Seems He has a rule ….

A couple of weeks ago Bear decided that He needed to swat my backside, out of the blue i might add, just like that!

I was a bit surprised i admit, it wasn’t His usual playful demeanor. He seemed to actually have an opinion on something that He decided He didn’t like. Humm

Now you see, i don’t often do things that He disapproves of. I have my own set of ‘rules’ let’s say that i follow of my own accord, life rules. To be honest it doesn’t really leave much for Him to have to ‘handle’, if you get my drift. Lately however i have/had become a bit lax on one of my values. Not a lot but occasionally, when someone or something was really irritating i would say a swear word. :O

If you have read much of anything here you probably already know that i don’t use swears/profanity, it’s simply not my style. But like i said, i let one slip out and He did NOT approve!

Now I generally use the term D/s and not M/s but the truth is that He really doesn’t need my approval or input to make a choice/new rule like this. Yes, I do still have the opportunity to state my case and He will listen and take it under advisement but unless it’s something valid than it really doesn’t matter. Not in this type of case anyway!

So it seems i have a new rule …. I have ‘always been a lady and that’s the way He prefers it’, so swearing (unless it’s under the circumstance of begging/pleading for release 😉 THAT circumstance is fine! 😛 ) is no longer tolerated!

That’s fine with me, He’s right, I had gotten away from my core set of values and it’s time to get back to where i belong! Profanity does have a time and place, i know that to be true, but just because i am annoyed or bothered by something is not a good enough reason.  Not for me, and not for Him!

*** Just to be clear, this is not a statement on how anyone else should live their lives, it’s simply a choice that we have made.

Is it just me?

I’m feeling just awful these last couple of days, today even worse. Fever, chills, aches and now my stomach is turning- oh yay!

I did spend the hours sleeping last night having some pretty steamy sex dreams though!!

Every time i’m really sick all i want is to be sexed-up roughly (that’s relative to how sick i am of course), well ‘used’ and then set to bed. Then, i can finally settle and rest.

Is that just my weird when sick kink??

Some personal truths

BDSM and impact play keep me ‘sexy’, sexy keeps me interested in intimacy.

I read somewhere that the true (yes, take that with a grain of salt) definition of a masochist is someone who gets no sexual satisfaction without pain.

For some time now I’ve had no interest in sex and it’s mainly to do with the fact that we have NO opportunity for BDSM and impact play.

Maybe that’s a bit of a misstatement, I am interested in sex I’m just not in the slightest turned on.

Once in a very long while when He gets a chance and I get the slightest bit of pain, like a quick swat on the butt, there is a charge of energy that flows …. and all of a sudden these little bunny ears perk up. I know it’s pretty much the same for Him.

Once in a while when He has the energy and thought to add a bit of naughty dominance to my day, same thing, the bunny ears start paying attention at least for a moment.

Without the impact play, bondage or kink, i’m simply not interested in sex.

Yes sure He is still the Dom and i’m still His submissive, sure if He wanted something from me He could have it but that’s not really the way it’s suppose to feel, is it? So he hasn’t ‘asked’ for anything because He’s just as off as i am.

I know that your sexual impulses ebb and flow just like everything else in life but i can’t help but think that i’m much more likely to be ‘flowing’ LoL if we had the opportunity to play.

My sexual impulses are linked to my masochism and His are linked to His sadism.

Fine kettle of fish we’ve gotten ourselves into ….

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I’m afraid we’re hooked!

I’ve been busy … very, very busy.

Work and kids and anxiety and panic and all that stuff that you really just can’t explain fully! Not unless you’ve lived it … at least i don’t think so.

D/s has been ‘low key’ and i think that’s being generous. Honestly, I was just starting to think that perhaps it was time to ‘put it on hold’. We’ve never done that, not in the nearly 10 years that we’ve striven. But it’s true, i did consider it.

Just as i was starting to wonder about the whole thing He started to make things more overt, to assert His dominance again.

3023441-PFAEUZYM-7I could have been petty or faught back or whatever, it has been some time of relative silence after all. I chose not to, i chose to engage. For as much as He offers and as much as He takes – I’m here!

Between work and stress and my physical flares i admit i haven’t got much in me, not physically anyway but i am trying. He’s been sick as well so it’s not like either of us are full of energy and spunk! *chuckle*

But we are crawling our way back to that connection we want, we miss. It’s hard without the S&M. We are both very much linked that way, it has become bloody obvious now! It’s like our life line now.

Some things you just can’t go back on i guess!

i thought i wanted to become D/s …

In the beginning of all this excitement and whirlwind of a journey i thought i wanted to become D/s. i know now that it’s not true!

‘Becoming’ something to me sounds like you are moving in the direction of something that has been predetermined in space and time. Something that has parameters and rules, ways of being.

i’ve always been an ‘outside the box’ sort of person. Trying to fit into something that wasn’t of my mind or soul simply doesn’t work for me. The entire thing feels like putting on a show. That is not who i am.

Trying to ‘be D/s’ always seemed to lead to let downs and frustrations because it simply didn’t work in our life, in our time and schedule etc. It was someone else’s version of how life should be you see, it works for them and where they are in life but you can’t fit a square peg into a round hole, can you?? not very well.

