Submissive mindset

** A train of thought stemming from my last post.

This is something that i have thought on, off and on for a while. It kind of baffles me at times to be truthful. But then everyone has a slightly different idea of what that is I think, there in lies the problem with labels. They can be useful for a start but can often confuse things when you get into the nitty-gritty of it all.

The idea that I’m supposed to strive for the same calm, squishy feeling that i feel when we are together and playing or whatever, ALL the time seems unrealistic to me and frankly odd. Submissive to my husband and sexually ‘on’ is one part of my being, but it’s not ALL i am.

My mood and energy changes throughout the day depending on where i am and what i’m doing. It changes and floats from one part of my personality to another depending on my need at any given time. Sitting patently awaiting guidance is not a helpful mindset when i’m dealing with the issues that arise on a daily basis around here when He’s not home and i’m at the helm.

I am a warrior in life, i tap into that energy more than any other to be honest and it has served me well. I don’t apologize for that and i have no need to change it either. Most of my day is spent being strong and in control, and i like it! ‘Submissive’ is not the thing the world sees and i think that’s the way it should be.

We have the right and probably the need, to pick and choose what energy we bring to each situation and that’s not denying any part of ourselves. I don’t believe it’s like that at all. I believe it’s simply tapping into the different strengths that we possess and using them when needed.

The trick is learning how to switch gears when it’s time be His submissive again. Turning off my mind and sitting quietly, even if it is in my head, and being just His. To me this is nothing more than practicing mindfulness and learning to be in the moment. This part i have no problem with. Fortunately or unfortunately my life has taught me to live in the moment.

For some that feeling of being submissive may work in all aspects of your life but for some of us it doesn’t. I think that is just fine. We all need to find the balance that works for us, and here personally, that is not the mindset i strive for on an all day basis.

I’m not missing anything and I have no need to fault myself for not being ‘submissive’ all the time. That’s not who I am and that’s not who He wants anyway. I’m not denying any part of my personality and need, not even the strong parts, just because I have chosen to be His submissive wife.

***** *****

The last post was more geared towards starting my day being sexually charged and wanting to play but by days end, the energy is gone and the sexy, flirty bunny just wants to cuddle, rest and get warm!

8 thoughts on “Submissive mindset

  1. Personally if I had wanted a complacent creature in my life who would wait patiently on my every command and whim I would have gotten a Labrador retriever, that’s not what I wanted so I got a kitten instead. In all her wonderful independent, headstrong glory. I can only speak for myself, personally I adore a submissive that can handle the challenges of life as they arise. I don’t expect her to handle everything on her own that’s not the point, the point being I like she can be who she wants to be when she wants to be then still be mine when she needs to be. So I’m other words and the long round about way making a short answer long I agree with you lol. Regards to you and the Bear

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks S! I remember first chatting and comparing notes with submissives who beat themselves up for not having a certain ‘feeling’ with them all day long. I never quite understood why you would ‘want’ to be so singular in your life in the first place.

      I’ve always focused on the idea of switching gears when it was time to be *His* and not worrying that my entire day didn’t revolve around ‘submission’, or someone’s version of it anyway.

      The only constant in my day is that it’s constantly changing! My mindset needs to change along with it in order to be productive! šŸ˜€

      Hope you guys are well!


  2. Here are my 8 farthings, for what it’s worth. (so you don’t have to look it up, the amount is equal to 2 pence)
    Terminology or labels in BDSM are rarely ‘one size fits all (or most)’ As we all understand things, we tend to make our own version of BDSM our own. Yes that’s a circular argument, but it’s really true! There are many things we all agree on (Dom is Dom, sub is sub, switch is switch) but that’s pretty much where it all ends. Everyone is different, but we can all make the interpretation of BDSM our own. What works for us! My interpretation isn’t the same as yours, isn’t the same as someone in New Guinea and so on. The beauty of it is, it doesn’t HAVE to be! If it works for you, what you’re doing. That is ALL that matters!

    Being submissive doesn’t HAVE to mean being deferential all the time. You and others have proved time and again that you can be a strong personality and still submit. The fact that there’s a time and place that you feel you need to let go and have the Bear control things, hey that’s great! I’m often reminded of the Pro Dominatrix that plays with executives, people that are in control of thousands of others in their workplace, and in order to unwind, they book a session with a Pro Domme and submit. Because they honestly need the break! Giving up control to another isn’t something to be bandied about and looked down upon. The strongest people are sometimes the best at knowing when and where is the best time to kowtow, or to give up that control. So kudos that you’re finding it in you and finding the right balance for control and giving up to the Bear when YOU need it.

    My sage advice boils down to what we’ve talked about at other points of the compass, and reiterating the above. It’s your interpretation that matters. What works best for you, is what you NEED to be doing. If it needs tweaking at some juncture, keep trying combinations until it works for you. In the end, you and the Bear are the ones that are living it, so you BOTH need to be on board with the whole thing. And from what I’ve been seeing, reading and so on, you’re doing fine.

    Be yourself. Let Him be Himself. Play, communicate and commune. Enjoy the journey! And keep writing, Please?

    Thanks for allowing me to bend your ear. I’m off to bed. Night!


    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think you’re right on the money with what you’re saying L, so thanks for chiming in! I’ve often mused that if i was to do this (which i’m pretty confident i wouldn’t) with anyone else should something happen to the Bear, i would never again be a full time submissive.

      I like, and with the Bear, need BDSM and pain play, I use it as a tool to relax, but I couldn’t do it with anyone else.

      I consider myself a ‘masochistic dominant’ if that makes sense. I submit to the Bear primarily out of love. The BDSM is secondary here in this case, i enjoy it and it works well since i’m a masochist and He a sadist.

      I guess what i’m saying is that in any other situation it would be play only, nothing more. šŸ™‚

      Sorry for the lateness of the response, i’ve been trying to figure out the wording for a little while.

      Liked by 1 person

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