still looking at me for an answer so I said, no I can’t have anymore. Someone else says, “who said you can’t have anymore” sort of jokingly to which the Bear replies “I did”.

It wasn’t really a thing and if He had said nothing I would have just changed my wording a bit and the issue would be over but instead He decided to speak up! This is a big change from before and I think He quite liked it!! *wink*

So I guess the conversation went from there something like ….

“I don’t know what’s up with you two and it’s obvious you have a good relationship, you have something going on here even though I’m not sure what. But, if some man told me I couldn’t have a drink I would have two more instead!”

After just a few seconds of reflection ….

“But then again, maybe what I need is a man to tell me no ….. ” hummm

In the mean time The Bear had grabbed me a bottle of water and some ice in a glass, I had another cold refreshing drink with no alcohol and the conversation moved on to other things for a bit more fun.

There were only a handful of us left like I said, we were all sitting around the kitchen island by this point and I know everyone had stopped and was listening. Outside of that one small interaction no one said a word. I’m sure their heads were turning trying to figure this out but I’m also very sure that they all want we have very much.

You don’t need to turn your ‘lifestyle’ into a debate every time you go out in order for people to see it. You also don’t need to take the conversation any further than asked. They know we are up to something by now and they know that it is different but by the time anyone gets around to figuring it all out, if ever, I doubt they will have any issue with it.

We’ve always been different from the rest anyway, we’ve just gone a step further these last few years.

At the rate it’s going, we might just get stuck mentoring! 😛

Happy Sunday!

Love You Always Sir! ❤

Effective corrections and consequences

Yeah, still nothing sexy or a spanking story to tell, but certainly a very effective way to create and maintain change.

Some time ago I approached the Bear and told Him that I was having difficulty breaking away from my reading and writing to get certain things done around here. They are things that I don’t enjoy doing because of some of my physical issues but things that need to be done anyway and I was using every trick in the book to talk myself out of doing them.

When these things don’t get done I feel guilty and I don’t relax or enjoy my evenings. Mind you some days are simply very busy and complicated around here and getting to those chores really is a problem, but I can always point that out to Him and have a decision made for me on what to do or not do. Outside of that there are now consequences.

One of course involves a spanking, mostly as I have said before, a short session to put the entire episode behind us and for us (me) to move on! It is a forgive and forget method when it comes to spanking as punishment, not a deterrent.

The other day I had let time get away from me, I had been running around doing things and taking care of issues but I really did just not notice on the time! Before I realized it I was almost to start work again for the afternoon and the dishes were still in the sink! AHH! Crap ….

Now the thought of getting spanked for it did enter my head but as much as I do not want to be in trouble I do admit that somewhere deep down the idea of leaving them in the sink and forcing His hand in a spanking was a bit tempting! It’s not the type of attention I want when it comes to impact or His dominance but attention is attention regardless! This is certainly more of a subconscious thought process than anything else but if I face facts it’s there!

The thing that really made my heart jump and my brain quickly figure out a way to sneak 5 minutes in to get them done was the idea of losing that check mark on the calendar! That one simple action could not be undone, the empty square would forever be there and I would have no story to write about, no comments to help commiserate and no heartfelt “I’m sorries, I’m sure you can do it nijntje, just keep trying and hope your backside keeps you mindful”.

Yup, no attention-getting, good or bad it’s still attention. Just like publicity ….

Spankings or any other form of ‘punishment’ keeps the dynamic flowing, keeps the balance obvious and His dominance in the forefront. It keeps the power exchange feeling real and keeps me feeling His but what it does not do is effect change.

So yes, I wanted help to fix a bad habit and He has come up with a very effective plan to actually help me make the change.

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You are a slave you don’t need to obey anyone — domination submission

As a slave you don’t have to obey anyone, only follow your choice to submit to the one of your choice, to the one that will prove….PROVE…..to be worthy of your submission. As a slave you have to think where your Master try to take you and if you wish to follow that path. The limits are set by the submissive not the Dom.

 

No it is not a mistake. You are a slave you don’t have to obey anyone. I am writing this article as a recent comment brought up to my thoughts the danger that mainly women face from those who just try to take advantage of the lifestyle. I am sure there is an older post…

I haven’t much ambition to write today but this is one heck of a good read by Master P, realistic and a good reminder or perhaps eye opener for some! ~ enjoy!

via You are a slave you don’t need to obey anyone — domination submission

Rules and expectations

1f03b983016b3f76575f287592fc4142This is a topic I have tried to touch on a few times but I don’t think I ever quite got the words right. I’m not sure I quite had all the information I needed either, but time tends to help in the respect doesn’t it?