So some years ago i decided i no longer wanted to ‘become D/s’, instead i decided that D/s could become part of us! It was no longer about following a set schedule or ways of doing things. It was no longer about chasing a feeling and/or maintaining a mind space.

No more, shoulda, coulda, woulda ….

I think there is a real difference between doing this with someone you live with 24/7 and doing this with someone outside of your home/life.

To me it’s the difference between dating and married. Not trying to be offensive to anyone, just trying for simplicity.

When you go on a date you are ready, you are prepared, you are focused and you are planning on giving your date all of your attention. You dress to impress and you have already prepared yourself mentally for that time together, whatever it is you’re doing. In this case BDSM or D/s activities. If for some reason you are not prepared you cancel or postpone.

When you are married/live together however there is not usually a division between getting stuff done and preparing to be Dom or sub. Yes you can set time aside for these things, plan date nights etc. but truthfully, life tends to grab a hold of a lot of that time and energy. You share all aspects of life which means you are both stressed or overwhelmed AT THE SAME TIME!

A live in partner sees all of you, 24/7, not just your best foot forward like when you are dating, like when you are mentally and physically prepared to be together.

I’m not saying that there isn’t a great amount of connection and closeness/knowledge of your partner in those relationships, i’m just saying that the depth of it all is still different. There are things that come up when you are 24/7 in the same space that just don’t happen when you are not.

We called it rose coloured glasses …. to me that’s what ‘becoming D/s‘ felt like. There was no room for a Master who just wasn’t feeling it today and couldn’t find the energy to Dom.  The idea that i didn’t feel ‘submissive’ today meant that something must be wrong or maybe it wasn’t for me after all …. or worse, we ‘lost it‘.

Even in a 24/7 relationship you go through different thoughts, feelings and emotions. It’s called life.

So no, we didn’t become 24/7 D/s …. it simply became part of us. That differentiation was freeing to me!

 

 

Not exactly what it seems, this D/s.

I’ve been a bit flustered as of late. I think that’s probably the best descriptor. Some of it in the previous post and some of it here as well. Some of it i haven’t even begun to put down in writing.

There is a lot going on in my mind right now but ‘submissive’ is not really something on the forefront. Not in the kinky, posturing sort of way anyhow. The more frustrated I get the more stupid little things irritate me. Things He does make me grit my teeth and bite my tongue …. and not so much because of D/s but more because I know it’s not right.

I think when you get into a 24/7 D/s relationship it really isn’t all that different from any other committed relationship for the most part. We’re not kinking it up 24/7, as nice as it may sound it is simply not possible.

We are parents first and foremost, the kids need our time and attention. Next is jobs of course, and then pets …. time, money, emotional struggles both ours or someone close. All of that doesn’t go away because you adopt D/s as a lifestyle. Not when you live together!

But the D/s shouldn’t go away either, just because of ‘life’ stuff, because that stuff will always be there.

So I texted Him and told Him that I didn’t want any ‘kinky stuff’ today. The things that usually keep me thinking of Him and us in that way are today just an irritation. My body is not having any of it and my mind is ready to spin out of control.

He agreed …

He is still He and i am still me but today i need to keep it low key, for my own peace. Sometimes peace comes inside D/s and sometimes it comes from outside in a manner of speaking.

Today i just need to STOP.

He doesn’t point fingers, complain or blame. He stays and holds things steady, He waits for me to be ready. He supports and He watches. And when the time is right He starts again.

That’s what makes Him a dominant, not the ropes ….. *wink*

Oh geez, it’s only Tuesday!?!?! UGH

 

D/s and Nietzsche pt. 2 – My Dominant

Since i mused from my ‘side’ of the slash on how things seem to match up with the progression of self, i thought i’d do the same for what i see happening/ed in the bear!

When i met the Bear i knew right away that He was someone i could count on, but He was young as was i and we both still had much growing and maturing to do. He was very much in the camel stage of life, doing and working and not really one to turn others away, at any cost.

I was probably already starting to turn to the lion but children came along and then ‘mom’ took over, everything else really does fade into the background, doesn’t it? It’s a very good time to have a camel by your side, to help carry the load, … and help He did! *smiles*

As time went on and children grew my lion stage came into full force, picking up from where it had left off in my teens years, always fighting the good fight! This is where eventually the Bear got lost i would say, where He started to fade into the background and one reason why D/s was very good for us.

Through the conversations, tears and screams of making this dynamic work, Bear has become much more the lion. Not just at home but in life. The confidence and strength it takes for a person to stand on their own and do what’s right has grown inside and it shows through very clearly these days. At home, at work, with friends and relatives. I think all can see it now.

As i mentioned in the previous post, this has allowed me to grow into the child stage. (Sounds funny doesn’t it? Grow into a child? *giggle*)

For the record, the ‘child’ that i call Bear, the part that compliments the bunny, peeks through on a very regular basis! *wink*  Makes sense i suppose, since the rabbit never seems to run out of energy! *raspberries*

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(That’s the Energizer bunny, in case you’ve been under a rock! not my creation )

Rx BDSM (ii)

A few days ago Bear was inspired and decided to play with me before bed. I use the term play because to me that’s what it is. It’s not pretend but it’s not serious and it’s not just sex. It’s more than sex, at least it is to me.

