Newton’s Third Law

The physics of a D/s relationship also applies ….

For every (submissive) action there is an equal and opposite (dominant) reaction … the two forces must coexist in order for the energy to be maintained.

In addition, someone must start the action or no reaction will be forthcoming to balance the equation …..

In a nut shell, it takes two! If one side does not act the other must or no energy will exist. Simple as that ….

(Being very scientifically liberal here! LOL but you get the picture.)

So we have gone through a bit of a lull in the past few weeks (month) with life and illness and lack of time or energy. I think we have been ‘at rest’ long enough …. Β  I for one am ready to get playful and cheeky and see what you do about it Sir! LOL

I’m not quite at 100% but getting better everyday and everyone knows that your mental state has to do with your physical state in one way or another. I was starting to feel the ‘funk’ crawling back over my head, not sure if it was chemical changes or just from being down and out with illness but either way I’m back!

I’ve removed some of the negative influences from my life over the past month and I’m ready to focus on the good that I have and the friends that are worthy.

This bunny is once again bright eyed and bushy tailed! πŸ˜€

Love You Sir ❀

 

Night sweats and general Lack of Sleep

Not sure how much this is D/s related and how much it is not but in my opinion anything that causes changes in your general state of mind is going to affect your relationship, D/s or not. Lack of sleep is a big contributor to your general well being and mindset and therefor related to your D/s, at least that is my view.

In menopause lack of sleep usually becomes an issue at some point or another. The reasons are varied and no one fix exists for all unfortunately but I have found that my night sweats did become manageable after I made a few simple tweaks!

It seemed that no matter how warm or how cold the room was the night sweats were bound to happen. Some nights are worse then others and for me the furnace tends to kick into high gear within minutes of my head hitting the pillow. Generally it cycles throughout the night and for periods of time, then it eases off.

I’m not on any HRTs so my fixes are simple and easy to try even without a doctor’s visit. Most of these things I have learned from talking to other women and although none of them are huge secrets sometimes the idea doesn’t occur to you until you see it somewhere else first, so here is what I have learned so far!

The most effective way of dealing with the night sweats for me is to simply run a fan in the back ground. I can only guess that it is because of the constant air movement that the fan helps, it moves that barrier in between the air in the room and your body helping to move the heat away from your skin and just keeping you that much more comfortable. The temperature of the room itself seems to have much less to do with the sweats but the air movement works wonders. I think back now and realized that most of my friends who are also blessed with this Beast also sleep with a fan on every night. No one ever put the two together exactly but they all know that they sleep better regardless.

The fan I find also helps to provide white noise that helps to ignore the ticking of the clock, the cat walking down the hall and the voices in my head that don’t give me a moments peace otherwise. Being able to concentrate on the same rhythm and sound over and over helps me to fall asleep faster then thinking and rethinking the same situations over and over again …. I had always needed absolute quiet and dark to sleep before but if you’re not getting any sleep why not try it, that’s what I did and I became accustomed to the fan surprisingly quick.

Flannel sheets! I know you think this is counter intuitive but trust me you’ll sleep better. They actually do not feel any warmer then regular sheets but think of cotton flannel sheets as your towel for sleep time. Just as your towel dries you off out of the shower so to do the sheets when you are sweating your butt off. More often then not once your episode is done your sheets will have absorbed enough of your heat that you don’t get awoken due to a now very cold clammy and wet bed. I used to get up in the night and have to lay down towels anyway because my side was so wet and uncomfortable to sleep in, I didn’t want to wake Sir to strip the bed and besides just how awake do you want to get before you can fall back to sleep in the middle of the night? Sleep is already at a premium at this stage, the sheets can be changed later. Although they are not a cure all the flannel sheets are surprisingly well worth a try.

Alcohol of course is a big contributor to night sweats and the consensus is that red wine is the worst offender. I have tested this theory out and can tell you that just half a glass is more then enough to make one think of joining the polar bear club! πŸ˜‰ I did hear once that vodka was apparently not a problem in this particular respect but I have yet to test that theory. (I am not suggesting anyone should be drinking anything, I’m just letting you know what I’ve heard! LOL)

And just like all other times in life a healthy diet and good amount of exercise are always important along with taking care of yourself emotionally and managing or preferably avoiding stress (yeah right)!