This post isn’t meant as a jab on anyone or their lifestyle choices it’s just a reflection on mine.

I have said many times in the past that I/We don’t really have many rules spelled out that I needed to learn or practice in order to become a ‘better submissive’. Almost all our rules are either kink or sex based not behaviour or manners. Behaviour for me is not a submissive quality per say, it’s simply a personal choice and although they do show a good amount of respect to my dominant the truth is that for me they are about self-respect. I wasn’t ‘submissive’ when I started and I don’t need to be submissive to continue with them.

I suppose if any of the normal things would start to slip then Sir would begin to implement them as rules, especially now that He knows the difference and that He knows how much we both want this life.

We had dinner here for thanksgiving not long ago and it started an interesting discussion on manners and the state of things in this day and age. This got me thinking that some of the things I take as a given are not at all the usual way of doing things now a days. The need and reasons for all these rules started to make more sense.

I guess in this light you could say that I have plenty of rules of conduct, they just happen to be self-imposed long before TPE was a thing on the radar.

Everything from cell phone use, to please and thank you, not interrupting when someone is speaking, listening attentively, and never leaving someone to eat alone at the dinner table.

What rules have you added that might be new to your life?

Are you finding them difficult to adjust to?

Are you more like me and have added ‘fun’ rules more so than any other?

 

 

Truth is

The truth is I don’t really follow many submissive sites.

The truth is I have never wanted to copy any dynamic or set of accepted roles.

The truth is I have never wanted to be like anyone else.

The truth is I don’t often struggle in my role, probably because I don’t try to be something I read about.

The truth is we have tried many rituals over time that didn’t stick.

The truth is we kept working and found the ones that were real for us.

The truth is that most often change is brought about by me.

The truth is that when things are going well The Bear tends to relax, get comfortable.

The truth is that the one needing constant change is me, so I am also the one that needs to make it known.

The truth is we are constantly evolving and some times make mistakes.

The truth is most of my struggle generally involves some far out notion that I’m not allowed to engage Him.

The truth is that lately I have had a need for a bit ‘more’.

The truth is that I started doing those few things I craved for Him to implement.

The truth is He noticed and ‘ran’ with it.

The truth is He can’t read my mind, but when I go to Him He can provide.

The truth is that my submission is not about sitting and waiting and expecting.

The truth is submission is work, strength and speaking up – properly.

The truth is He relies on me just as much as I rely on Him to keep this going, keep this good.

The truth is that when I’m motivating my own submission it never stops, and I am happy.

The truth is this feeds His dominance.

The truth is that He is worth every moment and every effort.

The truth is in this I am happy!

Happy Monday!

 

 

More of the every day

I had a brief conversation with The Bear yesterday, we were looking through the papers after dinner and chatting. Nothing major really and I happened to see some job adds. Nothing that would be for me exactly but it did bring a thought to mind.

Things at home have changed some what and work has been cut back drastically for personal reasons. With this in mind I mentioned to The Bear that now might be a good time to go out of the house for work! The boys are old enough now to be home alone and have some responsibility and I could finally head back into the work force.

His first comment was to ask if I really wanted to work outside the home, I said I didn’t know really but it was a viable and perhaps logical option.

I guess I wasn’t convincing, His second comment was ‘No, you’re staying home.’

We haven’t always played with bondage and impact and we haven’t always blogged under a ‘label’ but we have always followed this/our way of life. I don’t know what you call it, and we hadn’t any contracts or protocols ….. just another day.

Love you Always Bear! ❤

** actually what He said was ‘I want you home’. ** Not sure if it matters but if I’m going to quote Him I should do it properly! 😉 **

Uh oh, my D/s slipped out! ;)

And I don’t think people (‘Nilla as kinksters like to say) really give a cr*p to be honest.

I think the state of your relationship and your life in general speaks for itself. I think that if you are happy and safe and fulfilled it shows and everything else as far as others are concerned just falls into place. Again, I don’t run around showing off my kink or telling others they should be. To each their own extends to ‘vanilla’ too.

The other night we had people over and one stayed a bit later so that we could catch up, I’ve known her since I was very young but we don’t touch base very often. By the end of the evening she had had a few drinks so driving was out of the question and she was going to walk home. Well it was dark and she was not close by, I offered to ask Mr. {last name here} to give her a ride, I’m sure He’d love to I mentioned.

Oh that got a response …. ‘Mr. {last name} hummm? Well, …. that’s …… kind of …… HOT”! she says *chuckle*

That’s not the first time either, I did the same some time ago with a different friend and she now refers to her husband as Mr. R, at least she does around me.

