I don’t want to give up my vanilla half.

Wandering about in the WWW i get to read and experience all sorts of lifestyles. Some are close to mine and some are very far off but they are all interesting and sometimes even make me think.

I read of some that are very involved in the M/s or D/s lifestyle, they try to make every moment fit the mold. I read some that simply dabble in it here and there, happy to explore but to keep it simple.

Through all of this exploring i have discovered that i really do not want to give up my vanilla half. Maybe i’m just greedy, i really don’t care any more to be honest. I have spent many years being only ‘vanilla’, putting my needs on the back burner and doing what i was ‘supposed to do’. I always knew just what i wanted i just put everyone else first, didn’t want to be a burden, didn’t want to be ‘weak’!

Some years ago i had had enough and i snapped. I wanted more and damn it i was going to get it. It started with kinky sex but very, very quickly opened the door to more. For both of us, i know now that He was craving the same thing, just didn’t know it. He was busy being the man He was ‘supposed to be’ as well, trying to fit in to what everyone else wanted.

I really don’t know how we got so off track, we didn’t start off that way but i guess life and responsibilities tend to do that ….

So we jumped head first in D/s. [I kind of discovered that we are more M/s but that’s not something i want to get into now.] It was refreshing and gave us what we needed at the time BUT then another part was missing, the vanilla part.

I have a strong and stable personality, i take control and help people all the time. I enjoy planning and executing ideas and being a force that gets results. I like being a wife, mother, caregiver, friend and even at times a counselor!  *chuckle* I don’t want to have to put that side of me aside so i can be His ‘submissive’.

The point of doing this lifestyle in the first place was so that i could get what i wanted, what i needed out of life in order to be fulfilled. I put the part of me that wanted and needed His help and strength aside for a long time and now i was supposed to put the strong, independent part aside? No way!

I don’t care if it makes me greedy, i don’t care if it doesn’t fit into the labels and dynamics. I want both and i have both. He is strong enough to manage me just as i am with all the contradictions and at times confusion! LoL

So despite the ‘lifestyle’ labels that we have adopted i don’t value my marriage any less than my submission. I have a collar from my dominant and i enjoy wearing it but i have finally asked for something that i have wanted for a long time!

I have asked for a wedding ring, one i can wear on a daily basis along with my cuffs and collar! I have one already of course but it has stones and is too hard to wear when i work. I have wanted a plain band for a long time and i had mentioned it some time ago but my vanilla self wouldn’t push the subject. So for 12 years i have waited for him to remember …. (i was never a ‘nag’, what can i say … ;P)

Ironically my submissive self knows just what to do, i want something, i need something that will help my over all happiness and fulfillment and so i asked. I mentioned it again, i talked about why and i even pointed out some examples of what i liked. And guess what? I got my wish, finally!

I like seeing my cuffs as i make it through my day, it reminds me of my submission and our D/s connection. I wanted something to give me the same sense with my other commitment, the one of wife. They are equally important to me.

imagesSo no, i won’t give up my vanilla side, i want both!



12 thoughts on “I don’t want to give up my vanilla half.

  1. Kink is something I need, and I love the submissive space I go to during scenes and tasks. Buuuuut, I enjoy my vanilla life just as much. Watching TV with HD, crocheting, my animals, my family…things that I wouldn’t have time/energy/mental space to have those in my life if we were all the time kinky.

    It’s healthy to have a balance of both. You want to keep who you are, but enjoy the connection that kink brings. It’s a definite challenge, but so is anything worth having. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. As a woman living both sides I am so very happy for you!! You absolutely can and should have both! You know there is not one “right way” and props to you for standing up for what you want. ❣️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks J. Lynn. I wish i had found this community, this outlet when i first started getting into this mindset! Realistic and healthy is a lot harder to come by than one would hope! Once you know the ropes it’s easy to find but by then many have been hurt and many more have been lost. *sigh*
      Sorry, just thinking out loud now, ….. thank you!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I agree with you. We tried 24/7 D/s and it wasn’t for me. My husband works such long hours he really didn’t have time or the need to throw himself into being the Dominant I needed. Now we stick to kinky fun in the bedroom.

    I also enjoy reading about how others “do” the lifestyle and must admit there don’t seem to be too many folks capable of maintaining it 24/7 for an extended time. Life’s various issues seem to deter this way of life. I applaud those who manage it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes i agree, it’s hard to have someone in charge when they are not able to be there! Waiting around when things need doing is not feasible if you have a full, busy life going on around you. You do what works for you, i’m glad you’ve found that!

      For us the Bear is always ultimately in charge but i don’t wait around either when He’s not here. There are simply too many important things needing doing. If He wants to change it after fine, but when He’s not here i’m in charge.

      I guess our balance is that He’s the Boss the hours He’s here and i’m the boss the hours He’s not, and He can veto whatever He likes if He needs to. For us, this works best for now.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I dont see it as a vanilla side or switching or any of that. I see it as a more fluid. When you are living 24/7 your life cant truly be compared to others in a tot for tat tally. Stop worrying about the labels. More like a milkshake instead of a float.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. A milk shake, i like that, that’s a very good way to think of it. I agree that living 24/7 is different than other dynamics where you are physically apart for extended times, it just has different needs and no way around that.

      This post was not so much a worry, more of a musing and i do appreciate your commenting! 🙂 Thank you


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