Use A Yardstick — A Fish Named Karen

If you have had me around for any amount of time you know that I am not one to give sugary comments and fake empathy. I don’t like recieving them either.

I came across this piece and it really does remind me very much of how I too grew up and who I am now.

It is just Brilliant! I really enjoyed this piece, especially the parts about the fake comments and the ‘saccharin sweet positivity oozers’ – I have to say that is one of my biggest pet peeves!

I like the way it is explained in a way that makes good sense. Easy to follow and just what I do too. Only I have written all of my family off, except my middle brother. I hope you take the time to read it and enjoy as much as I did.

Nice work, a fish named Karen!

A couple of years ago I was still pretty raw. Trudging through the feeling of insanity -I didn’t feel “connected” with people. Feeling angry with not being able to get ppl in my life to respond, have compassion and identify with the angst I was trying to convey to them. Oh, this is not new, it goes wayyyy […]

via Use A Yardstick — A Fish Named Karen

Ask …. it’s okay!

One of my favourite sayings is ‘get over yourself’, if it’s not falling out of my face you can bet it’s on my mind! *chuckle* I don’t say it often, not really, but boy does that record play over and over in my head.

Well, this weekend I plan on using that saying, with myself! *wink* It’s time and I need some fun. I need to get some relief so that getting back ‘in the game’ isn’t so daunting!

Funny how hard it is to ask for what you want, just ask. Put is out there, see what happens.

It seems to get all mushed up with the ‘no, that’s topping’ idea. It does for me anyway. Always the same thing, ‘you can’t just put toys out, that’s topping’. ‘You can’t just ask for some impact, you can’t just grab the cuffs and present them to your Dom’ …

Oh no, no, no …. making clear what you need is topping, you need to wait until they figure it out, find the time and opportunity hidden in plain site that they just missed but you saw.

These are the times that my personality and my lifestyle collide. I’m the planner, I’m the one who sees every opportunity, I’m the one ….. we all have our strengths and this is one of mine.

Can’t just be upfront and say ‘hey, look at that, we have a moment, can we make use of it? And this flogger’??

Yup, using my favourite saying on myself this time. Getting over myself and just putting it out there. I need to get this momentum going in the right direction. Too much nothing is just too much! Sex alone doesn’t do it for me …… I need more.

It will need to be quieter play, I will need to be quieter …. could be an adventure there!

I’ve never been one to give in! *wink* So here we go ….

Better hang on to your socks, Sir! I know you’re working the weekend, I’ll make the coffee extra strong! *giggle*

Happy Friday! *wink*




Go out dear(s) …. I’ll pay!

OYE! My child …..

My oldest has been giving me a run for my money, for a while …… and now again. UGH

Our play time has been pushed off and interrupted more times than i can count and impact/spankings (maintenance) just to keep things going have also been impossible! There is always someone around, noise is an issue obviously so best laid plans get set aside, again and again.

No O’s that are ‘the one’, no play and no spankings ….

I have been ‘on’ constantly for over a month now, my time has been spent running and emailing and phone calling. Planning and prepping and explaining ….. two boys, two sets of issues makes for a very busy rabbit!

The world has been such a whirlwind lately that I’m leaving heads spinning in my wake. Managing one or two issues at a time and making sure everyone gets what they need. Well, everyone but me.

I don’t get grumpy or impatient when I am in control, I don’t lose my temper or freak out. I don’t stress outwardly at all …. my body pays the price, nothing or no one else.

My muscles are stiff and my chronic pain gets exaggerated. Neck and shoulders tense and the pain shoots up my neck and down my spine. My arms are going numb and now, I have chest pains ….. I keep my stress on the inside, can you tell?? *chuckle*

** Don’t worry, it’s not a heart attack or stroke, it’s just me. **

My oldest gets frustrated and overwhelmed and he likes to lash out at me, and that’s what he’s doing right now. I’m holding my ground and keeping myself reasonable and responsible but ……  it is getting tempting to tell him RIGHT WHERE TO GO, too! *chuckle* I won’t, don’t worry, but a girl can dream can’t she??

