We laugh

Life and time had made me serious all the time.

Having to take on the responsibility for everything left very little to laugh and giggle about. My mind was always preoccupied with the weight of it all. It felt like it was all on my shoulders. All mine to bear.

Now we laugh, all the time again!

Had a meeting last night with our adviser for insurance and end of life financial planning. I don’t think the poor man has ever laughed quite that much in a similar meet. *chuckle*

I have a dark sense of humour, the Bear thinks it’s hilarious.

Our kinky play time is so much more than that. It’s made Him feel like my man again. It has brought back my feeling of security and calm.

It has given me back my spark!

And now we laugh …..

Submissive tasks …

We hear about those all the time, don’t we?

You could be asked to serve either through chores or kinky rituals and body training.

You could be asked to research a new interest you would like to present and talk about, maybe try.

You could be asked to serve by writing about the what or why of a thing. Perhaps what submission means to you. Perhaps what you would like to get out of the experience.

Maybe the task is simply to spell out your current likes and dislikes. A starting point of sorts …..

So what about the dominant?

Should the dominant not also be prepared to answer what they hope to get out of dominating? Where they would like to see the dynamic grow and how?

Should the dominant also not have ‘tasks’ set out to explore and engage in?

There are expectations of the submissive, should that not also translate to complimentary responsibilities for the dominant?

Is there not accountability for dominance, too?

Or do you just follow what they say, because they say so …. with no checks and balances set to ensure harmony?

 

D/s in vanilla land – the swirl ice cream cone continues.

I’ve never had a romantic D/s relationship before but I have certainly had plenty of experience with dominant and submissive ones. I can spot one from a mile away ….

You see, a dominant and submissive relationship is part of all of our lives, all of the time, some people just simply don’t realize it. Now I’m not talking about the kink and sex parts, no, I’m talking about the division of power and the rules that come along with that. Some rules are written out in contract form and some are just understood. Normally that part happens over time and experience together, you learn the limits and rules together in whatever adventure you are on.

The contracts and obvious setup is normally in a job situation or PTA or maybe even in your volunteering. You know your position in the group, what you are responsible for and what will happen if you don’t get it done or done right. Someone takes charge and others follow, hopefully with good communication but you know your place! Surprise you’re in a non-kinky D/s relationship! LoL

Some are a bit less obvious like perhaps family situations, friend groups or maybe a book club or coffee circle. There is not always a specific setup to follow so we fumble around for a bit until we figure out everyone’s needs and wants. We figure out what our limits are and eventually, if you look, you can see the emergence of the one taking charge. Another D/s relationship … *chuckle* less formal but with good communications and if everyone’s needs are met and they feel comfortable in their place it works well.

Knowing your needs, knowing your wants and knowing your limits is a great way to be in all aspects of life. In many situations you will either be in a leadership role or in a following one and hopefully they will be consensual. The follower should strive to fulfill their set role and so too should the leader. Sounds familiar at all, anyone??

When both parties are working together and communicating with the appropriate openness along the way (let’s face it not all your information is required in a work relationship!) the relationship thrives and everyone is happy.

If the follower starts getting their nose out of joint and pouts and complains but doesn’t talk, then things go south. When the leader stops paying attention to the needs of his/her followers and starts thinking themselves too ‘great’ or also sulks instead of communicating their needs then it also goes south.

As these relationships move alongย  they will often evolve and the requirements change. It’s important to assess where things are and review the ways in which we ensure the needs of the group are being met from time to time. This also works in romantic relationship, you really should just sit and touch base every so often to see how everyone is doing and if changes need to be made to keep things flowing happily!

All we are doing here is taking those same ideas and moving them into a kinky and possibly sex inclusive relationship. Just like all these relationships, each one is individual, some are more formal and some are less. Unlike some of these other relationship however, kinky D/s relationship (I’ll call them that for ease of understanding but some are service oriented among other things.) are all negotiated and consensual.

Relationships that involve a division of power are all around us we just don’t call them D/s. Division of power in the home is also a very common thing, it’s very obvious throughout history. The main difference here is that it’s consensual, we have a voice and we have a choice.