Sex is great of course, but in and of itself it simply doesn’t have the same over all effect on me as BDSM does. The difference? Well to me the act and energy are different and BDSM will very often not include the normal sexual acts …. if that makes sense to you all.

It’s very sexual in nature, at least it was this time, but it’s not the PIV in two or three positions until orgasm. It’s just different, so to me it’s play. He is playing my body like a toy to be used and enjoyed and of course treasured and well taken care of!

So, for the last few days i’ve been more interested in getting things clean and tidy and to His liking. My personal energy in doing these things has a different feel to it, sure the actions are the same but in my mind i see them differently, less bothersome.

My attitude/energy as well has changed. I’m more relaxed, more energetic, more at peace in my own mind.

Once i am able to tap into this energy THEN spankings help to maintain it (still not possible here but hey! one can hope … ) and domestic services are more submissive feeling and even sexual service for *Him* alone runs through my mind.

It’s more difficult at times to concentrate on what i need to be doing granted, but it’s well worth the bother!! 😛

I’m quite certain that He enjoys having me chase and tease and just generally pursue Him as well! He likes telling me ‘no’ just to watch me pout. Then, changing direction and taking me at will …..

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Ahhhh, told you, distracted! 😛 LoL

 

Is it real?? or play ….

I had started this conversation but i stumbled upon this:

Reality Check

 ‘essay by Anton

His website, although i’m not certain it’s still active:

Consensual Dominance

Theory and Practical Advice for Doing it Well

It explains well the contradictions we find ourselves in when we ‘play’ the way we do and why it’s no less real than any other aspect of our lives. Why we can be queen of His world one day, and a piece of property on another, and both be very much real.

I hope you read the essay if you have had this question, it really is well written. 🙂 He explains why it requires a deep understanding of self, and honesty ….

Enjoy! ❤

What kind of submissive are you?

I’m thinking back over things i have read and people i have known, conversations … One thing that became very clear with time was that there are many different kinds of submissives. None better or more committed, simply different.

I’m not even going to attempt to cover them all, or all the nuances, that would simply be too much to cover in one post. I have been thinking of just a few ideas that are on very different ends of the submissive spectrum.

Keep in mind that this train of thought/post is all very general in nature … so here we go!time

Some time ago i read a post by a friend that covered the idea that her submission was very much linked to her sexuality/sex.  I don’t think that’s a very odd idea at all, i think it may be more common place than she might have thought.

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I think one ‘type’ would be a sex/BDSM submissive, like what she was talking about. This is where i fit and i’ll be back to this at the end.

Next i guess i would consider the ‘spanko‘. To me this is where spankings for poor behaviour and maintenance are used as a method to tap into the submissive feelings and to help stay there. It may or may not include other forms of kink but the thing keeping the dynamic flowing is primarily spanking. DD would fall very nicely into this category i would think. (Yes there is much more to be said, like i mentioned – very general.)

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For me, spankings alone don’t do it, even when we did have the opportunity to do so. They help certainly but it’s just not the same. It begins to feel more like a game or a chore than submissive. I don’t get in trouble, i’m too much of a ‘dominant type’ in life to allow it of myself, doesn’t leave much for Him to correct! 😛 

The last i’m going to muse about would be the service submissive. This could be anything from domestic duties to sexual service and all things in between. What or how the submissive serves is much less important than the fact that they are serving and getting noticed or even rewarded for it. Being of service and doing a good job of it is the main objective, to please and be pleasing.

Again, it doesn’t do it for me. I am constantly of service but it comes more from my dominant side than it does from anything submissive feeling. I serve and continue to serve because it’s my duty, because i excepted responsibility for things/kids/husband/house/job etc. etc. and to not live up to my commitments is simply not in my wheelhouse.

I always go above and beyond and watch over everyone in my world, not to do so would make me absolutely bonkers!! If anything, being His submissive makes me take on less, not more. I don’t do it to be noticed or pleasing, i do it because i know no other way …. i could go on but i did say ‘general’. LoL  

I would consider myself a sexual/BDSM submissive. The thing that keeps me tapped into that warm subby glow, that calm relaxed vibe, the ‘yum’ of being His is sex and BDSM. Without those two things on a fairly regular bases i really do lose that submissive feeling. (For the record, i don’t think kinky sex and BDSM are the same and they do not need to happen together.)

 

Now i still do what i need to do, take care of all the regular tasks/chores, mind my manners and act respectfully BUT i do that anyway!

What i don’t do is rely on Him for much, i tap back into my own natural flow, especially when things get hectic and busy, and i rely on myself to get things done and organized. I take on the responsibilities, the planning, the weight and the stress …. i do it alone and i carry on. If you are like me, a sex/BDSM submissive, do you find this to be true as well??

Personality aside (brat/little/pet) what kind of submissive are you???