What a strange summer … and submissive mindfulness.

This summer break has been a really odd one for me. I think things have been odd for many people with the pandemic and all the changes that it has brought! But, that’s not what I’m talking about.

For me, this was to be a ‘back to normal’ summer. Normal in terms of time and holidays and having time to myself! Last summer I ended up having to work because the littles I take care of during the school year had no where to go if their parents were ‘essential’. Sure there were spaces for childcare made by the government but they were few and none here in our town!! :O So instead of taking my summer off I worked.

It was hell on my body and that didn’t help my submission either. By the time the day was done and everyday chores were done so was I! *chuckle* This year I took the summer for myself again.

It’s been a month and a half now and it feels like I haven’t started my holiday yet! Mentally and physically I just don’t feel ‘right’. I don’t feel rested, my body is still struggling to get back to my normal, I’m still not ‘well’. Even with all the distancing and the ‘hibernating’ in the house I still seem to catch a ‘bug’ more often than not. It’s not covid but it still hits me hard due to the hEDS I suppose. My immune system is just not up to the job!! I keep hoping that if I can finally get some rest and back to a regular exercise program I can get my health back ….. but I really don’t know if that will come true.

For now I’m trying to not get down mentally and to enjoy what few minutes I do get but I may be starting to lose that battle. The closer it gets to September and school once more the less I feel like I’m going to have my ‘summer break’ at all. It hasn’t helped our kinky dynamic either. We make plans and have rituals set up and then they need to be changed or stopped due to ‘life’ and illness.

I like to have rules and rituals set up, it helps me to get my mindset right where I like it. It seems to make things feel more real, more intense. When those are more suggestions than rules it gets harder for me to stay focused. It’s not impossible but it certainly is more work mentally!!

I keep going back to mindful submission when I notice that it’s more of a daydream than a settled feeling. I find that the key to my submission is allowing those thoughts and feelings to flow freely inside of me. I try to tap into that well of knowledge that I have gained over the years and I let those thoughts and feelings out.

When I adjust my outlook my perception of the things he does also changes. Domination and leadership doesn’t need to be harsh or loud, it can be understated and subtle. When I pay attention I notice his dominance coming through more, that feeds my submission and so it comes through to him, Then he again notices too … and the cycle continues.

I think that when my submissive thoughts and feelings are flowing freely his dominance is fed and so it too flows more strongly. The reverse is true for me as well. When we are in the heights of our dynamic it happens without notice. When things are a bit quieter for whatever the reason, it takes some effort to tap into but it’s still there.

Submission is a choice, it’s up to me to chose to let it flow. To continue the cycle …

7 thoughts on “What a strange summer … and submissive mindfulness.

  1. Regarding health and energy, I don’t know if you drink kombucha. It is one health thing I started about 5 years ago and it has transformed my life. I drink it first thing in the morning, before anything else, and wait at least 30 minutes to have anything else. It has been good for mood, energy, and weight loss. But most of all, I haven’t gotten sick once since I started drinking it. I think it has supercharged my immune system.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for the info, gb! Unfortunately my condition is not so easily managed. Ehlers–Danlos syndromes (EDS) are a group of rare genetic connective-tissue disorders. The constant trauma, inflammation and lack of sleep are my main opponents. None of that helps my immune system or energy levels.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you! 🙂
        Think of it as you would tendonitis or a sprain for example. Ice, sometimes heat if there is no swelling and rest. When not in a flare or injured I do stretches and exercise but try to be careful of not using weights or doing ‘too much’ and risk starting all over again. Since it is a chronic issue it does sometimes result in surgery just like chronic tendonitis because the tissues sometimes can no longer heal.
        It affects all my soft tissues so breathing can be hard, chest pains and just all over swelling of my hands and feet/legs happens too. At these times I just take advil and use topicals and wait.
        I could go on but I use my other site for that! LoL
        Hope you’re well! 🙂

        Liked by 2 people

      2. That sounds tough. You are courageous for sharing. Thank you. I’ve been reading a lot about chronic illness as three dear people have succumbed, and I am finding it very interesting. I can’t make any parallels to what you have but the contribution of stress has a huge impact.

        Liked by 2 people

      3. I’m sorry you’ve had experiences with these types of things as well. Part of the reason I try to share my experience is because it is so rare, in my case at least, is to help those others who have similar experiences.
        You are absolutely right, stress is a huge factor and to bring it full circle, that’s what BDSM helps me with. *smiles*

        Liked by 2 people

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