Submission is also mine to take care of and continue to work on and build. My submission should not be dependent on His dominance alone ….
***** A personal post, sort of a ramble 😛 LoL
When i’m in work mode, taking care of business mode i’m very much in the warrior mode that i explained before. I get things done by making decisions, speaking clearly and strongly and moving forward. I take command of the situation, that’s how i work and that’s why things get done.
Lately I have found that i’m taking the same stance in our ‘downtime’ conversations. OYE!
I’ve been noticing this the last few times, i haven’t said anything yet to Sir because i thought perhaps it was just the ‘one time’ that i was already tired and trying to get things done so i could rest and relax. Maybe … it wouldn’t happen again so no biggie.
You’re thinking why should i have to tell Him, He should notice and take control of the situation, right? That’s His job, His place in this dynamic. He should just get on with it and put me back in ‘sub mode’. True but, what if He’s a bit ‘off’ too?
I had already been thinking this way and then I read a post by Love, Honour and Obey that inspired me to say that submission is ‘mine’ and shouldn’t be dependent on Him to keep going, and i believe that so i will try to explain what i mean by it.
I’ll start by saying that my take on ‘BDSM Lifestyle’ and making it work is more based on basic human nature than any fantasy book or website version. I’m not going to tell you that He should spank me more or tie me to the bed more or lead me around by my collar and leash more to keep me in my mindset.
That would be GREAT sure!! Don’t get me wrong, that would be great if He could always have that energy about Him and we could always have the opportunity to be that way but that’s not what happens in real life, not here anyway.
So the reality, for us. The reality is that i am very strong and dominant in my day (yes i went there, i used a the label) because it’s a very comfortable way for me to be. I can’t go against my human nature and i don’t want to anyway.
Since we have been spending more energy on BDSM lately we have been talking about how things went and what worked and what didn’t. It’s been a while, people and bodies change, in a way we are starting over in the learning, so be it! Nothing wrong here except, …… i feel i’ve been coming to the conversation too ‘strong’.
Why isn’t He noticing? Why isn’t He doing something to ‘fix’ it? I don’t know, maybe He is just feeling my energy and reacting accordingly. He is only human too, and He’s starting over in this too and also had a long day and tired and, and …..
We have a wonderful relationship and we’ve been at this a long time but we are not immune to real life and we are not immune to human nature.
One of the things in the post by Love, Honour and Obey was the idea that ‘if He’s not being dominant than i feel like why should i be submissive’? It got me thinking of my experiences and my feelings …….
I remember that feeling, especially at the beginning. I remember going for a while that He was all DOM and i was all sub and days were just wonderful and going along nicely. Then one of us gets ‘off’ and the other, whoops i mean HE didn’t fix my attitude, stay on top of things and keep me in my happy sub mindset. If He’s not going to ‘DOM’ than i’m not going to ‘sub’!
Um hum …. I did that to Him a few times. So, let’s get this straight ….. when i’m not being submissive it’s His job to catch me and bring me back but when He’s not being dominant He’s failing and i should take my submission and go???? He has a responsibility to help me but i have no responsibility to maintain things for Him when He’s off? Right?
Yeah, it hit me in the face pretty hard, I was being such an ass! How could i be such a jerk to this man who was trying so hard for me just because it turned out that He was human too and needed some time once in a while to regroup and recharge. Some time to get comfortable in this new role of His and to find His own footing and way to go about it.
So that’s my comment, submission is mine not His, not in this instance. It’s mine to maintain and offer and build. If i want to be His submissive than i do it even when He’s not quite up to His usual energy levels, it shouldn’t be dependent on Him being dominant. My submission is dependent on me, my energy and my effort.
What i have found is that the better i maintain my energy as His submissive the faster He can claim His energy as the dominant in our life. D/s to me is on a sliding scale, the more dominant i am the less He can be, The more submissive to Him i act, well the more dominant He can be.
It’s human nature, and even dominants are human. Go figure ….
So if He’s off a bit i will stay the course and if i’m off i will tell Him what i’m feeling and then ‘be’ His submissive and ask for help and guidance to get back to where we both want to be. I could just sit back, wait and pout and then get angry that He hasn’t noticed, lord knows i’ve played that card before. BUT life is too short and i prefer to be happy.
So Sir, i think i need to work on this, because i’m feeling a bit too strong in our conversations lately and i’m not feeling like i’m letting you lead. I’m not feeling that energy from you, can you help me get it back, please? ❤
And then maybe He’ll feel inspired to spank, tie me to the bed and lead me by the leash and collar! *wink*