A Good Woman – (for all you Doms/subs and people in general)

I’m a ‘good woman’, that’s what He tells me.

He says it often lately, again ….

I’m still the same person i have always been, capable of all the good and all the bad at any time. But, for some reason He seems to find it easy to tell me lately that I’m a good woman.

Why? Well because life takes over, it does things and changes things and makes plans go sideways … you know, all the ‘fun’ stuff that can be stressful and irritating. That, that’s what it does …

But me, well, i stay happy and positive and ready to help … or … wait, if that’s what it takes. No pouting, no whining, no issues …. no hard feelings and no sense of being less than.

With all of that out of the way i have no need or want to blame or bicker. But why is that? Am I just a saint? LoL

Remember the few minutes He took with me this morning? The few minutes that meant that i was on His mind and important and wanted?? Yeah, those few minutes … that’s why i can be His ‘good girl’, that’s why i can be patient and wait and not feel cast aside.

It doesn’t take a lot of money or a lot of time. It just takes attention and a moment.

I wrote this about 6 months ago, i couldn’t tell you what ‘the thing’ was that He did exactly because He does ‘things’ all the time. Things that make me content and happy to serve.

I didn’t have the inspiration to finish it then but i think i might now! *wink*

I’ve been waiting and reading for these past 6 months, i’ve been watching what goes on around me and i have more than once thought of deleting this site. i’ve wanted to delete it or change it somehow so that it no longer was a lifestyle blog. No more labels no more submission no more of anything that would identify me with that.

Why? Because i have seen too many people who are being taken advantage of and mistreated all under the guise of D/s or M/s.

Submission is not about letting someone do whatever the h3ll they want and stifling ourselves. Submission is not supposed to feel miserable or oppressive or down right abusive. Submission is not supposed to leave you hurt and broken.

That is not submission, that is not the way a dominant behaves.

No matter what you call yourself or how your dynamic looks the energy and attention needs to come from both sides, all sides, in order for this to work. Blaming and shaming is not D/s, throwing the blame onto someone and beating them down at every turn is not being dominant, it’s abusive!

Now, if for some reason you are someone who has in fact contracted just that than so be it. If you have agreed to be treated this way because it somehow fulfills you than have it it! YOU are not the person i am talking to.

If however you find yourself in a similar situation and it is not what you signed up for than you should speak up. You should never be belittled or punished for using your voice.

COMMUNICATION …. where in there does it say you are not allowed to have thoughts and feelings? To be heard, to be validated and to be honoured for having the courage to share them!!

And one more thing … if you haven’t the tools or knowledge to handle your own immediate house, what the hell makes you think you should be adding to the mess of it all??? If your submissive is not happy and fulfilled it’s not their problem, it’s yours!

Speaking from my own dominant side: If you can’t be around and counted on when the shit hits the fan, what the hell good are you as a dom anyway???

**** In case anyone out there thinks this is about one person and one situation, don’t. Like i said, for 6 months i have read, watched and listened.

I wish i could say this was a one off, but it’s not! It seems to be an epidemic, so please, good and realistic people out there, speak up.  The new explorers, old hats and the rest of the internet need to know. That is not D/s, that is not what we stand for and why we crave it so.

That is not us …. ***



16 thoughts on “A Good Woman – (for all you Doms/subs and people in general)

  1. N,
    I love this. Please tell whomever off more often! LOL! Sometimes I read things out there and think, “Ugh! I don’t think I could submit to that gal’s hubby.” Not that I want to. I have my own and I DO want to submit to him because he is sweet, loving, and enjoys dominating and me submitting even though we are still a work in progress. As we learn together, he says he would always rather error on the side of caution than to act like a jerk…… and I agree with him. Thanks for sharing. Hugs, Windy

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Windy! I used to take on these topics more regularly but i guess i lost the inspiration to do so at some point. It just got to seem like it was everywhere and no one wanted to listen anyway.
      Inspiration actually came from seeing someone else who was starting to speak up, so i thought i’d try again. 🙂 *wink*