**ย Not sure where this ramble came from, it started as one thing and changed completely. I have a post(s) that I have needed to write for a while and I just can’t seem to get to it. For my own sanity …… I guess this is my brains way of procrastinating! LoL Aren’t you all lucky, a rambling rabbit with a migraine!ย  Hopefully I’ll have something better, later. *wink * **

You don’t have to ask me twice!

I was going to put this somewhere else but since so much of it applies here as well I decided to put it here.

My youngest and I were chatting and bantering back and forth as we normally do and eventually the conversation went to music, again fairly common around here. He mentioned Pink Floyd …. okay, all ears!!

‘Everyone mentions Dark Side of the Moon but I prefer The Wall’ he says. What’s your favourite?

‘Momentary Lapse of Reason’. I tell him

‘I’m not sure I know that one … can you wake me up with it tomorrow’?

…. Ummm, no need to ask me that one twice, you bet I can! ‘Consider it a done deal’!

No more turning away
From the weak and the weary
No more turning away from the coldness inside
Just a world that we all must share
It’s not enough just to stand and stare
Is it only a dream that there’ll be
No more turning away?

We must stand together, all of us, no matter where, no matter the lifestyle, no matter the dynamic …

On The Turning Awayย Lyrics

On the turning away
From the pale and downtrodden
And the words they say which we won’t understand
“Don’t accept that what’s happening
Is just a case of others’ suffering
Or you’ll find that you’re joining in
The turning away”

It’s a sin that somehow
Light is changing to shadow
And casting its shroud over all we have known
Unaware how the ranks have grown
Driven on by a heart of stone
We could find that we’re all alone
In the dream of the proud

On the wings of the night
As the daytime is stirring
Where the speechless unite in a silent accord
Using words you will find are strange
Mesmerised as they light the flame
Feel the new wind of change
On the wings of the night

No more turning away
From the weak and the weary
No more turning away from the coldness inside
Just a world that we all must share
It’s not enough just to stand and stare
Is it only a dream that there’ll be
No more turning away?

Talk to me …

The body is a funny thing.

The mind is a powerful thing.

Timing is everything!! *chuckle*

Last night all three of those things were way off for me. To make things worse, Sir was not communicating ….

We are finally adding a few moments of play into our lives again and it’s like learning all over again! It’s frustrating of course, you go into it remembering how easily things flowed before and how it felt almost effortless.

Now it seems nothing works … body changes over time of course but mostly I think it’s mindfulness. When we play(ed) I controlled my mind and focused on where and what He was doing. It was a whole new level of connection and commitment. The rest of the world melted away and only us and sensations were left.

Now, I feel the fan blowing, I hear the dogs shuffling around, I wonder where He’s going next, what muscles groups do I focus on, what needs to be relaxed …. how should I best hold my body??

Talk to me, Sir … this is just how I work.

Without it I’m lost, confused and in the end, frustrated. It adds tension and makes everything wrong.

Communication skills. It appears we are going to have to relearn how to just ‘be’.

Of course everything still needs to be done quietly.

We can’t start off where we left off. Just like any other play, we need to start with a warm up!

Practice time Sir!?!?! ๐Ÿ˜‰ I’m game ….

I’ve got a new day collar! :)

Well I’ve had it for a little while now and have started to wear it from time to time to break it in, the leather is always a bit stiff at first and softens up with time and body heat so it gets more and more comfortable all the time.

This isn’t to replace my night-time leather, this is just for day time. It’s special because it’s for my time off this summer. I had asked for something more, something to signify the difference between trying to be ‘His’ and work and take care of business and this new adventure where I can concentrate on the quiet of submission more often and for longer periods of time.

Life will still go on of course and I will still have all my ‘hats’ at the ready. I’m just looking forward to having to make less decisions in my day and enjoying the ride as they say! *wink* The new collar is a great way to do that, it’s a bit more obvious than the things I wear when I work and so far hasn’t triggered anyone at home!

We’ve started introducing it here and there over the past few weeks and nothing has happened to lead me to believe it’s going to be an issue so ….. *grin* I’m getting excited!

(Just FYI my permanent adornments are my cuffs, we chose that as our symbol of commitment and focus. Those do not get changed or removed.)