So in the mean time, and while i wait patiently ……  if only they would leave the house!

Submissive tasks …

We hear about those all the time, don’t we?

You could be asked to serve either through chores or kinky rituals and body training.

You could be asked to research a new interest you would like to present and talk about, maybe try.

You could be asked to serve by writing about the what or why of a thing. Perhaps what submission means to you. Perhaps what you would like to get out of the experience.

Maybe the task is simply to spell out your current likes and dislikes. A starting point of sorts …..

So what about the dominant?

Should the dominant not also be prepared to answer what they hope to get out of dominating? Where they would like to see the dynamic grow and how?

Should the dominant also not have ‘tasks’ set out to explore and engage in?

There are expectations of the submissive, should that not also translate to complimentary responsibilities for the dominant?

Is there not accountability for dominance, too?

Or do you just follow what they say, because they say so …. with no checks and balances set to ensure harmony?


Woman – Interrupted!

Yeah, remember when I said chastity or denial was not for me?

Being interrupted …… has left me remembering and reaffirming! It leaves me angry, frustrated and annoyed.

It is not needy, horny and ‘follow you around the house’ that I feel. It is not ‘let me get closer’ let me pester for sex ….. Oh no!

It’s leaves me feeling like ‘screw this crap, I’m done. I don’t want to give over my sexuality to anyone, I want to take care of my damn self’.

Whew ….. good thing that’s not the ‘plan’! It’s bad enough when life happens and takes over. I certainly do not want to be interrupted, on purpose!

Prolonged … sure. Not yet …. sure. Denied entirely …. NO DAMN WAY!

When will the house and time be my own?!?!?!?

Happy Wicked Wednesday! Yeah right ….

Never too busy

Everyone says that it’s the little things that make the difference, the things that are small and take hardly any time at all. Those things. But what are they exactly, what do they look like in the middle of your hectic stressful day?

I’m not sure if i’m going to go in this direction with the blog so let me know what you think, if it interests you, my readers. 🙂 It is something I need to do for Sir anyway. Something I have yet to tell Him so, here goes.

We had a busy weekend just like everyone else, maybe even more so. In any case, the moments to connect as strictly Dom and sub can be few and far between BUT that doesn’t mean they can’t be done, and be effective. It’s all in your perspective and consistency but some small surprises don’t hurt either. *smiles*

This weekend in between working in the garden, getting in the shower and getting ready to leave for some shopping …. running, running, running …. not much time to waste. I had my day collar removed for the shower and had yet to receive another for the rest of the day from The Bear.

My permanent adornment is cuffs not a collar. I do wear something around my neck every day but the only set collar is for night-time. Just FYI if you hadn’t seen those posts before. Anywho ….

I was already dressed and downstairs waiting when He came up behind me. ‘It’s time to get something around that pretty little neck’ He says. I had a request for which to wear for the day and He agreed, then He sent me upstairs to kneel by the bed and wait for Him. This is new …. in the middle of the day and going out.

I did as requested and waited. Not sure for how long but it was effective in calming my mind from the racing of the day and putting my focus back on weekend hours with the Bear. Back to letting Him lead and me relax and follow. He was home, no need for me to be ‘on’ right now. cropped-dom-and-his-sub-jpeg-w6272.jpg

It worked very well Bear, thank you for thinking of it and for the surprise. Just a few minutes in the middle of a busy day but it worked well for me, so Thank you, for thinking of it, for thinking of me. Love You Always! ❤ 

How to Have Multiple Orgasms — General Health Magazine

An interesting write-up on what most consider ‘edging’ i would think. I think it also explains why many of us like to delay gratification. According to the article, the orgasm for a man actually happens before ejaculation anyway! *wink* So why not keep that feeling going and going??

