Some personal truths

BDSM and impact play keep me ‘sexy’, sexy keeps me interested in intimacy.

I read somewhere that the true (yes, take that with a grain of salt) definition of a masochist is someone who gets no sexual satisfaction without pain.

For some time now I’ve had no interest in sex and it’s mainly to do with the fact that we have NO opportunity for BDSM and impact play.

Maybe that’s a bit of a misstatement, I am interested in sex I’m just not in the slightest turned on.

Once in a very long while when He gets a chance and I get the slightest bit of pain, like a quick swat on the butt, there is a charge of energy that flows …. and all of a sudden these little bunny ears perk up. I know it’s pretty much the same for Him.

Once in a while when He has the energy and thought to add a bit of naughty dominance to my day, same thing, the bunny ears start paying attention at least for a moment.

Without the impact play, bondage or kink, i’m simply not interested in sex.

Yes sure He is still the Dom and i’m still His submissive, sure if He wanted something from me He could have it but that’s not really the way it’s suppose to feel, is it? So he hasn’t ‘asked’ for anything because He’s just as off as i am.

I know that your sexual impulses ebb and flow just like everything else in life but i can’t help but think that i’m much more likely to be ‘flowing’ LoL if we had the opportunity to play.

My sexual impulses are linked to my masochism and His are linked to His sadism.

Fine kettle of fish we’ve gotten ourselves into ….


15 thoughts on “Some personal truths

    1. I’m sorry you can empathize and even more sorry to hear things didn’t turn around for you!

      We are working back to ‘our normal’ like i had mentioned in my previous post of ‘new attitude’ of focus. 🙂 It’s working well, slow of course because until we get privacy, noise will always be an issue. UGH I’ve back tracked a bit in time you could say, now that i can put words to it …

      Stress is building and patience is getting thin, so I’m just writing it out and maybe someone else will see that it’s not all fun and games all the time. These slow times are normal in a long term relationship i think. Many of the blogs out there concentrate on the sexy, fun times, i guess i’m hoping to add a bit of balance to that.


  1. One of the reasons I have always struggled with calling myself a masochist is that I don’t actually enjoy pain or need pain. What I enjoy about pain is the Dominant energy HD gives off when he’s administering it. Pain is a side-effect, essentially.

    I hate it that your life is so hectic the two of you have to put play on hold. 😦 Foregoing the physical aspect of bdsm for a long period of time is detrimental to the emotional aspect, but sometimes it just can’t be helped. My fingers are crossed that you get some calm, peace, and privacy soon!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think (this is just me) that a masochist needs pain in one way or another. For example, if you need the pain to feel the dominance than it’s still masochism. IF however you endure the pain because HE needs it, than perhaps you’re right and there is another thing all together at play. None better than the other etc., just different, so i can understand your reluctance.

      Life, well yes it has been very difficult lately and I think you’re right it is a determent emotionally. It’s not that it makes me sad or mad or depressed, it just doesn’t allow me the release of stress so that i can be my full force self moving forward.

      A warrior starved is not as effective as a warrior well fed. I think that would be the most accurate way of describing how it feels, to me. 🙂

      Thank you for your well wishes, I know you have plenty on your plate too! Sending some positive energy back to you …


      1. By your definition, I am a masochist *grumble grumble* I -do- need pain from HD, and there are times when I crave it more than others. I don’t want it from anyone else, just him….I guess that does still make me a masochist. Shhhh…don’t let him know! 😛
        Some of the reluctance also stems from the perception that ‘masochist’ equate to ‘see how much pain I can take’ in some crowds. I certainly don’t want others to think that because I use that word, I -want- to be hurt beyond my capabilities or play in extreme ways, and there are many who feel that’s what a masochist is and does.

        That’s a great description! It feels that way with me, I can’t function as well as a submissive if I haven’t had my submission fed through active engagement. When HD and I can’t do the things we need to keep connected, the energy wanes and it’s harder to get back on track.

        Thank you. We are getting some things settled so hopefully we will be back in the swing of things soon. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I think the ones that go to extremes are more on the side of self harm than masochism personally. Having been on both sides of this thing, that is the opinion i came to. Many will disagree, many will even say that it replaces their self harm and therefore is a good thing. If you are still damaging your body in some way, well to me that’s not a good replacement. But anyway ….

        Glad to hear things are getting settled for you guys!! *smiles*

        Liked by 1 person

      3. There are some that definitely fall into the realm of harm, and I try to avoid those sorts of images if I can. I think one of my concerns about attending any events and play parties is that they are likely to have more extreme (at least, what -I- consider extreme) scenes, and I don’t know how I would handle that. Quite a lot of things that are considered fairly normal or standard in bdsm are far beyond my desires or capabilities, and I have a very difficult time even looking at images of them. Like needles. *shudder* Cannot stand the idea of needle play.

        It really boils down to the subjectiveness of the whole thing. For us, damaging the body is too extreme. For others, they get some sort of emotional release from it. I don’t like it, but as long as it’s consensual and done safely, I try not to take too much issue with it. I avoid as much as I can.

        A good spanking though… that I can definitely get behind. 😛

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Oh I understand what you mean. I have no idea what the play parties would be like but most things I have read tend to be more on the calmer side. I imagine you could find out by asking a couple of questions just how intense things got at any given event?!?

        As far as I’m concerned anything causing real damage to the body is self harm, most people don’t want to think of it that way but the emotional release is the same whether it is self imposed or not and the issues behind the need are too.

        I think if you are using it as a coping mechanism for life than you likely should be looking at other avenues for help. If it’s more recreational, than it really is just person preference. (I think that makes sense.) I like to play as a release *after* things have been handled, not as a means to handle things.

        Basically if you self harm and stop but now have someone else do it, you are not ‘cured’. It’s no different than saying you are no longer an alcoholic because someone else is pouring the drinks.
        *Stepping down now ….*

        Liked by 1 person

      5. With the requirements necessary to be vetted to attend local play parties, lots of questions must be asked anyway. May as well add questions about the level of play/likelihood of extreme play to the list. 🙂

        Makes sense to me. I am sure there are many who use kink as a means of coping, and I know there are many who engage in more extreme forms (at least, extreme in my humble opinion). I can understand the appeal to some extent, at least in fantasy, but fantasy is far different than reality and reality just squicks me out, lol.

        Some people use bdsm as therapy instead of actual therapy.

        Liked by 1 person

      6. Completely on the same page!
        I won’t play unless i’m mentally ‘good’. BDSM does not take place of therapy and I wish more people understood that.

        Anyway, hope you’re having a wonderful day! Spring is in the air here, the birds are out and the sun has decided to join us as well. It’s nice …. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      7. I’m jealous! The last two days have been nothing but torrential rain here, so no nice weather for me. On the positive, the cats have enjoyed watching all the rain, so they have been entertained. 😀

        Liked by 1 person

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