A submissive’s pet peeve *laughing*

One thing I hate most about this no panties rule is having to be panty-less and wear a dress!

woman wearing white dress walking on sand
Photo by Daria Shevtsova on Pexels.com

Just the other day Bear mentioned that the weather was finally getting warm and He would be requiring me to be wearing dresses again, no panties of course, outside of work.

Now when you wear a flowing dress, you bend over to grab something you see, and when you stand back up the dress has kindly wedged itself in your bum! πŸ˜›

I’ve just been reminded of all the times i either squat down to get what i need or i’m quickly pulling and tugging at the material and hoping no one around has noticed!!

Well, no one but one. I’m sure you can all imagine who i catching sporting quite the naughty grin. *sigh*

One thing …..

Just one thing is all it takes sometimes.

He left me one thing to do today, one task for His pleasure. Already my energy has changed and i’m searching to please Him.

He’s not even here! *giggle*

Sometimes all it takes is just one thing …..

No I can’t show you, it’s a bit naughty. *wink*

It didn’t take long and it wasn’t difficult to achieve, but it was His task and with it He has claimed me again!

 

I can throw Him off His throne.

There is something delicate about a dominant that cares, really cares, about the person He is with and the job He is doing.

I think the mainstream term is ‘gas lighting’, I call it manipulation but either way ….

It may be on purpose but I think sometimes it’s just a reaction, a negative reaction to a hard lived life.

The point remains, a submissive can easily dethrone a caring dominant – and a caring dominant can easily be dethroned. That’s where time, wisdom and understanding of your submissive comes into play. The sign of an experienced dominant – OR an experienced submissive!

How do you suppose the Dom learned in the first place?

Yin and Yang – balance – what He holds I yield and what I hold He learns.

Simple, right?? LoL

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Today is a new day.

Having Bear go back to work has s-l-o-w-e-d any obvious kink/D/s to a crawl. Not gone completely, maybe about 60% of the days, but there have been a few factors against us. The days that did involve a more obvious power exchange were still shorter periods of time/intensity than what we had originally discussed. Not that it was a surprise, obviously things changed so plans changed too!

The thing that makes my head spin a bit is that most of the time the PE aspects/orders occur for the time period when he is away! I get it, he’s trying to keep me engaged and occupied while he is away and i appreciate that …… it does feel a bit Bipolar when he gets home and it’s ‘married business/responsibilities’ as usual!

To me one key aspect of being happy in this dynamic is being mindful of what i do have and not focusing only on what i’m not getting that i wish i had. It’s not an easy thing to do, when you have ideas and fantasies and nothing but time to think on them ….. *chuckle* but i am trying!!

Now, i know that i could simply act or do certain things that would probably kick start things at home too. The responsibility for this is not all on his shoulders, it is a two way street and in my opinion that means i need to feed this too.

Like i said though, things get in the way.Β  Β  *Men may want to skip ahead, female problems ahead! πŸ˜› LoL*

Primarily, i have been in a flareup now for a few weeks/month and i haven’t much energy or ability to do much by the end of day! The couple nights i had hoped to ‘reach over to his side of the bed’ i started bleeding, or so i thought and then it stopped! Gotta love peri-menopause …. never know when/never know how much or how long. The week before things start is always a bad week and now that i’m already in a flare …. yeah it’s been fun! *sarcasm* I have had more kinky plans squashed because of the guessing game that is my cycle these days. Yes, I know you can still if you want to but when i start, it’s like a damn has been broken, not to mention the muscles/cramps become intolerable. Anyhow ….

Yesterday I spent the entire day on the couch, not because of covid, because i am not well. I had plenty of things i wanted to get to but none got done! Sitting around of course just makes me more tired and more sore and the cycle worsens. My ‘everything’ still hurts today but i can’t spend another day on the couch so i’m putting on my submissive thinking cap and trying to figure out what i can do to please him.

Not sure if sex will be on or off the table by the time he gets in, like i said things change in an instant! Sometimes (usually) back again too! *shakes head* But i’m sure i can think of something else he’d enjoy.

