Of Nietzsche, BDSM and lil’Rabbits!

I’ve been reading Friedrich Nietzsche and life is affording me some time to explore and play with my kinky side and so i’ve been musing.

Early into “Thus Spoke Zarathustra”, Nietzsche has his character go into a monologue about the different incarnations of self … more or less. This concept hasn’t left me since reading about the camel, the lion and the child. So many of the visuals used are the very same as the ones i have used throughout my life, and stages too! Reading it has been like ‘coming home’ in a sense, … but onward! *chuckle*

I’m not going into great detail from the book, i know you can all read it for yourselves if you chose, no need for me to ramble on. I am going to muse on how i see it being so in line with my experience of life so far.  😀 And, how it ties into my D/s relationship.

The camel being the first stage, the stage where you carry the load of life, do what’s expected and carry on without much thought or worry of self. You take on the challenges around you and deal with whatever crap gets thrown your way, in my case anyway!

Next stage is the lion, the stage of strength and determination. Where you fight the good fight, find your truth and inner strength and learn how to stand on your own two feet, say ‘NO’ when it’s appropriate, fight your dragon! *smirk* yup, he said that! (Some of you might find this as amusing as i do if you’ve followed a while!)

The next and final stage, the child. The child is important and more powerful than the other two but can not come to be without the others first. The child can make everything fresh and new, “is innocence and forgetting, a new beginning, a game, a self-propelled wheel, a first movement, a sacred ‘Yes’.” The thought finishes with, “the spirit now wills his own will, and he who had been lost to the world now conquers his own world.”

This is all very simple paraphrasing and the story goes on much further and deeper.

What i know is the it matches nicely with the stages of life i have been through and the ‘child’ fits well into what D/s has helped me accomplish. Now i’ve said before that i am not ‘little’, i don’t have a regression or age i like to slip into. I do however have my lil’Rabbit, my bunny.

When all is right with my world i easily find myself in an innocent feeling space. It’s an energy that comes naturally and feels fresh and new and allows for new experiences and new memories to be made. Forgiveness perhaps, acceptance definitely and a weightless way of being, of living without fear, shame or worry.

Now just because ‘bunny’ (Nietzsche’s child) is innocent and ‘light’ doesn’t mean it’s not powerful, because you see it has carried the weight of the camel and faught the fight of the lion. It knows it’s own worth and capabilities and has grown beyond even that, to be strong enough to let it all go and ‘live’.

This part of life i don’t know if i would have been able to achieve without first having the safety of knowing that if i let it all go i was doing it in the safety of having Him watch over me. It came to be from the security of His dominance.

So yeah, just musing on a Monday!

 

So many possibilities, so why enjoy just one?

Since getting smacked in the face with the fact that I needed more ‘respite’ we have been experimenting and involving new and old ‘forgotten’ methods of trying to get the job done. Things that are either much more intense more quickly or simply able to be done quietly! We’ve been making great progress but I have no intention of stopping. So this has had me thinking on the different aspects of my personality.

I remember when we started looking into making a change I went and took some of those online ‘tests’ that tell you what your tendencies are. The things that stick in my head are 100%Warrior, 100% submissive (sexually) and the next highest score was pet ….. now that got me thinking! I couldn’t quite see where that came from because I really have no interest in pet play or acting like an animal. Not that there is anything wrong with those dynamics it just wasn’t something I found enticing so I couldn’t figure out where the score was coming from. I dug deeper ….

When I started to see the types of things it encompassed it started to make sense. I still don’t identify as a ‘pet’ but I do enjoy certain aspects of the dynamic, namely collars and leashes, sitting on the floor, curling up and having my hair stroked etc. …. and of course the bunny! *wink*

I find that the farther I get into this life the more the bunny becomes part of my day-to-day. It has for a while as you can tell by the progression of this site. The bunny responds to the Bear, nijntje responds to Sir and there is another side that comes out when things are very stressful but I stay away from the label because I have seen some very disturbing ideals of what that is, and yet some others use it to sound like they are better than the rest ….. sometimes a term will sneak out but I try actively to stay away from it most days so you’ll have to bear with me. I hope this makes sense, it’s our preference. But anyway ….

The bunny that comes out to play doesn’t really have many pet like qualities, instead it is small, funny and goofy, it likes nose wiggles and *raspberries*, it hops about giggling and sometimes even a bit ‘naughty’ in ways that make the Bear laugh! The bunny is most definitely a break from the crazy stress and responsibility from the everyday.

The bunny is the part of me that I hid away probably about the time I had kids I would say. There were too many other things needing attention and fun play time was hard to come by. It was time to focus and work for the kids and their well-being and I suppose that was the earliest glimpses of the slow shift from being partners to me taking on all the responsibility in life. Eventually the shift became too lopsided and eventually we ended up here!

So I’ve been trying to figure out just what is ‘bunny’ anyway? Not that it matters much what the label is but it does matter in understanding and acknowledging because the bunny has different needs and abilities than the rest of my personality.

The deepest darkest part is only at peace in some hard-core BDSM and a deep state of ‘floating’, anything else is just harmful as I have found out. *sigh* It leaves me unfinished and on edge, not good.

The everyday 24/7 nijntje, the Warrior, carries much responsibility, makes decisions daily and takes care of whatever life throws this way. The nijntje will always follow Sir but has no worry when it comes to picking up and moving forward, in anything.

