Simple Things

In my last post I expressed how girls are girls across the board, regardless of dynamic. This is just one example, very simple, very short, no planning and not kinky, but oh so effective!

One of the quickest ways for Sir to claim my mind, and than of course every thing else follows suit! I don’t suggest you start with this though if you already have a huge rift, best to work on that slowly first! 😉

I usually make it a point of wearing something even more to His liking on Fridays (work appropriate) because He is always home early. One of the quickest ways to start the weekend off right is when He walks through the door, greetings of course … and then He stands back, gets that gleam in His eye, smirk on His face and says “You wore that for my benefit didn’t you?”

Image result for man kissing woman foreheadI’m left feeling a little bit sheepish, a little bit silly, a lot girly and totally His! ❤

See, no kink required!

Love You Always Sir ❤

It’s not about Vanilla

There are certain truths about relationships, and from my perspective, for women that are true across the board regardless of what dynamic you choose. As much as I don’t like writing generalities this is going to be one of those posts, and yes I do know that there are always exceptions but ….

The story of people drifting apart as time goes on is not a new one, the idea that their sex lives gets to be less and less and the connection follows suit. These scenarios are so common place that they are the subject of various jokes and movies.

Even though I know that there are a lot of things about me that are uncommon there are also many more that are very female! As a woman I know that most of us start off our relationships and marriages always ready to please and be pleasing. We prim and prep for when our husbands come home, we wear those jeans that you love, that cute little top that you just can’t take your eyes off of. We make sure our hair looks just so for when you walk through the door, we check our makeup …

By Friday we put on our ‘good’ bra and panties just in case you’re thinking what we’re thinking … pay a bit of extra attention to our hair and maybe even sneak in an evening shower. Eventually our efforts are noticed less and less and we get hurt. We don’t often act hurt, we get sassy, then maybe even rude and then you guys like to use the word bitchy! Have you ever stopped to wonder what part of the change you played? The less and less attention we get, the faster this happens, it’s not the marriage papers.

Part of the reason D/s is so appealing, especially to women is because we get noticed and we feel wanted. It has nothing to do with vanilla, rainbow or butterscotch ripple, its human nature. One of the biggest parts of this dynamic is honest communication and attentive listening and you can incorporate that regardless of what flavour you like.

You don’t need to be D/s to have a good relationship, you need to be attentive, you need to care and mostly you need to show it consistently! Isn’t that what you want too?

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Every relationship is a circle of energy, one feeding the other. It takes two to make it work, what are you doing about it?

No, you can’t control anyone else but you can control yourself.

Happy Friday 😀

 

Just one of the many perks …

I’ve often said that a lot about submission is self-serving. Even if it seems to be the other way around from the outside I think that if you have a working D/s relationship the submissive is going to get many, many things out of the relationship that they just couldn’t or in my case wouldn’t do on their own and for themselves!

The problem with being a strong, independent take charge kind of woman is that you never cut yourself some slack and you never allow yourself to slow down or take a break. You pile your ‘plate’ much higher than you should and eventually you will start to burn out …. When you are too busy taking care of everyone and everything else you have no time left to take care of yourself.

Related imageSo enter the Bear ….. I say ‘I still have to do this, this and this today’ and the Bear says ‘sit down and I will get you a cup of coffee’. I start to say ‘but ….’ and He gets a look on His face, and I sit down!

Normally this is followed by a quick conversation about what needs to be accomplished really, and what am I just making work out of that at the end of the day really doesn’t matter to anyone but in my own head … the next ‘order’ is generally in keeping with me finishing up my coffee and relaxing for a few more minutes because ‘He says so’, and He will generally get started on whatever is a priority at the time.

Of course there are also those time when I get told ‘No, you’re just not doing that’ and He makes a choice to do something else instead because well, let’s face it enough is enough and some of us really don’t know when to stop! Do I get worried or upset about it? No actually, the truth is if you spend more time complaining about what you have signed up for and whining that you just don’t want to do it than you probably shouldn’t have signed up for it in the first place! Life is too short to be wasted on things that really don’t matter to you anyway.

You all know what I’m taking about, you sign up for things, make your self responsible for things and then you spend the entire time complaining about it, than why did you bother?  Or maybe you’re one that just gets totally stressed over it, losing sleep and wound tighter than a top … practically making yourself sick over it, headaches, muscle aches all the signs of stress.

