Pain filled perk!

The second week back to work and Bear is still keeping me on my toes, or ermm …. on my something anyway! *wink*

He left this message for me this morning, to be worn with my morning coffee. OYE!!

Of course, I got up later than usual today and my kid was already rising as well. I could have asked to ‘pass’ on this and pick it up some other time when W wasn’t up already. But if Bear is trying to stay on top of things and keep me engaged, i should try too, right?

W doesn’t normally get out of his room much, he’s a teenager and has all he needs right there! *chuckle* No school or friends to go visit right now so his bedroom has become his ‘man cave’!

Still, doesn’t mean he won’t meander down the stairs for a bite …. so i’m not about to take any chances in getting caught. I’ll have to improvise!

Amazingly enough a sports bra and t-shirt actually hides them quite well! Mind you it also presses and rubs things and intensifies the task for sure!!! :O

He has yet another simple task set for me later, He knows I thrive on pain more so than pleasure, pain is my pleasure. I guess that’s what makes me a masochist! Don’t get me wrong, i like pleasure as well but it’s not the driving force for my submission or my submissive mindset. It’s secondary ….

Next week i go back to work as well, i’m hoping we can maintain this refreshed energy. Normally I take the summers off, due to the current circumstances and need i have decided to work through.

I can’t deny that i’m a bit reluctant.

One thing …..

Just one thing is all it takes sometimes.

He left me one thing to do today, one task for His pleasure. Already my energy has changed and i’m searching to please Him.

He’s not even here! *giggle*

Sometimes all it takes is just one thing …..

No I can’t show you, it’s a bit naughty. *wink*

It didn’t take long and it wasn’t difficult to achieve, but it was His task and with it He has claimed me again!

 

I can throw Him off His throne.

There is something delicate about a dominant that cares, really cares, about the person He is with and the job He is doing.

I think the mainstream term is ‘gas lighting’, I call it manipulation but either way ….

It may be on purpose but I think sometimes it’s just a reaction, a negative reaction to a hard lived life.

The point remains, a submissive can easily dethrone a caring dominant – and a caring dominant can easily be dethroned. That’s where time, wisdom and understanding of your submissive comes into play. The sign of an experienced dominant – OR an experienced submissive!

How do you suppose the Dom learned in the first place?

Yin and Yang – balance – what He holds I yield and what I hold He learns.

Simple, right?? LoL

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Well, that was fun.

Shame it didn’t last long!! 😛

Bear had been told last week Thursday that he was officially off work.

We did a bit of talking Thursday night and some more Friday to be sure we were on the same page with what our ‘dynamic’ hopes and dreams were for this upcoming free time! Yes, we have been doing this a long time now and Yes we do still check in every time something changes in life to make sure that we are both on the same page.

It’s not so much that I am trying to take the lead or influence, it’s more that if we have different unspoken ideas, well, i think we have all been down that road a time or two, haven’t we?? Generally it would lead to frustration, feelings of rejection or unworthiness, anger and worst of all – feeling like we really weren’t cut out for this and would never achieve what we had set out to do!! OYE!

Fortunately, at least for now (LoL) we have learned our lesson and we talk out the details. He still picks what direction we go and how fast or slow we get there BUT I offer input and opinions. It was a large hurdle for me to get past, the idea that I can speak up and if he decides to go with my input, it’s still D/s. He is still in charge and leading and we are still on the right path, for us!

So, that’s what we did …. and we got to enjoy a few days of a much more deliberate and mindful D/s relationship. We even managed to get in some impact play, it does still make me nervous with all the issues that have happened in the past and with my youngest still here but we are being careful! Most everything happened in the morning hours and the rest of the day was calmer and less obvious. It did give me a good idea of what and where he would like things to go when we finally have the room/privacy.

I was a lot more active in my submission and ‘offering’ of myself and ideas and it worked out very well. Another one of my hangups that I have worked to overcome. All I can say is that ‘right or wrong’ we are both much happier and it works out well for us. So I quit overthinking it! 😛 *chuckle*

And then Tuesday night his boss called and wanted to know if he was ready/willing to get back to work! Of course …. I can’t say it wasn’t disappointing but at least he has a job, right? At the moment, I don’t.

So here I am again, so far not much in the way of a ‘crash’ after getting my hopes up, which is good. He has been engaging with me from work, although very little because … well, he’s at work! 😛 LoL I think it has helped to ease things back to a bit ‘less’ more easily.

That’s about all from here! So, how are you guys??

Just a thought ….

