Turning a new leaf brings me a level of fear.

Or more accurately, returning ….

I’ve written that we are returning to our more actively ‘D/s’ rites and routines.  More play, a few more liberties, a few more words and looks and a few more obvious adornments – outside of the bedroom.

When we get on this train of Him and me and feeding the energy cycle it’s really easy for me to get lost in it. There isn’t anything outrageous that we do right now anyway so the two parts of my life mesh into one quite nicely, quite quickly.

So what’s the problem?

I can’t help but worry that the more energy i put into this the greater chance there is that i miss something with the kids.

Floating around happily in the after glow of ‘us’ leaves me a bit more distracted than i might be otherwise. At least i think that’s what happened last time. The boys were good, until they weren’t. Did i miss something i should have caught earlier if my head wasn’t in the clouds??

I quickly fall into wandering around happily humming and thinking of His Evilness and His needs and wants, but I can’t dedicate all my time to that, can i? I have to constantly keep one eye on the boys and life outside of the Bear as well.

It hits me like a brick wall every now and then when i’m getting just a bit too lost in Him, then i have to bring myself back down to keep track of the rest of life.

I fear that i might miss something important ….. it’s a chain i don’t like wearing.

Patience and time …. until then i walk this tightrope.

5 thoughts on “Turning a new leaf brings me a level of fear.

  1. Finding balance is always so tricky, and I know I feel the same. Too much time at work? On blogging? Online? Thinking about other things? Being more connected and focused on that. Which ‘thing/person/people’ will pay the price? It’s a fine line to tread sometimes…x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I understand what you’re saying, it can be a balancing act at the best of times. Honestly i’ve never had to worry about other things in that respect.

      The only aspect that i find challenging to balance is between the boys and the Bear. Mostly because of their mental health, if things were ‘normal’ i don’t think it would be so hard.

      My relationship with my husband has always come first, no question. Without that the family falls apart and I can’t take care of the boys the way i’d like anyway.

      When i throw their mental health into the mix however it gets complicated. As a mother, obviously that becomes my first priority and so i find myself torn in which way to look.

      They seem fine, but are they? I have felt like i let them down since this happened, because i didn’t realize there was a problem. I don’t want to make that mistake again.

      Rambling rabbit again …. lol
      Hope you are well my friend! 😀

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I get it, and it must be worse after experiencing it already. I don’t think you’ll always realise, and not for not looking either. I’m very sure you didn’t let them down, it’s just sometimes impossible to see. I think I’m hyperaware of negative impacts from anything really! X

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I’m sure you’re right Kis, thank you. It’s just that inner guilt that keeps knocking isn’t it?

        I think I know what you mean about being hyper aware as well. I used to be like that when i was younger, when i was first dealing with all the history crap. It was many moons ago but i know the battle!

        Liked by 1 person

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