At the crossroads

I find myself looking at decisions right now in regards to this site and what to do with it. I’m sure you’ve noticed I’ve had a couple of questions for you over the last short while. It’s all to try to get a feel for how this site is seen and what, if anything it does to ‘add’ to the blogging world.

The universe usually gives me signs when it’s time to start or stop something … *chuckle* I’m not saying I read cards or stars or anything like that. As interesting as I find that stuff I don’t use it to make life decisions. I prefer cold hard facts truthfully but then sometimes things just seem to happen …. those are the moments that make me stop and ‘listen’.

Anyway, there are a few things that I hadn’t really thought of before that are happening now. The first … this is my 1000th post! Can you believe it!?! *chuckle* I never really thought of getting this far, I was quite proud when I got close to 100, then 200 … a while back I noticed I was getting close to 1000, wow! I was starting to run on empty anyway and had noticed I was taking days in between posts, that wasn’t really like me. Perhaps a goal of 1000 was just the thing, then I would stop.

As luck would have it, I’m now posting more regularly again. Things here have taken a turn, for the better this time and I find more time and energy to devote to thinking and doing ‘D/s’. I have a post idea for ‘doubling down’ and finally the follow-up to ‘communications styles’ that I had hit on a long while back but that would mean 1001 and 1002 … hummm. My mind likes things even and balanced, what can I say strange things bother me!

There was also a comment some time back that D/s and BDSM sites are not really feasible without taking sex, spankings and kinky details. Well I made it to 1000, should I count my blessings and run???

I appreciate all the confidence and encouragement from those saying that I could try pictures and erotica and such, the reason I don’t isn’t because I’m not confident in my ability, it’s actually much simpler. I believe that my body and my thoughts in respect to fantasy and kink belong to only one man. I don’t share because I don’t want to share. It’s a personal preference and apparently a fairly odd one around blog land but it’s mine. It’s a standard (as a dear friend pointed out) that I have for myself and not one I will lower.

I don’t mean to imply you shouldn’t on your own blogs if that’s what YOU prefer but to me it’s just not a thing I want. The temptation has certainly been there, from the beginning, let’s be honest I’d get many more follows and likes and ‘friends’ if I posted about my adventures but I wanted this site to speak on its own merits without the sex to pull people in.

Sharing sex details in not part of who I am and so it’s not part of this site either. I have no issue opening up when it’s something that will help or enlighten but to share details just for the fun of it is not my style, I’m sure you have all figured that out by now. (I’m quite sure I won’t be able to explain this without offending someone so I’ll stop here. If you haven’t accepted my decision without making it about you by now you likely never will.)

So as it stands I do have a few more posts hopping through my mind but again, no real details on sex and kink. If you all are tired of the everyday thoughts and actions without the details I might just as well stop here. If you actually enjoy the site and maybe even take something away from time to time then perhaps I will continue, but 1000 is a lot of rambling from a rabbit so I wanted to check in.

The mess that will likely come from this NXIVM sex cult and the court cases and allegations is not really something I’m sure I want to be here for. If we do get an influx of people looking and possibly accusing I’m sure I’ll be off and running with posts and ideas of healthy and not healthy things in BDSM. I just finally got a bit of a break from the mental roller coaster I’ve been on, do I really want to set myself up for that?? Does my feeling of responsibility leave me any choice??

I found myself in a position of helping and healing another last summer, it didn’t end well for me. They made out okay I think and from what I last heard the damage caused by another had been somewhat reversed with my attention and time. But that was just one person and like I said, in the end it caused me frustration and stress …..

So, decisions …. with all the pros and cons evening themselves out to me I was trying to figure out if you guys would notice if I just disappeared.

I may have enlightened you or I may just have confused you more!! LoL Anyone have any ideas?? Shall I bore you some more with my rabbit rambles or shall I call it a good run at 1000 and focus my thoughts elsewhere?

 

Question?

Do y’ all feel this site is lacking because I don’t write erotica or post racy pictures?

This is not a right or wrong answer, it’s just a question to see if I’m providing what I think I am.

