Flat-lined

That’s pretty much all i have to say. My kinky life has flat-lined and my kinky needs are not being met.

The only time we had for impact play of any sort was during the Walking Dead series. The boys would go to Gramma’s house for the hour and we would finally be alone.

The season is short and it did finally start back up a month or so ago. We got one night …. one night so far since last fall that the opportunity arose.

Since then the boys and Gramma have decided that they are no longer interested. The story has lost its appeal. Now we get no time …

When we don’t get to play around with impact everything else seems to wain as well. I don’t remember that last time we did anything really kinky, no bondage, no pushing limits, nothing …

I can’t really remember the last time i had a full filling encounter honestly. There was once this year, i’m sure …. that might be it since last fall.

I’m finding it harder and harder to get turned on and harder to reach orgasm. It always happens this way for me, I wrote about it when i wrote about chastity. It does not work well for me!

I’m not really interested in starting anything these days, i have no real interest in going the extra mile to show Him submission physically like He likes. Like He needs in order to keep His fire going. I know He does but i just haven’t got the motivation to even try.

As a result I have been topping Him ….. Yup, I’m afraid so!

When He tries to implement something kinky/dominant (like the panty ritual) i come up with reasons why we shouldn’t. I know He takes everything i say into consideration and i can be very persuasive. I also know that He’s not one to come up with alternatives, i normally have to think something up when i have a real issue, and then He will think on it and make it happen or tweak it. Otherwise , it just gets pushed aside ….

I’m not getting my kink on.

I’m not feeling very submissive.

I have a naturally dominant personality anyway ….

He’s letting me take over, but I KNOW He is not happy when that happen. 

My kink has flat-lined, He’s not taking control of that and so i’m taking control of everything else.

My body is tired …

My brain is tired ….

My soul is tired …..

I know it’s the wrong thing to do, i know i’m only sabotaging His dominance ….

At the moment I haven’t got anything left in me to bother.

TGIF my friends!

21 thoughts on “Flat-lined

  1. Sorry.
    You’ll find something, and pull back into it.
    I have the same tendencies, and could easily use logic to ‘top’. I actually got a little out of place on Wednesday when we got busy and I got frantic with my tattoo appointment and being late, and blah. We came up with punishment specifically for these cases. He threatened, but he didn’t issue it. He should have. Maybe he still will, I don’t know.
    It can be tough. Tougher with kids at home.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think consistency is the most important part of D/s outside of the bedroom. Without that we start to wonder. I hope you get to talk that through …

      As to pulling back into it … i really don’t know right now. The energy needs to come from both parties and mine is running out ….. and so is my interest. As you know, i have too many other things on my plate.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi rushmorejudd! Thanks for commenting ….

      You could say i’m a switch in regards to how i run my daily life, i am out in the real world dominant and strong every day. But, at this point in my life that’s where the dominance stops.

      I have lead this relationship in the past, for a long time really and i do have a dominant steak ‘out there’ but when i get to my home life i just want to drop all that and be His.

      In the bedroom we have played around with me being the dominant force, in the very beginning of our marriage, but i never did find that fulfilling. That switched to what would be considered ‘primal’ in the BDSM world and that does work for me, but i need to first be ‘in the mood’ as they say. Like i mentioned in the post, i currently have no motivation.

      The needs i currently have in regards to my relationship are submissive ones, i need to be conquered truthfully, not just dominated. I need a force stronger than me so that i can drop the armor and regenerate. I need the rest …

      Hope that makes sense. And welcome! 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

  2. *hugs* Same thing I am going through, minus the Domly personality bit. It’s so hard to stay in the submissive mindspace without reinforcement. Lacking actual time to engage in activities that keep both of you centered makes it even more difficult. 😦
    If I come across any sort of solution, I’ll let you know!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. My sweet Nijntje. I have no idea what to write here because this is the saddest post I have ever read on your blog… ever! You sound so depressed and frankly exhausted. I could try to say this will pass, it will be okay, or stay strong but none of that really helps. You do have a strong relationship with the Bear and that is one thing you can hold onto. However I can hear you singing that song, ‘What about me?’ It is always easy being caught up on real life but not to lose who you are in it. Can I ask you when was the last time you and the Bear went out on a romantic date? You know the candle lit dinner, soft music playing and glorious food? The hand in hand walk back to the car. If you could get a relative to have the boys overnight date? I am not saying that would lead to a night of wonderful BDSMy fun but it would be a night to just relax and talk. It is just a thought. Love you both hun ❤ ❤ ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I’m deeply sorry to hear you’re both going through this very rough patch. Here a few (unsolicited) suggestions you might try.

    Talk with Him and find mutually agreeable ways to restore the dynamic. This could be anything from sending the boys out once every two weeks for a meal and movie (might get you 3 hours together.)
    Or you two find ways to add in your budget an evening out once a month to a hotel or Airbnb.
    Remember this is your special relationship you’re attempting to salvage and nurture. You can tell your kids you’re having mom and dad alone time to strengthen your marriage. Actually, by telling them this it shows them how dedicated and in love you both still are, after x years being married. It shows how mature, emotionally healthy couples should act.

    Can the boys possibly go to stay overnight once or twice a month with grandma? Again, the explanation to all could be needing some private and special time together. That’s a very rational and real need that all couples have!

    I hope you both make solving this a top priority. Your mental health is so very important.
    Best of luck, and sending hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. My heart hurts so much for you my dear. I agree with what so many have already said. I wish I had the answers to fix it for you but I don’t. All I can say is take time to heal, focus on your health and soul. The rest will come back in due time. You love each other immensely. You have all of us here supporting you and rooting you on. You got this!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I know the feeling. I hate having to come up with ideas as the submissive. Many times when my wife has me submit to her she just caresses me and nibbles on my ear. She says she cant thing of anything to say. WTF, my mind is always racing with things to say and I’m not the talkative type. I cherish when she does open up and takes over… and that may be happening more soon.
    Good luck with turning the kinky corner 😉

    Liked by 1 person

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