I needed something so I asked. He thought about it and decided He liked the idea too. I dare say He quite likes seeing something more substantial around my neck if I’m not mistaken! *wink wink*

I also like that it finally allows me to get back to a style I enjoy but had to shy away from because it was just too similar to what all the BDSMers were doing. When the whole FSoG craze came out and everyone started wearing cuffs and collars and the like! Sir didn’t feel like dealing with the hype and the ‘knowing’ looks from people who really didn’t know anything! LoL Oh well, He doesn’t seem to care now so I can do as I like! ๐Ÿ˜€

Pauley_Perrette-soft-young-skin-smoking-hot-sexy_thumb_585x795

It’s not the only style I wear, don’t get me wrong. Just like all the rest of life I have many talents and wear many styles … why pick just one??? *wink* It depends on my mood, and some days this is it.

So one more week of work and I get the summer off. It’s been 16 years that I’ve been working up to this and I am starting to get excited. A bit nervous because I’m not really the sitting around type but we’ll take what comes!

My body needs fixing and my mind needs rest. So it shall be done … ๐Ÿ˜€

Happy Monday!

Love You Always, Sir! โค

 

Messy hair, don’t care ….

Not sure why but I’m going to put this here. I guess to show that my life has no B/s attached to my D/s … ? Don’t know, just feel I need to write it and this seems like the right place. Just a messy post, no insight here on how to play a ‘role’ …. just real life.

First, I had a really great early weekend! I had a chance to go away and see Imagine Dragons in person! To say that was exciting is the understatement of the year! Their music is what I call on to help me through the hard days and ‘party’ on the good days.

I got to be face to face with the entire band and High 5’s all around! Yeah, a very good time! ๐Ÿ˜€ ๐Ÿ˜€

But ….

I have been under a lot of pressure lately. Well, more like 4 years straight …. Mental pressure, physical issues, and no ‘time out’ in over 4 years. Most of you should already know that I am at home 24/7. I work from home so that I can be here mainly as a support system for the boys. I’m not confident that if I worked outside the home they would ever be able to face the world outside that door ….

Things are getting better, thank goodness, but we are not yet out of the woods. Such is life.ย  We will see what September brings.

In all of this I am trying to walk the wire between my dominant self and my submissive self to the Bear. It’s not always easy and it’s not always obvious either. The truth of this dynamic for me is actually the ‘messy’ parts I think.

Anyway, after all of this time and pressure you could say that I was under a bit of stressful pent-up energy. The time away was fun but also full of little issues here and there that were slowly adding up for me.

By Friday night I don’t even know what it was that set me off but I had an all in all out melt down!

hero-6841-new

I don’t honestly know what I said or why. I don’t remember how it went down …. I don’t remember much about it at all! It was just a completely and utter melt down and explosion.

All I do remember was the Bear, following me, holding me, keeping me from hurting myself, keeping me safe and keeping me close.

There was no kneeling, no protocol, no ‘for show’ of any sort. there was a lot of noise and a lot of ‘crazy’ pent of anger, sadness, frustration, you name it! It just all exploded out of me, that really is the best way to describe it …

There was no repercussion as far as corrections or anything like that because honestly I am right. The ‘repercussion’ if you want to call it that is that we are now, again, at another level in this journey of ours.

My dominant nature keeps me taking care of everyone like I always do, and that includes the Bear. It’s not easy to walk the line between doing for Him in a submissive way and taking care of Him in a dominant way. I do both, at the same time. I can’t deny who I am, I will not pretend. Complicated, confusing … yes, but it’s also real and that’s what we want.

(You can all pray for the Bear now! LoL )

As soon as my mind is not being ‘fulfilled’ in a submissive way I switch to my dominant way of thinking. It’s just automatic, and I’m not saying He’s doing anything wrong or not doing something He should. Not sure if this makes any sense to anyone else …. but I just simply switch gears. I don’t have the ‘need’ in between. He has no time to find it and fulfill it.

I don’t even realize it until I notice that at some point I feel like I’m taking it ‘all’ on again, traveling this stressful time by myself. Protecting Him from things instead of including Him. That part probably makes sense to some.

Anyhow, I think that’s as far as I can go with this post for now. That’s all I can put into words. If you managed to make it through this far, I hope I haven’t rattled your brain too much with my explosion of half thoughts and ideas!

