In D/s or M/s my needs come before His wants. It’s true, i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again!
I’m not talking about my wants, i’m not talking about spur of the moment impulses (although sometimes that is it) or willy nilly changes of mind or attitude, i’m talking about needs!
A submissive submits because it is fulfilling a need. If that’s not happening than there is no point in submitting, no good reason anyway.
Once my needs are met THEN His wants, needs, aspirations, whims etc ….. then those things come into play. That can happen because i’m in a balanced and happy state, i’m then READY to serve and ready to submit.
Needs change and evolve probably faster than you might think. Some disappear and some get added that really surprise you. This is why communication and honesty is so important.
This is always a good start …. half of the satisfaction comes from learning about these and how to honour and fulfill them.
“There is a vanity in excess penance …. you must have sustenance. “
I think us over achievers and perfectionists would do well to remember this saying. As submissives and dominants alike, beating ourselves up over things that didn’t quite work only damages what we want to work towards anyway.
Look, listen, learn and then move on. Apologize if it’s appropriate but release yourself from the guilt and get back to a happy balanced state.
For me personally this is where any sort of punishment comes in, it allows me to have closure and move on. It’s not about being beat black and blue like some accounts i have read, it’s not about changing behaviour either because frankly it doesn’t work!
It’s about closure, releasing of guilt and getting back to balance.
Happy Friday! ❤
I’m a ‘good woman’, that’s what He tells me.
He says it often lately, again ….
I’m still the same person i have always been, capable of all the good and all the bad at any time. But, for some reason He seems to find it easy to tell me lately that I’m a good woman.
Why? Well because life takes over, it does things and changes things and makes plans go sideways … you know, all the ‘fun’ stuff that can be stressful and irritating. That, that’s what it does …
But me, well, i stay happy and positive and ready to help … or … wait, if that’s what it takes. No pouting, no whining, no issues …. no hard feelings and no sense of being less than.
With all of that out of the way i have no need or want to blame or bicker. But why is that? Am I just a saint? LoL
Remember the few minutes He took with me this morning? The few minutes that meant that i was on His mind and important and wanted?? Yeah, those few minutes … that’s why i can be His ‘good girl’, that’s why i can be patient and wait and not feel cast aside.
It doesn’t take a lot of money or a lot of time. It just takes attention and a moment.
I wrote this about 6 months ago, i couldn’t tell you what ‘the thing’ was that He did exactly because He does ‘things’ all the time. Things that make me content and happy to serve.
I didn’t have the inspiration to finish it then but i think i might now! *wink*
I’ve been waiting and reading for these past 6 months, i’ve been watching what goes on around me and i have more than once thought of deleting this site. i’ve wanted to delete it or change it somehow so that it no longer was a lifestyle blog. No more labels no more submission no more of anything that would identify me with that.
Why? Because i have seen too many people who are being taken advantage of and mistreated all under the guise of D/s or M/s.
Submission is not about letting someone do whatever the h3ll they want and stifling ourselves. Submission is not supposed to feel miserable or oppressive or down right abusive. Submission is not supposed to leave you hurt and broken.
That is not submission, that is not the way a dominant behaves.
No matter what you call yourself or how your dynamic looks the energy and attention needs to come from both sides, all sides, in order for this to work. Blaming and shaming is not D/s, throwing the blame onto someone and beating them down at every turn is not being dominant, it’s abusive!
Now, if for some reason you are someone who has in fact contracted just that than so be it. If you have agreed to be treated this way because it somehow fulfills you than have it it! YOU are not the person i am talking to.
If however you find yourself in a similar situation and it is not what you signed up for than you should speak up. You should never be belittled or punished for using your voice.
COMMUNICATION …. where in there does it say you are not allowed to have thoughts and feelings? To be heard, to be validated and to be honoured for having the courage to share them!!
And one more thing … if you haven’t the tools or knowledge to handle your own immediate house, what the hell makes you think you should be adding to the mess of it all??? If your submissive is not happy and fulfilled it’s not their problem, it’s yours!
