My ‘submission’ was and is a dominant act.

** A re-blog of thoughts gone bye …. to make the comment in my last post perhaps a bit clearer.**

Confusing? It shouldn’t be. In my view the main responsibility of a dominant is to identify and provide for the needs of those whom they have made themselves responsible.

While in the dominant role at home it became obvious that my husband needed to be in charge in order to feel fulfilled in His role. Where is it written that a dominant can’t choose to let someone else take the lead?

He is capable, responsible, steady, strong and willing. Contrary to some comments and posts I have read, I believe that the privilege to lead is earned not a given …. every leadership role I have been in has been earned, to me this is no different.

I mentioned the other day I’m not entirely sure I have a ‘submissive mindset’ and this is what I was referring to. I made a dominant decision to let Him lead, to give Him the information, respect and responsibility for things inside our home and family. My responsibility now is to be sure to follow through, and so I do.

I’m not saying I don’t get anything out of it, quite the contrary! Having someone to take the burden is obviously a wonderful turn of events and I can tell you I’m enjoying it immensely! 😉

Perhaps this is why I really don’t struggle with ‘submission’, to me it’s a welcome respite from all the other times when I am in the leadership role.

Love You Always Sir ❤

A new approach, for me.

Well, it’s not really a new approach, it’s the same as when i started down this road.

Life has been terribly hectic for a long time now. BDSM has all but disappeared from our days and my masochistic side is buried way deep down. I hate to admit it but my submission is very much linked to my masochism, not just sex but *pain*.

To be completely frank, i’m likely better quantified as a masochist dominant than anything else. I explained some time ago that my submission was more a dominant act than anything else and that really hasn’t changed. Confusing to some perhaps but there it is!

I don’t really subscribe to this notion that you are either submissive or dominant, i don’t think it’s an either/or at all. I think any well-rounded individual has the capacity for both, it really just depends on what you want/need in the moment and it is up for changing, if you are.  But i will leave the psychological stuff for now ….

The point is that i haven’t really put much effort into the submissive side that i had once embraced. The reasons are varied, work, physical pain (not the consensual kind), kids, mental health issues, school issues, family etc. etc., the list goes on and on.

I’ve put my own wants and needs on the back burner because i have had too many other responsibilities that i just couldn’t imagine shrugging off. Time, attention, focus has all been for the betterment of life and family and people depending on me. So *me* simply had to wait. But that can only go on for so long before even the most dominant of us need some self care!!

The fantasy and the frenzy have long been gone here. I’m much too pragmatic to not have taken the entire experience apart a long time ago to make it to the answers of how and what and why … LoL Submissive or not I am who I am. *wink*

So, if i want to tap back into that energy that we don’t seem to be getting right now i’m going to have to tap back into those things that help it to flow, easier. I don’t know exactly how it will feel this time around, i’m pretty certain that it won’t be the same as the first go ’round. I’m guessing that it won’t be anything close to be honest.

The first time i just really wanted to imagine a life entirely different than the one i was leaving behind. But that’s not really how it works is it? You don’t leave anything behind at all, you add to it, maybe change it up a bit and maybe/hopefully push aside some bad habits that you’ve picked up over the years. But you are both still the same people, you have just simply shifted a bit. That’s the way i look at it now, i think it’s more realistic for couples like us who started one way and then many years later adopted this life.

So i’m going to start doing the things i did that triggered his dominance, his sadistic as well as his protective side. As funny as that sounds *raspberries*, i do know what the answer is, i just need to put my focus back on wanting to take care of this, too!

He is a visual communicator, so i’ll start here! *wink* You’ll have to take a new one, Sir. My hair is so much longer now, the cuffs would disappear. New task ….. ??? *giggle*

 

 

It felt nice, finally! <3

It felt good to write today. It wasn’t much or long but it felt good.

I write because it helps me to balance my thoughts, my life. It decompresses the day and helps me move on.

It’s not for follows, or likes, or because I want recognition …. it’s just for me.

If it amuses, or enlightens, or helps … than that’s great. But the reality is i like to write, and it helps me …. 

Thanks for sticking around anyway!! *wink*

I’m afraid we’re hooked!

