Today is a new day.

Having Bear go back to work has s-l-o-w-e-d any obvious kink/D/s to a crawl. Not gone completely, maybe about 60% of the days, but there have been a few factors against us. The days that did involve a more obvious power exchange were still shorter periods of time/intensity than what we had originally discussed. Not that it was a surprise, obviously things changed so plans changed too!

The thing that makes my head spin a bit is that most of the time the PE aspects/orders occur for the time period when he is away! I get it, he’s trying to keep me engaged and occupied while he is away and i appreciate that …… it does feel a bit Bipolar when he gets home and it’s ‘married business/responsibilities’ as usual!

To me one key aspect of being happy in this dynamic is being mindful of what i do have and not focusing only on what i’m not getting that i wish i had. It’s not an easy thing to do, when you have ideas and fantasies and nothing but time to think on them ….. *chuckle* but i am trying!!

Now, i know that i could simply act or do certain things that would probably kick start things at home too. The responsibility for this is not all on his shoulders, it is a two way street and in my opinion that means i need to feed this too.

Like i said though, things get in the way.    *Men may want to skip ahead, female problems ahead! 😛 LoL*

Primarily, i have been in a flareup now for a few weeks/month and i haven’t much energy or ability to do much by the end of day! The couple nights i had hoped to ‘reach over to his side of the bed’ i started bleeding, or so i thought and then it stopped! Gotta love peri-menopause …. never know when/never know how much or how long. The week before things start is always a bad week and now that i’m already in a flare …. yeah it’s been fun! *sarcasm* I have had more kinky plans squashed because of the guessing game that is my cycle these days. Yes, I know you can still if you want to but when i start, it’s like a damn has been broken, not to mention the muscles/cramps become intolerable. Anyhow ….

Yesterday I spent the entire day on the couch, not because of covid, because i am not well. I had plenty of things i wanted to get to but none got done! Sitting around of course just makes me more tired and more sore and the cycle worsens. My ‘everything’ still hurts today but i can’t spend another day on the couch so i’m putting on my submissive thinking cap and trying to figure out what i can do to please him.

Not sure if sex will be on or off the table by the time he gets in, like i said things change in an instant! Sometimes (usually) back again too! *shakes head* But i’m sure i can think of something else he’d enjoy.

He doesn’t expect me to be a service submissive and it’s not like i don’t normally have everything clean and organized, meals made and home well taken care of. All that stuff is just done by whomever happens to be home and able and yes it’s usually me these days but it’s not part of our D/s. It’s simply life responsibilities … plus i might be a bit particular and have some OCD. (No comment needed if you read this, Bear!)

With any luck i’ll get my workout in and get some extra things done. I’m not ‘dressing up’ because we have a chiropractor appointment when he gets in, not really a place to wear a dress! lol The weather has been cold and wet and that keeps my raynaud’s on high making me too cold for that anyway.

Like i said, it’s not easy but i’m trying to focus on what i have and what i can do. Not sure what that will end up being yet but it HAS to be better than sitting on the couch getting more sore and tired!

Happy Friday! ❤

 

 

Peri-menopause, sex, D/s and where it all began!

Seems things are coming back around, i’m not sure, it could just be that i’ve got some extra time these days and/or that i made my ‘resolution‘ and i’ve been sticking to it, or that mental health for everyone seems to be ‘ok’ and we are taking liberties  …. BUT it seems my sex drive is back into high gear! *chuckle*

In the beginning of our journey i’m going to have to say that this ‘journey’ into menopause had a lot to do with why we started this in the first place.

  • increase sex drive
  • decrease ‘giving a cr@p’
  • decrease verbal ‘filter’
  • increase feelings of ‘why am i ‘settling’ instead of getting what i need and want’??

And BOOM! A revelation, i enjoy kink and i’m not waiting any longer! *raspberries* I’m not the type to not act on what i want but the responsibilities of life up until then had been such that me and sex and selfcare had always taken a back seat.

Like most of us, i spent my time taking care of my kids, my husband, my extended family, my job … EVERYTHING but me. I didn’t honestly realize how much i was carrying and how exhausting it was becoming until one day it all just sort of came together.

Unlike those who found D/s or M/s because they wanted to pay more attention and care to their S.O. i actually found D/s so that more care could be put towards ME!

This might not be the way marriage is looked at by all but to me it’s no different than married D/s if you take away the kinky bits.

I remember sometime ago talking to a friend who is also into the lifestyle and at one point through the conversation (we were new to the scene) he mentioned that i needed to remember to think of Bear in my plans and ideas. I was thinking on vacationing and such and he mentioned that i should strive to include things that the Bear might like as well.

I found it a bit odd truthfully and a bit confusing at first. Since the day we met my first concern has always been to make sure we were doing things that He too would like and in a way that would please Him. The Bear has always been my first thought before planning and doing anything …. why would i need to ‘remember’ that?

Then it occurred to me, that’s not the ‘normal’ way of it. I started to notice then how many couples around me never really gave their partner much thought when they were planning or doing things. I started to notice that most actions were ‘me first’ and the rest later.

