Submission through ‘service’?

I suppose that depends on what you mean by ‘service’! *wink*

In this case i’m referring to house work, yard work, making dinner, laundry etc. I have seen this referred to as ‘submission’ or as part of the rules of the dynamic.

Many moons ago when i did chat online with a few friends i remember the topic coming up then too. The conversation was about trying to find that submissive feeling in doing the chores, the dishes what have you. Needless to say it can be elusive at times. *chuckle*

Personally i have never found these things to be ‘submissive’ at all. I have always felt that these were just things that needed to be done, dynamic or not, they were common sense and courtesy. They still are, there are very few things that i do around the house that i consider part of my submission.

I cook and prepare meal plans because i have always been the one who does the cooking, Bear was not really so great at it. I’m not saying He can’t and He has gotten to be pretty good these days but it was not really His forte! He has however been my sous chef for as long as i can remember, when He’s here. *smiles*

When the kids were little and i was the one up most of the night He did most of the cleaning and laundry etc. As things leveled off we started sharing the responsibility since we both worked full-time outside of the house it just made sense. The quicker we got things done the more together time we could have.

Once i began working from home I started to take on a few more of those responsibilities because i was home and the time was available. Again, the quicker these things are done the more together time we get.

Now that i’m not always feeling so great i do what i can and He does the rest. Or we do it together ….

The only time a domestic duty ever feels like submission is when i do it His way instead of mine. When i put His preference ahead of my own but since we are so similar that is a very rare occasion.

I cook because i enjoy it, i clean and organize because my OCD wouldn’t let me have it any other way anyhow! 😛 I enjoy the look of contentment on His face at the end of the day when He comes home to a neat house and i enjoy the praise He offers. Appreciation never goes out of style.

I can’t say i find submission through service. To me it’s just a responsibility, not because i’m female or submissive but because i’m here and have the time. If the timetable was turned He’d be the one doing it ….

***** *****

Now i’ve got some toys to go hide, i think i’ll make up my own Easter hunt! *wink* Who needs eggs …. ????



Well, let me see now …

I haven’t written here much again, haven’t had much i wanted to put to paper i guess.

He’s been trying to get the kinky vibe going again, not in bed but outside the bedroom. I hadn’t been trying very hard, i just really couldn’t get a handle on my mind. I am now …. slowly but starting. I had to get my head back out of the clouds before i could concentrate on anything else. I really do hate walking around in a fog!

I had been hoping to write about a wonderful trip we had planned this long weekend! It was going to be wonderful, a very nice, large B&B. A historical building in the middle of a historical town, just a couple of hours away. It’s in the off-season so things should be quieter …. just perfect!

Well, the weather is supposed to be awful in the area, we were planning sight-seeing and lots of walking. Historical walking tours, ghost tours etc. ….  And yes, some fun! *wink* Walking around in the rain isn’t exactly my idea of a fun time and my body wouldn’t handle it anyway, not now.

We could get ourselves locked up in our room i suppose but i’m now just starting my cycle so the timing is less than ideal. Yes, there is plenty you could still do but frankly when it comes to these few days i’m really just not interested. My chronic issues flare up, every time, and coupled with the rain … well, let’s just say i’m not really a hoppy, horny bunny right now!! 😛

So instead of telling you about my weekend away i’m telling you about the soggy long weekend that is my anniversary. Well, there’s always next year!

My brother just had knee surgery yesterday anyway. It’s probably best we stay around, he has just as many people he can count on as i do, Well he has less, at least i have the Bear!

We’ve been looking at some new toys, maybe we’ll spend some more time doing that while we wait out the rain! My first venture onto Etsy …. it was an adventure!! ❤

Weird Space

I’m feeling a bit ‘off’ today. Feeling like i’m not really here!?!? Does that make sense to anyone….


I’m walking around in almost a daze, just doing things, whatever needs doing but not really focused.

I wish i could say it’s just that my mind is elsewhere but my mind is always elsewhere!

Trying to do all the things that are supposed to be ‘submissive’ but i am certainly not feeling it. I’m just floating along, letting time and life pass by. Not feeling particularly D/s lately … whatever that’s supposed to be. Not sure i care, that’s probably the most pressing part. Not in a bad way, it’s not a ‘new’ thing so it hasn’t been in the ‘oh wow‘ state for a long while.

It’s just an odd state ….. i’ve been doing all these things since the beginning of time anyway … the only difference is this collar and these cuffs. I’ve never been one for symbolism although i know He likes it/them.

My leather night collar is getting tangled up in my hair now that it’s longer. That’s kind of annoying … anyone else experience that? Anywho…

I’ve made the bed and tidied the room. The kitchen is mostly organized, i need to do it in stages, my hands can’t handle all at once these days.

Still need to get my workout in …. need to pick up the kid from school first.

Will i vacuum again today? Probably, two big dogs, two cats and a bunch of kids make a big mess … daily! LoL

The glass tables can probably use a wipe down, it’s been a few days. I’m just sitting here staring. Well typing  …..