In my case neither of those things would happen, but I would go and go until eventually I was just on autopilot. Getting everything done, going through the motions but no time to be really happy! There was no dropping everything and breaking into song and dance, there was no goofy running around the house saying catch me if you can!!! Maybe I wasn’t unhappy, but that doesn’t mean I was happy either …. I just was.

So yes I CAN still get my own coffee, but ever since I became His submissive I don’t always have to! I also don’t have to feel guilty about it, because I’m just following orders …. !! LOL

Happy Sunday All!

Love You Lots Bear! ❤

Is the grass ever really greener …. ?

I wrote a post some time ago about comparing and I have had an idea running in and out of my mind about keeping score … I haven’t had the time or the where with all to put it into words just yet but now I have another ‘grass is always greener’ idea that has popped in …. if I don’t get something down, I’m going to lose track!

The culmination of these things however I think is all the same …. it seems to me that some people tend to be so stuck in chasing the dream and chasing the fantasy that they don’t realize what is sitting right in front of them is every bit what they want and likely more that what the other side of the fence is offering. The off-limits, best behaviour, excitement that comes from a new and unknown relationship is great but the fact is that if you stop putting that energy and excitement and acceptance into where you are that new and exciting adventure on the other side of the fence will in fact turn into the same grass you have here and now. As a friend of mine said not to long ago, “how many steps do you have to take before you realize it was just a can of paint?”

The new ‘partner’ is exciting because you choose to make it so, the actions are sweet or hot because you choose to make it so. You are likely putting a lot of time, energy and belief into this thing you want to participate in so badly, how much are you putting into your current/old side of the fence?

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If you pursue your mate/wife/husband with the same excitement and enthusiasm as you chose to put towards this new person I can bet you that the pay off will be something pretty great! If you put your judgement aside and put every action into the best possible light at the same time you are on your best behaviour and actively trying to please and win the heart of that person than I have a hard time believing that for the most part your partner won’t be at least intrigued and possibly even happily swept off their feet with joy!

Likewise, once the world, work, life, bills, money and responsibility hit your new and exciting fantasy you might find it also becomes lacking and a bit less green! That is of course assuming that the fantasy ever makes it to 24/7 ….

You want a better life, make it happen! The fantasy is great because of the time and effort you have provided for it, your current life could be too. If that is truly not the case, than let it go! That person you are lying to (besides yourself) deserves the truth.

As Sir so eloquently put it ‘The grass is only as green as you chose to make it’!

Sir had yard work to do and because of the temperature and my raynaud’s I was not allowed to go outside, so I got a chance to finish this one …. 😀 At some point I may be able to write how all of this comes together or matters to me ….  but for now my basic thoughts will have to do! 

Part of that personality I was talking about is the fact that I believe nothing is unattainable with the right amount of effort, persistence and mostly the right attitude! 

Night All!

Thank you for doing the yard work Sir! ❤ I’m still not happy about staying in though …. UGH! LOL

The nicest compliment!

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I/We received the nicest compliment today from a friend/person from work that made me feel very proud of our relationship.

She, N was talking about plans for the weekend and work schedule for next week. Her husband will be on the afternoon shift and the idea was that she didn’t mind it, actually enjoyed the quiet time it afforded … okay, I’m all for personal space and quiet time, I think we all need that.

Anyway she proceeded to say things like “I know I’m not being very nice” and “we’re just an old married couple” and the like. She mentioned that they weren’t like us (Sir and I), that we still kiss and walk hand in hand, it’s so nice … we are still in the honeymoon stage she said.

The truth is that we have been married more than twice as long as they have, we’ve just decided, like the rest of you, to make our relationship a priority. The fact that the little subtle things we do even when we are out in public were noticed was a great compliment to me. It was obvious that none of her words were meant to be teasing, there was a real sense of wishful longing in them.

I’m proud that even though we are not blatant or ‘in your face’ about the life we have chosen to lead it is noticed and almost envied by those who watch from a distance.

We don’t need to run around throwing our D/s in people’s faces, a truly beautiful thing gets noticed on its merits.

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Love You Bear! ❤

 

Thursday – lots of rambling …

Nothing too major going on, we’ve had more rain so my body is showing me that it’s had more than enough of that! 😛 I’m finally feeling better and getting over the flu so that is a very good thing, and I’m looking forward to the weekend!