I’ve been busy … very, very busy.

Work and kids and anxiety and panic and all that stuff that you really just can’t explain fully! Not unless you’ve lived it … at least i don’t think so.

D/s has been ‘low key’ and i think that’s being generous. Honestly, I was just starting to think that perhaps it was time to ‘put it on hold’. We’ve never done that, not in the nearly 10 years that we’ve striven. But it’s true, i did consider it.

Just as i was starting to wonder about the whole thing He started to make things more overt, to assert His dominance again.

3023441-PFAEUZYM-7I could have been petty or faught back or whatever, it has been some time of relative silence after all. I chose not to, i chose to engage. For as much as He offers and as much as He takes – I’m here!

Between work and stress and my physical flares i admit i haven’t got much in me, not physically anyway but i am trying. He’s been sick as well so it’s not like either of us are full of energy and spunk! *chuckle*

But we are crawling our way back to that connection we want, we miss. It’s hard without the S&M. We are both very much linked that way, it has become bloody obvious now! It’s like our life line now.

Some things you just can’t go back on i guess!

Oh, for F’s sakes!!

Remember that week i said i might have??? The one to be nijntje??

Well just now found out that my uncle had a stroke yesterday …. he should hopefully be ok.

Also, his daughter, my niece, has a growth on the back of her neck and now she can’t see out of one eye.

She’s been out of country for some time, i guess she’s back!!

*wry laughter* so much for my week …. ! 😛

i blame BDSM and the kinky community!

In life there are so many people and so many ideas and so many sensitivities.

So many mental health and even physical health issues that you hear about or are experiencing or are close to someone who is … etc etc

We all hear this idea of understanding, don’t we. We hear this idea of ‘everybody experiences things differently’ and so on. And we try to understand, and we try to listen and hear and just get an idea of what exactly it is that seems to make them feel it so much differently, but it’s hard to get, isn’t it?

Well i get it now, at least i think i’m closer to getting it now!

I used to try and understand and be supportive but i admit that my pragmatic brain had a very hard time making it make sense, to me. I got it in theory but in reality ….. it just seemed so far away.

Enter BDSM and kink and the venture into the community! I started to read and see the feelings, the experience, the way one action could be felt in such a different way from one person to another. I also got to experience it first hand!

Some things that i read others hated i just was so comfortable and turned on by i almost hesitate to write this!! LoL Other things that were said to be just the most intense … well, i felt not much at all. Things that some felt were ‘bleh’ i had the most extreme reactions too!

So now, when i speak to someone or read something or try to understand what my child is going through, i get it! I understand that what i find common place can be something that sends his anxiety into a tail spin. I understand that just because the comment someone made rolled off my back it doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt or offend someone else.

I get it! I really do have an understanding of how it feels and how it can be so different, even if the situation and action was the same for multiple people. The outcome can be different, and it must be respected!

So I get it, really get it in a way that I don’t think i would have the depth of feeling in if not for our fore into the BDSM and kinky community.

So yes, i blame BDSM and i blame the community … so thank you! *wink*

Caught up?

Things are more or less handled at the moment, at least until next week!

The youngest is in exams now, his schedule for next semester is finally set. I still need to write a note to his new teachers and give them the important information but that should wait until February. That’s when they start fresh!

A new doctor for W has been found and this one is much more reasonable. *sigh* The one we/i was supposed to get in November baled. Apparently they are sending out a letter to inform us (all the patients that were on the waiting list). I have yet to see one ….

The oldest is finally doing well, getting his diploma and actually learning!! surrounded by people and teachers who treat him fairly and show respect. Imagine that …. about damn time.

10 days on FB and I am working pretty much at capacity again. My body hates me for it but my bank account doesn’t! LoL I hate debt, of any sort ….. i’ll sleep better in pain than in debt and obsessing!

It started with the furnace and just progressed, thing after thing within a month and a half and all of a sudden we went from all paid up to almost $10 000 of things to replace. I have no intention of going into my savings so work it is!