My experience had always been the opposite. But now i’ve gotten way off topic!! LoL

ANYHOW – with peri-menopause came a huge increase in sex drive and a huge decrease in self denial. For a very long time sex was the main thing on my mind, i swear i was like a horny teenage boy, one track mind and no intention of trying to think about anything else! *chuckle* Fun times indeed!

After a while things started to normalize (darn) but i’m noticing another *change* because that happens often with the menoBeast. Physical issues/symptoms are changing and so is my drive. It’s not that i’ve ever had a low libido but when it ramps up, look out!

The timing is good as far as other responsibilities are concerned and i’m enjoying as much as i can. I’ve embraced putting myself out there and just ‘doing’ and Bear has embraced giving me tasks and things to ‘remember Him by’. There are still things i’d like to experience but i don’t feel like i’m missing anything right now.

Life is still full of responsibility and interruption but we’re making the best of any free moment and we’re just enjoying our life and our dynamic. And the sex has been pretty damn good too!! LoL

Probably not what you’re used to reading when you search D/s but there you have it!

Bear went and got poison ivy again …. seems i must be immune! Or just very good at some how avoiding all His spots …. *chuckle*

❤ n

Menopause and D/s, again!

Every time i write about this it really makes me laugh. Why? Well because when we were first searching out a network to learn and communicate with we ran into one such site that was less than helpful.

It was okay if you were interested in sex, and sex, and pics and more sex …. there was certainly plenty of inspiration that way but we were looking for something more than just the sex.

I (mostly, since Bear never did like being on the PC much) was hoping to find a more well rounded approach, where we could talk about and consider all aspects of life, and yes D/s as well. Let’s face it, if you live 24/7 365 there are bound (sorry! *giggle*) to be many times when other things take precedence and kneeling or kinking it up are just not the things keeping your D/s together. Or so we think anyway ….

Anyhow, i did manage a few conversations with a few ladies and a gentleman that were much more in depth BUT i was told very firmly that ‘menopause has nothing to do with D/s’ and so shall never be brought up again! LoL

Yeah …. right!  *chuckle*

I’ve written of it a few times, and now things seem to be ramping up for me again so i am writing again. If this MenoBeast wants to be done any time now would be awesome …. but alas!

It’s not just about your cycle when it comes to peri-menopause, it’s also about a very large variety of other symptoms. I’m not going into all of them now, they are just too many to go through but i will tell you the most obvious plaguing me at the moment that has EVERYTHING to do with my D/s! 😛

Breast tenderness!! I don’t know about you all but for us that’s a pretty big part of Bear’s play area! *wink*

Right now they feel and are swollen, heavy and painful. The thing I lose first chance i get after work is normally my bra …. not so much right now! They hurt like h3ll! They feel like boulders trying to rip their way out of my skin. Yeah Bear might think the extra size is pretty cool right now but it comes with a high price.

In the shower it feels like i’m being flogged with a very fine tailed, sharp metal tipped flogger. This might sound interesting i admit, at least to me, but with no ‘warm up’?? Ummm, NO!

You want me to lay on my belly?? Ummm, no thank you …

You want me on my back? Ummmm, still ouch! No thank you ….

You want to do what?? and bounce me around this way and that?? Ummm, still no thank you …

Pins, clamps, wheels … etc., etc., etc., …. no matter what move or position i’m afraid they come with … and aside from a heavy duty bra, which barely keeps things manageable, nothing helps right now.

Any of you moms who have ever nursed and became engorged, yeah that, now you know what i’m talking about. But there is no milk to ‘let down’ and be gone! UGH

Sure, He can technically do whatever He likes, I have already given Him that right but it doesn’t seem to excite Him much when i’m screaming out and real, non-sexual pain! For some reason that doesn’t have the same affect, go figure.

So, i’m going to say that yes, it does in fact affect my D/s right now, especially the sexual aspect of it. I’m not exactly feeling overly sexy or sexual and anything asked of me is certainly going to come from a different mindset than the preferred one.

It would have been nice to find a community of other women also trying to be ‘sexy submissives’ and deal with this too, to commiserate with. If this isn’t something worthy of working through in order to maintain a good and happy mindset and dynamic than i don’t know what is.

Peri-menopause is a roller coaster ride physically and mentally. Things come and go on a moments notice and unwanted pain is just the tip of the iceberg. And it’s been almost 10 years in the making for me so far. Anytime now mother nature ….

Oh, He’s also opt’d to remove my night time leather collar for now. The leather around my neck combined with night sweats was making it so i didn’t get much sleep. I was constantly waking up drenched! Just removing the leather strap from around my neck has brought my temperature down just enough that I can sleep, sort of, when i’m not rolling onto this sore bit or that!

*chuckle* No, nope, i’m sure none of this would have anything to do with anyone’s relationship …. D/s or not!

 

‘Kinky’ side effects!

