The Dance

The more submission I offer, the more dominant you become. it’s the dance of our relationship and sometimes it’s more active and sometimes it’s almost standing still, but it’s always a dance.

 

Image result for dancing with fire
Fire Dance Show/Costa Rica

I have never been of the opinion that ‘if only you were more dominant, then I could be more submissive’. I don’t honestly think that’s the way it works, although I have heard it said many times …. I believe that the true person in control of the relationship is the submissive, because at the end of the dance a simple safe word stops ALL, period!

The submissive decides how far they are willing to go, how far they will follow and when they will stop. The submissive ultimately puts up the parameters and provides the play yard for the dominant to use and enjoy …. but it starts and ends with the submissive.

So if I want you to be more dominant and use more of your strength in leading this dance, then I must offer up more submission and put myself in a position to follow.

Image result for hands offering

Submission is offered after all, not taken ….. Mine is given to you Sir, do with it what you will, and as you wish! ❤

Love You Always Sir ❤

 

His From the Beginning

In the 21 years that we have been together I think I have been to the grocery store less than a handful of times by myself, and I have gone pretty much every week. Sir always drives ….

In 21 years I have slept by myself twice, a couple of years a ago Sir told me to go on a trip away with a friend, we were gone 2 nights. He knew I needed the time for a variety of reasons, too many and too much to go into detail but He did and so I went. The twice includes the nights at the hospital when having the boys, He stayed with me both times …. the first time I was stuck in the hospital longer due to complications, He still stayed.

Promotions have been turned down for family, we have plenty of time to be away when the boys are bigger and no longer at home. It has even been discussed that if His job still wants Him overseas then I will simply quit mine and go along …

We have sat together for dinner every single night in the past 15 years outside of illness. Shift work used to be a problem but it has been straight days and Monday to Friday almost exclusively for 15 years and counting. If working a weekend was not avoidable we were always home for dinner.

One never goes out without the other, if family or friends see us alone they know that something is ‘wrong’. We go for a walk together almost every night weather and health permitting.

I don’t ever remember going anywhere or doing anything without first asking Him what He thought and if it was okay. I have cooked supper pretty much every day we have been together unless we decided together to go somewhere or order in, unless Sir decided on His own He wanted something different.

We have always talked about everything and made every decision together, Sir has always had final say, even if He didn’t realize it. I have never bought anything without His knowing and before D/s I would actually buy less, He didn’t realize I was waiting on approval. (Neither did I, in a real sense.)

Outside of the menopausal/breakdown-ish time of about 6 months in our lives when my mind was just a bit crazy and Sir was so distant, I have never yelled, been angry or been rude to my husband, I had never disregarded His wishes and I had never, or have never since, not thought of Him first. (I yelled at Him once …. )

I remember distinctly my first and only time when my mind said ‘I wonder what He would like, you know what, I don’t care … it was the lowest low for me and I was almost physically sick with the realization. It was just weeks before bringing this idea to Him because that’s when I knew something was off for me. And that’s when I knew something had to change …. so I researched, tried to figure out what was going wrong and why we were drifting apart.

Some where in my ‘travels’ I realized that He didn’t think I needed Him, that He didn’t think He was important, D/s makes Him know the truth.

I don’t know what you want to call what we were before, to me the only real change is that now we have a ‘name’ and Sir can be certain because we also have some symbols to prove it and serve as a reminder.

He has always been Him and I have always been me with Him …. You might say we have been lucky, I say we have choosen wisely, prioritized …..

Love You Sir ❤

 

 

Guilt

I figured out my own guilt long ago, I put it into perspective and I moved forward …

There is not much now that I feel guilty for doing, most of it stems from taking from Sir instead of giving but honestly most of that is gone too.

I’ve given myself parameters and core rules to follow, it helps to have those when you are caught in the thick of it. Life is like one large BDSM stage, if you have it all talked over and agreed upon before you start, all you need now do is follow your own limits!

If you disregard them you will surely regret it, but if you don’t you will be happy and fulfilled and continue to grow ….

BDSM is almost a natural state for me …. very surprised I didn’t start it sooner! (Well maybe I did, but it was self-administered and not at all safe.)

With experience comes wisdom I guess ….

Love You Sir ❤

 

 

Confidence and Age = Sexy

I’ve always been very strange in this thought I know …. probably because of my history but I have never once thought that I would like to be young again, I have never once wished for the good old days ….

Now I know when you are little you always wish to be bigger so you can just stay up a few more minutes, or you can just play with a few more ‘big’ toys or you can just have a bit more freedom, etc. etc. …. I did all that too, but it never stopped for me!

When I was a teen (very young teen) I wanted to be old enough to move out on my own, when I was in my 20’s and married and babies I couldn’t wait to be 30, that’s when I would no longer be pregnant, no longer be nursing and my body would be my own again. When I was in my 30’s I couldn’t wait for 40, the kids are bigger, self-sufficient and I have more time to play in life. I can read (love it), I started writing, I can’t decorate cakes like I used to because of my carpal tunnel and tendonitis but I can bake, and I love to experiment with my cooking! I get to have dogs again because I have time to walk them and train them and I can start to take care of just me again!