My baby brother, who has just recently come back into my life, has been taken advantage of by family but I have convinced him to meet with my financial adviser. I think he learned a few things and opened up his mind to a few new ideas for his future. The man i work with is very kind and has a great heart for helping where and who he can. He has offered to provide his services to L free of charge regardless of whether or not he moves his money. People like that are hard to find. I want to give him credit, even if he will never know it! 😉

L is schizophrenic …. he can use all the help he can get. You’d be surprised how many people have no trouble taking advantage.

So, it’s been a busy couple of months, with holidays and things breaking down, appointments and emails. Advocating and stress managing, fact finding and scheduling, coordinating and pushing forward.

If i’m lucky i have about a week of calm before the next storm.

Once again i find myself in a position that maybe, just maybe I can lay down sword and shield. For just a little while the warrior can rest.

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Perhaps, if i’m lucky, i can switch gears and just be nijntje for a while.

I guess we’ll soon find out. Happy Friday ❤

 

Today’s mood

My life always sets me in a leadership role. I’ve been busy managing and advocating and helping etc. etc.

Things have happened, changed and now i find myself working full time again. My body doesn’t care for that, it has very quickly reminded me why i had cut back in the first place! *chuckle*

But, life goes on doesn’t it? Time and energy wiped away and the kinky adventures have to wait.

The house is still never our own and now the idea of Bear taking a day off work here and there so that we can enjoy ourselves and ‘play’ has been set aside as well. With me working everyday, there is no opportunity to be grasped. Not that He has shown much interest in all things D/s lately anyway.

It’s still there of course, in the background waiting to come out.  It never shows itself unless there is a major issue which of course with me …. there never is.

Stolen moments are just that, moments …. no more than just a few minutes in time. Just not really enough to sustain this rabbit.

So ‘someday’

Someday, somehow
I’m gonna make it all right but not right now
I know you’re wondering when
(You’re the only one who knows that)
Someday, somehow
I’m gonna make it all right but not right now
I know you’re wondering when

I call Bull Sh*t!

They say submission takes strength but many times in my travels i see submissives taking the blame for things and beating themselves up over things that their dom’s didn’t like.

The dom on the other hand runs around doing whatever they want, not listening, not asking and certainly (in my opinion anyway) not caring for the submissive in the way they need. In the way that was agreed upon. When things don’t go right they say it’s because the submissive isn’t trying hard enough.

When the submissive steps outside of what the dom is comfortable with and tries to find their own peace, however that might be, the dom then decides ‘their’ feelings have been hurt and that it’s the ‘worst thing ever in the world, how could you’?

In my dominant life I know one thing, IF I am taking care of things the way they need to be taken care of, NO ONE needs to go look elsewhere. Does this mean I’m perfect in my dealings? No. But I do take on the responsibility of failure and do my best to fix it.

I respect the people who look up to me and depend on me, and I ask for their opinion. Who the h3ll else knows them and their situation better then they?

I might not be interested in BDSM domination but I am dominant in the rest of life. So if a ‘dom’ can’t take responsibility or makes you more miserable then happy in life and causes you to question yourself over and over than I call Bull Sh*t!

That’s why they say submission takes strength. One of those strengths is to stand up for yourself.

 

 

It’s official!

It’s true, it’s official! I’ve always known what i like and what i don’t ..

What i need in my life and what i really have no use for! I was right ….

I hate Facebook. I don’t like having to be ‘nice’ and ‘like’ and all that, all the time.

I don’t like people-ing as it is, having to do it in print, it seems to be even worse in feel. UGH

I’m there because of my work, in case you are wondering. In my field, advertising and promoting has gone by way of FB, so here i am. 😛

You need ‘friends’ in order to look credible but then all of your ‘friends’ stuff shows up on your feed. I’ll be honest, i don’t care! I really don’t, i mean it’s important to you and i get that …. but i don’t want to know.

If i shut it all off, it makes me look less likable, but i need to see what’s being said so i can stay relevant.

Yeah, still hate FB. Sorry, not my cup of tea!

In other news ….. 10 days on FB has me working at full capacity, so time to write has not been available. I miss writing, i miss responding, i miss you all. Let’s hope i can hop back in here and there!

Ciao!!