There is a really stark difference between the way i learn and communicate and the way Bear does. I have learned this over the last 7 years mainly, it’s certainly one of the things we got out of starting D/s.
Although we’ve always had a great relationship it never occurred to me before that i could count on Him to not only help but at times simply ‘do’. I’m not one to count on anyone so the idea was very foreign to me, kind of still is! *chuckle* I’m getting through it and i’m learning to count on Him but i do still get tangled up at times, in my head mainly but also physically these days!
You see we both know how to communicate with words obviously but as far as ‘learning’, I learn through words and reading/writing … but Bear learns through actions and doing!
I can read and visualize, internalize and then problem solve. Naturally that’s also the way i default to, to teach/explain. When i’m tired and down on energy i go into ‘auto mode’ like most of us do i would think. This is when i need Him to take the reigns the most but this is also the time i negate to communicate the way He needs most.
Kind of doubles an issue that really shouldn’t even be one, but we are all human aren’t we and stress and exhaustion will cause issues no matter how connected and committed you are.
I can ‘tell’ Him what i need till i’m blue in the face but the fact is that it really never registers when i do it that way. It’s the way His is, it’s how He’s wired. Doesn’t really make much sense to get frustrated or upset by it. Especially now that i know this! LoL
If i need or want His attention i simply need to position myself accordingly, physically. This is why all the posturing and rituals work well for the Bear. The second i do that He automatically starts whatever it is i need, instinctively it seems. Seems simple enough, wouldn’t you say?
The problem is when i’m ‘down’ and lacking energy i lack the motivation to put myself into those positions. I lack the energy to start! I get stuck in my head and there i stay … words, thoughts, ideas whirl around and next thing you know it’s bed time!
So this is where we’ve been stuck for a while and of course all it does is lessen the spark i need to continue on. The more time i spend inside my head the less i want to be ‘out’! *chuckle* Add this darn cold that has me run down and i really have no umph ….
I over did it this weekend with yard work, my cold is back with a vengeance, not that it went anywhere but now i’m having a hard time breathing too! No oxygen means no energy to a body that was already depleted. *chuckle*
Never a dull moment around these parts.
As much as i don’t have the energy to do anything physical right now i also have no reserves left not to! So sometime soon, when He next touches me or stands before me i am going to take the opportunity to submit. However i can and in whatever position is appropriate, physically …. Sometimes my submission is more forced (by myself) than natural perhaps but that’s okay!
There is no doubt in my mind that this post might not kick start whatever it is i need *chuckle* but when He sees me in a position He recognizes, He will pick me up and take the weight off my shoulders. Submission needs to be done in a way that works for Him, otherwise it’s just me imposing my will, not yielding to His.
Happy Monday!! ❤