Don’t get me wrong, my life has been great since my twenties and there is nothing really there I would want to change or do over (0 to 20 is a different story but I wouldn’t anyway because my experiences have made me who I am and I’m very happy with who I am) but I am not afraid of getting older and I am not worried about what I used to look like.

Every year I get more confident and happy in my own skin and every year I get sexier and sexier …. Sex appeal is just as much about confidence and attitude as anything else.

Not me, not yet anyway! 😉

So now in my 40’s I am eagerly awaiting 50! The boys will be away at school, maybe working by then and I should be semi retired by then if not completely. I will have plenty of time for me, and lots of story book kinky fun times with Sir! By then there might not be many other responsibilities and all sorts of time to dedicate to Him ….

Perspective, getting older is awesome! 😀

Can’t change it anyway, might as well be happy about it, don’t you think?

Love You Sir ❤

 

Well, there’s this one thing ….

So I have been thinking about this for a little while, thinking about letting you all in on a little secret. I have wondered if perhaps it would help those of you who have been following to get a better picture of what my life really is. There are a couple of you who already know …..

I have, or had, dedicated this site to my dynamic with Sir only. None of the regular goings on of daily life are documented here, or at least they weren’t until I felt like my hand was forced in order to prove that yes I too have lots of other ‘life’ to deal with. The rest of my daily thoughts are posted on a different blog, a blog that has absolutely nothing to do with the dynamic and everything to do with everything else …..

I have thought of merging the two together but not all my followers on the Babadook are going to be interested in my dynamic and frankly I have no intention of pushing my values in this on anyone who is not actively asking. Not everyone who wants to read about Sir and nijntje wants to read about my dogs, or kids, history or garden either … So I will leave it to you!

If you choose to check out nijntje’s Babadook I would suggest starting at the beginning and working your way up. It started as a very frustrated and angry site where I was reliving some of my not so nice childhood memories and dealing with some of the crappy people that have surrounded my life for years. You’ll see very quickly that I just couldn’t maintain that attitude, not even on line …. so I changed it. The posts got to be a little philosophical for a bit and then they just became about whatever happened to be going on at the time.

I do still use the site to vent my frustrations and likely those posts won’t be understood by anyone but Sir, mostly because they do come off as very out of character, or at least I think they do … but it is an outlet for my occasional crazy, so that it doesn’t get to rule me.

Happy Saturday!

Love You Sir ❤

 

 

Friday morning fishing ….

Every work day morning Sir comes around to my side of the bed around 4:30 am, traces my body with His hand from toe to top. Slowly …. feeling my lines, deciphering which way I’m lying in the dark, sometimes He lingers in a place, or two! 😉

Once He reaches the top He places a kiss on my forehead and whispers something about the day in my ear …. today however the Bear got caught! It was a surprise attack by the bunny!! LOL

I reached out and grabbed Him close and squished Him to me and said “You stay …. ?!?!” I could feel the smile spread over His lips.

‘Ah that’s nice nijntje’ He says to me ‘but I’m afraid it’s catch and release!’

Hummm, I’m going to have to set up a petition!

Happy Friday!

Love You Sir ❤

Not any label – just us.

I’m not sure if this is just in my head or if the feeling I’m getting from some is correct (I said some not all before anyone else gets all fired up), but just in case there is any confusion out there in blog land I’d like to set a couple of things straight.

First off this blog is basically an online diary for my Sir’s reading and understanding of where my mind is on any given day. I may or may not be in a ‘mood’ due to whatever is going on around me and this helps me to put it to words and Him to know what’s going on inside my head.

Just as I learn and grow, so too do my thoughts and writings. When I’m going through something they will likely be more frustrated and preachy sounding and when I’m relaxed they will likely be more even keel and relate-able to anyone out there. Please remember if you choose to take a peek inside my diary that this is in no way a tutorial, it’s in no way a ‘how to manual’ it is simply my thoughts and feelings at the time.

If you’d like to ask a question or make a comment as to what I’m doing or feeling than please do, but I am not however interested in a debate about what others do or why what I do might not suit them. I already know that there are many, many ways for people to run and live their own lives. There are many others who wouldn’t agree with a thing I have to say, and if that’s the case then that’s fine, but why are you reading my thoughts then?

I am very different than most people when it comes to my thoughts and actions, off the top of my head I can honestly only think of one other person that might understand me without much explanation. (Excluding Sir who has known me personally and intimately for over 20 years now.) I have no delusions that what I say or think is going to be perfectly understood by anyone else reading it, you are not in my shoes and you likely have a very different way of living, but this blog is still not a debate, it’s just my views and sentiments.

