I just read someone who seems to think that you really do not get to choose to be dominant or submissive. They seem to be under the impression that you only ever ‘are’ or are not.
I’m afraid i disagree ….
I can accept that for some people, perhaps most people, that might be true but there are some of us who really just simply chose.
I admit that now a days i really find no real sexual pleasure in taking the lead, starting out that way can be fun and flirty but i do need Him to take over, rather quickly, or it loses it’s appeal. It wasn’t always that way, it was really rather primal all the time in the beginning but as i have gotten older and matured that changed.
I was able to finally trust someone enough to let go and submit sexually and over time i found that to be my preferred state in sex. So here we are … but that’s not the point.
Sexual submission is really only one aspect of this relationship for us and the least of it really. It would be nice to say that most of our hours are spent sexing it up … 😛 But that’s not true. Most of life is spent doing everyday, non-sexual things and i still submit.
I submit to Him because i choose to, we decided that this was how we wanted to live our lives for various reasons but i can’t say that any of them are because i have to. Honestly i can’t say i struggle with it either although i know that will piss a lot of people off.
I made a choice and i stick to it, the only thing i struggle with is the fact that i’d like more time and space to kink it up more often. The rest for me, is easy.
We have found our rhythm and we go with the flow. I don’t have outrageous expectations and neither does He. I can however take the lead in any situation in life and with most people that’s exactly what i do. I don’t struggle with that either. I don’t find it to be a facade or draining. It’s just who i am, another side of who i am.
I enjoy both sides of my personality. I choose when to be submissive, with Him, for Him but no where else. I don’t need it.
I enjoy being submissive to my husband, i enjoy the results we get from that. We are both happier and more fulfilled in our marriage, in our friendship. We fit together well this way, we have matured enough that it can and does work. It’s a part of my person with Him and although it is alive and well, and thriving here with Him i know it dies without Him.
It’s a choice, it’s all encompassing and fulfilling but for me it’s still a choice. I’ve said this since the beginning, my submission dies without Him, I have no doubts.
You can be a care giver on both sides of the slash. On one side you care for the person in charge, on the other you are the person who is in charge of the care.
I’ve read many times that people feel they are submissive because they naturally like to take care of people and make them more comfortable in life. I would argue that a good dominant also wants to take care of the people around them and make their lives better …
The actions are the same to me, the only change is the energy with which i approach them. That is where i choose.