By the way, the fan keeps you just cool enough usually to be able to cuddle up just a bit longer without either of you over heating and having to break free! πŸ˜€

Good Luck

 

 

It makes sense now ….

Well I think all the physical stuff yesterday makes sense now, at least from what I have pieced together.

After speaking to a few new friends (and Sir) I realize that A I’m not whining or complaining and even if I was to, it is my blog so be it! and B maybe some of these things are shared among others of us out there and it can be helpful to shed light or simply say ‘you are not alone’! Of course the main objective is to inform my Sir and He needs all the information.

So from what I can hypothesize all the crazy physical issues yesterday were a combination of my cycle finally deciding to start and the fact that I went to the chiropractor just this past weekend. I hadn’t been since 2011 so there was obviously a lot of adjustment to make.

Either of those things on their own would bring discomfort for a while but the two together made it feel like I had been run over by a truck and hit by a softball a couple inches up from my tailbone. Yeah, I was in great shape! It was a rough night of sleep, I had to use pillows to keep my hips aligned but I did manage some shut eye. Still feeling pretty rough this morning but I’m pretty sure the worst is over for now and with some stretches and exercise I should be back to my normal! πŸ™‚

I am focusing on making it through my work day and then curling up in your lap Sir …. I hope you’re feeling better too!

Love You Always ❀

 

When it rains, it pours …

Well, since you wanted to know …..

I’m not totally comfortable about posting when I’m not feeling well because I feel like other people out there will think I’m whining, and I hate whining!

Maybe if I write a bit of history whomever is reading will either believe it or not but I can at least let you know …. then you decide. (Again I feel like I’m whining! ugh!!)

I have more physical issues then you can shake a stick at, some I was born with some byproducts of a very trying childhood and yet others due to mishaps as life goes on and now of course the menoBeast to really make things interesting!

My current career choice is anything but physically easy and days off do not happen. In the past 13+ years I have had 1 sick day. This alone should tell you just how much I whine or take the easy way out.

So unfortunately today is one of those physically trying days. Everything hurts in some way or another and the seemingly simple task of walking is proving a challenge. Fighting off whatever ‘bug’ has infiltrated the house is only making things more exhausting. It is/will be a long day physically and mentally.

So there you have it, figuring out how to put one foot in front of the other without falling over is taking up all my mental faculties at this time and so I really have nothing else to post about or report Sir! πŸ˜€

I went to bed feeling okay and woke up feeling like this ….. fingers crossed for tomorrow! The good news is that despite my obvious physical angst my emotional state is great! Thank you for taking care of that earlier Sir! πŸ˜‰

Love You Always Sir ❀

 

Menopause and sexuality

Well since I wrote about the torment of the physical side of menopause I might just as well write on the fun side! LOL

I am lucky in the fact that menopause has seriously upped my sex drive! I mean like teenage boy always just one thing on my mind kind of drive! Couple that with the fact that some of your worry and insecurities disappear and BINGO!

“Sir I want you to tie me up and beat me silly, please!” πŸ˜€

We’ve always had a good sex life, I have never been the type to NOT want it but this new level of ‘need’ is beyond even what they write about in books! The BDSM and D/s aspect of our sex life is the truly new thing and very much because of menopause! I know right? Who knew …. lol

I’m still very much a Lady out and about but face me in front of the man I love and all bets are off! The D/s dynamic has made it very easy to act and react just exactly the way I want when He is touching me because apparently He really likes it, what?!?!? Β He doesn’t think it slutty or wrong, He admires my sensuality and loves that He is responsible for it. (Oh the crazy misconceptions we live with as women.)

So even though there are a lot of things about menopause that are difficult to deal with, this new found freedom and self acceptance is anything but bad! Mind you menopause only nudged me in that direction, the rest is very much the guidance of my strong and ever caring Sir. I just know that I kept myself on such a short line that I’m not sure I would have ever mentioned any of this to Him without the crazy, filter removing side effects of the menoBeast!

