What’s in a name …. a re-blog for anyone new-ish and wondering!

I’ve been asked a few times over the years what does nijntje mean. I was just asked again and so I thought I’d write it out and give a little more explanation as to why we went this way.

nijntje – *9 – cha* is a Dutch term commonly used as an endearment, literally translated it means ‘little rabbit’

When we first started down this road and were looking for information and a community to learn from it seemed that everyone had a name. It hadn’t been something that occurred to us before finding the chat site but afterwards it made sense. It was an easy way to know when “Sir” was addressing me and when Hubby was instead. At first with the introduction of the labels we had decided to ‘play’ on weekends because that was when we had more time to concentrate and learn our roles. It wasn’t that I was opposed to doing it full-time it was just less stress, but should Sir want me during the week then the name would be a dead give away. Most of what we incorporated with these labels was kink and sex at the time, I guess that was the part of the ‘dynamic’ we hadn’t naturally figured out on our own.

We had dedicated a good amount of time to that site and it very quickly became obvious that we were working backwards from the typical couple on the site. Most were bedroom D/s and working on bringing it out. We were out of the bedroom and working on the kink …. even though we hadn’t realized that our relationship had a ‘name’! *chuckle*

Anyway, it very quickly became that I only ever called Him ‘Sir’ – weekends, weekdays, it didn’t much matter. The more I used Sir the more He began using nijntje and eventually it was decided that one – we liked it that way, it fit very nicely and two – our given names would actually become like ‘safe words’ of a sort. Basically if one of us was slipping into ‘vanilla’ land, getting snippy or irritated, not listening or simply not behaving in any one of the things we had discussed and wanted to work on, the other would use the given name in order to quickly and easily bring attention to it. It also meant that communicating this around others was no problem, no one would blink because we used our own names!

side note – Sir doesn’t want me to use Sir around others unless it flows easily like ‘yes Sir’ for example would be fine but calling out “Sir” across the room to get His attention would be odd around others, that’s when I use Mr. ____ instead, of course we have evolved to use Bear quite often now a days.

So that’s it, nijntje was picked because it was culturally appropriate and as a reminder, Bear didn’t come along until a while later. I started using Bear when all the walls crumbled and the trust reached 100%, no safety gear, no net ….

Love You Always Bear! ❤

Kinky orders – more than just sex

I think I’ve made it fairly clear the amount of pain I deal with on a regular basis and just how doing too much makes me pay for it, big time!

One of the things that stops me from over doing it is the fact that I know Sir is not happy about it! It’s not so much the idea of a punishment that stops me, it’s the fact that I now know He is not happy or impressed when I push too far. He is actually quite upset by it.

I suppose its like feeling you have failed to take care of the one you are responsible for. I know that’s the way I feel in my dominant role with everyone else! I have no intention of hurting Him on purpose so even though my natural tendency would be to push forward and keep going, my submission causes me to think twice and stop when needed, BEFORE I would have done so on my own. What can I say, I’m a masochist all the way around! *chuckle*

Now to the kinky orders …. One of the things that Sir orders is that I’m to wear, ummm, ‘jewelry’ when I am not working. After work, weekends and holidays … pretty much all the time but work and sleep!

I have the day off today so I am resting and stretching and doing my exercises AND fitting in a bit of cleaning and tidying when I feel up to it.

Moving about makes His jewelry a bit more obvious! *chuckle* That simple reminder is enough to tell me to slow down just as I’m ready to push a bit further!

It’s not difficult or time-consuming for Him to do and say this but it is a big reminder of His dominance over me and it does keep me safe! So much more than just kink and a turn on ….

When He has more time He sends orders of what to wear and when to change one for another, we have a large group of them. When He is short on time there might only be one chosen for the day but it’s still an order from Him and it still keeps me mindful.

Dominance doesn’t need to be complicated and it most certainly is more than just kinky sex for us. It just needs to be consistant, even just the small things!

Who knows, maybe if the house is ever our own I’ll get to run around in a tail, dancing and cleaning as I go!! *giggle*

Happy Friday!

Love You Always, Sir! ❤

No rules

Went for a quick shopping trip this weekend, I spotted a unicorn headband. I asked Sir if I could get one …..

images“That’s a hard NO!”

*giggle*

 

We’ve decided on a new approach.

No Rules!

It might sound backwards but it’s actually a bit of a refresher and a bit liberating.

I won’t allow myself to fail or break rules, no matter how minor and no matter how playful.

I don’t miss a step usually and I don’t pester or bug or brat.

I don’t need to be told, I don’t need to be reminded and I don’t need to be corrected…..

He doesn’t need to actively dominate me (outside of playtime) because there is never anything to counsel, disapprove of or want to change.

The result is stagnant.

No rules allows my naughty playful side to push the envelope and test the limits, something my brain won’t allow otherwise.

No rules means He gets to allow or stop things as they come up … depending on His preferences or mood.

The look on His face when I tried to open my own car door was priceless! *wink* The naughty twinkle in my eye was enough to start things …. *giggle*

A few rules He has reinstated, but they are at a minimum, the rest is fair game …. and what a fun game so far!

