Sometimes when I talk to or read people in the ‘lifestyle’ I run into the comments about ‘vanilla’ and why it is they can’t understand the choices we make, why they can’t seem to see how healthy and natural it is, etc. I can understand it, I don’t blame them for being worried and uncertain at times. Frankly with some of the things I read I too am very concerned.
I believe that some of the stories and sites we find are written in such a way to make it feel like the submissive has absolutely no rights or power. It makes us feel like they and their needs don’t matter and are not taken into consideration. I think some of these are done on purpose to fulfill the fantasy that they have in their head but the reality is actually a bit more tame.
The stories and recounts help to maintain the power dynamic that they want/need in order to find the relationship fulfilling but the truth is that the dominant does in fact take their needs into account and everything being done, even if it doesn’t seem so, has been discussed and is completely consensual. It is done to fill a need not only for the dominant but also for the submissive and should it ever become detrimental, it stops!
Regardless of what it seems or how it is written, these relationships are happy and perfectly healthy. These I have no problem with generally but they do sometimes skew things for those on the outside looking in.
A person seen with cuts and bruises and possibly even a broken rib on the street looks as though they have been assaulted. The same person in a boxing ring looks like they are doing what they love, even if it’s not ‘my thing’. The way a thing is framed makes a difference.
As tempting as it is at times to write my posts in a more fantastical way, to run into my head and pretend I have absolutely no say on anything ….. I don’t. I defer to Him on everything and it really would be great to just hide away and say I have no say …. but the truth is I’m just as responsible for this relationship and how it unfolds as He is. Even if my ‘say’ happens once a week when we discuss D/s matters, how it’s going and what if anything I need changed. Technically I have no say in the matter but realistically I know what I say is taken seriously and into account before the next decision is made. My well-being is always forefront on His mind. THAT’S the truth.
I have debated taking this site down for the last few days, I’m still not 100% sure what I’ll do but for now, if anyone happens to stumble upon it while searching out M/s or domination and submission, I hope you take this post seriously.
Things going on with NXIVM are not the things we do. Starving people to mess with their heads and then better manipulate and brainwash is NOT what we do. Isolating people from their friends and family is NOT what we do. If you are searching for a relationship like this it should make you feel better and be better. It should be healthy and it should fulfill your needs, your REAL needs, not ones you think you should have or have no choice but to have.
Thinking back to last summer, this seems all too familiar!
If someone does not respect you as a person they do not deserve your submission. If you find yourself in a relationship and all your friends and family are concerned, they are probably right. Best take a second look at what you are doing and if it really does make you happy.
These are dangerous people, this is not what we do.