He doesn’t expect me to be a service submissive and it’s not like i don’t normally have everything clean and organized, meals made and home well taken care of. All that stuff is just done by whomever happens to be home and able and yes it’s usually me these days but it’s not part of our D/s. It’s simply life responsibilities … plus i might be a bit particular and have some OCD. (No comment needed if you read this, Bear!)

With any luck i’ll get my workout in and get some extra things done. I’m not ‘dressing up’ because we have a chiropractor appointment when he gets in, not really a place to wear a dress! lol The weather has been cold and wet and that keeps my raynaud’s on high making me too cold for that anyway.

Like i said, it’s not easy but i’m trying to focus on what i have and what i can do. Not sure what that will end up being yet but it HAS to be better than sitting on the couch getting more sore and tired!

Happy Friday! ❀

 

 

Well, that was fun.

Shame it didn’t last long!! πŸ˜›

Bear had been told last week Thursday that he was officially off work.

We did a bit of talking Thursday night and some more Friday to be sure we were on the same page with what our ‘dynamic’ hopes and dreams were for this upcoming free time! Yes, we have been doing this a long time now and Yes we do still check in every time something changes in life to make sure that we are both on the same page.

It’s not so much that I am trying to take the lead or influence, it’s more that if we have different unspoken ideas, well, i think we have all been down that road a time or two, haven’t we?? Generally it would lead to frustration, feelings of rejection or unworthiness, anger and worst of all – feeling like we really weren’t cut out for this and would never achieve what we had set out to do!! OYE!

Fortunately, at least for now (LoL) we have learned our lesson and we talk out the details. He still picks what direction we go and how fast or slow we get there BUTΒ I offer input and opinions. It was a large hurdle for me to get past, the idea that I can speak up and if he decides to go with my input, it’s still D/s. He is still in charge and leading and we are still on the right path, for us!

So, that’s what we did …. and we got to enjoy a few days of a much more deliberate and mindful D/s relationship. We even managed to get in some impact play, it does still make me nervous with all the issues that have happened in the past and with my youngest still here but we are being careful! Most everything happened in the morning hours and the rest of the day was calmer and less obvious. It did give me a good idea of what and where he would like things to go when we finally have the room/privacy.

I was a lot more active in my submission and ‘offering’ of myself and ideas and it worked out very well. Another one of my hangups that I have worked to overcome. All I can say is that ‘right or wrong’ we are both much happier and it works out well for us. So I quit overthinking it! πŸ˜› *chuckle*

And then Tuesday night his boss called and wanted to know if he was ready/willing to get back to work! Of course …. I can’t say it wasn’t disappointing but at least he has a job, right? At the moment, I don’t.

So here I am again, so far not much in the way of a ‘crash’ after getting my hopes up, which is good. He has been engaging with me from work, although very little because … well, he’s at work! πŸ˜› LoL I think it has helped to ease things back to a bit ‘less’ more easily.

That’s about all from here! So, how are you guys??

‘Active submission’ – my answer was yes, but not like you would think, probably ….

I tend to be very pragmatic, it gets me into ‘trouble’ at times, not that I care much! *chuckle*

The idea that anyone is or always has been ‘one way’ and can’t be changed is silly. It always has been to me.

Life is a training exercise and we have all been trained to be the way we are by one method or another. With the right tools/skills anyone can train anyone to be whatever it is they choose.

This may fly in the face of all the ‘true’ or ‘real’ advocates but so be it. And it doesn’t matter much what side of the ‘slash’ you fall on.

‘Can a master be trained by a submissive?’

The most accepted term for it in the ‘community’ that I have heard is active submission:

My ‘submission’ was and is a dominant act.

** A re-blog of thoughts gone bye …. to make the comment in my last post perhaps a bit clearer.**

Confusing? It shouldn’t be. In my view the main responsibility of a dominant is to identify and provide for the needs of those whom they have made themselves responsible.

While in the dominant role at home it became obvious that my husband needed to be in charge in order to feel fulfilled in His role. Where is it written that a dominant can’t choose to let someone else take the lead?

He is capable, responsible, steady, strong and willing. Contrary to some comments and posts I have read, I believe that the privilege to lead is earned not a given …. every leadership role I have been in has been earned, to me this is no different.

