Submission in marriage, less of a commitment?

I ran across this thought and i wanted to address it here, from my point of view. Now it’s not and was not meant as a criticism to any one or any dynamic so i don’t want anyone to look at it that way, simply a question in hopes of understanding.

I believe the idea was that since you will always have the marriage to fall back on the domination and submission is more ‘play’ than real. In the life of those who chose to just be ‘owned’ by a Master or a Mistress with no other ties, is their submission more complete, more real? If the dynamic stops the relationship stops …. or so is the thought.

I can’t speak for everyone only myself of course but i imagine this really does depend on the person and just how far they are willing to go into the dynamic in the first place.

I would imagine that most couples, even married ones who get into this lifestyle do so in hopes of exploring all avenues of depth and emotion. Most of the ones i have been lucky to know have. That said, i personally don’t think many of us could turn back the clock without noticing a very big loss. Especially if you were lucky enough to find your rhythm, your balance, and enjoy the spoils of your labour for a while.

***Now this is just me, so don’t go getting your tail feather in a knot here …. ***

Personally i have always said, even before D/s, that should anything happen to the Bear, i would NEVER look for another relationship, another commitment. I’ve always joked that any sexual urges would be managed by whomever i fancied that day … and

**shhh, no, i don’t want to know your name, and no i don’t want your number ..**

Now, it seems that would fit quite nicely into a dynamic that is D/s or M/s only and nothing more. (don’t get offended, this is my view for my life) I don’t need ‘love’ in order to play around with BDSM and have sex, i really don’t. Once the ‘ownership’ ran it’s course you simply move on to where your new needs can be met.

No paper work, no kids to worry about, no family ties to complicate things. No joint bank accounts or mortgages etc.  And most importantly, no loss of love or marital commitment and all the comes with that.

As to marriage, for myself getting into a deeper area of ourselves and our connection like we have explored with this is not something you can simply tuck away and carry on from without some major side effects. I can’t just move on to the next adventure that will fulfill my needs and help to ease the loss of the first.

Getting into this inside my marriage to me is a bigger commitment than doing so outside of marriage. The repercussions of changing my mind are greater and therefore deserve more serious thought.

Losing a master is one thing, losing a Master, husband, life partner, best friend and father of my children ….. i’ll let you figure that out.

For some of us who get into this deep enough i believe that once you’ve opened pandora’s box you can never really go back. Not without feeling a huge loss.



9 thoughts on “Submission in marriage, less of a commitment?

  1. Given the enormous potential for personal transformation within D/s and M/s relationships and the relative risk of incompatible evolution patterns, I would have said the exact opposite was true. A marriage to fall back on is also a marriage at stake. But of course I speak from a position of bias.
    *hops away* 🐰💕

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Whip, i agree. Bear and i were just discussing how D/s becomes part of everything we do as a couple, not just sex and kink. If that was to come apart than all other aspects of the marriage would also be forced to come apart. Whether or not you can get it back together would be a very big gamble.
      I’ve missed your comments my friend, hope to see more of them … ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I asked my wife if she thought my submission was just a game I liked to play, or was I truly submissive to her. She said “I believe that you are truly submissive to me”.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, Cincy. I don’t think game is exactly what i was trying to imply, more of a lesser fortitude in commitment. Then again perhaps game is the best descriptor. It suggests exactly that, doesn’t it?

      Anyhow, we feel the same as you both do. 🙂 I don’t believe my submission would be any greater if i wasn’t in a married/committed relationship. I don’t believe the stakes would be greater done outside of marriage, i think they would be less, for me.


  3. I think the premise of “marriage to fall back on” is not a good one. Most marriages dont end up lasting that long or end up having people on totally different paths sinoly sharing a house and some bills….bdsm or not

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks DF, i have seen my share of marriages that didn’t last that’s for sure. I have also seen some that are full of love and connection for many years. Like any relationship it takes work, if you don’t work at it it won’t last …

      However, do you think that submission within marriage is less authentic than that of a submissive outside of marriage? Or do you think like i, it simply depends on the person(s) involved the marriage is really irrelevant or perhaps offers more at stake?


      1. A dynamic is a dynamic..its a lot more to due with a persons headspace. I dare even say it may be that its more authentic inside of a marriage…financial …social…etc. submission is no

        Liked by 1 person

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