Looking for opinions, none are wrong and all are welcome. 🙂

If you’d like to drop a line about what more you’d be interested in… well that would be cool, too! ❤ I think you know my style by now! *wink*

A favourite old shirt

Not sure why this is on my mind but it is. Well maybe I do know I just am not ready to share, yet.

I don’t feel any struggle in my submission, I don’t find it hard to follow His lead and I don’t find it hard to fall into.

It’s not really a thing that’s constantly on my mind, it is not that crazy frenzied excitement from the beginning. It’s not a worry or an obsession, it’s really hardly a thought to be honest. Well not a conscious one anyway!

The things I do, that we have decided on are done without question or over thinking. Once in a while I might have a second thought but it is gone as fast as it comes. We agreed on these things for my benefit or for His, I don’t find any need to fight against them.

I don’t obsess about not feeling submission when I’m working or taking on the world, I feel like I’m doing my job, doing what I’m supposed to do. At the end of the day my submission is waiting.

Like a favourite shirt at the end of the day, I shed my work clothes and slip into its comfort and warmth. Just like that, the world is gone and we are here ….

481d50093f3e6dbc021f9a2cf3da8108I wear it comfortably for as long as I can. I don’t struggle to change from one to the other, I look forward to it. It doesn’t feel odd no matter how long it’s been since I’ve been able to wear it.

When work or responsibility calls I change into something more appropriate, I’m not dwelling on the shirt I shed for the task, I know it’s there waiting for me when I’m ready, when the time is right.

I have a closet full of clothes, it would be strange to expect to always wear the same thing. Everything is there for a reason, everything has a right time.

I enjoy each and every outfit I wear, I feel wonderful when wearing them … but I’m always more than ready to slip into that comfy old shirt. The one that soothes me and feels like home.

I suppose the ‘active’ part is simply the changing ….

Happy Friday! ❤

Dreamin’ ….

Things are pretty tense around here as usual, new school semester brings new challenges. The weather likes to act up at just the right moment and me …..

I’m left carrying so much tension in my neck and shoulders that every move is torture, and not the kind I like!! 😛 Its traveled most of the way down my back now, it feels like a fire searing my body. Not fun ….

I’m not the ‘sit still’ type, getting a massage although common place for this type of thing doesn’t work for me. Trying to ‘relax’ only adds to the tension in my case, it causes my blood pressure to go up! UGH

My daydream is of cold steel and industrial hooks. The bite of a flogger, the pull of your hand …. release from the tension that plagues me now.

The truth is that none of that can happen. No time, no space, not enough privacy to play to the intensity I need. So we wait ….

We’ve got to hold on ready or not
You live for the fight when that’s all that you’ve got

Everything else is just a tease …….

…… apparently I do engage in some tease and denial, go figure!! 😛

Holdin’ on and living on a prayer …. remember the quiet days, Sir?? ❤

The ‘why’, vanilla friends are not always wrong.

Sometimes when I talk to or read people in the ‘lifestyle’ I run into the comments about ‘vanilla’ and why it is they can’t understand the choices we make, why they can’t seem to see how healthy and natural it is, etc. I can understand it, I don’t blame them for being worried and uncertain at times. Frankly with some of the things I read I too am very concerned.

I believe that some of the stories and sites we find are written in such a way to make it feel like the submissive has absolutely no rights or power. It makes us feel like they and their needs don’t matter and are not taken into consideration. I think some of these are done on purpose to fulfill the fantasy that they have in their head but the reality is actually a bit more tame.

The stories and recounts help to maintain the power dynamic that they want/need in order to find the relationship fulfilling but the truth is that the dominant does in fact take their needs into account and everything being done, even if it doesn’t seem so, has been discussed and is completely consensual. It is done to fill a need not only for the dominant but also for the submissive and should it ever become detrimental, it stops!

Regardless of what it seems or how it is written, these relationships are happy and perfectly healthy. These I have no problem with generally but they do sometimes skew things for those on the outside looking in.

