Well, it’s not really a new approach, it’s the same as when i started down this road.
Life has been terribly hectic for a long time now. BDSM has all but disappeared from our days and my masochistic side is buried way deep down. I hate to admit it but my submission is very much linked to my masochism, not just sex but *pain*.
To be completely frank, i’m likely better quantified as a masochist dominant than anything else. I explained some time ago that my submission was more a dominant act than anything else and that really hasn’t changed. Confusing to some perhaps but there it is!
I don’t really subscribe to this notion that you are either submissive or dominant, i don’t think it’s an either/or at all. I think any well-rounded individual has the capacity for both, it really just depends on what you want/need in the moment and it is up for changing, if you are. But i will leave the psychological stuff for now ….
The point is that i haven’t really put much effort into the submissive side that i had once embraced. The reasons are varied, work, physical pain (not the consensual kind), kids, mental health issues, school issues, family etc. etc., the list goes on and on.
I’ve put my own wants and needs on the back burner because i have had too many other responsibilities that i just couldn’t imagine shrugging off. Time, attention, focus has all been for the betterment of life and family and people depending on me. So *me* simply had to wait. But that can only go on for so long before even the most dominant of us need some self care!!
The fantasy and the frenzy have long been gone here. I’m much too pragmatic to not have taken the entire experience apart a long time ago to make it to the answers of how and what and why … LoL Submissive or not I am who I am. *wink*
So, if i want to tap back into that energy that we don’t seem to be getting right now i’m going to have to tap back into those things that help it to flow, easier. I don’t know exactly how it will feel this time around, i’m pretty certain that it won’t be the same as the first go ’round. I’m guessing that it won’t be anything close to be honest.
The first time i just really wanted to imagine a life entirely different than the one i was leaving behind. But that’s not really how it works is it? You don’t leave anything behind at all, you add to it, maybe change it up a bit and maybe/hopefully push aside some bad habits that you’ve picked up over the years. But you are both still the same people, you have just simply shifted a bit. That’s the way i look at it now, i think it’s more realistic for couples like us who started one way and then many years later adopted this life.
So i’m going to start doing the things i did that triggered his dominance, his sadistic as well as his protective side. As funny as that sounds *raspberries*, i do know what the answer is, i just need to put my focus back on wanting to take care of this, too!
He is a visual communicator, so i’ll start here! *wink* You’ll have to take a new one, Sir. My hair is so much longer now, the cuffs would disappear. New task ….. ??? *giggle*