Our Next hurdle

Some of you might be wondering what the heck just happened? I’m sure the Bear is a bit confused as well, so maybe this will help. Maybe this will help me to be able to put what’s in my head into words!

Firstly let me say that our day-to-day interactions are good, just as they should be. There are no issues with communicating daily events, what’s going on with the boys and any real things that i need His attention and help with. As far as life is concerned and having His strength and support in all things that matter, it’s there.

So what’s all the fuss about, right?

Well i think perhaps the way to explain it is an area where reality meets fantasy. To me anyway things can get to be quite hectic and stressful around these parts. In effect, I’m looking for a day or two of vacation from my head, an escape …. a few rituals here and there through the week to keep that charge of energy would be nice too. 

Yes, it’s all about the ‘for show’ parts of the dynamic. The issue gets doubled when you take into account that i have a fantastic memory and imagination, i’m a very creative soul.

During the week the Bear does all the things He needs to do as the leader in this home, He makes sure everything here is running smoothly and kept up with. If a problem arises He jumps to attention to fix it. All good right?

The Bear is up very early and off to work long before anyone else is up, He doesn’t see or have to deal with anyone. Well besides me occasionally! *smirk* It’s been like this for a long time.

I get the boys up and going, i take care of any melt downs that might be occurring. I take care of phone calls, emergencies, planning and setting up appointments. I take care of emails from school, i’ve even had to handle the police at the door a few times … on my own. Hectic, i told you!

By the time He gets home from work He gets the information but all the situations themselves have already been handled. We talk and we make sure we are both on the same page but i’m the one who has done it all, generally, because i’m the one who is here. If i didn’t work at home it might be different but this is the way it is and has been for over 17 years now.

Since things have settled just enough that i can pull some energy away from emergency deals and put it back into ‘us’ in a fun way, i have. I thought i had made my needs and wants clear but i’m not sure they are. The Bear is awful for asking …..

So here goes. During the week i make sure that things are handled and sorted before Friday afternoon, i make sure there is nothing that needs my time and attention that can’t wait until Monday morning and then …. I want and at this point NEED a brain vacation!

I need the things that are symbolic and ritualistic in nature, you know, the posing and kneeling and waiting  … some bondage, mental and physical to get me out of my head and into a relaxed state. I want to take the time to recharge, the way i recharge.

I don’t really want to think about anything, I want to be ‘at His service’ that’s all. Sexual yes of course, that’s the fun part right? But the mental game of owing and controlling as well with all the kinky games that are involved in that.

We still haven’t got the opportunity for some heavy impact play unfortunately, not with someone always home, so i’m looking to the mental aspects to give me a break. Think of all those books you’ve read where the submissive shows up at the house on Friday evening and is at the service of the Dominant until Sunday afternoon. With all the rules and rituals that go along with that …. the stuff that you probably couldn’t carry on in a real life setting. That stuff.

Yes that’s a lot of work for Him to do, but i work hard too. I work hard during the week to make sure that we have the opportunity to take some time away.

As to creativity, i have written a book on what works for this rabbit, no worries there!

When we do take the time we both feel recharged, not just me. It feed His energies and puts a hop in His step as well so i’m not exactly being selfish here.

This is the part He’s not really holding up. Creativity is not a strong suit for Him and apparently getting my thoughts out hasn’t been one for me.

Here we go with the damn labels again, but occasionally they do come in handy.

When it comes to being in the ‘mindset’ and really getting what i need to recharge i’m much more in the ‘slave’ category. Leading towards Gorean to be honest. Not full-time, but like i said, my brain vacation time for the weekend or a few hours or something …. the fantasy.

As i’ve mentioned before, The Bear tends to fall into the Daddy Dom category. Especially in the day-to-day dealings. The bedroom can be a bit different especially if inspiration has struck Him, but that doesn’t tend to follow outside.

So we have a bit of a personality conflict when it comes to ‘play’ outside of the bedroom.

He wants to cuddle, watch a movie and drink hot chocolate and i want to be the table He puts His feet on while He watches the movie! LoL He wants to hang out with His bunny but the warrior wants to be captured and chained.

Bunny is here all week, the warrior never gets taken down, never gets a real break from reality.

That’s what He was apologizing for …. not sure if this makes sense to anyone else. Not sure if anyone else has such stark differences in their needs, but that’s me. Probably a bit confusing but there it is.