Speaking from my own dominant side: If you can’t be around and counted on when the shit hits the fan, what the hell good are you as a dom anyway???
**** In case anyone out there thinks this is about one person and one situation, don’t. Like i said, for 6 months i have read, watched and listened.
I wish i could say this was a one off, but it’s not! It seems to be an epidemic, so please, good and realistic people out there, speak up. The new explorers, old hats and the rest of the internet need to know. That is not D/s, that is not what we stand for and why we crave it so.
That is not us …. ***
I haven’t been feeling so good lately. A ramble ….
When i’m happy and feeling okay i’m pretty silly and goofy. Carefree i guess you could say and happy to the point of the ridiculous. Bear seems to enjoy every minute of it! *raspberries*
When i have things to do and life to take care of i put on my ‘serious side’ and i get things done. Still in a good mood and all but certainly not hopping from side to side sporting a goofy grin! *wink*
When i’m not feeling so good and i have things to do i can feel the weight of the ‘serious’ rabbit having to ‘buck up’ and carry on. i count down the hours until Bear is home because an unwell bunny is a small creature, wanting to curl up tight some where and have no worries at all!!
Bear has been travelling for work more and more these days. Not over night but out of town will sometimes mean later days …. later days mean that bunny has to wait. Bunny makes busy and tried to make Bear proud BUT a sick bunny just feels the weight of the extra time, extra hard.
Bear likes this new side of His job, i know He likes being able to spread out His abilities a bit more and i know Bear is an extrovert at heart and likes the travel and the meeting new people too!
He’s waited for the boys to get bigger before doing anything like this but now His day has come.
I don’t like when Bear is away and i really don’t like when Bear is late …. it’s like the wait physically turns into weight with each passing minute.
Just don’t tell Bear, i don’t want Him feeling guilty …. He deserves to reap the benefits of His hard work.
I just wish i’d get better so it wasn’t so physically hard on me.
I like to post this every so often for any new readers who may be interested in the rest of the story. *wink*
Nothing kinky, nothing lifestyle related, just life. 🙂
This is a mashup of regular life and ‘lifestyle’ post, but then aren’t i always? *giggle*
i mentioned a few posts ago about some of my physical chronic issues and how they tend to affect my life pretty drastically these days. I also just posted about my personality and how that also crashes into the way i feel. Now i’ll try to put into words once again how these things are part of our power exchange 🙂 and most importantly how it keeps me safe and healthy-ish! *giggle*
The last few days have been h3ll on me physically, we spent the weekend working in the yard and trying to get caught up from a less than productive summer outside. The weather has been either too hot and humid or raining, i’ve been suffering because of that and then Bear went and got poison ivy, twice!! And not just a little either, it was a bad case and He had to be very careful not to touch anything green. Kind of hard to do yard work when you can’t touch plants! *chuckle*
So this weekend we did lots of work and my body was already paying the price, then there was the birthday get together that had me running to clean house while working and running boys around. Even just driving is hard on me when i get like this.
By the end of that day i was completely exhausted, and the weather changed …. the heat and humidity came back with a vengeance. I still had running to do with the boys and of course work! By yesterday afternoon i could barely stand and i’m not one to give in to my aches and pains. My body so tired and beat up went into recovery mode. i have had to fight a fever the last few days, yesterday afternoon it caught up with me! OYE
Just as soon as everyone left i changed into comfortable clothes and sat on the couch, didn’t take long before i just had to lay there …. my head, my stomach, my body ….. everything was off and i just had nothing left. Bear was running to help the kids and my brother and then came home to a zombie bunny! LoL
All evening i rested and and all night i tried too. Tylenol for the fever and sleep …. many hours later i’m not feeling too badly today! yays!!