The dog is behaving herself again, I’m keeping a close eye on her and making sure to enforce all rules …. apparently one reminder was quite effective, not that I’m fooling myself into thinking nothing will ever happen again, they are animals and react to situations not the past.

The boys are being a pain in the mornings, no one wants to get up and go at the moment and I get stuck fighting the good fight to push them out the door!! lol Tired, grumpy teenage boys who don’t do well after 3 weeks of rain are a real treat at 7 am I tell yah!

It would be nice to say ‘oh I’m just submissive so Sir gets the job of taking care of this, and whatever else happens to come up that I don’t want to deal with’. That’s not how it works is it? To me that is nothing more than passing the buck and there is no real reason why I can’t do it so I do. I make the decisions around here when you’re not home because well, someone has too.

I remember early on talking to new submissives that were trying to figure it all out and that seemed to be a recurring theme, that they couldn’t do anything without specific direction from the dominant. I remember thinking that is certainly not for me, for us, how would I ever get anything done?

We don’t share our kink or protocol or ritual with the boys because frankly that would be weird! and not the point anyway. It’s not that we’re ashamed or worried about the life we have chosen but we don’t share the details with anyone why would we start with them? The kink and the dynamic is not that most important and it’s not what we want to show or teach them either.

It’s the responsibility, integrity, commitment to things and people that I hope they learn. It’s the understanding, listening and humility from BOTH sides that I hope they see and decide to follow. In our relationship we have decided that Sir is the dominant and I the submissive but that is simply a preference, the big picture is more about being a good person than collars, chains or kink.

I don’t think you need to be D/s to have a great relationship I think you need to be loving, honest, kind and open …. that is what I hope they see and learn. That’s what we’ve had since the beginning.

There are plenty of people out there using labels and titles and quite frankly the title does not make the relationship …. or the person!

Not sure where this train of thought came from, but at least it won’t keep me up tonight!!! LOL

Love You Always Sir ❤

 

Why (thoughts on various ideas)

Many thoughts on things seen, read, heard about etc.. Too many to have to explain each one now … let me know if you would like clarification on any … mostly rambling.

Why does it require an erotic book and a ‘dynamic’ for people to understand that you should respect one another in a committed relationship, or any for that matter?

Is it really necessary to have names, and labels for couples to understand that the best way to coexist is trust, honesty, respect and communication and that it will only strengthen your love for each other?

Is it really that difficult to understand that if two people are both vying for the ‘first’ position the power struggle will only cause issues and a riff? Why is it not common knowledge that if you want to be together in a long-term, working relationship one of you should be able and willing to take the lead and the other should be comfortable and happy to trust and follow? Even if it’s very subtle ….

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If you do choose to take the lead, then you should understand your responsibility in it, it’s a commitment … don’t forget it.

If you choose to be the one following it doesn’t mean you become mindless or without wants or thoughts, so speak up, speak clearly and be honest. It also doesn’t mean you no longer have responsibilities …

If you do choose to use names and labels in your life, you should remember that people are multifaceted, not linear. Trying to fit into one small box of characteristics tends to feel shallow and ultimately like a life unfulfilled.

Embrace all you are, call on your various strengths when needed and remain humble and real no matter what you call yourself.

If there are bigger issues at play, don’t fool yourself into thinking a dynamic of any sort will fix it. Big, little, pet, slave, Master, Sir or whatever …. some things just require a professional in the field and kink is not it. I personally think it’s unfair to put that type of pressure on any personal relationship, that’s why doctors don’t take family or friends on as patients! Think about it …

If you work on being happy with yourself, who you are and what you’re about everything else tends to fall into place and work itself out. Nothing beats self acceptance and love.

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Happy Friday! 😀

Love You Sir ❤

 

 

Cliché

More and more I think that maybe I’m, my life is … a cliché …. I have always been about the music, the Christmas movies and the romantic comedies … (mostly music) and I refused to stop until I found the feeling, the happily ever after, the one!

Now a days it feels like when I watch, or listen, or read …. I find I identify very much with where I am and what I have. I’m as crazy, honest, strong and ready as any heroine and He is as stable, sure and immovable as any Hero.

Maybe I’m a cliché, or maybe fantasy come true, either way I wouldn’t change my happily ever after!

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Listening to the radio again …**blush**

Love You Sir ❤