I’m back!! and still rambling.

Did you miss me??? *wink* PC has been on the fritz, got it fixed and now i’m back! Aren’t you all the lucky ones …. *chuckle*

I came back to a ‘funny’. At least i think it’s funny, i find the irony hilarious. Once i logged in i noticed that a search for ‘oppressed house woman’ had some how picked up my site! *chuckle* Now the irony in this does not escape me.

You see, if i take this idea apart and really think on it, the times that i truly felt oppressed would have to be before we started D/s! *wink*

After many years of marriage, and work, and kids and responsibilities i was starting to burn out. The kids were having some serious mental health issues and the responsibility for everything was on me, you know as a free thinking, independent and liberated woman.

I was starting to feel trapped, helpless and weighted down. I felt all alone with too much to handle and no one to go to. I felt I had no choice left in this world, it was all about what needed to be done and NOTHING about what I needed or wanted out of life.

‘I’ was disappearing, replaced by a machine that worked, and thought out problems, found solutions and implemented plans to get results …. for EVERYONE. Everyone else but me. I did not exist, I did not matter.

Complete Independence …. doesn’t it sound great!?!?

The scariest part of that is that I have always had a good marriage. We have always communicated well and gotten along even better. We have been best friends since the day we wed. Some how, still i found myself in this position. How could that be???

I think it’s the mentality that we get into …. the idea that as independent, self-reliant people, women, we can’t ask for help or defer to someone else. That somehow that will be, or at least will be seen as weak, or stepping backwards in the social steps we have taken forward.

That wasn’t really my problem, my problem is much more about my past than any social pressure. I really don’t allow that type of thing to rule my mind, it’s a personality thing, but I do however see it as just what i’ve explained in others.

Anyway, for one reason or another i found myself in that position and frankly completely disillusioned with the life i thought i had been able to build.

We started off our journey into D/s like many others I think, for the kinky sex. It didn’t take long for me to see that this was much more than just sex, if we wanted it to be, and it was also explaining how to get back to what we had somehow lost.

Now i don’t think D/s fixes everything, or anything really. I think that you can have the same results in many other relationship dynamics (if we can call them that). The truth is that the things that fix the problems are the same across the board.

It’s the time invested in the relationship, it’s the communication and the effort. The patience (every submissive has heard that preached over and over) and the motivation to keep moving forward, always. If you invest in each other and yourself, it works. If you let things slide and don’t make time it falls apart. Whether or not you want a power exchange relationship is up to you but the rest stays the same. As humans this is the way we work.

That would be the reason we hear that ‘every dynamic is different’ and that ‘ you have to take time and make it your own’.  Even in the lifestyle there are varying degrees of power exchanges and they also tend to change and adjust depending on your ‘life’ at any given time.

So I guess what I’m saying is that if you find yourself in a position that seems to lessen your power exchange it doesn’t mean that you can’t still have that connection. You just need to be patient, keep talking, keep being open and moving forward, together.

If you find your partner doesn’t want a PE, use the same methods of relating to each other and you will still find your balance.

A relationship, ANY relationship is about time invested and compromise.  No matter how long you have been together, when the energy stops the feelings stop.

This is all assuming you are both equality invested in the relationship and in keeping the relationship. If that’s not true than you have an entirely different set of issues to work through. 

….. and even though we are working within a PE at the moment, I am most certainly not oppressed! Not any more ….

 

 

9 thoughts on “I’m back!! and still rambling.

  1. I always felt oppressed when I was ‘just’ a house wife; and that’s how I felt, like a housewife, not a stay-at-home-mom, which would have been better way to internalize it. I definitely wasn’t happy. I wonder sometimes if I would have felt different doing it in a D/s relationship, if I had find out it then. I need structure and order, so maybe, but I’m not sure.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s possible that D/s would have helped but i’m not sure if it’s in the way you are thinking. It sounds as though the real problem was self-worth. D/s has certainly been shown to help improve self worth and self esteem and so perhaps in that way you would have been able to find acceptance in your position in life.

      I know i have had feelings of low self worth when i didn’t feel i was living up to my potential but they have happened both in and out of the structure of D/s. It is more about how i feel i’m performing and less about the place i find myself in or the dynamic.

      I did decided to stay home when the boys were little but i knew i couldn’t do it without finding a ‘job’ from home. Not to say staying home isn’t a job and i’m not saying trying to do both at the same time is for everyone either. Working full time AND taking care of the kids at the same time was no easy task! Honestly i’m not sure how i made it through some days! LoL

      Anyway rambling now ….

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yeah, I’m not sure it would have helped. I could do it now, happily. I want to work from home, write full time, maybe flip the occasional house. But I don’t think I could do it with little kids at home.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Well hopefully you can make all that happen now! 🙂 I do believe that there is a right time for things, sometimes we just need to wait until it presents itself.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I’ve missed the ramble 😉 so here is my ramble for you. In a relationship and yes I agree ANY relationship there has to be equality. We want to be free spirited, free thinking, independent women who can take on the world with our pinky finger. Guess what.. we can for a brief moment in time.
    Just as you were saying, work, motherhood, house duties and every little thing that we take on and don’t think about can eventually wear a person down.
    So we break, we show how human we truly are and we hope there is someone to help us get back up. I always seem to go back to Sia’s lyric “Even Superwoman sometimes needed Superman’s soul”. Our partners are the other soul we need. To show us love and give us support even when we are so sure we can do it all on our own. It’s so hard to admit defeat but the sooner we embrace it and let our other half in, the better our ability to take on the world will be.
    *steps down off the very tall soapbox*

    Liked by 2 people

    1. LoL I like your soapbox, no worries!!

      I think sometimes the changes are so subtle that we don’t realize until it crushes us under the weight of it all. I know that’s how it happened for me.

      I never intended to take it all on but the more i did the further He distanced Himself, it was a vicious spiral that eventually left me doing it all, alone.

      That’s when we ended up here, it gave me the words to give some of it back to Him. It showed me what I couldn’t see being so close to the issue. It showed us what He didn’t have the words to describe. I think this is much more common than just us ….

      Liked by 1 person

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