Tried again, …..

Last night in an effort to get just the smallest amount of relief the Bear set up the heaters in the garage, had them running until I was done work and just as soon as possible He tried to sneak me out to the garage once more for just a short 5 minute session!

The boys were busy in their rooms, playing games with head phones on and we were really crossing our fingers. The Bear was in full control and the session went well, I was getting at least some mental relief as we walked back into the house ….. to find the youngest standing in the hall of the back door entrance! Of Course!

The switch from ‘taken’ to in charge was instant in my brain and damage control was first on my mind. We have a freezer in the garage and he was here to ask about dinner so I played it off like I was out there taking inventory and carried on in my role as mom. The relaxed slump of my body was gone and the straight back and head held high mindset was back. We had come in because of the cold and were hoping for a few minutes of aftercare in the house, on the couch before starting dinner. So much for that idea ….

It’s not that we don’t keep trying, we just have no luck! *chuckle*

We did get to a few more minutes of being ‘us’ just before bed. We settle the boys in for the night and make sure all concerns and conversations have been had and then we settle in to our bedroom for some more obvious, ritualistic experiences.

The good news, I’m getting better at mindfully switching gears in my head, like meditation you could say. The Bear is getting good at some new triggers to help me switch.

There is always the possibility of interruptions at the door but The Bear is playing interference when the boys come searching, because they always do.  It’s not perfect but it’s stepping in the right direction.

I don’t like locking myself away from them in case they need me but as long as I can manage the interruptions and they know knocking is always welcome, than maybe this can work. Practicing changing gears is the big thing here so that’s what we’ll do. We’re searching out and practicing with new triggers and making better use of some old favourites!  😀

Love You Always Sir! ❤

Is this stuff interesting and helpful to you, my reading audience? Does this help to fill in the big picture?


Part of our arrangement has always been that at the end of play the one who cleans and puts away the ‘toys’ is me. The Bear will normally return the paddles, floggers and canes but anything that needs cleaning is up to me.

Sometimes things get put away relatively quickly after play and a bit of aftercare and other times I’m so spent and out of it that they wait until morning. The rule is that the toys must be cleaned and put away before I come downstairs to start my day.

Having to crawl out of bed after play and some downtime certainly plays on my mind and maintains the submissive feelings. Sometimes I’m still a bit spacey and don’t really think on it much but other times handling each toy and remembering or wondering ‘which part that was’ plays into the feeling of following and being under His control as well.

Some times I’m so spent that I can barely crawl out of bed to get my night collar placed, on those days the toys stay and wait until morning. The feeling of seeing them again after a good night’s sleep is a bit surreal because that normally only happens when I was ‘floating’ the night before and remembering is almost impossible! It quickly brings to mind the fact that I was completely surrendered and under His control.

When those mornings happen during the weekend I know I will find Him and be able to crawl to Him and be His once more but on the weekdays when He has gone to work this could quickly turn into subdrop! The feeling of seeing and cleaning the toys will quickly put me into ‘that space’ especially when I can hardly remember what happened.

This is more a word of advice for anyone reading, the Bear is very good at keeping in contact with me to be sure I don’t drop. When I’m not working I get tasks assigned that I report on keeping me from coming down to earth too quickly, when I am working I get told to wear His ring with constant messages throughout the day, even if He is busy. He can always find 1 minute to send a note even if He can’t wait around for a response.

Little things keep the flow and stop any bad feelings from forming or taking hold, but that’s another post.

So what about you guys? Who cleans the toys after you play? Do you have a rule? Do you find them to be a trigger like I do? Does it keep you feeling submissive/do you think it would keep you feeling submissive having to deal with them the morning after?


I’ve been in an odd mood lately, well maybe not odd for me, I’ve been feeling kind of disconnected from the things around me. Mostly just walking around in the world but living in my head. If I used to be more active on your blog and now seem to have disappeared I just want to let you know, it’s not you it’s me!

Physically I’ve been in so much pain lately that I’m walking around in a constant haze, that’s not helping me to come down to earth either.