Add to this the hot flashes that have me wearing short shorts and tank tops in the middle of a Canadian winter and let the good times roll!

Love You Sir ❀

 

How menopause affects your Dynamic – Physical Part 1

I really do need to write some more on menopause and D/s, or at least the play aspect of D/s. Some of the physical issues really do affect what and how things are to be done/can reasonably be done. Not everyone is going to have the same symptoms but I can share what mine have been so far and what I have had to learn in order to better deal with them.

Most of my issue really has been the mental aspects of dealing with the physical issues. Let me start by saying I am a bit of a perfectionist and once I decide I am going to follow through with something I REALLY have a difficult time accepting any sort of failure, even if the failure is just in my mind. As part of the ‘warrior’ mentality I do not test, I am not a brat and I would sooner call the whole thing off then play these sort of disrespectful ‘games’. So when I can’t follow through with whatever ritual or schedule because my body has betrayed me I feel guilty and miserable, so I had some self acceptance to learn …..

I was only 36 when my symptoms started to appear and have been dealing with things on and off for about 8 years now! Thank goodness we should be almost done! One of the hardest to deal with is that old injuries seem to come creeping back to life. Things that I thought were fixed and forgotten have decided to show themselves once again and ALL show up at once! Unfortunately I have had more then my share of injuries.

So to put it into perspective, we have a set play time/scene time where some preparations are to be done and then fun is to be had! Woohoo! Except that my back hurts so bad that I literally can not stand straight, my knee aches so that kneeling or any sort of pressure feels like torture and due to an unfortunate chiropractor accident years ago my hip is on fire! So how exactly do I shower and dress and hang prettily from anywhere putting all my focus on Sir? Take a bunch of pain medication? Well that deadens the sensations for everything else too and frankly the amount I need would simply not be safe.

So I need to come to Him and tell Him what is going on and of course He decides not to play, at least not like that which of course is what He should do but I feel defeated! I feel frustrated obviously because I was looking forward to our time, I feel guilty because it is my fault He can’t have what is rightly His, and I feel like I’m letting Him down. And these things normally last for weeks or months at a time before they move on to the next issue that is here to plague you. Needless to say scheduling scenes is not so much part of our dynamic at this time, I can not be sure how I am going to feel and not being able to follow through just kills me emotionally. Our world relies more on taking advantage of the good days whenever they appear and not so much on the notes building up to a set time or scene. I have learned to roll with the punches and enjoy however far we CAN go at any certain time instead of what didn’t happen today!

The menstrual cycle is the same uncertain surprise issue. I never know what is going to happen and when. There is no more every 4 weeks, there is whenever it feels like it! Sometimes just for a few hours, sometimes just to make a mess of the sheets while we play. It is always a surprise and all the regular PMS issues go along with it for however long it has decided to stay this time. (Let’s just say I never go anywhere without protection handy, just in case). So try planning around that ….. right!

There are many more issues, breast tenderness, migraines, loss of sleep, all things that make certain instances of play feel completely different then they do on good days. Most days I can bend around like a pretzel and some days I can barely tie my own shoes. Some days we can play much harder and some days it is more mid range and yet others is just simply not possible at all. Sir might still plan things out but they are more opportunity based then a set time and place which means I do not have a schedule and I do not have all the guilt of not following through for Him.

Please don’t misunderstand me, Sir has never once made me feel guilty for any of this, it is me, it is self imposed, I told you I am a perfectionist. I also hate not being able to control my own body but it was something I had to learn to deal with. The drastic change from one day to the next is really something to try and wrap your mind around but I have found that if I can just ‘roll with the punches’ we are both very much happier.

And you thought trying to plan dinner was hard humm, ….? LOL

Love You Sir Always ❀

How menopause affects your Dynamic – Mental/Emotional

So while we are on the topic of labels and such and how to navigate road blocks in your dynamic …. how does menopause affect the way your dynamic is worked out. And if you are deep enough into the serving and ‘servicing’ Sir when ever and how ever He wants, how does this wonderful Beast of a thing play into that role?

