Kink or self-harm?

A personal reflection.

I think it’s important to be honest with oneself when practicing certain kinky activities. I have just had to reflect on this topic and I admit that when you are in the midst of subspace it can be hard to tell the difference or perhaps more accurately, admit the difference.

Our kinky life has been taken up a notch, or okay many notches as of late and it has been a wonderful enhancement to our every day life. It has also allowed me to fall deeper into an almost constant subspace. Unfortunately, one of these kinky activities had started to cause some major physical discomfort.

As a masochist the idea of ‘suffering’ for my Dom is a huge appeal however there is a time when the suffering goes from kinky to unsafe or harmful to self.

I’ll spare you the details of the actual kinky activity but as much as my submissive self wanted to continue and please and well, suffer (in a consensual and masochistic way), my adult and responsible self knew it was time to take a break!

In my view kink should not cause real damage to your mind or body. Having also been one to use self harm in the past to deal with my issues I can assure you that there is a very real difference!

So I used my safewords. It’s a very real way for Bear to know the difference between being in the moment, and being in peril. The activity is for now at a full stop, as much as my submissive self might want to continue my reason tells me I should not.

Bear would never allow me to anyway, not now that He knows ….. There will be assessment and evaluation I’m sure and if we do continue in any capacity with this kink it will be well monitored by Him. 🙂

Kink is a fun and healthy expression of self.

Harming oneself is not. Be mindful out there friends.

Doing the math!

I’m finally on summer break! Whew …. it’s been a long time coming. The Covid 19 crises has rearranged my life quite drastically, as with most of you too I’m sure. Before the pandemic hit I had worked myself into a nice and comfortable work schedule that allowed plenty of time for me to focus on my health, physical and mental.

Daily workouts, stretching and some weights along with research of my condition and the best way to cope. Days that were rough I was able to take it easy. Rest when needed or just simply ‘skip’ whatever it was that I was hoping to accomplish on my ‘off’ hours.

In our relationship I had time to focus, think, plan and act to make things as close as possible to our ‘perfect’. Kink was still a work in progress in regards to impact play but after so many years of having to adjust and regroup, we were getting pretty good at finding ways and alternative kinks to keep us balanced.

Then it hit, everything shut down but for me it got BUSY! Every time we have had a lockdown I go from working a couple of hours in the morning and 2 or 3 in the afternoon to working 10+ hours per day. Yeah, it was a big challenge at the best of times to find time, energy or focus to invest in D/s or M/s.

Neither of us was enjoying it. We kept our heads above water and life carried on but there was no doubt that we wanted more, much more from our dynamic than what we were getting. All of these hours of work also took a huge tole on my body. *sigh* So now I start again.

As I mentioned earlier, this year will be about taking care of me – but I’ve also realized (some time now) that A+B=C. When I get to be his slut, his slave, his whore, when he uses me properly and pushes me into subspace …. I feel better. I mean I feel more in control! LoL I know, funny bunny right?

It’s true, the more I get what I need from this, from Him, the more I in turn want to take care of me too. Sure it’s part to do with being his and serving him BUT it also sparks the flame in me to also take care of me. I’m more confident, more balanced and more determined. With my chronic condition – trust me that’s a major bonus!

Anywho, I’m back and I’m hoping to be back more often. I have a lot of catching up to do with all of you I know. If I comment on old posts, it’s just me getting up to speed! If you’ve since moved on just ignore me! LoL I don’t know if this blog will have a different feel, it has been a long time. If you feel chatty, reach out and if not be well!

Finding moments where we can.

We’re still in lockdown, I’m still working more than I should be because of it. Time is short, energy levels are low! We have plenty of things we’d like to do but we just haven’t been able to do them. Same as most of you I’m sure!

We are sneaking in sexy time when we can, taking advantage of every moment. Is it enough? No, not really, but it’s something. It’s a way to try to stay connected until the hours we do get to play.

