It’s interesting to me that the site itself brought me to crossroads as life too has done the same. Some things I knew already and some kind of snuck up on me when I started having more brain power and time to dedicate to our dynamic. It has been toned down considerably in regards to routines and rituals for some time now due to family needs. Some of you who have followed the bunny trail know just what I’m talking about, it has been a long hard road but it seems that for now it is stable enough that I can start concentrating on my needs, our needs as a couple and not just as parents.
For clarity sake I will tell you that noise became a huge factor in some mental health issues as well as any sort of posturing/kneeling etc. Time and privacy are still non-existent which obviously makes the first issue even harder to escape!
I have come to the realization that I have been putting my needs aside for some time now without sharing them with my Dom, my husband. Why?? Easy, there was simply no way to have them met, not more than what we had already managed anyway. Needs or not they really became more of a fantasy than anything else for a while.
As things are settling down and my mind is relaxing into being His submissive I’m starting to notice things that are missing, things that I need more of or just more obvious but …. I was still just pushing them aside. My mind hadn’t switched it from ‘this is impossible’ to ‘I have a need, I have to address it with my Sir’.
Eventually they started coming out in my writing but not really very clearly otherwise. By that I mean, not in a way that the Bear can recognize. He and I have very different ways of processing information and although He enjoys my writing He does not really use it as a way of understanding and acknowledging my wants, needs or desires. This is just simply not His way.
So we are going back to the beginning, sort to speak, and starting over with conversations and decisions. One of the rituals we do have is after work where He ‘helps’ to remove my panties. I normally pick sexy interesting ones to please him but this week it was a very basic pair. He commented that He enjoyed the simplicity of the choice I made for Him. I commented it felt appropriate to signify the back to basics place we find ourselves.
I need to remember to communicate in a way in which He will be able to process and not so much in mine. That said, I will be asking that He remember to acknowledge the information in a way in which I can process. We are very different creatures in our communication, that will likely be the topic of my next post. That or how I’m actually getting His attention. *wink*
It’s not always the dominant that notices the issue first. Since the submissive is usually the one with the need I would venture a guess that it’s most often obvious to us first. That active choice of submission is bringing it to them ……
So what do you all think, a worthy read?