Mental health and self-care is a huge topic right now. Experts and online resources as well as tv shows all geared towards helping you understand the concept and realize its value. We hear it, agree with it and promise to treat ourselves better but do we?
When i was young i was terrible at this, the main reasons were simple, guilt and martyrdom. I was always striving to be perfect because the way i was raised nothing else was good enough. My narcissistic parents would pit us one against the other and make it clear that we reflected on their worth. There was no way less than perfect was good enough …. *shrug*
Being the stubborn bunny that i am this actually helped me build a good amount of self-worth and self-esteem, not what you would expect, i know. I built myself up but it was by being there and helping my brothers and other family members deal with the craziness that was life. Eventually that went on to become me helping others everywhere and trying to save the world! Ah, the good old days …. *smirk*
Not too much pressure there at all, eh? Just the entire world, how hard can it be?
You might think i’m joking but i’m not. I felt a responsibility to help and ‘save’ everyone that I came in contact with. It worked well for those people, they came and went into my life like a revolving door. People wold use me for what they needed and once back on their feet they were gone again.
I never asked for anything in return and most people are just fine with obliging. I admit a thank you would have been nice but truth is if i got anything at all it was usually anger for pointing out the problem. Most of those would carry on and eventually see i was right and fix their issue. Some would come back, never apologizing for their actions but supposing i would help them some more. This still happens from time to time, but i just let it roll off my back now.
When my kids came around i decided no one else was going to get my attention if a) they didn’t deserve it and b) if they didn’t want to be helped anyway. Many people simply enjoy living in misery, they don’t want to change and i’m done with martyring myself over it.
Ah, see there it is. I felt in order to be able to look myself in the mirror and be happy with who i saw i needed to keep ‘fighting the good fight’ for others regardless of the consequences to me. This might sound romantic and kind but it is a very dangerous mindset to have. It breaks you down and leaves you with nothing for yourself.
When there is nothing left in you, there is nothing left to give your loved ones either. Think about that, how much is the guilt and martyring worth? Is it more important than having attention and energy left for those people in your life that do care and cherish you?
Why is this on the D/s site you ask, because many of us decided that the care we need should be over seen and thought up by our dominants. They should make rules and regulations to keep us in line and on track. They should be responsible for our ‘self care’.
So we sit back and we wait. Guilt because we don’t want to take the lead, or because we can’t give it to ourselves and martyring because a good submissive does what the dom wants, not what she/he needs.
It’s called ‘self care’ for a reason, it is not given by someone else no matter how much they care and love us. It’s not their job or responsibility, it’s ours. They can help and they can support us but in the end it really is something we need to accept and give ourselves.
That’s when our self-worth starts to grow. When we give ourselves that right, that time and care then we start to heal and grow. But you need to take that first scary as h3ll step and say ‘ME’, i’m doing this for me, and it’s okay.
It doesn’t make me selfish, it doesn’t make me entitled. It makes me stronger and it helps me heal. Only then can i really help others.
Only then I can truly be His anyway.
Happy Sunday! ❤