Happy Monday! โค

Rules … what are they exactly?

After a short back and forth yesterday I thought it might be wise to write out the rules, or some, in case there are some of you who do pay attention and wonder how I went from ‘no rules’ to talking about new rules!! LoL

The post about no rules covered mostly kink and sex type rules, basically anything that was mostly D/s inspired. It was a kinky ‘reset’. Rules about respect (not that we require a rule on that) and basic house hold duties didn’t change but then I never needed rules to tell me to clean the house or cook dinner etc. I cook probably 9 nights out of 10(when I’m able which is almost always), I enjoy it. The Bear always has home-made something to take to work for lunch, etc.

There is a rule on chores but the rule is I’m not allowed to over do it! I have to stop when my body says it’s had enough and trouble comes if I end up ‘down and out’ because I did too much, not the other way around. That ‘rule’ didn’t go anywhere either! This applies to yard work, going out shopping or simply going for a dog walk. If I can’t or shouldn’t I have to say so otherwise …. well you get the idea!

The rule about plugs I wrote out here, although due to a mishap I have had a bit of a reprieve from that …. anywho.ย  That was one that was reinstated.

Rules that didn’t take a hiatus:

  • Wear my cuffs and something around my neck (usually a choker during work, sometimes just a necklace) daily
  • kneel at bed time for ritual and sleep collar
  • if my hands or feet are cold I am to warm them up on the Bear, no excuses
  • naked in bed unless I ask to wear pjs or socks etc.

(It’s a rule but ever since I no longer needed to be up in the middle of the night for the kids I never wore pjs anyway, never have. I used to start off in them 10-15 min. because of my raynaud’s and take them off when I got warmed up but now the Bear warms me up! *giggle*)

Rules that were pretty much instantly reinstated:

  • Sir opens all doors when we are together
  • no panties when not working
  • I only refer to Him as Sir, Bear or Mr. ____ On rare occasions when it would cause a problem I may use His given name
  • the kitchen/dishes need to be clean and tidy before He gets home from work (This is one I had asked for because I found myself making excuses! and I hated the outcome, a messy kitchen!)

Rules that came back over time:

  • The plug rule but Sir is the one to say so, it’s not an instant thing for me to do without direction
  • I need to ask permission to orgasm (It became a rule again over time but I never got out of the habit of asking anyway so …. )
  • I need to ask to ‘play’ (this decision He dragged on for ‘ever’! LoL I think that was His way of teasing, He knew I wouldn’t unless I had an actual answer from Him anyway. Evil!)

Everything else, at the moment, is up in the air so I am free to touch and tease and ask for whatever I want and of course He gets to decide if He’s going to go along and allow it or not. I will often walk by and smack Him on the backside! *wink* There is NO RULE … but for some reason He always gets to ‘reprimand’ that one. *raspberries*

Oh yeah, and *raspberries*, if He feels they come with attitude THAT one gets a reaction as well! LoL Oh well, such is life I guess.

Basically we’re much more playful, I used to put myself in such a state of following that I did nothing without permission and nothing that was even remotely ‘out of line’. Now I play and tease and ‘poke the Bear’ as they say … sometimes He laughs and sometimes He grabs me and spanks my little back side good! Usually both! So win, win I’d say!! *giggle*

It also makes things more obvious, if I kneel for Him He sees it, if I haven’t yet and He wants me to He has to order it, so He sees that too … It’s just more obvious when it’s not on ‘auto pilot’!

Oh yeah, a new rule, I can’t have any drinks near my lap top. Earlier this week I dropped and entire glass of wine on my PC! Yikes, that was not a thing I wanted to have to tell Him! Hence the new rule. In case you’re wondering, no I hadn’t even had a drink yet. My body has decided to not cooperate once in a while and my wrist and arms don’t move like I’d like them to. I accidentally knocked it over when I was reaching for something else. Life!

So will the ‘new’ one about bare bottoms stick, will it simply be something He orders from time to time? I don’t know, but it was a bit of fun and produced a big grin from the Bear!! *giggle*

Happy Friday Folks! Hope I’ve cleared some stuff up!