I have a pretty big craving for some serious play time but there is no way to put that into effect right now. No I don’t mean sex and kink I mean string me up and push me to my limits type play. The type that leaves you completely out of your head and floating, exhausted …. that type! The type that shocks you back to life. Oh well …

Which reminds me, one of these days I will write about why safewords are necessary and have nothing to do with how much you trust/know each other or how committed you are to letting your dominant lead and not topping. Maybe you don’t play that hard but don’t assume that people with safewords in place are any less connected or committed.

Anyhow, for now I’ll live in my music and get my kicks the best I can! *wink* This pretty much says it all!



Oh what fun-ishment!

I wrote a while back that we were working on getting some more fun and playful connections into our lives. For a while it was a bit difficult, The Bear was really switching from ‘take action’ to ‘just laugh it off’ with no real in between. But practice makes perfect … *giggle*

(We really hadn’t done many playful, fun and obvious or loud anythings in some time due to family circumstance but things are a bit calmer now and so we are adding some things slowly to see how it goes.) 

I find myself lately really enjoying this man who is standing in front of me, this confident and strong figure who acts swiftly and with purpose. He decides what He will tolerate and what He won’t and takes quick action to make it known and follows through. *wink*

Never angry, always fair and oh what fun! *wink*

It has been a lot of fun to have that charge of the Power Exchange without any guilt of real trouble or let down. There are no long periods of available time needed, just a word, a look and an action …. and its really hot!

It’s more than just fun, it’s soothing. The playful stuff puts the real stuff on the forefront of my mind and brings comfort to even the most busy and plain days.

As for now, I think I have tried to sit long enough …. ouchie! *giggle*


Happy Monday All!

Love You Always Sir ❤

Sometimes Rabbits Rush

I did something the other night that when thinking clearly I knew I shouldn’t. I rushed the Bear.

I was unhappy and frustrated about something from the night before (just in general truthfully), I was over tired and over stressed and just plain worn out. Of course my mind had been working overtime for 24 hours and I needed release. None of that was possible and the Bear wasn’t ready to talk, so of course I just kept asking!

Now I’m not taking all the blame here, He could have easily told me to stop, not now, we’ll discuss this later ….. any of those things would have been enough to put me back into following and honestly all I need to get calm again. It really is that simple for me, one word, one action and I’m more than ready to follow Him, but He didn’t so I just kept going. No there were no rude comments, no yelling or anything of that nature but I was asking things I knew He wasn’t ready to handle right then, He was just as worn and tired as me. Yes dominants are human too, go figure.

The answers I got were not what I wanted to hear and they were not what He wanted to give either, I don’t believe, but they did come out. Walking this tight rope between dominant and submissive for me can get to be pretty taxing especially when He’s not at the top of His game, my instincts to step up and take control are instinctual and strong. No I don’t mean overbearing and nagging control freak, I mean the one with the responsibility and carries the weight. The one who guides the way, cares for others and takes the hit when the sh*t hits the fan, because to me that is the dominant side of my personality and I still use it daily when Sir is not here and with things that still fall squarely on my lap. Some things I am simply better suited to handle, life experience has made it so.

The difference between D/s and non-D/s let’s say is that I can and do come to Him with my stress and worry. Before this our relationship was very similar but I kept the burden entirely on MY shoulders. I suppose the short of it is that this is what D/s has changed for me, I now share the burdens of life and can actually stop and put it down at HIS feet once in a while when it gets to be too heavy.

So we had a poorly timed discussion and I went to bed without my collar. Things were just not balanced and neither of us is about pretend or make-believe so that is what was decided.

By morning The Bear came around my side of the bed to touch at will and wish me a good day, He messaged His good morning to me as usual from work later and said ‘nijntje’, I had already put on my day collar and was still wearing my cuffs as usual …..

We had a misstep, a slight shift along the way but neither of us are about over reacting or being rash. So by mid morning and a handful of texts later we were back on track and hopefully have learned something for the next time.