Happy Monday!

Love You always, Evil Bear! ❤

Sound familiar?

I was listening to the radio the other day and heard a report, somewhat joking, but also with many people disturbed that the ‘soon to be new royal’ needs to follow some rules of manners and decorum, especially when out in public.

Most sounded very familiar!

I had to chuckle, then I asked the Bear ….

‘Are we royals’? *giggle*

Happy Friday All!

Morning Ritual

This morning I must have been sleeping soundly, for a change.

Every morning the Bear comes around to say good morning and love you and have a good day. He gets up very early and I’m pretty often awake anyway, or I wake the second He moves …. I don’t sleep well.

I got up this morning to start my day and I didn’t remember saying ‘good morning’. This has been going on for years so to say it was odd is an understatement to be sure!

Some time into our morning I did reach the Bear and He told me He did come around but I didn’t respond. For once I was actually sleeping …. so He let me sleep.

I didn’t like the ‘odd’ feeling of not seeing Him off this morning but I do know He’s right for not waking me. To say I have been under a lot of stress and need my rest is another understatement!

I guess the few stolen minutes and new ‘triggers’ and methods we are using are working. I don’t feel nearly as bad as I did just one week ago and apparently I might actually start sleeping!

My ‘odd’ feeling was taken care of with a quick text and a short task to complete.

First dominant act of the Bear’s day – letting me sleep.

cute-sleeping-bunny-400x300

Totally Owned

Odd the things you don’t notice, until you do!

I have an appointment today, so I will be driving … already a ‘strange’ occurrence. I work from home and any time I do go somewhere, generally, Sir drives. He either comes with me or drops me off and picks me up, so I don’t drive much.

The thing I just noticed (remembered) now as I’m getting ready to leave is that I don’t have a house key! Yup, I’d say He controls every aspect of my day.

No worries, we have a spare key for the back door in the cupboard. I’ll have to take that one with me and go out the back instead of using the front door today.

Better go ….. !

Raynaud’s and D/s

A little bit ago I was having a short conversation that led to the inclusion of raynaud’s, which I happen to suffer from. Now the conversation was not at all about anything medical but just like in everyday life for me it was something that is effected because of my raynaud’s. The conversation was about cell phones actually!

Shortly into the conversation it was mentioned that perhaps I should write something on this issue since it is not so widely known. I have yet to do that and put it here because well, I wasn’t doing too bad and so ‘out of sight, out of mind’ as they say.

Well the weather has changed and as always my raynaud’s is in full gear! I had been outside for a short while with work and once I returned my hands (and feet) were more or less frostbitten. I had on the appropriate winter attire and I am always careful but the truth is that I normally have very little control over what and where this will be set off!

This is not a picture of my fingers but they could easily be. They stay like that for a good long time and hurt like a bugger. Once they start to warm up they turn red and swollen, feels lovely! (sarcasm in case that’s not clear)

My hands ache and it travels up and down my arms, and it also affects my feet, ears, nose and cheeks (yes both sets!). Trying to move them either when cold or warmed is very painful.

What does this have to do with D/s you ask? Well after works hours I am to be rid of my panties for the evening unless otherwise told. I couldn’t! I couldn’t undo the button on zipper, I couldn’t get my clothes off, I couldn’t do anything! I couldn’t follow the rule …..

No it wasn’t my fault and no it’s not the end of the world but it does play on your mind and becomes frustrating time after time, to have to acquiesce to this darn disease.

There is much more I can say and explain on this and I think I will, but for today I’ll have to stop here. My hands hurt too much, they are still freezing and I still can hardly move them. It effects most of my interactions daily and it’s only December in the Great White North.

And no, I haven’t been back outside today, it happens when I’m inside too!

Happy Thursday Folks! Stay warm.

Annoyed, but still respectful.

Today I find myself a bit annoyed with The Bear. Yes, I am allowed to have feelings despite being His submissive, it’s how I go about dealing with them that makes the difference!

I’ve tried to rationalize the issue but it’s not going away so I know I need to talk to Him about it. If I don’t talk about it, it will just simmer in the back ground. The next time something small comes up it will be made bigger than it actually is etc. etc. ….

The issue will keep growing and I will become resentful and probably mouthy. I will be eventually speaking in anger instead of sense and patience and what is right now just something small that needs to be vented will turn into some difficult times. So why would I want that?

The point of being His submissive is to go to Him when something is going on, not to keep things from Him. The fact that I know I’m going to talk about it already has me calmer, the fact that I know He will listen and understand my view is also making me calmer. Just knowing that I will be heard is already diffusing the situation ….

I’m not going to bug Him at work with it, it’s not an emergency. I’m not going to bother Him when He first walks through the door either. I will greet Him with a kiss and a smile, I’ll get His things put away and I will ask Him about His day. Sometime after He showers and maybe before dinner (it’s not going to be a long conversation I’m sure) or perhaps after dinner, I will let Him know something is bugging me and I’d like to tell Him about it and clear the air.