So from now on let’s just say I’m not D/s or DD or submissive or into ttwd or any other combination of letters you might have floating around in your head. This is just my life as a wife who wants to please her husband in any way He deems right. In return I expect to be cared for and protected to the best of His ability and in the mean time we will do our best to live happily ever after.

I never have liked labels, they often seem to cause so many more issues than they solve.

Love You Sir ❤

 

Now more than ever

I wanted to tell you what I see and how I see this D/s in our lives Sir and feel free to let me know if I’m way off the mark. I had a terrible night’s sleep for a variety of reasons but I will try to keep this as intelligible as possible.

I suppose I always have run against the grain and in this I am no different, I hazard to say that in you I have found the perfect ‘partner in crime’. The common consensus (at least that I have been able to find) is that when the going gets tough and things get complicated in life for one or both partners, then the D/s aspect is often toned down or put aside until which time the couple/person chooses to reset and restart.

That might be the general way of it but I’m going to suggest that it is exactly the opposite of what you should be doing, and it is the opposite of what we do. The more complicated and more difficult things get around us the more we rely on the D/s aspects of our lives to pull us together and make it through.

Being in charge and being my dominant gives you confidence and determination. Knowing that I am looking to you and counting on you gives you the will and power to keep going and struggle through whatever it is that is trying to bring you down. Because you know I trust you enough and need you enough and count on you enough you refuse to let yourself give in or give up.

No matter how crazy or how hard things get around you, knowing that you have me here waiting gives you balance and structure in an otherwise unbalanced world. Being my dominant keeps you grounded and fulfilled, putting that aside when times get tough would only serve to defeat and tear you down faster than any stresses. Keeping your role in this home consistent makes all the other chaos easier to manage, not harder.

Being your submissive, even in trying times gives me strength and peace. Knowing I have at least this much that I can count on and rely on gives me balance in life when everything else around me is in chaos. The more crazy and complicated things get out there the more I count on and rely on the consistency and structure in ‘here’.

Continuing to be my Sir gives you confidence and determination. Continuing to be your nijntje brings me strength and peace. Being who we are in the face of difficult times keeps us both balanced and grounded. If this is truly who we are, why would we put that aside in times of trouble? We run to our ‘places’ not away from them.

Dividing was what we did when we were still unaware of D/s and how it affected us, dividing is what we did when we dabbled with vanilla. Now that we know better we ‘bump up our game’ in times of trouble, it keeps us both strong and able to carry on. Putting away our D/s would be putting away our unity and strength, for us that would be the worst thing to do, not the right thing.

So maybe going against the grain IS the way of it, or maybe I just married Superman! 

I’m not interested in telling anyone what to do, I’m just explaining what we do.

Love You Sir Always ❤

Happy Friday Eve Sir!

Getting excited for the weekend again 😀 you did a good job of helping me shake the grumpies … I like it much better this way!

Is it bad that I want it all? I want the deep meaningful connection, and I want to be everything for you and make sure all your needs are met AND I want you to rock my world in bed, and make me the happiest girl on the planet!

Sometimes I get the impression that a few people out there think you can’t do both. Why can’t I be at your service and meet your every need at the same time have all mine met as well? Where is it written that you can only either serve successfully or take care of yourself successfully? Of all the books ever burnt, I say that should have been one …!

As for me, I’m perfectly happy being perfectly happy and meeting all your needs and desires at the same time. But then, I never was one to follow the crowd ….

Love You Always Sir ❤

 

Things that make you Sir …

I’ve been thinking about the truly important things that make you my dominant, my Sir. The things that mean so much more than kink or sex or formal protocols …

Being a dominant is a lot of hard work, at least being my dominant is. I don’t follow just anyone … hell I don’t follow anyone period! If you’re not good enough, no I won’t follow you! It’s that simple. I’m a warrior, I’m a dominant and YES my dominant has to have all those qualities and more for me to be submissive, for me to follow HIM.

Some might say that maybe I’m not a true submissive, well maybe you’re right, I’m not! To anyone else I wouldn’t be. There is only one for me, there is only you Sir.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I reassess or constantly challenge or need to forever decide to submit. That is not the warrior personality at all, once I decide upon a Dominant I stick to my choice, but my choice was not made lightly. I’m saying that it takes a very special, strong and stable person in order to earn the title.

Now that you have earned it you have excelled in all aspects of that title Sir! You take care of me emotionally and physically. You actively pay attention to what’s going on around me so that you can help manage and guide my way through life. You stay close enough to be responsible for me but hold back far enough to let me explore and grow. You pick me up when I just can’t seem to find the strength to keep going and you make me feel like your one and only.

You don’t shy away from your responsibilities even when they might make you uncomfortable, you don’t put me off and you don’t shut yourself off from me. I can see that you are constantly challenging yourself to be better …. and you make me want to be better too!

You are so much more than ropes and chains and kinky sex Sir, and it’s been much too long since I gave you a proper thank you!

Love You Always ❤