But we really do need to find time to sit down and talk just about us, please Sir. And I really do need some play to release some stress, please too!

I have no idea how that is going to work, the last few months (yes months) every single time we get started someone stops by and interrupts, or the boys need us and find us! Seriously … this has been the better part of the last 12 months. The last time I was hanging from the ceiling it was more of a sexual experience which is fantastic for sure but for me BDSM is a fantastic way to release stress and really has nothing to do with sex, it is not needed and not the goal. (For those reading, obviously The Bear already knows this.) We have lots of kinky sex, but it’s just not the same.

We are never alone, someone is always home, and the things that work well for me are usually rather loud. *sigh* I am still frustrated for sure, but I’m not frustrated with the Bear. Hummm, are you missing it too Bear? Is that why you were off as well? Or is that just me?

Shall we just buy a second home?? *giggle*

Love You Always Sir! ❤



Hanging around

Have you ever done something where you really did surprise yourself?

I admit at first I was a bit worried, we haven’t played quite like this is some time and physically I have had some challenges to overcome. I don’t mean standing, I mean suspended and holding myself up with mostly just my own upper body strength.

Honestly I can’t tell what sticks with me more this time, the play or the fact that I can still do it! *chuckle* Sorry Sir, no offense, the play time was fantastic and a wonderful surprise but things have been pretty difficult lately and this really is one heck of a boost to my ego! 😀

Perhaps we should practice? You know, do it again to be sure it wasn’t a fluke? *wink wink*

Seriously though, it has been a very long time since we have been able to really play due to circumstances beyond our control, now that I got a taste of it I find myself craving more ….. here’s hoping that the stars align again but much more quickly this time!

Happy Tuesday All!

Love You Always Sir! ❤

Cat and mouse

Lately I’ve been trying very hard to get over my hangup of doing everything perfectly and politely and trying to add a bit of mischief to my day. Nothing actually bad or wrong, just more playful naughtiness.

Well this has been a bit of a hit and miss. I’ve managed to come out of my shell and poke and prod the Bear from time to time, get Him smirking and enjoying Himself for certain but ….. well, the ‘repercussions’ are not exactly what I was hoping for!?!

I playfully push the boundaries and get a small reaction so I playfully push a bit further … He sees the twinkle in my eye and the mischief wheels turning and He enjoys the show but forgets to do much about it. Maybe a handful of love taps, through my clothes …. honestly I can’t even feel that. There is certainly no rush of chemicals that makes your tummy swirl and your cheeks rosy, either set. 😛

Tried again last night and after a few such interactions I did get just a bit more action, He used a firmer voice and put me on the floor, ‘no pillow this time bunny’ …. and then, quiet. This is no fun, what’s the point of playing? Is He actually not happy??? *sigh*

If the mouse doesn’t get up to any mischief the Cat has nothing to chase, but if the cat does nothing more than a swat or two into the air there is no reason for the mouse to play.

Still trying to figure out this play thing …..

When everything else in life is good and well and on the right track despite the huge challenges life keeps throwing at us it makes me feel pretty petty to write things like this. It makes me feel like a brat for even mentioning that I would like the Bear to learn to be more inventive and playful in these times. Unfortunately if I say or do nothing then I feel ‘flat’.

Like someone said to me recently, the goofy, playful side keeps the insanity a bay. It really does for me, but without the same level of energy back I feel sheepish and a fool.

Every day that I’m good, and pleasing and out of trouble I get a check on the calendar, I have more than 2 calendars full of check marks …. to me playful naughtiness helps keep the energy where I like it, where it belongs. BDSM was a good way to maintain it but unfortunately anything intense enough is very hard to come by these days.

Now I just feel like I’m whining.

Time to get to the tasks He left me and to my day.

Yup, just yup ….

