He’s a Man

I love Him dearly – I love Him to bits!! And, He drives me crazy!!

He drives me crazy for the same reasons I love Him to bits … he’s a man! (I’m not interested in comments about gender and fluency etc. Bear is a man, identifies as such and is quite happy to be one … so let it go, K??)

His communication style is very ‘man’ like. If you don’t know what I mean than this is likely not the blog for you … sorry. If you do know what I mean, well YOU KNOW what I mean! Argh!

All that said, if I really want to be His submissive than I need to stop focusing on what it is I think He should say, or do, or ‘word it like’ … and just simply take what He says either at face value or at what I’m pretty sure He means.

If I’m not sure I need to just ask – and not turn it into a ‘thing’ that then becomes an issue and then a problem etc. You see where I’m going don’t you?

We communicate differently and when we do it can become hard for me to merge that idea in my head with the reality that is. If I put the fantasy and emotion out of the equation – the truth is I know what He means, and doesn’t mean. I’ve known Him 25+ years now and I know Him better than anyone.

So why lean into the negative story that only wants trouble when I know He simply didn’t tell me the way I was expecting? (Ah, expectations – the angst of all submissives, right??).

When I’m deeper into -sub mindset- it’s harder to be rational, that’s why. When I’m not, I have a choice. I chose to go with what I know of Him and not start anything by way of trouble. The world has plenty of that – I prefer happy!

Sorry for the ramble, just getting my feet wet again with words! *wink*

6 thoughts on “He’s a Man

  1. I tell HD all the time that I don’t know how to interpret caveman grunting lol. He has to use actual words with me. (So now he tries to talk to me when he’s brushing his teeth, by using motions and grunts. Charades was never my strong suit and I very rarely know what he’s talking about, but he does it all the time!)

    The submissive mental space is a wonderful place, but the hazard is that we tend to be less rational and more easily swayed (which is why it is so so so crucial to have a partner who is responsible.) If HD tells me something when I am in that space, I believe him. Afterward we have to talk about and he has to tell me it’s fantasy and he wasn’t serious, or else I will believe he was. (We learned that the hard way.) I can also invoke my own meltdown/spiral because I am less able to rationalize and realize that HD isn’t going to do the things he said he was.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Never apologise for the ramblings Nijntje.

    I was s o glad I had boys. Not just because I don’t do make up, but because my communication style is man like. Direct and to the point. What I say is what I mean, and… on occasion… I’ve been known to grunt too. (Fortunately the grunts miss the blog!)

    25 years is a lot of learning time… You can do this! Keep happy!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh thank you! I know it all works out, I just don’t like to write a one sided blog in case anyone thinks ‘this is it’! lol

      I’ve always been very direct as well, it was not always well received in my younger years but I’ve learned how to better communicate as well. 🙂 Live and learn, right? Plus Bear has taught me much about ‘people-ing’, NOT my forte. 😉

      The grunts were usually during play *smirk* made it hard to figure out what He wanted me to do next! lol He’s direct now ….

      I hope you’re doing well, I do miss your blog on here!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Absolutely, live and learn. I think D/s makes those lessons more visible too.

        The need for absolute communication, in your case. And patience in mine. (I’d be inserting an angelic emoji here, but don’t have the right keyboard!)

        I’m back and writing. I lost my words for too long, but they came back! And now, with the children back at school, I have free space in my head to read and comment around my favourite blogs. I had missed your corner of the internet, so I’m pleased to be back enjoying your words. 🙂

        Who knows, as the year goes on I may even find some new ones?

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Ah yes, this pandemic has more than doubled more work load. I’m glad to have the kids back to school as well, fingers crossed they stay there! :O

        I’m glad you’ve found your words, I didn’t feel right without mine either. Here’s to brighter days for both of us!! *smiles*


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