Punishments, funishments, rules and regulations …

This is a bit of a complicated subject and i’m hoping to get my point across in the most simple of terms. I know there are plenty of nuances here so if i confuse, feel free to ask. i’m not trying to offend anyone but i do have a very specific way of looking at this topic.

Personally i don’t believe that punishments are a very effective way of changing behaviour, they are however an effective way of feeling and maintaining a power exchange relationship. Some people include it in their dynamic and some don’t, the choice is yours and i’m not trying to tell anyone how they ‘should’ be.

To me the way to elicit change is not through punishment but instead through conversation, communication, a deep dive into the action you are trying to change and the real reason why it happens. Are there cycles or triggers? Those are the things that need to be identified before you can start to make a change.

Once you have this knowledge you can then start to put into place guidelines, rules and regulations to help manage that behaviour. Come to an understanding as to why this is important to you and set a goal.

Now many a submissive also tends to be on the perfectionist side. We tend to be very hard on ourselves and expect miracles …. yeah, that’s not how human nature works, is it? Even if you are lucky enough to manage to escape your perfectionism as a submissive one of the worst things that can happen is that you let down your dominant.

When something happens that falls into that category of let down, that’s when punishment comes into play in my view. But not right away! Again communication comes first, explore the why it happened and what if anything needs to be changed to try to manage it for next time. Only then should/could a punishment be considered.

In my experience the effectiveness of a punishment is not to change behaviour but instead to allow for closure and to move forward! It allows the submissive to forgive themselves and allows the power exchange to once again be established and flourish. Many a masochist will tell you that spankings are not effective as punishments and in a sense i agree but when done in this light, well my experience is that it does work.

It’s cathartic, it’s obvious and it allows for the release of the guilty energy so that you can get back to each other instead of away.

… to be continued, thoughts?

9 thoughts on “Punishments, funishments, rules and regulations …

    1. Thank you, i think that’s one of the most important aspects of it for me and the Bear. He was never keen on the idea of punishments in the beginning but the fact that it helps my mind and my heart, now that He IS keen on.

      Hope you are well! I haven’t seen anything in a short while and you have been on my mind! 🙂


  1. I agree a punishment never changed a behavior, we had to look at the cause behind the behavior. And knowing I let him down bothers me more than if he had spanked me for said offense.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I can agree with what you are saying here. HD and I do have a punishment dynamic, but I don’t find that the actual punishment is what encourages me to modify my behavior. The acknowledgement of my error and subsequent disappointment in my husband causes me to feel disappointed with myself. The punishment is more about keeping both of us on the same page about the mistake and cleansing the atmosphere…i.e., rather than letting it stew, we address the issue. Once the punishment is complete, the infraction is placed firmly in the past and considered dealt with by both parties. It’s like a ritual, and it allows us to cope with things quickly and efficiently, preventing any lingering resentment or guilt or anger.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. ‘infraction is placed firmly in the past’
      Exactly! The issue is dealt with and done, to both. It doesn’t have to be spankings it can be anything, very much a forgive and forget ritual as you said.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I can definitely see your point here, and you’re right, spanking doesn’t bring about the change desired… but it does restore the power exchange if needed. As with anything, open communication is the only way to really have an impact. But, that only works if the other is willing to listen as well. Personally, I’ve never believed in punishment just for the sake of punishment. Instead, I’d rather do something that is going to build someone up and make them be more open to explore what is really going on. It can be called “punishment” but it really is just creating an open dialogue.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yup for all of it, it is about communication and about doing something constructive to help bring change. What the ‘punishment’ does for us (me) however is the act of putting it behind me and most importantly OUT-OF-MY-HEAD! LoL It doesn’t have to be spanking although that does help with stress relief, but there are many other things you could use. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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