It’s tempting to get back at it, there is always lots to do and of course the boys. I still have work today but my work day is broken into morning and afternoon hours with a large break in between. My mind instantly starts to list what i need to be doing and then i see it …
Yeah, so i’m sitting here typing instead. I’ll run the youngest to and from school and for lunch, i’ll try to get my workout in because it’s good for me mentally and physically and i’ll maybe do some light tidying up. Besides that i’m going to take lots of breaks and just rest. i feel better, i want to stay that way and i know He wants that too.
It’s not about any punishments that He might decide on, He’s very lenient or maybe i’m just that good! *raspberries* It is about the fact that i know He won’t be happy, He will be disappointed and now a days He will tell me.
That’s worse than any punishment He could come up with anyway.
He’s always in my head. He’s always watching ….. He’s my dominant.
Just because someone is a dominant doesn’t mean that they always get it right. Sometimes they get it wrong and this weekend Bear completely misread the situation!
This post isn’t about complaining and it’s not about getting co-misery either, it’s about understanding and perspective. Just because i’m completely content in my dynamic doesn’t mean it’s perfect. It doesn’t mean that nothing ever goes wrong, it means that i’m content in spite of the fact that things DO sometimes go wrong. I’d like to share with you why/how that works for me.
Bear has done something that i really don’t like, it goes completely against my character and He may not realize, but it’s actually something i much prefer to avoid, at all costs! People-ing! And especially when the people-ing is in my regard AND as a result of a forgotten birthday!
His mom and dad are always on the ball with occasions and they have never failed to share love and affection with me. I am very lucky in this family dynamic and there isn’t a day that i don’t appreciate it BUT as luck would have it there has been a lot going on this year and they forgot. And i was relieved …. *sigh*
I hate being the center of attention and i would rather have less gatherings than more in my life. It’s not about the people coming it’s about me. I get exhausted having to deal with people, even the most pleasant and loving ones …. it’s just who i am. It’s not anxiety either, i’m just that much of an introvert!
Well, once Bear figured out that they had forgotten He texted them a reminder. That led to a very apologetic phone call and now a coffee and tea date, tonight!
I/We have spent the entire weekend outside getting caught up on yard work. The house hasn’t been touched and not only that it’s been made messier with the dust and dirt we brought in. My chronic issues make it that i’m very sore and exhausted today and now i have a house to clean.
I’ve had work a few hours this morning and i have a couple more hours of scheduled work this afternoon. The house needs to be cleaned, dinner prepared and my kids run around town here and there ….. Somehow i’m going to be ready for visitors tonight …. OYE!
I could be totally b*tchy about it, i could be p*ssed that i’m in this situation and that He didn’t give me any thought. It would be one valid course of thinking i suppose, but i’m not. I know He didn’t do it because He wasn’t thinking of me, He did it because He was. He wanted to make sure i was seen and appreciated on my day and i know that. He also knows that His parents would feel just awful if they did somehow miss it entirely and He was looking out for that as well.
I get it ….. i just don’t like. I have told Him how i feel and why. Now it’s time to get my bunny butt in gear, because i have company coming tonight and i still have lots to do!!
It’s not the what, it’s the why …. and what perspective i choose to follow!
Hopefully i can get rewarded with a short flogging session later tonight, to ease my aching body!
Most of you may be unaware because most of what i write regarding the boys is done else where but, for a long time now i’ve been trying to right ‘this ship’ of ours. With the help and support of the Bear of course but the brunt of the ‘doing’ generally falls to me.
The new school year has just begun and i’m very tentatively saying that we might actually be mostly back to ‘normal’, or as normal as we get around here anyway!
Bear and i caught ourselves the other night reminiscing on plans we had had about playing hooky once a month or so and having the house to ourselves and the day to play! Hours of uninterrupted, private adult time! I don’t honestly know if i even remember what that is or what it feels like to play without trying to stay quiet or on alert!
That’s not really the way of it, is it??? *chuckle*
So things are in the works and life seems to be getting ever better with the youngest and hopefully pointing in the right direction now with the oldest.
Dare i hope ….. ???
Maybe i’ll be back to writing soon too! 😉 Life has been busy and complicated but i do miss the feel of the keys under my fingertips.