I wanted to post this here, even if it is slightly embarrassing, in hopes of maybe helping someone else.

I wrote a bit ago about my need for a rule involving working out. I needed to get some motivation back and for me, having it as a rule is really all the push i need to get back on track.

Now what I didn’t mention is that part of the workout rule involves wearing ben wa balls for the duration.

Why you ask? Is it simply to keep me focused on being His submissive and help keep me ‘in the mood’? Well, no actually. Although the focus could very well be a D/s one, in this case the reason was much more mechanical. *wink*

They come in all shapes and sizes, some like these, some vibrate, some made of metal. They come in differing weights and of course any choice of colour!

For many years now i have been holding myself back from doing things that i love to do. Things like running (which i can’t do now anyway because of other issues) and dancing and just simply getting involved in other forms of exercise/sports that I enjoy. Thanks to peri-menopause any overly active movement will cause bladder leakage. I know, oh sooo sexy, right?

I wrote a long time ago about possibly trying some of the things out there to help strengthen and regain control but up until this point i hadn’t. The reason exactly i don’t know. At first i think it was a ‘toy’ issue. Since i wasn’t allowed to touch or play without expressed permission and the ben wa balls kind of do come under that category, i had a mental block you could say.

Add to that my own personal hangups for whatever the reason and it just simply never happened. My brain knew it was worth a try but my hangups wouldn’t let me. As a rule however …… well, you know the drill, for some reason everything changes, it all becomes okay.

You can start with one size and weight and then move to a more intense pelvic exercise by changing them up. I have a few different options and i think i will be asking to move to another set soon. I started with the silicone type that has better hold on its own but i will be trying the metal ones soon. I plan on starting with one larger ball first and then working up to two when i’m ready. The next step will be to change the size to a smaller one, which will be more work to hold and then of course two etc. …. I think you get the idea.

So …. we attended a concert this past weekend and I GOT TO DANCE! I danced a lot!!! I danced to my heart’s contentment and I never leaked, not even a little bit! *grin*

When I got home the first thing I mentioned was that ‘i got to dance Sir, and i never pee’d!! Not even a little … ‘

He had a hardy chuckle from my enthusiasm and wording but He also gave me a great big Bear hug and was very happy as well. Lots of words of praise and lots of rejoicing with me ….

Most of you know by now how important music is to my life. Dancing and really feeling it is part of that for me as well. Being able to just finally let go and enjoy the moment is a wonderful accomplishment.

If this little tidbit of information helps someone else to help themselves with this issue than it is worth the slight embarrassment on my part! I use them for about half an hour on the elliptical and ski machine combined. There seems to be plenty of bouncing around between the two workouts to make it effective and it seems to be helping me to do the same afterwards without leakage! *wink*

 

Peri menopause, dynamic, sex drive!

I left a comment for someone that has spurred on this post.

I’ve written before about how going into peri menopause put my sex drive through the roof! Running around like a horny teenager all the time … a one track mind for sure!

I had this same conversation with a few vanilla friends so I might just as well leave it here again as well. *chuckle* Why not, eh??

Peri menopause certainly ramped up my sex drive, although I have always had a high appreciation for the ‘dance’! *giggle* But does that crazy level of ‘gotta have it now!!!” last for ever?

Well, the short answer would be no, not really.

The urgency and running around like a teenager has mellowed out, partially the balancing out of hormones and partially maturing in the dynamic. The truth is that in the beginning you tend to surround yourself with all sorts of sexual content and so your drive stays high. Might be a bit of a false high I suppose. It’s also new and exciting which makes it easy to be always ‘on’.

As time goes by it becomes more like everything else in life, the more you pay attention and work at it, the better it will be. Don’t put any energy into it and you will get exactly that back out ….

The dynamics and kink are certainly a great start and a lot of fun BUT they are not a miracle, or cure for any relationship or issue.

This relationship is just like any other in the terms that it’s shiny and new in the beginning and very easy to stay on top of and maintain. As you move forward it will either mature and strengthen or it will fade into the background leaving you sullen and wondering what happened?

In many cases the answer is easy. Life happened, you let it happen and didn’t invest the same energy and care as you did in the beginning and so it has taken a back seat.

Don’t make the mistake of thinking it’s just the dominant’s responsibility to keep it alive and fresh, or just the submissive’s … this is a partnership and you each have a role to play.

The Bear has been busy at work and I have been a bit down and out physically as well. Our energy levels as well as our alone time have also taken a hit. I suppose I could sit back and wait and expect Him to take this on Himself and give our kinky time a kick in the butt to start ….

I can also plan a bit of a surprise myself and add a bit of fuel to the fire from my side. It’s not leading or topping it’s energy and attention to something be both crave.

Whining and sulking and trying to manipulate the situation is different, this is me saying ‘Hey Sir, would you like to play??’ he gets to take it from there, it’s still His choice but everyone could use a bit of motivation now and again! *wink wink*

So a bit of a mix between menopause and just life in general but for me they are one in the same!

Love You Always, Sir!  ❤