Well I have touched on the mental and emotional aspects a little in the previous post but I’d like to delve just a bit deeper. I can only speak from my own experience of course but I remember very clearly going through days and weeks of a ‘dark cloud’ feeling just following me around no matter what was going on or what was being planned. No issue was needed for my emotional state to just be down, or angry or completely indifferent to things from time to time.

So how do you cope with this and put on a happy face when your dominant wants something from you and the only thoughts in your head are ‘#@%$’ and “%#$@&”! No amount of centering yourself or focusing on the task at hand are going to help, because frankly your chemical balance is off and this is something that is just going to happen. You need a support system to deal with it and you need like minded people in this instance to find that support system and understand, or at least try to understand, what you are coping with.

Unfortunately when I reached out I was told that menopause had nothing to do with D/s and therefor should not be a topic I was addressing. It was only one site mind you and I’m not saying there isn’t help out there, I frankly hadn’t bothered to look after that incident. Β I have never been a ‘chatter’ or relied on the internet for company in my day to day life so it simply just put me off looking for help completely. As I said before, your mental state during this time is not the best either and likely another reason I didn’t bother to look further!

For anyone who hasn’t experienced this issue I like to draw parallels between menopause and teenagers. We all know how teens act and react differently when their body chemistry starts to change. There is an adjustment period where moods and attitudes tend to suffer because of the rush of chemical changes and imbalances that they are experiencing. It’s like they have no real control over what they are feeling and sometimes over what they are saying one would think! Well as a simplified way of thinking, menopause is basically the same only backwards. You are not experiencing an onset of new chemicals but you are losing and changing the ones you have been working with for years. The emotional aspects tend to look and feel very similar.

So YES menopause does affect your D/s dynamic and there are many things you might have to address with your dominant by way or preparing mentally for play or just basic daily routines. Some days the mental stress is just too high and things might need to be just a bit more relaxed then you/They would normally have them.

Sir was never harsh or uncaring and never pushed me further then I could go but the self imposed guilt was my biggest issue and what I had hoped to get help/relief from by reaching out. Hopefully this helps anyone out there who may be going through the same thing …. When you are in the midst of the menoBeast you don’t always realize you are there. Trying to see your way through the fog is a challenge at the best of times, and for any submissive out there, knowing you are letting down your dominant can be heart wrenching.

And I haven’t even touched on the physical manifestations of menopause that get in the way of play …. coming soon! πŸ™‚

(Anyone out there who needs to talk is welcome to contact me through comments. I will gladly help you talk your way through and will keep your comments private if you wish.)

Love You Always Sir! ❀

(For years I didn’t even realize I was starting the process of menopause, it can be drawn out over 10 years from start to finish and some ‘side effects’ are not widely known until you start searching for yourself.Β There is a lot of help out there and contacting your doctor if you think you are having issues is always a good idea!)

http://www.webmd.com/menopause/guide/guide-perimenopause

Where did it go wrong in the first place?

When I look back now I honestly think that the worst and best thing that happened to me/us was menopause. Let me explain, before menopause I never would have been mouthy or disregard your wants. Even if I wasn’t getting everything I wanted or needed I would have just dealt with it myself, quietly and respectfully but by myself. Perhaps you could chime in on this one Sir so everyone knows I’m not just making it up! πŸ˜‰

Once the changes started happening the physical changes were easy enough for me to deal with. I have never been a whiner and physical ‘issues’ we’ll call them are not new to me so I just moved forward and carried on. Mentally however I felt like I was coming unglued. I’m sure this is not new to anyone who has ever experienced it but it was quite the roller coaster ride. Sad, angry, uncomfortable and disoriented or just unsettled for no apparent reason most of the time. Let’s say patient was not on the list of qualities and neither was empathy or caring for that matter. I know none of this was my fault but I’m still not proud of how it caused me to behave at the time.

It did however make me more outspoken about my needs with you. This combined with those books that I had never wanted to read in the first place and I/we were sent down this path. I can’t say I’m proud of what brought us to this journey and the path was confusing to say the least, but I can say that I wouldn’t wish to change it. We may have had to make it through some rough times but this place we are in was well worth the effort!

Love You Always Sir ❀