I mentioned the other day I’m not entirely sure I have a ‘submissive mindset’ and this is what I was referring to. I made a dominant decision to let Him lead, to give Him the information, respect and responsibility for things inside our home and family. My responsibility now is to be sure to follow through, and so I do.

I’m not saying I don’t get anything out of it, quite the contrary! Having someone to take the burden is obviously a wonderful turn of events and I can tell you I’m enjoying it immensely! πŸ˜‰

Perhaps this is why I really don’t struggle with ‘submission’, to me it’s a welcome respite from all the other times when I am in the leadership role.

Love You Always Sir ❀

A new approach, for me.

Well, it’s not really a new approach, it’s the same as when i started down this road.

Life has been terribly hectic for a long time now. BDSM has all but disappeared from our days and my masochistic side is buried way deep down. I hate to admit it but my submission is very much linked to my masochism, not just sex but *pain*.

To be completely frank, i’m likely better quantified as a masochist dominant than anything else. I explained some time ago that my submission was more a dominant act than anything else and that really hasn’t changed. Confusing to some perhaps but there it is!

I don’t really subscribe to this notion that you are either submissive or dominant, i don’t think it’s an either/or at all. I think any well-rounded individual has the capacity for both, it really just depends on what you want/need in the moment and it is up for changing, if you are.Β  But i will leave the psychological stuff for now ….

The point is that i haven’t really put much effort into the submissive side that i had once embraced. The reasons are varied, work, physical pain (not the consensual kind), kids, mental health issues, school issues, family etc. etc., the list goes on and on.

I’ve put my own wants and needs on the back burner because i have had too many other responsibilities that i just couldn’t imagine shrugging off. Time, attention, focus has all been for the betterment of life and family and people depending on me. So *me* simply had to wait. But that can only go on for so long before even the most dominant of us need some self care!!

The fantasy and the frenzy have long been gone here. I’m much too pragmatic to not have taken the entire experience apart a long time ago to make it to the answers of how and what and why … LoL Submissive or not I am who I am. *wink*

So, if i want to tap back into that energy that we don’t seem to be getting right now i’m going to have to tap back into those things that help it to flow, easier. I don’t know exactly how it will feel this time around, i’m pretty certain that it won’t be the same as the first go ’round. I’m guessing that it won’t be anything close to be honest.

The first time i just really wanted to imagine a life entirely different than the one i was leaving behind. But that’s not really how it works is it? You don’t leave anything behind at all, you add to it, maybe change it up a bit and maybe/hopefully push aside some bad habits that you’ve picked up over the years. But you are both still the same people, you have just simply shifted a bit. That’s the way i look at it now, i think it’s more realistic for couples like us who started one way and then many years later adopted this life.

So i’m going to start doing the things i did that triggered his dominance, his sadistic as well as his protective side. As funny as that sounds *raspberries*, i do know what the answer is, i just need to put my focus back on wanting to take care of this, too!

He is a visual communicator, so i’ll start here! *wink* You’ll have to take a new one, Sir. My hair is so much longer now, the cuffs would disappear. New task ….. ??? *giggle*

 

 

I’m afraid we’re hooked!

I’ve been busy … very, very busy.

Work and kids and anxiety and panic and all that stuff that you really just can’t explain fully! Not unless you’ve lived it … at least i don’t think so.

D/s has been ‘low key’ and i think that’s being generous. Honestly, I was just starting to think that perhaps it was time to ‘put it on hold’. We’ve never done that, not in the nearly 10 years that we’ve striven. But it’s true, i did consider it.

Just as i was starting to wonder about the whole thing He started to make things more overt, to assert His dominance again.

3023441-PFAEUZYM-7I could have been petty or faught back or whatever, it has been some time of relative silence after all. I chose not to, i chose to engage. For as much as He offers and as much as He takes – I’m here!

Between work and stress and my physical flares i admit i haven’t got much in me, not physically anyway but i am trying. He’s been sick as well so it’s not like either of us are full of energy and spunk! *chuckle*

But we are crawling our way back to that connection we want, we miss. It’s hard without the S&M. We are both very much linked that way, it has become bloody obvious now! It’s like our life line now.

Some things you just can’t go back on i guess!