This is a bit of a complicated subject and i’m hoping to get my point across in the most simple of terms. I know there are plenty of nuances here so if i confuse, feel free to ask. i’m not trying to offend anyone but i do have a very specific way of looking at this topic.
Personally i don’t believe that punishments are a very effective way of changing behaviour, they are however an effective way of feeling and maintaining a power exchange relationship. Some people include it in their dynamic and some don’t, the choice is yours and i’m not trying to tell anyone how they ‘should’ be.
To me the way to elicit change is not through punishment but instead through conversation, communication, a deep dive into the action you are trying to change and the real reason why it happens. Are there cycles or triggers? Those are the things that need to be identified before you can start to make a change.
Once you have this knowledge you can then start to put into place guidelines, rules and regulations to help manage that behaviour. Come to an understanding as to why this is important to you and set a goal.
Now many a submissive also tends to be on the perfectionist side. We tend to be very hard on ourselves and expect miracles …. yeah, that’s not how human nature works, is it? Even if you are lucky enough to manage to escape your perfectionism as a submissive one of the worst things that can happen is that you let down your dominant.
When something happens that falls into that category of let down, that’s when punishment comes into play in my view. But not right away! Again communication comes first, explore the why it happened and what if anything needs to be changed to try to manage it for next time. Only then should/could a punishment be considered.
In my experience the effectiveness of a punishment is not to change behaviour but instead to allow for closure and to move forward! It allows the submissive to forgive themselves and allows the power exchange to once again be established and flourish. Many a masochist will tell you that spankings are not effective as punishments and in a sense i agree but when done in this light, well my experience is that it does work.
It’s cathartic, it’s obvious and it allows for the release of the guilty energy so that you can get back to each other instead of away.
… to be continued, thoughts?