  2. You know Nijntje, people that meet me or darling S. in the real world would never think of me as submissive. You might notice, in tones and inflections that He is dominant. He never punishes me, he does gently correct so people would never understand what is going on. He might put his hand over mine and apply just the smallest pressure. He has ‘THAT’ voice, but never raised or nasty. His words are never cruel or said to tear me down. He has a way to say ‘kitten’ and it makes me blush and my eyes go wide. To everyone else it is an endearment. There is one other thing he does and because I am a great debater I can at times become obnoxious. Want to know what terrible thing he does to me when I go past the point I should have stopped at? He will sit there and smile at me. Just a little crooked grin and his eyebrow goes up. ‘THAT’ voice softly says my name and I am struck silent. He doesn’t do it to win an argument, it is to let me know I am being stubborn and a bit silly. It usually means if you continue you know what is going to happen… inspecting the paint in the corner of the room. I don’t think darling S. has said a single thing to be cruel or to put me down in the whole time I have known him. That to me is how it should be. ❤ ❤ ❤

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Well said, kitten! I’m so glad to see you back in blogland!! ❤
      I've always believed that dominance should inspire submission, not demand it. It doesn't need to be loud or intense and to me the truth of dominance and leadership is the ability to have people follow in a whisper.
      You have that with S and i've always been very happy to read what you two are willing to share! ❤


  3. I’ve not been a part of this lifestyle for as long as others have, but i’ve noticed things you have online. I’ve had mini rants, fits, and grumbles at times to the trusted people in my life, and they do their best to listen, and give their views.

    What you do with your blog is always your choice, but I will repeat what i’ve previously said. In a sea of kink, deviancy, and what have you, you give this lifestyle a sign that it’s more than just lust. I knew that previously, but, it’s just how you and your husband use the dynamic to help one another strengthen your relationship, and as communication tools, that outshines all the fun in and out of the bedroom.

    For me personally you gave my partner and I the tools to start repairing out lives, both separate and together. Previously I would go into fits, tantrums, hysterics, and he’d get lost in his guilt and grief. We’d both be hurt, and we’d simply live in it. Now unless it’s the worst of it, he’s able to cut through the fog in my brain. Never angry, or demeaning. Never with the idea that punishment is looming. He simply uses gentle but firm words to get through to me. And it works more often than not.

    You have a lot to offer talking about this “world.” I think you have helped more than you know, and if you choose to continue, I and I am sure others, will support you. And if not, then I can’t thank you enough for helping me on my life’s journey when you did.

    Best wishes as always to you and yours.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Shelly! i’m starting to see and understand just that.
      i had shied away from reading those sites because they always made me want to speak out/advocate but i had so many other things going on in my own life i just didn’t have the energy left to try.
      i went completely out of character some time ago and reached out, made a ‘friend’. i wanted to help them, i wanted them to see the beautiful side of this thing we do, it worked for a while and then just like always i got burnt in that connection.
      It always seems with me that people stick around until they get what they need and then they’re gone, more often than not they leave a trail of fire behind. i’m not an overly emotional person but it does tend to wear on me sooner or later. Add to the the issues i mentioned and i was just done …
      i guess we’ll see where this new adventure takes me/us! *smiles*
      You are always so very kind with your comments, i want to let you know i appreciate it very much! It helps me to keep going too!

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I more than understand the idea of people leaving. Sadly it’s been a part of my life for a long time now. My mother says “if you can count on one hand your true friends, you’re blessed.” As I grow older, I understand that more and more. The recent events in my life made me clearly see who truly cares for me in my life, and how loyal they really are. I am very blessed, and now I can’t push it away with self doubts.

        Isn’t it funny how sometimes the worst things in life can have a silver lining? And let you know who your real allies are?

        As for my comments, i’m the kind that is blunt, but I speak my mind and heart. I’ve learned that if I expect people to say and do things for me, I better be willing to give it back in turn. Plus I know that sometimes we all need to know when we’ve done something good. Not just from our significant others, but from those around us.

        Liked by 1 person

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