I don’t use my husband’s name, not since we started using Sir, or more recently Bear. When we are out or with others I use Mr. …. and no one seems to blink twice over it, unless of course they think it’s HOT! LOL

I will use His name with His mother at times because well, anything else in those moments would just be awkward. She is His mother ….. and I did use His name for the 17 years prior, and her husband is also Mr. ….. so, yeah, some confusion there!  I sneak it in when it makes sense but some times His given name is just a requirement.

I also wear a choker most days, on occasion just a chain and I always wear my metal cuffs. They are delicate but always there. No one says a thing and no one treats us any different. We don’t make it a ‘thing’ so no one else does either.

Or maybe they are just scared of Bears! *chuckle*

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Party

A few weeks ago I mentioned that we were about to have a very large party in our home, yard really. No the party was not for us but it was here.

It was all of the Bear’s family and many friends. We had been busy, I was very sick but the party went well.

Once I finally did make it out to join in this is how I spent my afternoon.

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Wearing the nijntje He gave me some time ago, and nothing kinky but I think He’s claimed His prize.

This is just one of the pictures caught without our knowledge. It wasn’t planned, it’s just us.

It’s just life here. 🙂

 

Yup, just yup ….

Another ordinary day, another day of responsibilities and appointments. No corsets, no high heels, no shows to be put on, but we still connected! 😉

The Bear gets up early, before the dawn on a regular basis. Most nights I don’t sleep well so I stay in bed, well after He says good morning (still need to set up that petition) and have a good day as usual. Lately since things have been ‘adjusted’ around here I have been sleeping better, yay!  This morning The Bear was home, we had things to do …

We went to bed early last night because He was tired, I always go to bed and stay in bed with the Bear, not sure if it’s a rule or not but it’s what we’ve done for 23 years, why stop now? If I can’t sleep on the odd occasion then I ask to get up, if He’s sleeping and it’s 2 am then I don’t disturb Him but most often roll around for 2 or 3 hours instead… such is life! Anyhow …

We were in bed early so we were both up before the dawn. Since I’ve decided not to listen to the ‘experts’ and to just ‘do’ instead ….. I guess I’ve gotten good at making my thoughts clear, whether through ‘dance’ or words, what I am thinking is coming across loud and clear! *giggle* And guess what happened?

Yeah, so no stage was set and no costume was worn but it’s a hot Fall in the Great White North and the predawn hours are quite nice when one sneaks out to the detached garage to reconnect and recharge before the kids wake or the people start to stir!

Yup, I think we’ve got this. I could have waited around for orders or did what everyone else says to do, I could have been worried, I could have thought too much  …. but I’m/We’re both happy and fulfilled, all the time. What about you?

I do, He decides …. simple. 😉

Happy Tuesday!

Sometimes *t happens, such is life!

The last few days I have been fighting a cold, a nasty one that attacks my sinus and allergies as well. It makes it hard to breathe and eventually my air ways and throat swell. I take some medication to help clear that up but it dries my airways so much that I spend a lot of time coughing so as to try to get some air! So what has this got to do with D/s?

Well every day I wear my cuffs and something around my neck, usually a choker because I like them, as does Sir but sometimes it’s a different necklace depending on my attire and because I have so many, why lock them away? Every night as part of our bed time Sir places a leather collar on for sleep and weekend wear. Two nights ago I had to wake Him at midnight and tell Him I couldn’t breathe. We had already discussed the possibility of an issue because of how bad I was feeling and unfortunately it came true, I needed to have my collar removed.

I didn’t want to go without it, it’s been part of me in one way or another for a very long time now but as much as I wanted my collar I didn’t want to suffocate and I’m confident that wouldn’t be at all pleasing to my Sir!  I admit that it did feel odd, for a minute or two when He took it off but it really didn’t take much time for me to focus on the facts. Yes my collar means a lot to me and to Sir but my health is more important. Getting worried or worked up over something that couldn’t be helped was pointless and being upset over a ‘prop’ being removed that only meant something because of the feeling behind it was also pointless.

The feelings hadn’t changed and the discussion had already been had, sometimes *t happens, it’s called life. Dwelling on material things is a waste of energy if a healthy and happy relationship is the reality.

So last night I tried again, the collar was a whole size larger in order to let me breathe, I managed most of the night but still had to be propped up on two pillows and not the most comfortable or restful. My neck, shoulders and everything are sore now after so many days …. not sure if I will be able to wear it at all. I guess we’ll see!

Either way I’m still His and He’s still with me, I’m not about to worry over a prop!

Happy Friday All!

Love You Always my Wonderful Sir ❤