What do you find difficult?

It is often said that submission is ‘hard’, but I wonder what specifically is it that you find hard? Minds out of the gutters now …… *chuckle*

My first challenge I think was becoming used to ‘waiting’. As a ‘go getter’ type personality who is used to having things done ASAP it was a bit of a switch you could say to start waiting on the things that could wait. To get actual permission to go ahead instead of the perceived permission in my head.

This was a big part of the switch to a ‘dynamic’ in the beginning for us because although I always took His wants and needs into account in my decisions the decisions were mine. I only ever did things I knew in my mind He would approve, but I didn’t wait, not before becoming ‘official’. (That sounds so funny to me, official. *chuckle* But, you get the idea.)

Waiting for these types of things gave Him the opportunity to stretch that dominant muscle and start to become accustomed to using it on a regular basis. The trick was to find the right balance, ‘may I have a snack’ in our relationship was not a decision worth waiting on but ‘I need a haircut, may I set one up this week?’ was …

It may sound silly to some extent but it allows us to feel the flow of power even when we are not actively playing or Him ‘laying down the law’. The simple act of waiting ….. we know how it works when we play, right?? It works on my mind the same way but it was a huge change from before! That made it obvious, to both of us.

Many times I still have to make decisions instantly and that sometimes puts me into a groove so I need to be mindful of which ones can really wait so as to keep this flow going. I think I’ve gotten pretty good now but at first it went from TMI to maybe not enough … back and forth until we found our balance.

That’s one of my examples, what about yours?


7 thoughts on “What do you find difficult?

    1. I didn’t mean to say it’s hard to understand, rather hard to ‘do’, from a submissive’s perspective. Sorry for the confusion!

      The balance was a bit difficult to reach because in the beginning we, like most, were reading and trying to learn the ‘right’ way to do it. Of course there is no ‘right’ way is there? *chuckle*

      We had to discover what was right for us, what made the dynamic click without becoming overwhelming. That’s always when it fizzles out and people start to feel they failed.

      Basically, the ‘idea’ I had in my head was not the way He wanted to dominate. Had to lose the fantasy that was written in order to find our own! *wink*

      As life changes the way we balance changes, so now we go with the flow.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. NO, I am saying some people find it hard to understand. Sorry, if I miss spoke. Some people find it hard to understand this lifestyle.
        I think it is very beautiful.

        I think the right way and balance varies from couple to couple.

        It must be wonderful to find the balance. Congrats to both of you.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Ah, yes I get what you’re saying. Honestly I think it depends on where you are in life.

        Years ago I would have found it very hard to understand why, but years ago I was surrounded by ‘males’ thinking they were ‘men’.

        Things changed instantly when I found the Bear, it was instinct even though it wasn’t obvious or labeled till much, much later.

        We laugh now when we look back on photographs of the past, the posturing was so natural but obvious! At least it is now! LoL

        It is most wonderful to find the balance, thank you! 🙂 It makes all the other messiness of life much easier to handle, together!

        Liked by 1 person

  1. I had to think really hard to come up with a good answer. S. and I are so in tune that it being hard is quite unlikely. After more thought I realised there are instances of difficulty for me. It is my rebellion. If I am told to crawl in a scene I think why crawl when I can walk perfectly well. I struggle with that. When we discuss trying something new or actually trying it out I have a perfectly healthy rebel inside me. I have to take a breath and quell that rebel then I can enjoy myself completely. ❤ ❤ 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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