This is something that had been in the back of my mind for a while but for some reason never came to be. Until now …
Since just after Christmas I have been having a really hard time physically, well it started before that really. This was something that had been going on more or less since August. I was feeling pretty awful most days and could barely function by the end of the holidays. I have spent the better part of this year barely getting by so my working out was becoming less and less.
When I don’t get to move about and workout I start to feel pretty low when it comes to my body image. Complaints and scrunchy faces were becoming pretty common place whenever I caught a glimpse of myself and no amount of ‘you look great’ was helping.
Now, in the perfect submissive world in my head He would have noticed and done something about it. Truth is though, I normally am very good about getting my physical activity in whenever my body allows. As far as He was concerned, if I wasn’t doing it it was because I wasn’t able to …. no amount of anything can fix that. *shrug*
The other truth is that I had fallen into a self-defeating state of just not really trying anymore lest I found out that today really was a bad day and I really couldn’t do it. You don’t have to face that reality if you don’t even bother to try! After so many bad days I was starting to basically give in. I knew I needed some extra motivation to get back in the game.
Anything that is ‘commanded’ by Him gets done without question and to the best of my ability, so why wasn’t He just taking control of it!?!?! Easy …. I hadn’t asked. Like I said in my previous post, we normally know what our needs are, sometimes before they do. Let’s face it, He had no way of knowing the real reason when my past record was very much the opposite!
This was one of those things that was just getting pushed aside because I had gotten in the habit of ignoring my needs. Yes this one could have been handled but once you get into the habit of keeping quiet it can be hard to switch gears from possible and impossible. I wasn’t even considering that there could be help …
So here we are … like I said, back to basics. That means I’m in the mindset of actually thinking about what I need. *chuckle* The mind is a curious thing!
As it stands I now have a set rule for working out and a goal to reach. This comes with possible discipline if I choose to be lazy about it. If it’s a real physical issue I can let Him know and He will decide what to do instead. It has given me my motivation and even though it’s been a very short while I already find my mood and overall attitude towards my body, and life much brighter! *smiles*
With chronic pain your mental outlook plays a big part in how your day goes. I’m always in a good mood overall BUT I feel like I’ve got my mojo back …. *wink*