Sometimes things happen that really speak to the power of BDSM in our relationship.
I’m off for a few hours in the middle of my day today and so i’m trying to get caught up on some gardening. It had been raining much too much around here to be able to get anything done. Plants had been bought but sat in pots for some time in need of attention and planting.
Today I have a few hours and the sun is shining so today I planted them! *smiles* Normally Bear and i work together in the gardens, getting things weeded and into pots or the ground, but due to the above mentioned circumstance i am working alone!
As i’m getting things into pots and divided i can’t help but miss the extra pair of hands that are usually at the ready! So far however no triggers have been felt. Eventually i find myself working in areas that are small enough to warrant putting away the trowel and using just my hands to scoop dirt and pack it into the pots. That’s when it hits me ….
I’m used to seeing and watching as these big Bear paws move large amounts of dirt and get the job done in a flash as i work behind Him to pack it down. Today however it seems to take many more tiny handfuls! I can’t help but notice how small my hands are compared to Him.
Suddenly i find myself sitting in the sunshine, covered in dirt with my hands in these pots thinking to myself what an odd feeling it is to be okay with that thought! I have a long and complicated history that had taught me to rely on no one and to always strive to be bigger and better than anyone around. Failure was never an option and second place was just not good enough. But mostly if i couldn’t take care of myself i would very soon be done for ….
The idea that someone was bigger and more powerful than me, in any regard, was a very scary place to be in. Dangerous …
When we practice our kinks and BDSM i’m always put in situations where He is more powerful than me, where He holds all the control. Being in that place where He can dominate over me physically and then realizing that i am safe and cared for, watched over and helped to come back down after play has many side effects.
One of the side effects is that i don’t fear being smaller than Him. Instead of what my body and mind had learned for so many years i now am left with the feeling that it’s okay!
It’s okay to be small sometimes because i have big capable Bear paws always on the ready to pick me up and keep me safe. Protect me….
Just thinking out loud today! *smiles*
Happy Tuesday ❤