On the home front, things are still good. I can’t say that a D/s dynamic is overly intense but then outside of kink and sexy times it never has been much of a change in my life/relationship. I think that’s what makes it harder to notice when we can’t kink it up or enjoy impact play.

Let me explain, attitudes, manners and dedicated couple time has never been an issue we needed to address. Communication and respect for one another has been with us since the beginning, the real change came in the form of BDSM and kink.

It’s our connection, our respite and our method of recharging …. and we miss it when we can’t.

Looks like lockdown isn’t going anywhere just yet and so it will be more then the 3 weeks I had first mentioned before I might get back here more regularly.

Hope you are all keeping well! ❤

This year, I’m taking care of *me*.

I don’t read much by way of ‘lifestyle’ blogs/posts so I can’t say that this isn’t out there, but it is something I haven’t seen much of and so I thought I’d put some of these thoughts ‘here’ and out of my head!

I remember originally searching and finding (or trying to) like minded people to share ideas with and information. I remember much of what we discussed, what the different ideas were and how it all seemed connected in one way or another. It was nice to have that circle to turn to but it did eventually make one thing pretty obvious. There was blog after blog about how to take care of your dom/me but nothing really about how to take care of you, the submissive.

It seems that when starting out in this exciting and all encompassing world of D/s ‘how to be a good submissive’ is a very widely sought after course! Kinky ideas are usually pretty easy to find, spanking videos and how-to’s are a dime a dozen and ‘letting go of all control’ memes would lead you to believe that if you just do it ‘right’ all your problems will soon be a thing of the past! *chuckle*

Raise your hand if you have found that to be true … please, anyone. Raise your hand, don’t be shy …. *wink*

I don’t think it takes too long for even the most optimistic of us to realize that that is simply not true! D/s (or whatever dynamic you chose) is a great addition to a relationship, a healthy relationship, and can even help to provide tools for a relationship that is perhaps in need of a nudge.

It does not however, provide a cure all and it does not make it so that things and situations don’t creep back up from time to time. Whether the issues are personal or from outside the relationship – life will go on. I mean, I have thought of getting onto a secluded island or a cabin in the woods! The latter being more my style anyway, but I have yet to make that dream a reality.

Alas, what I wish I had seen more of was information on the importance of self care, the importance of taking time to recharge and the importance of realizing/knowing that that too is part of submission.

I’m not saying I never ran into a post, or two, that covered this topic because I did. I just wish it was something more in the forefront, more pronounced. Almost like a prerequisite to entering the ‘school of submission’.

What I have seen is too many run into less than ideal situations because they didn’t realize that you can and as a matter of fact NEED TO take care of yourself first if you want to be good at whatever it is you have decided to pursue. Secondly, it’s not your dominant’s job to take care of you, not like this. As an adult you have a responsibility for yourself.

Yes, a dominant will always do their best (or at least they should strive to I would think) to take care of any issues that arise and that they can identify but they are neither god nor a mind reader. Even if they could see it coming quite frankly it’s unrealistic and unfair to believe they will be able to spot and ‘fix’ all of life’s trials and troubles.

These relationships require consent and that can only be given by rational, reasonable adults. As such we need to understand that we are still ultimately in charge of and responsible for our own lives. D/s doesn’t change that,….

It does give us a shoulder to lean on and perhaps, if we are really lucky, someone to carry the load for a while until we get back to ourselves.

It does give us a closeness and connection that may often confuse those not in the know.

It does give us a soft place to fall (or kneel) when we just can’t seem to find the strength to keep standing.

It does not however take the place of ‘real life’. It simply enhances it.

It does not take away our responsibility for ourselves, either. So yes, this year I’m taking care of me. I’m not sure if I’d give myself that privilege if not for the strength and support of the Bear, that much I can say. It was however something I had to rationalize and set for myself.

He’s the Dom, he ‘signed off’ which I knew he would because after all – It is his job to take care of me, right?? LoL

Why is it we complicate things so? He’s made me take care of me more and so I have been able to set time and space to do so. Now, I know what I need, why does he have to figure that out too in order for it to be ‘real D/s’ and not leading or some other dumb sh*t?