Boy, I haven’t done one of these in a very long while! *chuckle*

I think it has more to do with ‘trusting, telling and asking’ than it has to do with ‘waiting … and for Him to swoop down and all knowingly ‘fix it’ … ‘

Submission isn’t about waiting for Him to figure it all out, it’s about exploring the truth, knowing yourself and being honest about your needs. Then …. laying it all out on the line and trusting that He will take that knowledge and then take care of you/things properly.

Don’t you think?? Just a thought …..

Is it just me?

I’m feeling just awful these last couple of days, today even worse. Fever, chills, aches and now my stomach is turning- oh yay!

I did spend the hours sleeping last night having some pretty steamy sex dreams though!!

Every time i’m really sick all i want is to be sexed-up roughly (that’s relative to how sick i am of course), well ‘used’ and then set to bed. Then, i can finally settle and rest.

Is that just my weird when sick kink??

A quick update

We’ve started using the cane again. It’s not my favourite implement for warm ups and such but it is quiet and with some patience and practice it can be used for warm up as well.

Bear normally wants to ‘skip ahead’! *smirk* His sadistic side can at times be impatient! *ouch*

I’ve realized though just how fast i fall back into rhythm with Him and into a subspace trance. For someone who’s always ‘on alert’, i’m not entirely sure how i feel about that.

Good i suppose, it only goes to show the trust we have between us, …… right??

My body is out of practice though, the fall into subspace also brings with it the ‘coming down’ of chemicals and physical reactions that make me out for the count, for a while. That keeps me/us from playing to much or too long. There isn’t any real opportunity to be ‘down’ for very long.

I’ve found a little cabin that i’d like to rent, for a few days. It’s close enough to home that we could still be back and forth for the boy, but take a few hours away for us! *wink* I have heels and collar and leash all playing around in my head. It’s distracting but enticing.

Who knows, maybe if things work out we can have the better part of a few days to play out an in-depth M/s dynamic.

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I’m not holding my breath, but it is nice to daydream!

I’m hoping to get to reading and writing but life has just been too busy and hectic. I do miss catching up on what you are all up to!!

Hope you’re well – gotta bounce! *wink*

Some personal truths

BDSM and impact play keep me ‘sexy’, sexy keeps me interested in intimacy.

I read somewhere that the true (yes, take that with a grain of salt) definition of a masochist is someone who gets no sexual satisfaction without pain.

For some time now I’ve had no interest in sex and it’s mainly to do with the fact that we have NO opportunity for BDSM and impact play.

Maybe that’s a bit of a misstatement, I am interested in sex I’m just not in the slightest turned on.

Once in a very long while when He gets a chance and I get the slightest bit of pain, like a quick swat on the butt, there is a charge of energy that flows …. and all of a sudden these little bunny ears perk up. I know it’s pretty much the same for Him.

Once in a while when He has the energy and thought to add a bit of naughty dominance to my day, same thing, the bunny ears start paying attention at least for a moment.

Without the impact play, bondage or kink, i’m simply not interested in sex.

Yes sure He is still the Dom and i’m still His submissive, sure if He wanted something from me He could have it but that’s not really the way it’s suppose to feel, is it? So he hasn’t ‘asked’ for anything because He’s just as off as i am.

I know that your sexual impulses ebb and flow just like everything else in life but i can’t help but think that i’m much more likely to be ‘flowing’ LoL if we had the opportunity to play.

My sexual impulses are linked to my masochism and His are linked to His sadism.

Fine kettle of fish we’ve gotten ourselves into ….

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My ‘submission’ was and is a dominant act.

** A re-blog of thoughts gone bye …. to make the comment in my last post perhaps a bit clearer.**

Confusing? It shouldn’t be. In my view the main responsibility of a dominant is to identify and provide for the needs of those whom they have made themselves responsible.

While in the dominant role at home it became obvious that my husband needed to be in charge in order to feel fulfilled in His role. Where is it written that a dominant can’t choose to let someone else take the lead?

He is capable, responsible, steady, strong and willing. Contrary to some comments and posts I have read, I believe that the privilege to lead is earned not a given …. every leadership role I have been in has been earned, to me this is no different.

I mentioned the other day I’m not entirely sure I have a ‘submissive mindset’ and this is what I was referring to. I made a dominant decision to let Him lead, to give Him the information, respect and responsibility for things inside our home and family. My responsibility now is to be sure to follow through, and so I do.

I’m not saying I don’t get anything out of it, quite the contrary! Having someone to take the burden is obviously a wonderful turn of events and I can tell you I’m enjoying it immensely! 😉

Perhaps this is why I really don’t struggle with ‘submission’, to me it’s a welcome respite from all the other times when I am in the leadership role.

Love You Always Sir ❤