Then there is bunny, the name might still be nijntje at times but the way Bear says it is different and the response is normally not Sir, it’s Bear! This side makes no decisions, has no worries and simply enjoys being …. Everything else is ‘a Bear problem’ to work out. 😉 And as I said, this is the silly, goofy side that is more playful and free than anything else. The bunny doesn’t have sex or BDSM on the brain and trying to tap into that without time to switch gears is not good. The bunny isn’t ‘little’ and it isn’t ‘pet’ but it does have needs of its own and that’s why it’s important to recognize and respect.

 

I can switch gears pretty quickly, usually, when things are handled right and exploring the multiple aspects of my personality has made it possible to do that, without causing damage to me or our relationship.

Sometimes the switch just doesn’t happen, it’s important to know and respect that too!

A ‘little’ or not …… about a lot!

Oh boy, where to start! Just the idea of writing this makes my head ache but truth is I have seen in my travels some who have tried to deal with this thought and for some reason or other disappeared. It’s a thought that did throw me for a loop. for a minute anyway before I got a grip and moved on. The people I was talking to at the time didn’t help, they also were the reason for the manners post …. if that gives you any idea of where I was. Anyway …!

Everyone says your dynamic should be your own, unique and special and such, but the second you vary from their definition they try to pull you in a direction that you don’t want or are not comfortable with, your head aches (told yah!) and you are lost and feel like running!

I’ll tell you now, this is not meant to be offensive to any of you, it is not meant as a judgement on titles, labels or dynamics but it is however a different take ….. I am not intolerant of anyone’s kink, that is not what I’m about here and if that’s all you get out of this post, well than you have totally missed the mark! So be it.

So on with it than, some time ago, well a long time ago actually when I finally found the man I wanted to marry there was this ‘thing’ that I started to feel first. It was the thing that told me I wanted Him as a partner and that no other would do. I didn’t have a name for it, really didn’t matter. My shunning of labels and need to be myself is not new to D/s, it’s just a me thing. Probably best I didn’t know anything about these labels and dynamics actually because if I did it would have totally wigged me out! I know me back then, I would have run and hid so deep I’m not even sure that the Bear would be able to find me, not back then. I’m sure you are all very confused by now, it’s about to get more so ….

I am not ‘little’ but I am most certainly His ‘little girl’! I do not call Him daddy, the idea to me is repulsive, again this is not about you, it’s about my own experience growing up. The word daddy doesn’t give me a warm soft feeling, it makes me put on my warrior armor and prepare for battle.

I don’t use the term ‘daddy’ but I have my Bear.  My Bear is when I’m feeling small and playful and/or in need of a rest from the harshness and responsibility of the world. My Bear is when I need a bit more softness and a place to cuddle into and rest. Bear takes care of the little girl, ugh see ‘girl’! ;P He regularly calls me little girl or little one or bunny, I don’t mind I actually quite like it, it’s how we made it work for us.
The main difference I suppose is that I got that feeling from Him before we even married, that was the one that was beginning to hide away when things were not balanced here in the house 5 years or so ago, before we started doing this ‘thing’.
We have a picture that is Sir’s most favourite of all time, once we started this ‘thing’ He realized why it has always been His favourite. It was at the pre wedding party a few weeks before we married, my head is on His chest and I guess I look very peaceful and comfortable to Him even with all the people and commotion about. And of course my side was as ‘lovely’ as always at the time ….
He sees now what He didn’t have a name for then, He sees His little girl leaning into Him for comfort and support, hiding away from all the rest. He still looks at it now and then and tells me ‘it was always there wasn’t it’? Yup! That’s why I married the Bear …
So yes I get it, the Bear takes care of me in a way no one else ever has, I don’t care for diapers or baby talk or binkies! I do like stuffed animals though and He will get them for me from time to time to see my smile but I don’t sit and play with them. I’m not childish or bratty but I do get very goofy and playful especially when things are balanced as they have been as of late, even with all the outside noise of life.
It’s not about an ‘age’ it’s about a level of comfort.
No matter where or what, if the Bear sees the little girl in need everything gets dropped and she gets cared for first – rules, rituals and what have you can wait, she is more important.
He doesn’t like Master so I will refer to Him as your ‘Evilness’ when that’s what I need and He calls me “****” (I’ll let you figure that out yourself), most often I call Him Sir and He says nijntje, but as of late it’s been bunny or little girl and the Bear … simple but effective way to let each other know what we need at any moment. For us it works. 😀
Makes sense though if you think on it … Big Bear and little bunny ….
Mine was squashed so badly as a child that I tried to literally cut it out for most of my teens, I didn’t just go to adult armor I went full on warrior, but in the end the ideals are the same.
I don’t call Him daddy, I can’t, it doesn’t work for me, it doesn’t suit …. the label says I need an ‘age’ to identify with, I don’t. I’m a grown woman looking for a few minutes of rest from someone who is able and willing to protect and nurture this inner self that really has never been cared for before.
No I am not a ‘little’ but I am most certainly His little girl. He is not my daddy, my brain can’t deal with that, but He is my Bear! Sometimes the polar and sometimes the teddy! 😉 always my Bear!

Thoughts? Questions?