Remember that ‘rule’ in school …

K.I.S.S.

Keep It Simple Silly!

Well, that’s the plan anyway …

Over the past few years that has become my catch phrase!! LoL

Not because I can’t decide, not because I can’t commit – No, It’s because my body and brain will often change ‘the plan’ for me.

As someone who likes structure and being prepared as well as having a bit of a perfectionist streak (no comment needed, Bear!) it can be mentally and emotionally challenging to accept the situation and change my attitude. Or at least it was. Those days are, for the most part, behind me now.

Much of what I write about my life and chronic issues is left to my other blog site but once in a while it does crash head on into my D/s adventures as well. That is pretty much where I find myself now. Bear and I keep trying to add and implement rituals we both know help to maintain the energy levels of sex and kink and D/s that we enjoy and every time I take a ‘turn’!

When I’m in a flare up it tends to carry on for a while and wouldn’t you know it?!? The few moments of ‘normal’ I get are met with an injury or other mishap for the Bear! *shakes head* Of course, right? I can’t say that attitudes change, it’s just that hot, sexy energy that becomes more of a smoldering.

Between that and ongoing Covid restrictions that cause my work load to more than double, well my intentions to start writing here again have been derailed! So i just wanted to let you all know that we are still here and we are still plugging along, just as everyone else.

I would still like to get back to sharing my thoughts and things I’ve learned but I just can’t say exactly when that will be! It looks like maybe 3 weeks in my area before I get my time back again. I’ll hop in when I can, like today, but until things calm back down again for me – Be Well! Take care and keep on keeping on (as the saying goes.)!

Started off good!

This week has been a bit of a bore! It started off good with some fun kinky times! The energy was ‘right’ and even took some chances through the house while the teen slept! lol

My health took a turn though and my body decided it needed to break down for a while! Got the sniffles to boot, no clue how since I really don’t go anywhere these days but we did order some take out. UGH It’s either that or from touching the mail ….. is this ever going to end!?!?

Anyway, Saturday now and I’m hoping to tap into some fun energy and engage in some bratty play with the Bear! What’s the urgency? Well you see, we were on holiday this week and so I guess my mind was hoping for a bit more intense D/s and less – everything else!

Due to the covid numbers in our area we are going back into stricter lockdown and that actually makes my work day longer, not shorter!! This week was probably the last chance in another long while that we really had time to focus on our relationship and fun times while letting the rest just wait for a while. Seems life had other ideas …. *shrug*

I miss a more intense and sometimes structured way of living our D/s and Bear tends to be more on the casual side. I honestly think we both benefit from short periods of more intentional D/s energy and structure. I’m not sure if trying to do that all the time would work right now because we both still have too much ‘life’ around us BUT taking small breaks from reality and pretending we’re carefree and have all the time in the world for just ‘this’ is nice sometimes!!

I’ve always said I’m not a one trick pony (or rabbit in this case!) and I do need more than just one form/type/dynamic … ? Not sure what term to use here, the point is I need some M/s time in my life in order to relax, I need some D/s time in my life in order to be calm, and I need some ‘bunny’ time in my life in order to be fun and free!

I was hoping for a bit more of that this week but as I said, life had other plans!

It’s going to be busy and we’re going to be tired but I think it’s time to sit down and make a plan, a D/s plan, so that He gets what He needs and I get what I need. I’ve been at this too long to let it go off the rails because I know I’m going to need more, and I know He’ll happily ignore it if He can! 😛

Even doms need a kick in the back side once in a while – Just don’t tell him I said so! Still waiting for the bruises to leave my butt from our earlier fun! *wink*

Stay safe! Be kinky! Have fun! ❤

Looking for …..

Does anyone here know where I might find some good information on a brat/brat tamer dynamic?