It’s possible to have multiple orgasms if you’re a guy — it just takes some practice If you learn to control your ejaculation, you can have multiple non-ejaculatory orgasms The orgasms won’t feel quite as strong as ejaculatory orgasms — but if you want to try it out, here are some tips to make it […]

via How to Have Multiple Orgasms — General Health Magazine

A Box of Tomatoes

A relationship is about the every day not just the kinky fun hours that make you swoon and quiver. At least that is our take on life. I don’t think the kink or protocol of D/s or M/s could carry us this far with real life always just moments away, and i’m not exaggerating when i say my life is complicated at the best of times! *chuckle*

I’m talking about a 24/7 living together and have been for years type of relationship, that is what i have and so my experiences are based on that.

We came a cross a huge box of tomatoes at the local grocery store last week, it was a deal too good to pass up and so i asked the Bear and we bought one. I really had no idea what i was going to do with that many tomatoes but i figured we could come up with something!

I gave some to my brother, there is nothing better than fresh produce straight off the farm. You can eat these just like an apple, pick it up and yum! *wink* Sorry, getting a little excited here! *chuckle* Anyway, he got a small basket full, we ate some in a fresh salad(s) and still the box of tomatoes was full.

I have never tried making tomato sauce before but i use it all the time to make dinners so i thought, what the heck, let’s give this a try. Just how hard can it be anyway??

The Bear and I spent the morning, after some fun *wink*, boiling, peeling and prepping for sauce making. We laughed and flirted and worked. The Bear made a mess of the floor and i teased and giggled! He took the big pot out to the bbq because it’s so hot right now that the AC is running and the last thing i wanted was to stew tomatoes for an hour in the house!

The tomato sauce was made on the side burner and He laughed when He saw me stirring from the second step! I’m short, the pot is large and the bbq, tall ….. Being the resourceful bunny that i am i just improvised, and He chuckled …

He teased that i’m His ‘tiny little one’ and i wrinkled my nose the way He likes. I did *raspberry* after *raspberry* and had a good amount of sass in my step. Eventually He grabbed my collar and put me in my ‘place’. *grin* You know that warm feeling you get that starts in your face and follows all the way down, to the pit of your stomach and beyond? Yeah that one ….

Is it D/s, kink, life in general …. does it have a name? Don’t care really.

To us it’s just life, and a good time. I think we will likely remember how we learned to make tomato sauce. Together flirting and working, managing life ….. yes there has been kink, but this is what keeps us connected when the kink has to wait, when life comes calling.

A good time found in a two dollar box of tomatoes … hope your weekend has been as good!

What to write?

I’m having a hard time trying to figure out what to write here on this site lately. I like to write and it both calms me at times and offers a distraction from the other things in life when I just want a break. To me writing here is not ‘work’, its relaxing.

The problem is that besides the obvious kink, I am having a hard time differentiating from D/s and just life ….. so

Besides the kinky play time and collars and such, what do you consider the main differences between married, relationship and D/s?

How do you see the differences in life in general? Besides He or She gets final say?

How has your life changed since starting D/s? Especially if you were in a long-term relationship before hand?

Outside of kinky protocols, what’s the real differences?

I have a feeling your answers are going to be much different from mine. See, to me the differences are mainly sex and kink, all the rest falls under a good and close relationship dynamic, kinky or vanilla.

So when I say I cook from scratch every night, things that He likes, I would and did do it anyway …..

When I say I spend time everyday thinking on what He needs and how I can help make His life easier, I did that anyway.

When I say I spoke with respect and was mindful of my tone and manners, I did that anyway.

As a matter of fact, I had always asked for His opinion on things and He always did have final say, whether He knew it or not. We always discussed things and worked together for the betterment of us and our family.

Communication, respect, manners, openness, honesty. Those are all things I see as a committed relationship. Putting energy into being with and pleasing each other, taking care of one another mind, body and soul.

To me these are all things that need to be there before I commit to a relationship, I can’t imagine why you would be in one without them.

So tell me, what is the difference besides the kink? Or is my experience just that much different?

He might not have spanked my behind in the past for overstepping but one look or word of disappointment would have stopped me in my tracks then too. As a matter of fact I haven’t been disciplined in over 3 years. I have practiced being this way for 23 years now ….. so I have a hard time trying to figure out what D/s things to write about when to me, it’s just life. Besides the sex and kink.

So what have you found? What’s the difference to you?