A person seen with cuts and bruises and possibly even a broken rib on the street looks as though they have been assaulted. The same person in a boxing ring looks like they are doing what they love, even if it’s not ‘my thing’. The way a thing is framed makes a difference.

As tempting as it is at times to write my posts in a more fantastical way, to run into my head and pretend I have absolutely no say on anything ….. I don’t. I defer to Him on everything and it really would be great to just hide away and say I have no say …. but the truth is I’m just as responsible for this relationship and how it unfolds as He is. Even if my ‘say’ happens once a week when we discuss D/s matters, how it’s going and what if anything I need changed. Technically I have no say in the matter but realistically I know what I say is taken seriously and into account before the next decision is made. My well-being is always forefront on His mind. THAT’S the truth.

I have debated taking this site down for the last few days, I’m still not 100% sure what I’ll do but for now, if anyone happens to stumble upon it while searching out M/s or domination and submission, I hope you take this post seriously.

Things going on with NXIVM are not the things we do. Starving people to mess with their heads and then better manipulate and brainwash is NOT what we do. Isolating people from their friends and family is NOT what we do. If you are searching for a relationship like this it should make you feel better and be better. It should be healthy and it should fulfill your needs, your REAL needs, not ones you think you should have or have no choice but to have.

Thinking back to last summer, this seems all too familiar!

If someone does not respect you as a person they do not deserve your submission. If you find yourself in a relationship and all your friends and family are concerned, they are probably right. Best take a second look at what you are doing and if it really does make you happy.

These are dangerous people, this is not what we do.

 

Out of practice?

Our weekend was full of things to do that we didn’t want to do, but were important and needed.

For various reasons there was

frustration,

stress,

worry

and just your basic physical pain and exhaustion.

Finally we were able to steal some moments for just us. But the energy seemed off to me, I couldn’t place it …. that was the problem! I really didn’t know where He wanted to go with our time, our play!

Strapped down and tied up, …. it’s then I realize I don’t know what I’m supposed to be concentrating on, what it is He is hoping to get from me.

What exactly is your intention, Sir? What are you hoping to accomplish?

I want to give you what you want, what you need. I don’t want to just go all out Evil on you right now. 

What if what I need *is* for you to be Evil, Sir?

Than I can give you what you need, …… 

I’ll leave the rest to your imagination, I’m sure you have a good one! *wink*

Communication doesn’t stop just because the ‘scene’ has started. Sometimes, when you are living 24/7 the lines overlap. I’m glad I didn’t remain quiet. We BOTH got just what we needed.

Happy Monday!! ❤

What do you find difficult?

It is often said that submission is ‘hard’, but I wonder what specifically is it that you find hard? Minds out of the gutters now …… *chuckle*

My first challenge I think was becoming used to ‘waiting’. As a ‘go getter’ type personality who is used to having things done ASAP it was a bit of a switch you could say to start waiting on the things that could wait. To get actual permission to go ahead instead of the perceived permission in my head.

This was a big part of the switch to a ‘dynamic’ in the beginning for us because although I always took His wants and needs into account in my decisions the decisions were mine. I only ever did things I knew in my mind He would approve, but I didn’t wait, not before becoming ‘official’. (That sounds so funny to me, official. *chuckle* But, you get the idea.)

Waiting for these types of things gave Him the opportunity to stretch that dominant muscle and start to become accustomed to using it on a regular basis. The trick was to find the right balance, ‘may I have a snack’ in our relationship was not a decision worth waiting on but ‘I need a haircut, may I set one up this week?’ was …

It may sound silly to some extent but it allows us to feel the flow of power even when we are not actively playing or Him ‘laying down the law’. The simple act of waiting ….. we know how it works when we play, right?? It works on my mind the same way but it was a huge change from before! That made it obvious, to both of us.

Many times I still have to make decisions instantly and that sometimes puts me into a groove so I need to be mindful of which ones can really wait so as to keep this flow going. I think I’ve gotten pretty good now but at first it went from TMI to maybe not enough … back and forth until we found our balance.

That’s one of my examples, what about yours?