I suppose S.A.M. (smart @ss masochist) would also be something of interest. Bear and I are evolving, again, and I think I may be ready to try to tap into this aspect of BDSM.

I’m not talking about being rude or disrespectful or disregarding rules – more of a warrior needing conquer not simply submitting. That said, a little bit of naughty is always fun! *wink*

Chime in, send a link, whatever you may have is appreciated!

Thanks!!!

Jerks are everywhere – even in BDSM.

You know what’s really sad, insulting and even a bit laughable? When you post your truth, when you try to show the world what your BDSM and D/s looks like, to be honest, real …. and then someone tries to use that moment in time and turn it into an opportunity to try to steal your partner away.

I’m not interested in being a site that only speaks about the fun, kinky and full on power exchange moments. I’m in a live in, married, 24/7 relationship with the man I fell in love with a quarter century ago. We share 2 children, 2 dogs, two cars and a nice Georgian style home with a very large, beautiful but very work laden back yard.

There are many more facets to our lives than just BDSM and D/s.

I like to include some of that in my blog because it gives a fuller picture of what real life looks like, not the porn videos or fiction story books. Whatever you read however is just a snippet – a moment in time. It’s not always indicative of that week or even that day.

In fact, I use writing as a way to work through whatever stress is on my mind and it very often has left me by the end of the post. I imagine it works this way for many of us who chose to write.

None of us need your rudeness in stepping in and trying to overtake what we have worked so hard to build.

****************** *********************

This is not a normal issue for me here, I keep things tame enough to keep most interest at bay I suppose. But there is always someone, humm? Consider this your scolding, if you want a DOM/ME so bad believe me I can turn on a dime. I might not be an alfa, but I could be.

MANNERS!

You want to be considered by someone, anyone who lives with integrity and in the lifestyle, than work on your damn manners. Bad form I say, and even if someone here was looking to expand our circle, which we are not, we would only consider those who have proper manners and know their place.

I might be His rabbit but I am always a Warrior. I may not be a sadist but I can certainly have you doing ‘jumping jacks if you over step again.

Cravings – or lack there of!

Lately I’ve been the furthest thing from ‘kinky’. My want or need to ‘play’ has all but disappeared and I’m not really sure why.

Bear has been craving a bit more I think but he hasn’t asked and so I haven’t bothered. He has used just a few rituals, asked for some minor things – like sitting at his feet on the weekends for our morning coffee. That’s about it though.

Sometimes it occurs to me that we haven’t done anything ‘D/s’ in some time, weeks maybe … and that I should be hot and horny by now, but I’m not! A flicker of interest from time to time, but nothing more, it doesn’t seem to go past an intelectual thought – not an emotional need. At least not right now.

My body has been sore and exhausted lately, it seems to happen this way in the spring time. Allergies and hEDS combine to make my life VERY COMPLICATED! Thankfully life in general seems calm these days, the boys are finally well on track and Bear and I are as usual, fine.

Happy.

Content.

Nothing to worry about, no complaints.

Well, almost no complaints! The lack of privacy and alone time makes spankings and other impact play a distant memory. As much as we try to tap into other methods of keeping the energy alive the truth is that I am a masochist and He a sadist.

When the BDSM is taken away it is very hard for us to keep the same levels of kinky energy and horny want – alive!!

Our dominant and submissive energies are very much linked to kink. Domestic duties and acts of service are simply just too ‘normal’ here, those things were part of us before we ventured into the world of dominance and submission and as much as they are/or can be part of power exchange relationships, for us they were just life.

When I was writing more it was a bit easier, when I was chatting with others in the lifestyle it was easier. When I was reading and researching kink it was easier. I do wish sometimes that we had a circle or like minded friends, but we don’t and so the lack of kink has created a lack of interest on my part. Add that too low energy and body pain and I’m afraid I’m really not responding the way I know he would appreciate.

Although I’ve been his since the beginning (like in a D/s sense) my personal energy source for submission has always been BDSM and an active sex life.

What about you? What’s your dominant or submissive source of energy?