A need? Instinct? Perhaps it’s simply a natural desire …

** My view, my opinion on my life. This is not meant as a commentary on how anyone else should feel or approach their own life. This is just me …. **

When I started searching and joining online groups to explore the ‘lifestyle’ it made me feel like i was faking it. I didn’t want to be fake but i just couldn’t relate to a lot of what i heard and what i read.

I kept hearing about a ‘need’ to be submissive, an inability to be happy without a ‘dom’ etc etc. …. like life was somehow less than without it. That didn’t fit for me, it still doesn’t, not like that. So here we go back to the theory of the dragon! *smiles* (Bear and i had a wonderful, exciting conversation about this last night so i thought to try to explain some of it here.)

I will try to keep it short and sweet! You see the romanticized story that i enjoy goes as follows:

The rider does not pick the dragon, the dragon is the one who has the choice. A dragon egg will lie dormant for years just waiting for the right rider to come along. When He does (i’m going with He because it suits my situation but feel free to change it to suit yours.) the egg begins to awaken. The rider must then choose to take up the responsibility of keeping the egg and eventually the dragon is born. From that moment on the two are linked, a bonded pair.

As the dragon grows stronger the rider grows wiser and more able to fulfill His duties. Eventually the rider begins to realize the full extent of His powers, and His powers over the dragon. You see, the dragon is wise and strong, capable of many things and most certainly not meek about speaking up HOWEVER now that they have bonded the rider has final say, in everything.

What happens to one now happens to the other, they feel each others pain and joy. All of it … Eventually as the rider matures He begins to see the world through the eyes of the dragon. He begins to realize the worth and wisdom of listening and learning from what the dragon can impart. His eyes are open to a whole new way of looking at the world. As their connection grows so too does their strength, together.

The dragon gives the rider power and wisdom, the rider gives the dragon safety and life.

Now to wrap it up, in the end, the dragon is strong and powerful and obviously very capable on its own. The dragon is the one who chooses the rider but now that they are bonded, the dragon can not live without its rider. If the dragon dies the rider can remain but if the rider dies, the dragon dies.

The dragon submits its life entirely into the hands of its rider. The dragon’s main priority is and will always be the well-being of the rider for you see without the rider, there is no dragon. Without a dragon ….. you are no rider. So who’s holding who? It gets hard to tell at times. LoL

So is it a need of mine? No, it’s a choice. A choice i made that lives and dies with one man.

Certainly romanticized but for me it fits. I’m submitting to Him in strength and in turn He listens and hears my council. I’m not weak and i’m not hiding my strength either. I’ve let Him take the reins over me and in turn i get His full devotion.

14 thoughts on “A need? Instinct? Perhaps it’s simply a natural desire …

  1. I would add at the end, “as it should be.” The dragon’s wisdom and strength shows here. The relationship doesn’t diminish the dragon or the rider, it nourishes and enhances as you have elegantly pointed out.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! *smiles* I was hoping I had gotten enough of the story across to enlighten but not so much that I lost those who weren’t into the mythology! *chuckle*
      My oldest bought me a dragon pendant years ago …. this is not a story I have shared, just the way he sees me. Destiny?!? *chuckle*

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Honestly, I find your explanations to be the best I’ve read and more natural to our human nature than anything else. I lived in Korea for 5 years and through that connection studied ancient beliefs and found like many noble belief systems, there is significant evidence in finding our true path in life, the problem isn’t the guidance, but the execution, which always follows the path of human nature. I loved the Chinese dragons which have different powers based on the color and type of dragon they are. They were soiritual animals that could no be “owned” but could bond with humans that were virtuous and worthy of their bond. So in this concept, anyone could not have a dragon at their side, only those who understood the dragon and used the dragons powers in noble ways but, that isnt to say the dragon couldnt destroy what it saw was necessary to destroy so there was the dark and light side of that bond as well. I found your explanation very close to the 7000 year old philosphy of the dragons of the east. You are probably a very rare person in your connection to these things. Its enlightening to me to read your journey.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. You are entirely on the right path with what and how I believe this works. It’s a concept I have tried to explain before but it’s not normally well accepted in these circles! *shrug* It was the reason for starting this site some 3 years ago, to show that there is another way much deeper than kink and sex and that you can be strong and ‘His’.

        I didn’t pick the Bear for rules, protocols or rituals. It wasn’t about play or putting on a show, it was because I could see the truth and strength in His heart and in His character.

        My family has plenty of male bluster and machismo, muscle power always shown off but none of them are half as strong as the man I married. The Bear is strong enough to let me be me, without trying to take me down just so He can feel bigger. He doesn’t need to, that’s why He’s the only one who’s allowed too. *wink*

        Trying to explain that I waited for someone who was ‘good enough’ makes people think I’m a snob. That’s not it at all …. I simply know my own strength and I don’t suffer fools! Plus the rope work is pretty awesome! LoL

        Liked by 2 people

      3. LoL, the rope work is indeed awesome. 😁. Actually, you do a fantastic job of validating my views from the male perspective. There are a lot of factors involved, I get that, but I think we can look at the true dynamics of successful relationships between a man and woman and see that the strengths a woman can bring to the relationship should never threaten a man who is mentally strong as well as physically strong. I have, unfortunately seen many women buy into the internet and mainstream view that any man that acts in an aggressive male way is suddenly someone who should be put away or punished and the largest majority of men give women every reason to be offended by their behavior. We have lost our way because the basic foundations that strengthen our bonds are missing or warped. But you have it right and you know it is a journey that strengthens your convictions as time passes and the relationship is refined. It seems you both have found your resonate frequency and though life has its daily challenges, you both are strong enough to meet those challenges. I admire that. Never mind that the greatest numbet of people don’t get it or feel that bond is not for them. But for those that do get it and grow stronger in that bond, know how much better their life is.

        Liked by 2 people

      4. I think you’ve touched on some very important points. I believe one of the most basic components that is very sorely missing is simple respect. Respect for each other, the world and mostly ourselves. Respect brings appreciation and understanding of strengths and differences, it leads us to treat each other in a certain way and think before we speak. This is lacking in the world unfortunately and nothing can grow on a foundation that lacks respect. Of course the only way to gain respect is to show respect. I’m not always respectful because the other deserves it, I am respectful because I do.

        My life is pretty great, it may not always be easy but it is good and I know I have a partner I can count on. What else could there be? *chuckle* I’ve never been one to follow the crowd so there is no danger there.

        Speaking of appreciation, I have enjoyed our conversations recently. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. It’s nice to be understood! 😀 Hope you have a wonderful day!

        Liked by 2 people

      5. Respect! Yes. I think that is a foundational aspect of how we should relate to one another. That has definitely slipped with the safety of hiding behind a smartphone while sending out hate and descension. I do enjoy our conversaions and again greatly appreciate your willingness to share. I’m having a great day and wish the same for you as well.

        Liked by 1 person

      6. Smartphones and being connected! Oh dear, don’t even get me started on that topic. *chuckle* i save that for my other site. 😉

        Thank you for the well wishes 😀 😀

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Kitten! Happy New Year to you and yours as well. I haven’t heard much from over there …. hope that means you are just in your nest and that all is well! 😀


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