I’m feeling a bit ‘off’ today. Feeling like i’m not really here!?!? Does that make sense to anyone….
I’m walking around in almost a daze, just doing things, whatever needs doing but not really focused.
I wish i could say it’s just that my mind is elsewhere but my mind is always elsewhere!
Trying to do all the things that are supposed to be ‘submissive’ but i am certainly not feeling it. I’m just floating along, letting time and life pass by. Not feeling particularly D/s lately … whatever that’s supposed to be. Not sure i care, that’s probably the most pressing part. Not in a bad way, it’s not a ‘new’ thing so it hasn’t been in the ‘oh wow‘ state for a long while.
It’s just an odd state ….. i’ve been doing all these things since the beginning of time anyway … the only difference is this collar and these cuffs. I’ve never been one for symbolism although i know He likes it/them.
My leather night collar is getting tangled up in my hair now that it’s longer. That’s kind of annoying … anyone else experience that? Anywho…
I’ve made the bed and tidied the room. The kitchen is mostly organized, i need to do it in stages, my hands can’t handle all at once these days.
Still need to get my workout in …. need to pick up the kid from school first.
Will i vacuum again today? Probably, two big dogs, two cats and a bunch of kids make a big mess … daily! LoL
The glass tables can probably use a wipe down, it’s been a few days. I’m just sitting here staring. Well typing …..
We have plans all day Saturday, not sure if i’m looking forward to it or not. People …. not sure why i’m mentioning that. See, strange space.
I just keep rubbing my face with both hands, hoping to massage myself back to ‘life’?? Don’t know.
I haven’t been this stuck in my head in a while ….. i don’t feel particularly connected to anything at the moment. Let’s hope it passes before work this afternoon.
[Update: Just got back from getting the youngest. Feeling a bit more alive, good thing. Driving should probably be done when you’re ‘alive’! LoL]
He hasn’t left me any ‘tasks’ in some time, i have been working most days in the past few weeks. We don’t get to play … not at all lately. A few swatts here and there over the weekend but that is not adding up to much right now.
He did decide to swatt my butt a few dozen times in the back porch this weekend. Stopped to wave up at the crazy neighbours window, just in case she was watching!! :O Then kept going … that was fun, and a bit subby making. We have 6 backyard neighbours and the greenery hasn’t filled in yet!!!!
But that didn’t lead anywhere either.
At least i feel like my feet are touching the ground now. Maybe i can get back to reality before He gets home. Then perhaps some mischief??? *shrug* I guess we’ll see … i doubt it though. Things just have not worked out lately.
I don’t feel any ‘rush’ of excitement. I’m not really the type of person to ‘feel’ things anyway. I’m very pragmatic, my driving force is logic not emotion. It’s taking a lot of energy to stay out of my head these days.
I hadn’t thought of it before but BDSM seems to help me stay connected to my ’emotional’ side. Makes things a bit more complete for me i guess you could say.
Hmmm. Who know …. a bit of a downer today, sorry.
Well, best be off while i can still feel the ground beneath my feet!