We will sit down, I will tell Him what I’m thinking and He will explain to me why or why not, or perhaps He will agree ….. regardless of how it plays out I will feel heard and my feelings validated and He will feel respected and understood.

I don’t think this is a D/s only scenario honestly, but it seems to be missing in a lot of other relationships that I hear about. The D/s part will be that I’ll be wearing His collar and sitting at His feet, everything else should be just the way of it in my opinion.

Respect is not a D/s only idea and it flows both ways ….

Love You Always Sir! ❤

Limits

We all have them, if you say you don’t than you are kidding yourself. They are deal breakers, or things you simply can not do for mental or emotional issues. They can also be things that you can not live without. Technically speaking I suppose you could ‘live’ but you will be less than happy, less than fulfilled in your relationship. So what’s the point of doing this than??

Part of the reason to start this style of relationship was to do the best I could for my partner, to make His life happier and more fulfilled. The other part of this idea was because I was done being a martyr, not because I wanted to go back to it. This relationship is supposed to be better for BOTH of us, not just one.

Just as we as humans are unique so too are our limits. What works for one person or couple may not work well for someone else. This brings the idea of honest communication right up to the front. This also involves a bit of soul-searching and honesty with yourself.

Your partner might be reading or searching out ideas, they may have a mentor providing insight and customs but that doesn’t mean that they are all right for you! Know yourself enough to realize when something is just not ‘okay’ and be honest about communicating that to your partner.

Being submissive does not mean going along with every want or idea your partner has come up with. If it is simply not mentally or emotionally healthy for you it is your job to speak up and make that known. Don’t expect that they know what is going on in your head and don’t expect that they always know best or have all the answers. They are human after all. I don’t know about you but I have never met a ‘perfect’ human, no matter how well-intentioned.

Just this past weekend the Bear heard about an idea that I thought would have had red flags all over it as far as me and our relationship is concerned. To my very unexpected surprise He did not realize it that way. He knew it wasn’t something He wanted to do but He didn’t realize all the implications it held for me. We’ve been married over 20 years now and He is the only one who knows anything about the way my mind works but still He really had no idea. You just never know.

So I explained it to Him from my perspective, I told Him how I felt about it and what I saw as a repercussion to that action. I know myself well, in this case I would follow through with His wishes (had they been) because that’s what I promised to do, but that would have been the end of our deeper emotional connection.

To me the only thing submission has really changed is that I now go to Him for help and for emotional comfort, that would have been finished in one swift motion.

I don’t go to, rely on, or depend on anyone. I don’t make emotional connections, I never have, not since I was about 4. The Bear knows this, going to Him was a huge step and the reality of my submission. No one else knows or sees that side of me, He knows/sees that too, every time others are around.

Him not putting two and two together was a huge surprise but if I hadn’t said something about it this connection of ours would have been destroyed if he ever decided to get around to trying it.

It might work for others, it might even be fairly common but here it would have been the end of us. This is most assuredly NOT what He wants. Now He knows.

Yes I am His submissive but I’m not going to go along with every idea he might hear about or want to try, not when I know it will destroy us. I have a responsibility here too, He is only human after all. And He still can’t read my mind or my heart, go figure!

Love You Always, EMS! ❤

Toys

Part of our arrangement has always been that at the end of play the one who cleans and puts away the ‘toys’ is me. The Bear will normally return the paddles, floggers and canes but anything that needs cleaning is up to me.

Sometimes things get put away relatively quickly after play and a bit of aftercare and other times I’m so spent and out of it that they wait until morning. The rule is that the toys must be cleaned and put away before I come downstairs to start my day.

Having to crawl out of bed after play and some downtime certainly plays on my mind and maintains the submissive feelings. Sometimes I’m still a bit spacey and don’t really think on it much but other times handling each toy and remembering or wondering ‘which part that was’ plays into the feeling of following and being under His control as well.

Some times I’m so spent that I can barely crawl out of bed to get my night collar placed, on those days the toys stay and wait until morning. The feeling of seeing them again after a good night’s sleep is a bit surreal because that normally only happens when I was ‘floating’ the night before and remembering is almost impossible! It quickly brings to mind the fact that I was completely surrendered and under His control.

When those mornings happen during the weekend I know I will find Him and be able to crawl to Him and be His once more but on the weekdays when He has gone to work this could quickly turn into subdrop! The feeling of seeing and cleaning the toys will quickly put me into ‘that space’ especially when I can hardly remember what happened.

This is more a word of advice for anyone reading, the Bear is very good at keeping in contact with me to be sure I don’t drop. When I’m not working I get tasks assigned that I report on keeping me from coming down to earth too quickly, when I am working I get told to wear His ring with constant messages throughout the day, even if He is busy. He can always find 1 minute to send a note even if He can’t wait around for a response.

Little things keep the flow and stop any bad feelings from forming or taking hold, but that’s another post.

So what about you guys? Who cleans the toys after you play? Do you have a rule? Do you find them to be a trigger like I do? Does it keep you feeling submissive/do you think it would keep you feeling submissive having to deal with them the morning after?