We have plans all day Saturday, not sure if i’m looking forward to it or not. People …. not sure why i’m mentioning that. See, strange space.

I just keep rubbing my face with both hands, hoping to massage myself back to ‘life’?? Don’t know.

I haven’t been this stuck in my head in a while ….. i don’t feel particularly connected to anything at the moment. Let’s hope it passes before work this afternoon.


[Update: Just got back from getting the youngest. Feeling a bit more alive, good thing. Driving should probably be done when you’re ‘alive’! LoL]

He hasn’t left me any ‘tasks’ in some time, i have been working most days in the past few weeks. We don’t get to play … not at all lately. A few swatts here and there over the weekend but that is not adding up to much right now.

He did decide to swatt my butt a few dozen times in the back porch this weekend. Stopped to wave up at the crazy neighbours window, just in case she was watching!! :O Then kept going … that was fun, and a bit subby making. We have 6 backyard neighbours and the greenery hasn’t filled in yet!!!!

But that didn’t lead anywhere either.

At least i feel like my feet are touching the ground now. Maybe i can get back to reality before He gets home. Then perhaps some mischief??? *shrug* I guess we’ll see … i doubt it though. Things just have not worked out lately.

I don’t feel any ‘rush’ of excitement. I’m not really the type of person to ‘feel’ things anyway. I’m very pragmatic, my driving force is logic not emotion. It’s taking a lot of energy to stay out of my head these days.

I hadn’t thought of it before but BDSM seems to help me stay connected to my ’emotional’ side. Makes things a bit more complete for me i guess you could say.

Hmmm. Who know …. a bit of a downer today, sorry.

Well, best be off while i can still feel the ground beneath my feet!


Colours of responsibility

Originally written a few years ago but it seems to be the theme for a current meme …. *wink*

I wanted to touch on a subject that doesn’t really make itself known in my world very often, but is so important to remember and put into the right light!

Sometime over our wonderful weekend together I had to use my safe word and I called red! Yup, I know …. wow! Now it wasn’t for a physical issue, no accident or anything like that but it was something I just couldn’t work through and so I used my word.

I’m not entirely sure what it was that was causing me to feel this way but no matter how much I tried I just couldn’t get my mind into what we were doing. I don’t mean I wasn’t interested or turned on enough, I mean I just was starting to feel very uncomfortable and wrong. There was no ‘real’ reason for the discomfort I was having but the fact is that it really doesn’t matter, does it?

I could have continued on, put on a brave face and just let things happen but emotionally that is NOT a good way to do things. Using your safe words is not a failure or let down, on either side. It doesn’t mean that you are not good together and it doesn’t mean that you are not trying hard enough …. I think using your safe words is actually a very powerful way of showing commitment and trust.

For all the kink and crazy things we do the last thing my dominant wants to do is hurt me in a real sense …. emotional hurt is just as important and damaging as physical hurt and sometimes even more so. It doesn’t matter if there is no obvious reason as to why it is happening, it still needs to be addressed.

Showing Him I trust Him enough to use my safe words when I need to or am in doubt only serves to strengthen our connection. It shows that I have trusted Him with all of me, all my thoughts and doubts and worries, … even the ones that don’t seem to make sense or might not be pleasing to deal with for Him. THAT is the point of being a dominant after all, to help and care for and provide for another not just when things are easy or sexy but also in their time of need.

Image result for happy couple together

So yes, I called ‘red’, things stopped instantly and within minutes we were talking it out. We both got to feel better and connected and it really wasn’t much time before we were having fun again.

If I hadn’t stopped I would likely be feeling anxious or wrong and doubting all sorts of things about myself and my marriage by now, instead I feel safe and loved and cared for. I have shown Him that He can trust me to be truthful and He has shown me that He can be trusted to care for me, all of me ….. no matter what, without anger, or frustration or hurt.

That’s why He’s my dominant, He has earned the title and continues to do so every day!

That’s why i’m His submissive, i have earned that too …. !

Love You Always my Wonderful ❤

More than kink … still.

I’ve said this many times but despite the risk of repeating myself i’m going to say it again.

Things for me physically have been ‘interesting’ lately. Getting around has been difficult but despite that i have managed to continue with my workouts. By the end of last week however i was starting to run out of steam!

As if on cue, the Bear goes to get on the ski machine and notices the time still registered from my last work out. He turns to look at me and tells me how He’s proud of me, for keeping up even with all the issues that have plagued me. Then He says ‘no, YOU should be proud of yourself’.

The Bear is not an ‘easy praiser’ LoL Is that a thing??? I know that He thinks it all the time but He really doesn’t comment all too often. This one came at just the right time!

So far this week i’ve managed to keep up and i’ve added a few new things to make up for the few old exercises i can’t perform right now! His comment as my Dom has added the extra fuel i needed to keep up the good fight!

I can do a lot on my own and i am a ‘fighter’ no doubt, but the extra support i get from Him now means the world to me. Especially when the fight seems to have no end in sight!