Another ordinary day, another day of responsibilities and appointments. No corsets, no high heels, no shows to be put on, but we still connected! 😉

The Bear gets up early, before the dawn on a regular basis. Most nights I don’t sleep well so I stay in bed, well after He says good morning (still need to set up that petition) and have a good day as usual. Lately since things have been ‘adjusted’ around here I have been sleeping better, yay!  This morning The Bear was home, we had things to do …

We went to bed early last night because He was tired, I always go to bed and stay in bed with the Bear, not sure if it’s a rule or not but it’s what we’ve done for 23 years, why stop now? If I can’t sleep on the odd occasion then I ask to get up, if He’s sleeping and it’s 2 am then I don’t disturb Him but most often roll around for 2 or 3 hours instead… such is life! Anyhow …

We were in bed early so we were both up before the dawn. Since I’ve decided not to listen to the ‘experts’ and to just ‘do’ instead ….. I guess I’ve gotten good at making my thoughts clear, whether through ‘dance’ or words, what I am thinking is coming across loud and clear! *giggle* And guess what happened?

Yeah, so no stage was set and no costume was worn but it’s a hot Fall in the Great White North and the predawn hours are quite nice when one sneaks out to the detached garage to reconnect and recharge before the kids wake or the people start to stir!

Yup, I think we’ve got this. I could have waited around for orders or did what everyone else says to do, I could have been worried, I could have thought too much  …. but I’m/We’re both happy and fulfilled, all the time. What about you?

I do, He decides …. simple. 😉

Happy Tuesday!

Naughty Rabbits have more fun!

Trying something new ….

Like I said in the last post, the Bear really would be quite happy to have a SAM to ‘handle’. Now becoming nijntje has made me tap into my silly, goofy and playful self that I had put ‘away’ many years ago but I have never been ‘disrespectful’ in any manner, not even in play. By that I mean if the answer is no, than it’s no, you don’t push further or try to convince or whine your way around it, you just accept it and move on. Even if we are in the middle of a goofy fun time if He says anything that sounds like stop, I stop …. problem is sometimes He just wants me to push Him a bit further so He has a ‘reason’ to control me.

Is this making any sense at all or am I just totally off the rails here? I haven’t been in trouble of any sort in well over 2 years and that was basically a totally mental break down, not exactly a daily occurrence. I pretty much do more than expected all the time, I have exceptionally high standards and I am very much a perfectionist. (Don’t worry, it’s not a crack against anyone. It’s really not as glorious as one might think!)

So what does this mean? Well there is nothing to ‘fix’, nothing to ‘address’, nothing to ‘correct’. Nothing to get the sparks flying! In a nut shell, I’m boring to control! 😛

So this new thing, I am going to try to be more *naughty* and give the Bear something to command over. All of this is with permission and an obvious *stop now* system is going to be in place to be sure I stop before it becomes real trouble! I DO NOT LIKE TROUBLE! This is just another version of play …. there can be corrections and eyebrow raising *giggle* without any real trouble in sight. Should keep the Dominant charge going I would think. The poor Bear was getting bored waiting for something to take ‘care of’ and had decided to hibernate I think!

The other plus side of this type of play for us is the sights and sounds triggers that we had to stop due to family circumstances should not be an issue.

As a submissive THIS is what I find to be work because it is outside my nature and even outside of my comfort zone but it is fun and well worth the effort, so this is what we are going to try!

Yesterday morning when the Bear was just getting out of bed we sat and talked and I had my hand draped over Him for a bit and then started rubbing His arm for a bit. He nicely asked me to stop, it made His arm itch the way I was doing it, soooo …… *giggle* I went and rubbed it again! 😉

I couldn’t see the spark in His eyes because it was 4 am and very dark but I sure as heck heard it in His voice and felt it in His hand when He grabbed my arm and said ‘STOP was the order nijntje’! He wasn’t angry (He doesn’t get angry) but He was certainly in control! *giggle*

Later I woke up to a note letting me know that my back side would make amends for the lack of listening as soon as it was possible.  Maybe this being *naughty* thing is going to work out after all! 😀

Again, this is ALL PLAY! We have discussed it, agreed and have safeties in place to make sure both know when play time is over and time to behave is now.

Now let’s see how much naughtiness this lil’ rabbit can come up with!!! *giggle*