The ‘why’, vanilla friends are not always wrong.

Sometimes when I talk to or read people in the ‘lifestyle’ I run into the comments about ‘vanilla’ and why it is they can’t understand the choices we make, why they can’t seem to see how healthy and natural it is, etc. I can understand it, I don’t blame them for being worried and uncertain at times. Frankly with some of the things I read I too am very concerned.

I believe that some of the stories and sites we find are written in such a way to make it feel like the submissive has absolutely no rights or power. It makes us feel like they and their needs don’t matter and are not taken into consideration. I think some of these are done on purpose to fulfill the fantasy that they have in their head but the reality is actually a bit more tame.

The stories and recounts help to maintain the power dynamic that they want/need in order to find the relationship fulfilling but the truth is that the dominant does in fact take their needs into account and everything being done, even if it doesn’t seem so, has been discussed and is completely consensual. It is done to fill a need not only for the dominant but also for the submissive and should it ever become detrimental, it stops!

Regardless of what it seems or how it is written, these relationships are happy and perfectly healthy. These I have no problem with generally but they do sometimes skew things for those on the outside looking in.

A person seen with cuts and bruises and possibly even a broken rib on the street looks as though they have been assaulted. The same person in a boxing ring looks like they are doing what they love, even if it’s not ‘my thing’. The way a thing is framed makes a difference.

As tempting as it is at times to write my posts in a more fantastical way, to run into my head and pretend I have absolutely no say on anything ….. I don’t. I defer to Him on everything and it really would be great to just hide away and say I have no say …. but the truth is I’m just as responsible for this relationship and how it unfolds as He is. Even if my ‘say’ happens once a week when we discuss D/s matters, how it’s going and what if anything I need changed. Technically I have no say in the matter but realistically I know what I say is taken seriously and into account before the next decision is made. My well-being is always forefront on His mind. THAT’S the truth.

I have debated taking this site down for the last few days, I’m still not 100% sure what I’ll do but for now, if anyone happens to stumble upon it while searching out M/s or domination and submission, I hope you take this post seriously.

Things going on with NXIVM are not the things we do. Starving people to mess with their heads and then better manipulate and brainwash is NOT what we do. Isolating people from their friends and family is NOT what we do. If you are searching for a relationship like this it should make you feel better and be better. It should be healthy and it should fulfill your needs, your REAL needs, not ones you think you should have or have no choice but to have.

Thinking back to last summer, this seems all too familiar!

If someone does not respect you as a person they do not deserve your submission. If you find yourself in a relationship and all your friends and family are concerned, they are probably right. Best take a second look at what you are doing and if it really does make you happy.

These are dangerous people, this is not what we do.


8 thoughts on “The ‘why’, vanilla friends are not always wrong.

  1. Very thoughtful and you hit the nail on the head.
    Pet is my equal. He has a voice and opinion. I would never dream of putting him a position that took away his choice. I have the veto power but if he stops choosing to submit then we have nothing.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, J. Lynn I appreciate the support! I don’t know if you know much about that organization but it really is a scary reality. The fact that they can masquerade around in plain sight and so many have fallen victim is just surreal. The tactics they employ to trap and keep you there is almost straight out of a novel and unfortunately it sounds very similar to the things I found out on twitter last summer. Disturbing doesn’t even begin to describe it.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I’ve heard of the groups but never knew the name. I’ve seen them on tumblr as well. It’s so sick. Whenever I come across a submissive in a low place/mindset I do my best to uplift them. I am only one person but even if just one listens and can build themselves up then that is one less person to fall trap to these tactics. We live in a very scary world and to live in it with blinders on is quite detrimental.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Nijntje, you always think carefully and cover controversial subjects without fear. You speak of good things within the lifestyle, of rights and power exchanges. There are so many murkier sites and we can’t change that but we can just speak our truth. I work on my blog and do my best to speak my truth and S.’s truth which is all about what it truly is about. I am strong, opinionated, rebellious and independent as you know. I also happen to be submissive and give the power exchange to my darling man. I am no wishy washy pushover or doormat. I can be a spitfire. People need blogs like this as a counterpoint to the crap out there. However if you choose to close your blog it is your choice, but hell honey I would miss you more than you could ever know. ❤ ❤ ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Kitten! ❤ Always the most lovely thoughts and words from you my dear friend.

      The 'master' of this group and his sidekick will be up on charges come the end of April. If my guess is right, it's going to be quite the sh*t show because of all the celebrities and high-ups involved.

      There will likely be quite the influx of traffic and questions coming our way, probably accusations as well. With all the other stuff I have going on in life, added stress is not what I need.

      That said, strong opinionated submissives standing up for the lifestyle done healthily is something that will be needed not only to fight the stigma that will be coming but also to help those getting out!

      Decisions ….


  4. This is wonderfully written! It is a huge misconception that we, as submissives, are scared, weak and abused women. On the contrary…it takes a great deal of strength to be a true submissive. Your writing about your relationship is what a good power exchange dynamic should look like! A submissive surrenders her control of self to a trusted Dominant worthy of taking it and leading her in a path that encourages and strengthens her. This is a mutually beneficial relationship that requires excellent communication…knowing in the end that the Dominant has the final decision making capability after hearing the concerns of the submissive. Keep writing and don’t give up. I enjoy your posts!

    Liked by 1 person

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