This year, I’m taking care of *me*.

I don’t read much by way of ‘lifestyle’ blogs/posts so I can’t say that this isn’t out there, but it is something I haven’t seen much of and so I thought I’d put some of these thoughts ‘here’ and out of my head!

I remember originally searching and finding (or trying to) like minded people to share ideas with and information. I remember much of what we discussed, what the different ideas were and how it all seemed connected in one way or another. It was nice to have that circle to turn to but it did eventually make one thing pretty obvious. There was blog after blog about how to take care of your dom/me but nothing really about how to take care of you, the submissive.

It seems that when starting out in this exciting and all encompassing world of D/s ‘how to be a good submissive’ is a very widely sought after course! Kinky ideas are usually pretty easy to find, spanking videos and how-to’s are a dime a dozen and ‘letting go of all control’ memes would lead you to believe that if you just do it ‘right’ all your problems will soon be a thing of the past! *chuckle*

Raise your hand if you have found that to be true … please, anyone. Raise your hand, don’t be shy …. *wink*

I don’t think it takes too long for even the most optimistic of us to realize that that is simply not true! D/s (or whatever dynamic you chose) is a great addition to a relationship, a healthy relationship, and can even help to provide tools for a relationship that is perhaps in need of a nudge.

It does not however, provide a cure all and it does not make it so that things and situations don’t creep back up from time to time. Whether the issues are personal or from outside the relationship – life will go on. I mean, I have thought of getting onto a secluded island or a cabin in the woods! The latter being more my style anyway, but I have yet to make that dream a reality.

Alas, what I wish I had seen more of was information on the importance of self care, the importance of taking time to recharge and the importance of realizing/knowing that that too is part of submission.

I’m not saying I never ran into a post, or two, that covered this topic because I did. I just wish it was something more in the forefront, more pronounced. Almost like a prerequisite to entering the ‘school of submission’.

What I have seen is too many run into less than ideal situations because they didn’t realize that you can and as a matter of fact NEED TO take care of yourself first if you want to be good at whatever it is you have decided to pursue. Secondly, it’s not your dominant’s job to take care of you, not like this. As an adult you have a responsibility for yourself.

Yes, a dominant will always do their best (or at least they should strive to I would think) to take care of any issues that arise and that they can identify but they are neither god nor a mind reader. Even if they could see it coming quite frankly it’s unrealistic and unfair to believe they will be able to spot and ‘fix’ all of life’s trials and troubles.

These relationships require consent and that can only be given by rational, reasonable adults. As such we need to understand that we are still ultimately in charge of and responsible for our own lives. D/s doesn’t change that,….

It does give us a shoulder to lean on and perhaps, if we are really lucky, someone to carry the load for a while until we get back to ourselves.

It does give us a closeness and connection that may often confuse those not in the know.

It does give us a soft place to fall (or kneel) when we just can’t seem to find the strength to keep standing.

It does not however take the place of ‘real life’. It simply enhances it.

It does not take away our responsibility for ourselves, either. So yes, this year I’m taking care of me. I’m not sure if I’d give myself that privilege if not for the strength and support of the Bear, that much I can say. It was however something I had to rationalize and set for myself.

He’s the Dom, he ‘signed off’ which I knew he would because after all – It is his job to take care of me, right?? LoL

Why is it we complicate things so? He’s made me take care of me more and so I have been able to set time and space to do so. Now, I know what I need, why does he have to figure that out too in order for it to be ‘real D/s’ and not leading or some other dumb sh*t?

Remember that ‘rule’ in school …

K.I.S.S.

Keep It Simple Silly!

2 thoughts on “This year, I’m taking care of *me*.

  1. All.
    Of.
    The.
    Above!

    (And just in case there’s any confusion)

    YESSSSSSSSS!!!!!

    Sir can shine a light on my journey, but it is still mine to make.
    He holds my hand, guides and teaches, but I have the responsibility of taking those lessons.

    I say it often- that he knows me better than I know myself. He knows when I need to rest, and when I can push forward. But he never tells me to rest or push (which probably sounds odd?) Having always been more of a pusher he has taught me (through tasks) to be more organised. And those lessons I transfer to the part of my world which is solely my responsibility. (My Children, relationships, house, work etc) He’s the open arms waiting when I fuck up, but I don’t rely on them to get back up again. Because I know he’s there I have the strength to be human, to get things wrong (OK, I’m still bad at this) and to rest properly when I need to (yeah, OK… I’m a work in progress) but this is my responsibility to pursue, not his to make me.do it. Thank you for the reminder. It’s been one of those weeks and this is exactly where my thoughts needed to return to. (I’ll consider this a *consensual* friendly-fellow-sub-slap-in-the-face reminder to look after me)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I don’t normally run around slapping people *chuckle* but in this i’ll make an exception!

      It took me a long time to realize that going at it alone or never stopping to recharge was not strength, it was a negative emotional response to childhood trauma! I think for some of us it really does take much more strength to actually STOP and take care of us for a change.

      My almost 19 y/o reminded me of that just last week, I’m glad to pay it forward!! 😀 I’m also glad that the message he got from me/us was to take care of himself too.

      I hope the next week brings you calm, if not than at least strength and direction! ❤

      Like

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