Today – personal post

I’ve been frustrated lately, bordering on angry.

Maybe more than bordering.

I haven’t been feeling very well and now a virus to boot!

We’ve got plans for tonight, friend’s anniversary party and i don’t feel much like going.

I have wanted less and less to do with socializing lately. I feel like it’s more of a chore again than ‘fun’. Not sure why that is, could be peri-menopause, could just be that i’ve had enough for now and need a break from it.

Could be that i’m not getting any ‘respite’ and so i haven’t got the energy to keep going.

My mind is cluttered, it never stops. There is no room left for fun and games. No room for patience either TBH.

I’m working full time right now which doesn’t allow for ‘tasks’ or rituals during the day hours. He is not doing anything when it comes to ‘rituals’ in the evenings either.

There are physical manifestations of His dominance from Him, don’t get me wrong, He is trying to keep the energy. He’s not including ME physically though and as a result i’m moving further and further away from responding.

So i’m getting frustrated …. just because i’m submissive to Him doesn’t mean i don’t get angry.

I get that no one can be ‘on’ all the time but i’m too tired to be the one starting this time.

I’m very good at feeding His DOM and i know that’s important but right now i haven’t got that spark left inside of me. This has been going on for a long while and i’m on empty again i guess you could say.

May is mental health month and BDSM and sex helps my mental health. I know that’s not an unusual concept!

He’s not used to me being quiet and reserved but my ‘bunny’ has gone to bed. I don’t feel good (physically) and i haven’t the energy to be ‘happy’. I am still trying my best to be actively submissive.

Best I can do right now is keep my commentary to myself. I have a wicked and dark sense of humour. I’m witty, quick and mean.  Conversations around the dinner table have been interesting lately, the boys are just as wicked! LoL I guess we all need to blow off some steam, good thing no one else can hear us! 😛

I’m naturally introverted and i like being alone. All in all i’m not looking forward to going out tonight. For extroverts being out and socializing energizes them, for introverts it depletes us. It’s not that i’m worried or anxious, i just don’t ‘like’ it.

Normally i tap into ‘bunny’ and i practically do hop around and wiggle every where i go, but like i said, bunny is asleep. I haven’t the right energy to enjoy being out right now and i feel like h3ll.

TAG Sir ….. it’s your turn.

*** writing things out always gets them out of my head. No need to commiserate with me, no worries.

Time for some tylenol because my fever is back and a workout, that always helps too! 😉

*** Oh right, i wrote this because i was frazzled and decided to sit on the floor to ‘ground’ myself. It worked, all this came out and now i have the ‘feel’ at least of being at His feet.

… perhaps the workout should wait til the tylenol kicks in or ….

 

15 thoughts on “Today – personal post

  1. A phase of low D/s or low physical contact on me always leaves me feeling angry in a way I can’t explain. There’s just some kind of a release in there, in the flogging or spanking, or feeling submissive that releases me. Without it, I end up snappy and anxious.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think that’s the same for many of us, it’s the physical connection in one form or another that helps release the pent up energy and stress. Without it the tension just keeps rising … UGH I need some rest and i need to get back at it … just need the physical energy to start!

      We ended up staying home last night, i was really in no shape to go anywhere! I hate making Him miss out on social events, He’s very much the extrovert but if a rabbit can’t hop, it just can’t HOP!! *giggle*

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Angel, i’m working on it! Rest and fluids …. we stayed in after all, i was just in no shape to be going anywhere.
      How are you? Hope things are okay in your neck of the woods. I notice you haven’t been writing in some time now. Sending some healing energy and ((hugs))!

      Like

    1. Thanks, Kis! Got a bit too motivated this weekend i think, panted a hedge row (11 cedars) and re-seeded the mess of a boulevard (again!) That was the weekend, now monday morning i’m feeling a bit run down and my cold seems to be getting worse!

      Trees had to be planted and right now is the best time to seed so the timing really couldn’t wait. Tell that to my chest and breathing! 😛 LoL Time to try my best to rest now!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It does look great. My neighbour took down the hedge that was there (it was theirs) because it was over grown. They are not much good at gardening unfortunately! LoL

        The hedge offered a lot of privacy for us not only in our back yard/hot tub area but also right into my library windows, where we like to play! *wink*

        Putting it back was a must!!! LoL Planted on our side now we can take care of it and have our privacy back. Now i just need it to grown in … lol

        I’m glad to see you back! I’m still available anytime you feel like chatting. I’d reach out but i always feel a bother! Anyway, hope you are taking care!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Oh goodness, I see the requirement now lol and hope it grows fast! You’re never a bother at all, and I *always* appreciate a reach out. In work just now…but let’s catch up soon xx

        Liked by 1 person

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